| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 4:37:52 AM | I always find it funny to listen to men b!tch about their wives gaining weight. I guess their fun house mirror is not showing them that they too are a lard ass.  | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:20:05 AM |
always find it funny to listen to men b!tch about their wives gaining weight. I guess their fun house mirror is not showing them that they too are a lard ass
I'll add to that and say nevermind the fact THEY (men that is) have all the time in the world to lay in the recliner with a cold one in hand after they mow the damn lawn (takes an hour) and that we women are up from dawn until way past sunset running our a$$es off taking care of everything and everyone else! - Husbands, kids, and jobs! Yet WE are expected to be overly charming, and looking like the quentessential beauty queens and what we do for everyone else is NEVER enough!
Good God it never ends for us! | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 6:20:40 AM | Latinchk: I was moved by your response above, but I'd like to offer something to think about. Although I'd never *dare* mention or even hint to my wife that she "need" lose weight (although she never did..she was always a size zero), there were times when my buddies and I discussed this matter behind closed doors. I had a super shallow friend who would not only "nag" his wife about her weight, but he'd do it in front of friends as well. So the fellas got into a heated argument about this issue, with me being the rabble rouser because I have a tendency to not follow the crowd. They'd argue that it was easy for me to come down on their point of view because my wife was a zero. What I'd try to walk away from this discussion with is this:
1. if you are "obese" you have no business calling out your significant other when you are the same way.
2. (and this is the jest of what I wanted to offer up for thought) The arguments I've heard in this thread are kind of flawed. I would NEVER advise that someone lose weight for someone else. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. Do it for general good health. Do it because it's a habit and way of life for you. Do it because you feel better about *you*. Do it because you've made it a priority. Do it for *any* reason *other* than for someone else. I had this same discussion with a former friend who is an alcoholic. He finally came to me one day and wanted to take me up on going to AA. I asked him why now, why finally go through with it? His answer was that he met this new and wonderful girl. He wanted to do it for her. He lost his support from me right at that moment, because guess where he'd be the moment they broke things off? He'd be with Jack Daniels. Moral of the story: DO IT FOR YOURSELF.
I’d like to kindly substitute your HINT 1.0 alpha, with this HINT 1.1 beta: BE THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE, AND AS AN INCIDENTAL, YOU’LL THEN ATTRACT LIKE TYPES. (“it does wonders to get what you want” would fall under the category of manipulative behavior. Guys with wisdom will see that behavior a mile away. Switch your focus to *you* and then you'll be alright.)
Note to OP: The best way to speed to a divorce is to say disparaging things about your wife that you'd never in a million years be able to reconcile (because she'll never forget those harsh words). Stop that. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 8:46:22 AM | | FFS, it's *LOSES*, not *LOOSES*. it never fails to amaze me how many people constantly get this wrong. when you lose something you misplace it. loose is when your clothing is too big so it's impossible to LOOSE weight, sheesh. not sure why this is so complicated. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 8:58:27 AM | Jimthetoolman:
When is it proper to speak up an you not be accused of having issues? I say the OP was concerned for his X wifes health. I don't think he's the one with the issues. But according to some, everyone has issues no mater if something happened to them that was out of their control. His ex wife gaining weight was out of his control so I just don't think it was him with the issues. Him bringing this to her attention might have saved her life. An I'm thinking that in the back of her mind she knows she feels better now since her weight loss and realizes he was possibly concerned about the quality of her life.
Simple married man rule #1: When in doubt; don’t. If you are thinking, “hey, I’m going to guise my insult under the umbrella of “concern” for her” – not only have you insulted her with the weight loss suggestion, but now you’ve insulted her intelligence by hiding behind the “good health umbrella.” How noble of you. This will gain you nothing more than more pounds and more resentment. It’s counterintuitive.
The better approach would be to have a neutral 3rd party give her that damning information – such as a dietitian. It’s perfectly fine to care about your wife. It’s the delivery of that sensitive information that will make or break you. If you truly care that much for her, then learn and exercise a little tact. Maybe a good book on motivation and persuasion would help you a bit? Women are emotional beings; treat them as such. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 9:18:35 AM | | She was simply ready to lose the weight and ready to do whatever she needed to do to get rid of it. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 11:54:46 AM | Lol. I didn't know this thread would take off.
I simply noticed my ex lost weight and she looks good now. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:02:54 PM | LOL TravelingMel. C’mon man. Who are you foolin’? You? :) Let’s take a look at what you “simply did”, keeping in mind this is an open discussion. And what did you expect to happen? Just listen to yourself talk? Don’t back peddle now that the heat is on. :-) You certainly didn’t commit a crime here…but you most certainly aren’t at the other end of the innocence spectrum as your msg #85 attempts to appeal.
Let’s start with your thread title, “Oh now, she looses the weight.” -- there’s a bit of sarcasm with that first statement. Also, beginning it with “Oh now” means it bothered you more than a little bit. Not only are your opening two words indicative of that fact, but you go a bit further with what you “simply did.”
Then you simply added more words to what you simply did. You had a total of ten statements in your original post (including your opener.) Out of the ten, seven of them were about her weight. That’s a focus of 70% on her weight. You do realize it was such a “non-issue” for you that you went so far as to create a thread about it, carrying 70% focus on her weight?
Lastly, in your msg #85, you sound as though you are being “friendly defensive.” What you don’t realize yet is that you are coming off sounding even worse because you won’t admit the obvious.
P.S. If you read all of the posts in this thread...you can see that a woman's weight is a touchy subject. Please reread the posts again. It may do you some good. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:35:56 PM | Lol Trust. You seem like you care more about my ex-wife's weight problem than I do.
Take a chill pill. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:43:51 PM | No way can you get away with that!
If it wasnt an issue, why the thread? Why the sarcasm?
Break-ups hurt. In lots of different ways. Nobody is blaming you for being hurt. But don't try to pretend it's not an issue! And yes, read what the women here are saying about how it feels to be told to lose weight. Then your next lady may stick around and be there for you fior ever.
Sorry you're hurting. Lots of us are, you're in good company... | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 2:53:13 PM | HA HA OP you are trying to make light of the fact that your ex lost weight. LIke it was just a thought. "Oh look, shes thinner."
I refer back to my msg 23 and stand by it.
Starting thread in broken hearts
Using the word "now"
Again .......why it matters I dont know. Thats for you to answer.
PEACE | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/2/2008 3:13:25 PM | TravelingMel. LOL I’m laughing too! So I suppose I’m already “chilling.” This is a discussion, right? Do you feel attacked when others disagree?
If you are looking for a communicator, you could start with yourself. Step one to being a good communicator is to be honest with yourself. I don’t think you are doing that yet…at least not publicly. I wonder…how many times did your wife try to “communicate” with you while you dead ended the discussion/communication with telling her to “take a chill pill?”
And you’re at least partially right about me. I care a lot about you and your “non-existent” issue with your ex-wife’s weight problem. I would like to see you succeed in finding answers. Maybe you would if you cared as much as I do.
Peace. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/3/2008 12:35:40 AM | That's great, isn't it! :)
Now are you going to do the same and fill your time with exercise instead of griping? So much more attractive. ;) | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:40:14 AM | hay most gril s the sweet littel thing gos to a big fat cow, then after you get rid of the cow,thay say mi god look at me,i got to fix this or ill never get a new man.. but if thay thot of that in the frist place, YOU WOOD STIL B THERE,rite ???  liff is to shurt no fatty,s  | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/3/2008 5:57:49 AM | Hello,
It's nice to know some men are not thrown by weight because most men are more concerned about displaying a won trophy on their arm for the whole world to see. Never mind intelligence, character, honesty, etc, just send a slim female body.
Speaking from experience of being overweight, I have learned that over eating is a method of burying pain, rejection, etc. It is also habit and it can be eating for recreation. It is a complicated issue and some women would loose weight for the right motivation.
I would encourage you to chalk up the experiences and treasure what you have learned. Go on and progress. Don't let past experiences taint the expectations of the future and ask the Universe, God, Spirit Guides, Higher Self or your inner being for assistance in letting go. Keep looking and progressing.
Author66 | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/27/2008 3:21:48 PM | ow well get over it,,move on,,, ,it is life,and some times it sucks,,she will pro get fat on the next one to | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:33:20 PM | She wasn't happy with you. harping on weight gain only makes things worse.
i am with my daughter on this one . Guys in school called her beef (she wasn't all that big) But once i needed to lose weight she cooked for us and she and I both lost weight. Then these same boys wanted a date ! Ha ! She told them talk to the hand ! . ..They so deserved it . | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:49:30 PM | Having no idea if this applies here, but saying it anyway because it can apply somewhere.
"Oh great, now they're gonna take my advice!" Some people will absolutely turn left if you tell them to turn right. Happens all the time that someone does agree with you secretly, but will be obstinate if they percieve they are being robbed of their sovereignty as a person. This may only come from past disrespects mingling with the present, making a request seem like control of a sort.
So, then they go into a different context as with another person, but they take your advice with them and use it now that they are free from the object they seem to have needed to go against. It happens though. Sometimes you can't love someone unless you have a perfect delivery. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:57:21 PM | | you know what! i am fighting towards losing my own weight now..and it is for myself and for my own self confidence. I believe that maybe she did that to feel better about herself after the break up. And you know what!! exercising does release stress and gets people out of depression. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:59:46 PM | | ditched you and then ditched the weight....go girl.....well done, various reasons why it failed....but one was she finally feels good about herself. | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/28/2008 3:34:15 AM | He found and made her feel attractive with or without the weight - that made her feel good.
Good for her! | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/28/2008 11:51:41 AM | It's funny how so many "women" are ready to blame TravelingMel for his Ex-wife's problems with so little information to go on. They got divorced because he was on her about weight? I'm sure his ex has plenty to do with why they divorced or why she was unhappy. I'm certain that many women have weight issues connected to men (weight issues almost always are connected to men because it's about appearance) and are ready to cut loose on "some man".
I know a woman that married 6 times and blames (the men) every one of her choices in men. She brought who she was into the relationships and secretly hoped to be fixed by each...never happened. She (TravelingMel's ex) got thin now because she is away from him and can comply because big bad TravelingMel is gone? Imagine, a wife that can say what she needs without making a guy interpret everything...wow, if she could do that then she would be pretty healthy minded now wouldn't she? Could she know how she feels? Is she now on a ride with a guy who is doing all the esteem work? Was TravelingMel in need of anything from his wife who may have been incapable, but was expecting him to supply her?
Just one more guy doing the "You're fat thing" right? Hey girls...stressed out about how much work you think you have to do physically to be appealing? It's funny how a girl may adorn herself in thinness to get a guy she hasn't met yet, but then later blames him for her misery on weight. I can't say once that you look fine and be believed, but I must, by law or it's my fault, repeat over and over in the same moment that you look fine, and even then you may not be satisfied. How is this my fault? | |
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| Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/28/2008 12:41:16 PM |
It's funny how so many "women" are ready to blame TravelingMel for his Ex-wife's problems with so little information to go on. They got divorced because he was on her about weight? I'm sure his ex has plenty to do with why they divorced or why she was unhappy. I'm certain that many women have weight issues connected to men (weight issues almost always are connected to men because it's about appearance) and are ready to cut loose on "some man".
No, TravelingMel put this thread in the "Broken Hearts" column. His wife didn't. Traveling Mel said he got on her about her weight. We didn't make that up. | |
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