| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 5:46:30 AM | Maybe after the both of you broke up, she went into such a depression, that is how the weight fell off..
and slowly her picking up the pieces she did not want to slowly wither away and die so you placed her energy into hersself.
If you love her, you will be happy for her and wish her the best..
doing so will also be very theraputic for you and make you a loveable guy for woman to see..
just making mention she looks good and not bashing her or even bringing up any of your dirty laundry shows much maturity and woman like that... | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:43:04 AM | So basically, what your saying is, your mad because she lost wieght after you guys got divorced and if she had done it before you got divorced you might have tried to reconcile? | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:48:11 AM | Now that she's getting remarried, she can eat right and go to they gym? I hate to admit that she looks good.
Being unhappy in a relationship can very much cause a woman to gain weight. She doesn't care about how she looks, and sometimes subconsciously she gains weight hoping the guy will leave her, thus allowing her a way out of the relationship without her having to be the "bad guy". Maybe before moving on you should ask yourself why she may have felt that way with you. Nagging her about her weight was probably a HUGE factor, that absolutely screamed to her that you were unsatisfied with her.
Sorry, but it just sounds to me that she's happy now that she's with someone else and not with you. That would totally explain this. Her self esteem is higher, and she likes herself again.
I don't get it. You are broken hearted about her losing weight?
No, he's upset that she lost weight for someone else, but not for him. Now she's a hot looking ex instead of a hot looking wife. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:50:18 AM | | WHAT A B WORD FOR YOU ON THIS SHE DIDNT DO BECAUSE SHE WASNT READY TO NOW SHE IS YOU ARE NOT THE BLAME IT WAS JUST NOT YOUR TIME | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 9:58:46 AM | Now that she's lost the weight, would you/ do you want her back?
I sorta did the same thing... I wasn't as heavy as your wife, but I did lose weight after my divorce and I've kept it off for over 2 years now.
I ate because I was unhappy, and now I'm happy, so my health is very important to me. I didn't lose weight to "get back" at my ex or make him jealous. In fact, he's been with a woman since 3 weeks after we split. I assume he's very happy with her and I don't think he is or should be concerned with the size of my butt.
However, at the recent marriage of our daughter, and a few other family events prior, I've been told that my ex makes comments and in general tries to avoid me. I really don't care, I don't need his approval for my happiness.
I did notice at the wedding that his long time girlfriend was more dressed up, made up and had her hair done and no one had ever seen her be so dressed up before. I personally thought she looked great! I hope she didn't do it because of me, but if she did, I hope she felt great, because she looked great with a bit of care put into her appearance.
If my improved appearance has inspired anyone to makes a good change in their life, then I'm happy. I don't want to make my ex jealous as I really do not want him in my life nor do I seek any type of communication w/ him. I don't brag, I don't try to run into him and I don't try to find reasons to call him.
I wish him the best and I hope someday that he'll be happy for me too.
So what do you think of your ex now? Tell us the truth... if you can.
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My .02¢
"If you want to catch a catch, then BE a catch!" - bluewithoutu | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:09:40 AM | When I was married my wife never went out to work and I worked 70 hour a week and handed all the cash over to her. Over the years I became concerned she wasn't really developing herself other than as a mother and I suggested she get herself just a part-time job or something or go on a course because I'd recently spent two years re-training and felt she ought to get the same opportunity.
She always refused. Couple of months after we split she suddenly had a job - and came to me for support in starting up and adjusting to new jobs she got after that - and she met herself a new bo in one of her new jobs.
Somewhere in there was a hint that I had held her back.
Wish your ex well on her new happy journey, TravelingMel and make sure you follow her example and get on with your own. I think this business of our being responsible for holding others back and we're making them unhappy is complete BS - she was responsible for her own happiness and if she chose to be with you and it wasn't working for her that was her lookout, not yours.
Sounds like you're a bit attached still but you'll forget her eventually mate. In fact you may not even recognise her, eh? Don't let it knock your confidence and give yourself permission to have a new life. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:20:54 AM | | yep thats how it goes.....Ive seen where women do this on purpose to the men once its over to get back at them like hahaha you lost me now suffer for it kind of thing...maybe you did help her in the long run maybe she just decided to do it for herself in time just know you helped her..maybe you told her too many times and lowered her self esteme to the point she didnt care anymore....lesson learned now right? but who knows maybe if she stayed with you maybe she would of stayed over weight. My sister was in a very long relationship like that he use to tell her to lose weight go to the gym name it she realised it was the right thing to do........but what happened is he made her feel worse and ugly because he didnt let up always making her weight and issue...will she lost it all did the guy thing and even ran the L.A. marathan guess what he left her anyway..... | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:37:26 AM | | I was in a relationship with a guy when I was super fit, super slim, and looked great, worked out and/or danced 5 days a week, wore a size 6, had legs or steel, and my boyfriend was STILL always "encouraging me" to eat healthier, made remarks about what I ate, etc., It irritated the hell out of me, but the bottom line is, people who are slim and fit long term are like that because they care about their looks and health and want to be within reason, as healthy as they can be. Someone like that is NOT going to put on weight in a relationship regardless of what the significant other says or does. So baloney to all these people who say you didn't make her feel loved or some such bunk. Who wants to be with someone that needy anyway? It's no fun to be with super needy people, We all have to take personal responsibility to love and care for yourself first. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 10:52:10 AM | Her being overweight whilst with you in a relationship says something loud and clear. There are many determining factors here.
Now that she's losing weight, going to the gym and being in a happier relationship - good for her!
Are you 'heart broken' because now you see in her a better light?
Oh, well! Let go and move on! | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:03:44 AM | Speaking from a woman who was 300+ pounds in my life, the man you're in love with "suggesting" eating right and going to the gym is not at all helpful. It always is received like criticism. Women know men are visual, we know what you like to see, we see it in every billboard, magazine and TV show – on top of you constantly pointing it out in subtle and less subtle ways.
Weight is a reflection of a couple of things, how you feel about yourself, depression.. and an overall feeling of hopelessness. Weight itself can cause depression, hormonally, so it actually starts to compound itself, heavier you get, the worse you feel physically, emotionally… and the heavier still you become… the more hopeless you feel… but I digress.
Basically, I would say, she was unhappy. She wore that on her like an overcoat. As for now, well women generally do lose weight when they're first in love because they feel -- emotionally -- better... She's in love, she's happy, and she's getting her head on straight. Did you lose out on a side of her she may never have shown you? Most likely... but if she wasn't happy, then it's better for both of you she's gone... | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:08:19 AM | | Upside is that you are free to find a woman that consistently takes care of herself. Don't be in a rush for commitment and the motivation for her to keep fit will remain. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:13:24 AM | I happens all the time, Mel. Women that are slim when they get married, will just let themselves go once they get their man. I would guess that 95% of men that married a slim woman, do not like it when they put on the weight.
I know I didn't like it when my wife started gaining weight almost immediately after we got married. I had made it clear to her before we got married, that fat would be a big turnoff for me. When we got married, I weighed 235, and she weighed 125, and I told her I would never compain about her weight as long as she stayed 100 lbs lighter than me. I even told her I thought obesity should be grounds for divorce.
So what did she do? She gained at least thirty pounds the first year, and about 90 over the next 20. We finally separated for other reasons, and she almost immediately lost about 50 pounds!
Womwn have to have a motive to lose weight, and the best motive is to get a man. Once they have a man, they don't have the motive. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:17:48 AM | There is a huge contradiction in your op. Of course you minded about the weight. Otherwise why mention it? If she is your ex and marrying someone else, you need to address why you are still in such a strong relationship with her in your head.
I always found that however well-meaning people were, comments about my weight just made it harder to lose. It's something to do with the mental and emotional reasons you have that weight in the first place - often a protective barrier from criticism/abuse in your past life. So more criticism/abuse (cos it's NOT your business, especially if you to need to be busy exercising!) isn't going to make things better.
Now I'm on my own I do stuff for me. I don't even want to eat stuff which is bad for my health. I'm steadily losing weight and I look great.
Not that my Ex cares - he's busy with other people now and you know what? Gopd for him! That's the whole point to a split, isn't it?
Your op comes across as rather whineing and self-pitying. And it does rather smack of conditional love. I wonder if that's how it came across to her when you were together? Perhaps you seemed shallower than you are.
It's tough letting go but really you have little option. Recognise that you are still tightly bound to her, and that perhaps you shouldn't be. Anything taking this much emotional effort is a strong relationship.
Good luck with moving on. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:18:10 AM | I Lost 257 lbs when I got divorced...he was 210lbs of it! I ate a lot because he drove me nuts with his perfectionistic tendencies. "Hon, if you only stopped eating and went to the gym with me"..."if you only looked like so and so's wife next door"...encouraging to eat right and exercise is the same as saying "you are fat and I would like you better thin". Its her body...take your own inventory..live your own example and stop trying to mold someone else's. She is getting married to someone that possibly accepts her the way she truly is.
You may not be shallow Hal but you are superficial..or you wouldn't have pointed out her need to exercise and eat right. You could have had your ex still if you had only stopped pointing out her imperfections. My ex didn't have to tell me I needed to lose a few pounds...I think I already knew that..it didn't need to be magnified. Nothing like a husband that can't love and accept you unconditionally. (sarcasm). I think she found her prince...live and learn and realize what you lost through your own verbage. I can't have any sympathy for your position...I have been there ,done that, bought the Tshirt...and now gladly its too big for my new body! Hes mad as hell I have moved on and I look better than before I married him...I am sure you meant well...but sometimes micromanaging someone else's life to be the way you wish it to be...makes them run as far away from you as they can get. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:27:49 AM | WOW! WOW! WOW! She was overweight when you got together with her but "encouraged" her to eat better, tried to be supportive of her losing weight? Blah blah blah. Why even be with her if you were so concerned about it or aren't attracted to her as someone who carries weight?
All the comments on losing weight to "catch a man" once the relationship fell apart? Are you serious? I can't believe the comments about looks and weight and all that!
I have gained weight and lost weight through it all, in relationships, out of relationships, whatever. I have never had to go out of my way to lose weight because I wouldn't be able to catch a man if I didn't. I am me and happy to be that way! I am not a skinny girl and never will be and I have never had to worry about whether or not I could attract a man. If my man ever "encouraged" me to lose weight and was constantly pressuring me to do so I would in turn "encourage" him to use the door!
Don't get me wrong, I do believe in maintaining a constant if at all possible, and believe in being active in a persons life, but being overweight isn't the end all be all of living a life either. I work 12 hours a day lumping heavy cases of liquor onto pallets and on my days off I go to the lake, walk, swim, go camping, go out, etc. etc. My weight does not determine whether or not I will find a man, it just determines what man is right for me! If this woman decided that she wanted to live healthier then it was her choice, not necessarily one to spite you or hurt your feelings...just where she is in her life at this time. If you weren't with her when she made the changes well ohhhh well. Be happy for her, and be happy in your life now, obviously you two weren't meant to be, JMO | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:32:38 AM | Hi Mel...
We as animals do have underlying instincts and one of them is to find a suitable mate. Only a very small proportion of couples make it because the best child bearer (Female of the species) or the best provider (Male of the species) is not always the person the heart would choose. It's a hard and cold truth to be the one pushed out of a relationship and often the pushing is regarded as dishonesty in a breakup but, you loved her once and you have to love her enough again to let her go and find happiness. This in turn releases you to find yours.
There is always the worst case scenario which is the one where one partner bonds for life and after losing the partner through bereavement or divorce, they live the rest of their lives alone grieving the loss.
So the answer is to get out there and meet as many lovely ladies as you can and give your heart a chance to find another partner to bond with.... Get 
Footnote...... For all those out there about to jump on my terminology and use of the phrase provider for male of the species this is not just as in financial but, for many things that are required in a suitable mate as in sperm etc etc...  | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:37:25 AM | Maybe she is at a place in her life where she is truly happy
and wants to do it for herself. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:47:00 AM | | i have to agree I think that she will gain back alot of that weight even more after she is married. But lets hope not | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 11:54:29 AM | | People think that if some one is on them to lose weight that they dont love them hell if they didnt love them they wouldnt say anything and just let eat them sleves to a big blimp. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:00:18 PM | have to say and i am sorry about this.............
she was prob miserable through the marriage. i looked good when i met my ex , then i gained the pounds .
i am not saying it was him as it takes two to make things work.
over the 10 year marriage i had babies and gained etc etc etc.
anyway the point being ,i got out the relationship and decided my whole life needed an overhaul and that is what it is getting.
i changed my car, house decor, job. now i am working on me...
i have lost 2 stone and have joined the gym.
its a brand new beginning and deserves a brand new me.lol
you realise you have one life so LIVE IT.
good luck chuck. x | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:09:01 PM | Marriages are like a comfortable pair of shoes. You get use to them and there broken in just right. Why change them? Then all of a sudden you've lost that pair and go out and get a new pair. They don't fit like the old pair so you do a little adjusting to make them feel right.
Heck this was all I could come up with on short notice.  | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:09:57 PM | | Dude, Im sorry but sometimes the truth hurts. I left my marriage and I lost a hell of a lot of weight. Every relationship that fails makes me want to work even harder on myself. Its a motivation thing. You should be happy for her. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/1/2008 12:26:56 PM |
"So baloney to all these people who say you didn't make her feel loved or some such bunk. Who wants to be with someone that needy anyway? It's no fun to be with super needy people, We all have to take personal responsibility to love and care for yourself first."
Sure, it's true we all SHOULD be that strong, but of course we all know that cruel words hurt... and while someone can't build your self esteem for you, they can contribute to its lowering. That's just human nature. | |
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