| | I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?Page 5 of 24 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24) | For reincarnal:
Facts about Men and Rape
Men get raped by other men and even women
Rapists who rape men are heterosexual in 98% of the cases
Both homosexual and heterosexual men get raped
In all parts of society (not just in prisons)
Men are less likely to report rape
Most of us grow up thinking that rape happens only to women.
If male rape survivors think so too, they may feel isolated and alone.
If people in our community believe that, they may further this sense of isolation on the part of male rape survivors.
Men usually share many of the same feelings of female sexual assault survivors. They may feel:
guilty
powerless
concern regarding their safety
denial
shock
anger
There are, however, special issues that may be different for men:
concerns about sexuality and/or masculinity
medical procedures
reporting to law enforcement
telling others
finding resources and support
Strong or weak, outgoing or withdrawn, homosexual or heterosexual, old or young, male or female; no one does anything that justifies sexual assault.
Myths about Men and Rape
No matter what was said or done or worn, no one "asks for" or deserves to be assaulted. Sexual assault has nothing to do with someone's present or future sexual orientation. Sexual assault is a crime of violence and power, not of lust or passion.
Unfortunately, many doctors, nurses, and law enforcement officers do not realize that men as well as women may be sexually assaulted. This may affect the way they treat men who have been raped. Sometimes a stereotyped view of masculinity, rather than the physical assault of the crime becomes the focus of the medical exam or law enforcement investigation.
Two myths about homosexuality may also affect the way men are treated. Many people wrongly believe that only gay men get raped. Many people also believe that assaults against men are committed only by gay men. Both of these are myths, not facts, but they may affect the way male rape survivors are treated, and/or how male survivors feel about the assault and themselves afterwards.
What Can We Do
Recognize that men and boys can and will be sexually assaulted.
Be aware of the biases and myths concerning sexual assault.
Recognize that the harmful sex-role stereotypes which create narrow definitions of masculinity, as well as lies about homosexuality, make it difficult for male survivors to disclose about being raped.
As individuals and as a community we must work to combat and challenge these attitudes.
It is important that male rape survivors have support around them and that they be able to make their own decisions about what course of action to take.
*NOTE: Previous post was geared towards facts of women and rape because it was a WOMAN who started the thread. No one was under the presumption that men cannot be raped... as stated RAPE is RAPE no matter the gender/reasoning etc. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 2:12:54 PM | *****"Immasculate" is Schweickart's term for the process by which women have historically been taught to read as male or masculine subjects.
EMASCULATE means....
deprive of strength or vigor
remove the testicles of a male animal
having feminine qualities
Just FYI
SKY | |
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motel6
| | Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 107 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 2:29:26 PM | | well since i have nothing like a picture to see and the way you explain it yes you must be ugly. And only horny guys or ugly guys would like someone ugly. Personality is worthless in intimate situations, That was a little harsh but it may be the trueth i havent seen you, you could be as pretty as a penny for all i know. Or maybe you just get too attached too quick and that does draw guys away. Try to be more mysterious, you'll find it will find you more of the answers you seek. good luck. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 2:36:55 PM | | Sweetheart a word of advice any man or so called piece of crap called a man who forces himself on a women is a worthless u know what...U are so worth the pride that u should have inside u being decent and a good person who absolutly deserves a good man and its sad that someone like u gets taken advantage of a worthless piece of penis in pants...If u need advice talk to freinds or councler if it gets to u to that point..Also not all men are created equal,i wish u the best sweetie take care and hope u find a man worth his weight in gold to be with a great girl as ureself..take care and wish u the best..Johnny | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:26:19 PM | No amount of words on the net will help you get your self esteem back. When you are in an abusive relationship you are made to feel trapped and you here "you are worthless" a million times and those thoughts are reinforced with actions. When you escape the abusive relationship you sigh with relief, and then jump right back into another one because you believe that's all your worth. To heal you have to take the power back that you've relinquished. Therapy...a good support net...and maybe some good friends like us online who will continually tell you that you are worth it, and those thoughts of worthlessness in your head are the thoughts of the perpetrator that did this to you.
I'm not sure if this is the appropriate spot for this, but the powers that be can delete it if they so wish...and my apologies in advance. Safe hugs headed your way...
Comes the Dawn
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
and you learn that
love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises,
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child,
and you learn to build all of your roads
on today because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of
falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that
even sunshine burns
if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that
you really can endure...
That you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn...
With every goodbye you learn.
by Veronica A. Shoffstall | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:37:04 PM | First you are not worthless. Everybody counts. Unfortunately you've probably never been shown what love is. Love is self love first and maybe you didn't have parents that taught you that. You need to learn that you are more precious and valuable than YOU BELIEVE. If you believed in yourself and focussed on being the best person that you can for yourself and do the things in your life that make you happy you wouldn't be spending time with abusive men. There is nothing loving about someone who rapes you and there is no fulfillment in any situation where you are being either mentally or physically abused.
It works like this... self love first, show that love to others, and they reflect it back. No one can give you something that you don't have for yourself first. Take good care of yourself. Spend all of your energy doing things that make you happy and you will attract the right kind of man in your life when you're ready. | |
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SWFNYC
| | Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 112 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 6:54:41 PM | | you are just young yet although you think you are a woman and grown up. but i don't care how mature you are you are not a woman yet. i am 27 and still learning what's love what's relationships. but to make your heartaches a little easier on the way there is no love without respect. no matter what with a little respect it won't hurt as much if it doesn't work out. and good guys are scared a little of pretty girls so are the bad ones. they are human like you remember. and tell your x fuk off , he's sick, get some counseling | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/8/2005 7:00:09 PM | Definetly go to counseling and go for some time. Find a way to vent your feelings, maybe in a diary and keep it beside your bed so you will write in it before you go to sleep. Surround yourself with loving friends and family. I always tend to feel a bit down when I am alone because our minds systematically create these thoughts and chronically thinks of problems, sometimes our busy minds are our own worst enemy. When we are around people our minds are focused on conversations and those around you. I am not saying to ignore the issue, I am simply saying that the couselling will be tough and that in between sessions you should divert your mind to other things, if not you keep feeling lower and lower. Balance and time. You may also want to take a self awareness course so you learn more about your strengths and weaknesses and how to bridge them.
I would also strongly consider calling the police and reporting the incident, perhaps he has done or is doing this to others. There is no statute of limitations on a sexual assault. He obviously has issues as well that he needs to deal with. He too may have low self esteem and this was or is his way of feeling strong, in control and thinks this will make himself feel better.
Just my 2 cents worth...best wishes | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/12/2005 5:58:39 AM | | I'm sorry to hear that Rebecca. The same thing happend to my sister but with her friend's mother's boyfriend. He just so happened to be in the "law"enforcment". It will get better as you get older, but just know that you are worth far more better then these scumbags. It's not a bad thing to be pushing guys awau at times. Because when the time comes, you will feel when it's right and looks don't have anything to do with it. It will come from the heart. As far as what to do about this jerk from the past, I can only tell you that in my situation, I made sure that guy wouldn't work in the industry again and walks with a busted knee cap. But don't do anything that will get you in trouble. Or take it to your next boyfriend. Just concentrate on school and work right now and party when you go to college and stay away from drugs. lol..look at me, I sound like a father..but I'm not..:) | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/12/2005 8:53:31 AM | Hi Rebecca,
Life is about choices, you did not choose to be raped. There is no reason to lose your self-worth by anothers criminal actions. Because of the very nature of rape,which is an act of violence and control. It tends to be committed by people who have no self worth within themselves. And like all 'bully's, they tend to try and overpower someone else, so they don't feel so small.
It may well be necessary for you to seel help from a counsellor, as it tends to leave you feeling very frightened of who you are. It is very natural, to start to being 'overly sensitive', after such an event. But, there are thousands of people that have experienced such an ordeal, that are now fully healed, happy and 'luvved up'.
Your subsequent boyfriends sound like guys who cannot deal with having a pretty girlfriend, and rather than getting dumped, they dump you. Once again, it is down to the fact that men are quite often frightened of pretty girls, because they think that they will leave them for a more handsome man. Again, this is not your fault, except,that you would be well advised to avoid these men too.
Please seek help from professional counsellors, and once you are healed, you will again be full of self confidence. Then you will be able to attract the kind of partners, who will love you, for who you are, a lovely young person. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/12/2005 9:39:03 AM | | Youre not worthless I was raped a couple weeks ago also and I felt the same way but then I realized It wasnt my fault because of his stupid mistake. But dont ever think that ur worthless because that is not your fault at all. If ur boyfriend's did that to u when u werent ready then that means they only wanted one thing from you because any guy that wanted more from you would have waited for you. | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/13/2005 9:13:23 AM | Dear Stairwell,
Just read your quote...
"There are some things that women will be able to offer that men can't, true.
However, men who are willing to help her will: 1) help show it wasn't her that did anything wrong; 2) show that not all men are like that; 3) help her restore some trust in men (I'm not just talking about relationships, but in everyday situations)."
I think for the most part this is true, but I have often found the reverse in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Many of these adults grow up with a deep mistrust of women because they often feel anger toward a mother who they think could have or should have prevented the abuse from happening in the first place. It is a sad thing that when something like this happens to a child, very often, mom gets blamed because the perception is 'she allowed it to happen...she should have known'.
I have been there for a lot of survivors and my being male hasn't proven to be a detriment.
VictorNorth | |
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matas
| | Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 121 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/13/2005 9:42:08 AM | | Hello Rebecca, You are not worthless, and remember its not your fault that that happend to you. What he did was completly wrong, he had no right to do what he did.I don't know what you look like, but you can't show people that you are easy, weak or insecure about yourself. Show lots of confidence and you will attract the right people | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 12:03:26 AM | You survived it and that is what is most important..
You are a SURVIVOR
Rape is a horrendous thing to go through.. I know..
That is how my daughter was concived..
YOU did NOTHING wrong..
The rapist was a sick sick person
with a craving to make someone feel bad about themselves..
DON'T LET HIM WIN!
You are worth so much woman..
Don't ever let anyone.. Especially yourself.. say any different..
Katelynn | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 12:26:30 AM | | It's sad but "I've been raped, I'm worthless" is something I unfortunately have to hear about 5-10 times a day. I am here to help anyone that is a survivor, a friend of one, or anyone that would like to talk in general. | |
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zhijie
| | Joined: 7/14/2005
Msg: 124 | |
| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 1:28:02 AM | | hmmm u must get over it... damn that guy how could he do something to a girl... grrhz... maybe you should forget abt it and get on with life.. hope u can get over it soon. = ) | |
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| I was raped and now I'm worthless...advice?
Posted: 7/14/2005 2:01:11 AM | | rebecca. you are not in fault .rape is a very sicking thing .whoever done this to you. is very sick. as well when a so called man or.boy does that .act is against the law. ?rebecca. contact the law you dont have nothing to be ashamed of ..thank god that you was not killed. rebecca. whoever it was who vilolted you is a poor excuse for a human being. i am a man and i would tell you to get checked by a doctor. thenget in touch.with the police.?_.you have nothing to hide but this pevert does he is not sick .he will do this again if he isnt stoped .think rebecca. the other person might not be as lucky as you . and rebecca i am truly sorry that this happened to you. ?get in touch with the police.this person needs off the streets .a very sorry excuse for a human to me when a woman is done this way rebecca ?i am truly sorry this happened to you.thank god you are alive sincerly foxx_2 | |
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