Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Oh now, she looses the weight      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 vivaciousvixen2
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 126
Oh now, she looses the weightPage 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Maybe he is supportive and makes her feel good and you are critical and made her feel bad
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 127
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:40:47 PM
I'm not sure weight is always to do with emotions. My weight goes up and down. For me it depends on how much time I have to dedicate to myself. When I had more time I would go to the gym 5 times a week and my weight went down. Now i don't have the time my weight is up again...ces't la vie.
It's nothing to do with my emotions. I don't think it's possible to generalise.

Some people comfort eat and others don't. Maybe your ex just has more time to herself these days and has a chance to exercise properly.
 I-Want-Off-of-POF
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 128
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:46:07 PM
I married my first hubbie at 21...I weighed 125 then at 5'8". He wasn't interested in me anymore after about 14 years of marriage...so he wasn't affectionate, sexual in the least. He wanted to sleep in another room--and would push me away if I wanted even a kiss. He lost all interest and I hated it. I kept eating my way into depression. I weighed 165 when we separated. Our separation lasted for a year before the divorce decree came about. I lived alone (well, with my 2 cats) and had a boyfriend some 12 years younger. He took a keen interest in me. The pounds just melted away. When I saw my husband at the divorce court he commented on my weight loss and said, Wow! You look just like Kate Jackson. (Of Charlie's Angels...he always thought she was brainy and hot!) Well, I weighed 132. He said, maybe we shouldn't have got the divorce (after the judge already declared it final). I gave him a ride to his vehicle which was parked a block away and we made small talk about our animals and he kept looking at me and commenting on my appearance. But the damage was done. It was too late!
I'm an affectionate person and hope I never get a cold fish again. I don't know how you made your ex-wife feel about herself, but that has everything to do with it.
Now, I'm a BBW. Again, it's because I'm an emotional eater. I haven't been in a serious relationship for years now. It's lonely out here with no one to love you, unconditionally whether fat or thin. If you just would have shown her through physical touch, then maybe she still would have been married to you and weighed a normal weight. You live and learn, huh?
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 129
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:49:17 PM
My sister-in-law told me many years ago that she was still smoking when she met my brother. He wanted her to quit, she wasn't doing very well with it, despite the whole born again and giving it up to God thing. When my brother told her one day that he loved her and didn't care whether she smoked or not, she said nearly instantaneously she was able to quit and it never really bothered her.

When people are happy, making positive life changes is simply easier. You were between a rock and a hard place because I am sure that before things totally tanked you were concerned about her health and the example she was setting for your child. Outside of trying to make sure that the diet for the whole family is positive, there isn't much you can do. And the "encouraging," doesn't help.

My daughter has weight issues. My X is bipolar and I honestly believe that her problem was two-fold. I think like anorexics gain control of their lives by preventing food from going in, what she could control was how much she ate. She also ate for comfort and I have tried everything to try to impact her to make healthier choices, exercise more, but bottom line it is a decision she has to make for herself. She is 16, I can try to control things until she leaves home in two years but that won't help her in the long run.

I am sure this is frustrating for you, kind of like the guy or gal that seems to get people when they are in some type of psychological state, help them work through things and then they move on to the next person and are finally able to commit or whatever that they could not do with you. Be happy that the mother of your child is healthier and will be there for the rest of the child's life instead of dead and otherwise, try to ignore.
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 130
Oh now, she loses the weight (loose rhymes with goose)
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:06:08 PM
Him bringing this to her attention might have saved her life


omg, you seriously think she was unaware of her weight gain?

"Oh my goodness I can't zip up my pants, whatever could the matter be? What a mystery! I sure hope someone lets me know the reason my clothes are getting too small because I can't figure it out by myself."


If I have spinach in my teeth please let me know. If I'm too fat then please know that I already know that and not in need of your opinion. Also, if I'm too fat for your taste, please don't ask me out.

 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 131
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:12:34 PM
I dated and married my wife when she was over weight. She gained a lot during our marriage. I think she was up to 325. I constantly encouraged her to eat right and go the gym.

Our marriage failed for various reasons. It was never about body shapes. I'm not Shallow Hal.

Now that she's getting remarried, she can eat right and go to they gym? I hate to admit that she looks good.

if you truly loved her regardless of her size, you would NOT have said anything about it. I was in the same position with my now ex husband. After I left him due to abuse, I dropped a HUGE amount of weight....alot of it was ridding myself of him. And yes, he is still bitter about the divorce; it will be 5 years this coming november. You may have been encouraging her , but im sure she viewed it as JUGDEMENT, im sorry.
 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 132
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:28:11 PM
good for your ex wife. she knew what it took to rid herself of a shallow man like yourself. lose weight to get a man? how stupid of a statement is that, I was LARGER when I married than I am now that Im single. My ex ASSumed that since I was very heavy, I would tolerate whatever he dished out. WRONG! I dropped him and alot of weight. lol. It is difficult for some women to maintian a certain weight, having children and health issues are causes for weight gain. but being abusive will not aide in weight lost at all. but leaving a loser will...it did for me and for that, im greatful.
 Izabella02
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 133
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:39:41 PM
I had dated a guy for almost two years and during that period gained almost 20lbs. I was comfortable enough with him to know that my weight would never change his feelings about me.

When the relationship ended (my decision) I lost all the weight, began playing sports, and started tanning. I concentrated on making myself feel better and in turn ended up changing my physical appearance drastically.

When I ran into him about six months later he was stunned. He asked why I never bothered to look this good for him. I told him he never made me want to. And honestly, I think that was the truth more than just a dig at him.

I was just comfortable with him. There were no butterflies in my stomach when he was around. It was just something to do to pass the time.
 Triumvirat
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 134
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:25:54 AM
Op...now that all of these fine ladies have finished telling you how it was all your fault don't you feel better.....of course you understand that she would have been perfectly within her rights to complain about any aspect of you that she chose to and it would have been your immediate responsability to make the neccesary changes in order to meet her standards....now that you know women are perfect,especialy the fat one's you can enter into a new relationship as the docile,submissive,deferential ass kisser that so many of them are looking for instead of having the audacity to ask,request,suggest or expect anything what so ever other than the priviledge of being in their presence to do their bidding...armed with this new knowledge you will be on the road to domestic serfdom faster than you can say...."yes dear"
 dlr1970
Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 135
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:17:58 PM
I loved that movie Shallow HAL!!! She was obviouslly during the time you were married to her a "emotional eater", very common eating disorder. She stuffed all her feelings away and gained alot of weight.Maybe SHE LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES? If not she will either gain it back or go real thin.
 restless300
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 136
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:42:38 PM
really some times people gain it cause they get comfortable with people they are with,
I know i did andwhen i left my ex i looked on the skale and that woked me up i started loseing my weight and women and you men do the same you get with some one and let yourselfs go . it's to bad his relatetionship didn't work out but at least he can learn next time he gets with some one is to join a gym and work together if not for weight loss just to stay fit.
 toomuch13
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 137
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:44:21 PM
Hate to say it, but maybe she had to lose you, OP, to lose the weight.
 VaFishnetstockings4u
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 138
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:55:15 PM
~OP Sometimes in our life someone emotionly brings us down , our bodies go through changes when we feel like we don't have that support of the ones we love. Dear be happy she lost the weight and has someone and is happy getting on with life as should you, don't look back sweety just wish her well and smile:) If anyone is going to loose weight they should do it for them and not anyone else.

Wishing you the best keep ya chin up ~Brenny
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 139
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:16:55 AM
soooooo easyyyyyyyyyyy people get lax when they become used to each other. ..and they SHOULD be able to...if someone loves you thin, they'd better love you fat too....otherwise, it's not true love, is it now?!!! .................and when people are shoved out on the dating scene again, they get a lot fussier about their appearance by initial attraction necessity!
 Triumvirat
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 140
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:10:57 AM
I guess the motive for some people in a relationship is to find someone they can be with after they abandon all sense of responsability or discipline as they are applied to any area of life.
 german chick 1968
Joined: 5/13/2008
Msg: 141
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/1/2008 8:37:42 AM
my dear mel .
I sure do hope , when ever I do find man, he will love me for who I am , and not for who he wants me to be ...
my extra pounds, curves and all that comes with it .....
how would you feel if your SO would tell you day in and day out ." I dont like the way you, or your hair, or your nose looks . or your butt, the way them pants looks on you , the list goes on and on .
WE all are who we are , not everybody can look like a modle , and to be honest I dont wonna look like one .
I likes my curves or fat or what ever you wonna call it ...
she is your ex , right ...
so leave the past in the past , move on and wish her luck
 *~*Royal Majesty*~*
Joined: 8/5/2008
Msg: 142
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/3/2008 10:54:10 AM
As fas as the OP's ex-wife goes, I say "Ya Go Girl"!

Isn't it funny how all of a sudden when someone changes thier appearance, they're suddenly treated better or worse?

As a lady who also changed her appearance drastically over the years, I have personally experienced what it was like to be treated one way before & after. I have learned that I DO NOT want to be around nor will I EVER Trust those who behave like two-faced "shallow hals"!

No matter how"good looking or physically attractive" people think they are or perceive others to be, if they cannot treat everyone with kindness, respect & courtesy, then they should understand that there is nothing Uglier than two-faced rude & ignorant shallowness & that there's NO EXCUSE for it!
 leslieann27
Joined: 6/13/2008
Msg: 143
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/3/2008 12:36:07 PM
you're an ***hole, just wanted to let you know
 pnayplayr
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 144
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/4/2008 1:38:55 PM
when my bf dumped me, i lost 5 inches, and 10 lbs. i have NEVER looked so slim/good overall in my ENTIRE life! now we're back together, and i'm bulking up again. i kept teasing him that he should dump me again so i can go back to that old weight..lol!
 Shanadoah
Joined: 4/24/2006
Msg: 145
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:38:54 PM
Ya know to some people smoking is a huge issue...to others weight and height. We all have out internal ideas of what pleases us right wrong or indifferent, its just that simple. The old saying goes you can't Love that which you can't touch. Its simple and logical and as well..."beauty is in the eye of the beholder"...very true statements.

I have no doubt Op that you Loved your ex...I think her weight was a mute issue as far as your doing goes. She ate...she gained...this is about her actions not yours even if you were a putz.At the end of the day you stated it didn't matter therefore I trust it didn't matter to you hence "mute issue". Her losing weight sounds more to be stress related with all the flux in her own life post divorce then actually health and well being.

Instead of re numerating on her waste size I would challenge you to think about what you truly miss and valued. I think this is the key to your hurt and confusion.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 146
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/11/2008 5:11:28 AM
Maybe she felt like crap during the marriage and feels happy and relaxed out of it?

You didn't say why the marriage ended or who filed for the divorce?

When I met my ex husband I weighed 102lbs soaking wet with rocks in my pockets and wore a size 00.

The next 20 years, I was so very unhappy from his constant abuse, I gained over 100lbs! I took anti-depressants to cope with the abuse and they don't tell you those can pack on the pounds too.

I would try to diet and he would sabotage me by bringing sweets home and sticking it under my nose or suddenly wanting to take me out to dinner.

I left him and lost 155lbs of dead weight!

The first year after my divorce, I was off the anti-depressants and lost 60lbs without even trying.
 Freddinand
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 147
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:28:16 AM
i dont think she willl as happy as her first marriage though...even if things didnt go that good
 cyberxen
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 148
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:21:06 AM
Wow. 325 lbs is a lot of weight for someone to be carrying around, and depending on the body mass index is likely to be classified as morbidly obese.

I won't bash you for feeling a sense of remorse that she decided to drop the weight and looks good now that she has left your marriage. It's natural for you to feel a sense of remorse; that much weight is not only unattractive and unhealthy, but severely limits the activities you two were able to experience as a couple. For some strange reason society will condemn the person who destroys themselves with drinking, or drugs, or other self destructive actions, but those who overeat to the point of obesity are often given a pass where blame is placed on a significant other. Were she an alcoholic and you were encouraging her to quit drinking and go to AA meetings your encouragement would likely be applauded.

There is, however, a possibility that you could have done more to help her back to a healthy weight while you were still married. Physical fitness is a lifestyle change, and one that the two of you could have partaken together. Instead of suggesting that she go to the gym, you could have taken a more active role and went with her. That way it would not have been a battle she fought alone, but one that the two of you took on. Isn't that what marriage is all about? Having her see you there at the gym with her, hitting the iron and improving your physique would have been a huge motivator, and possibly brought you two closer together.

Missed opportunities are often some of life greatest lessons.
 SHEWOLF74
Joined: 9/7/2008
Msg: 149
view profile
History
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/11/2008 10:04:06 PM
First of ALL.... he stated she was heavy when they MET and MARRIED.....
So, your holier than thou attitude has got to go....
All this post does--- is show you are a judgemental fool.... and i have no doubt its part of the reason you are single.
 cyberxen
Joined: 1/4/2008
Msg: 150
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 9/12/2008 7:55:59 AM
Yes, he did state that she was overweight when they met and married. Then he stated:
She gained a lot during our marriage. I think she was up to 325.

It may be a good idea to read thoroughly before you lash out.

As far as my post being "holier than thou" and "judgmental", it was in no way intended as such, and quite to the contrary in fact.

Many of the other posts take issue with the fact that he feels a sense of loss now that she has lost the weight. I think that is an unfair burden to place on him, and that his feelings are natural.

Others berate him for "encouraging" her to lose the weight. I feel that this is only partially unfair, that he could have gone to the gym with her as well, and that conquering the problem together may have strengthened their bond as a married couple.

Forums are for community discussion and transfer of ideas. You obviously jumped in at the tail end of a discussion and decided to berate me without reading any of the other posts and getting at least some context. This does not make me a "judgmental fool" but does say quite a bit about you.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Oh now, she looses the weight