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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Oh now, she looses the weight      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 176
Oh now, she looses the weightPage 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

And I'm also not so small minded as to blame an entire gender for the idiocy of one individual.

Thank God there are still some rational intelligent men left on the planet, otherwise some of us would have given up hope long ago


Don't take my comment too seriously. I was simply responding, sarcastically, to all those women who posted that it's the OP's fault she has gained weight.

Now that the woman the OP speaks of has lost weight, are we to assume the next guy is to blame for her gaining back the weight, if she does in fact gain weight?

My point is, it's easy to blame someone else, isn't it?
 pnayplayr
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 177
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/7/2009 5:41:29 PM
hahahaha! sorry, i lost a lot of weight when my bf left me the first time.

i wasn't huge...but i got a lot slimmer/sexier for sure. i guess the best of us comes out at our worst.
 pagegal
Joined: 4/2/2009
Msg: 178
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:37:53 PM
I was married to this man for 11 years and that is all he talked about was how fat I was and that no one would want me. Well as that may or may not be true it don't matter now. Why cause I have got rid of him and I feel better about my self. I ate cause I was unhappy. I ant unhappy now still a bit over weight but the point is I feel good about my self cause I don't have no one nagging at me over what I am doing or how I look. Bottom line be happy cause apperantly she is!
 cutiecarebear
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 179
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:00:50 PM
Well it seems to me that she's finally got some self esteem now that some narrow minded idiot isnt harpin onto her about how she looks and what she eats!
I'm sorry but what gives a man the right to tell his wife/partner to lose weight/go to the gym/what to eat?
Did you constantly 'encourage' her to lose weight for your own vanity or did you have genuine concern for her health? Were you embarrassed about being seen with someone who didnt conform to a 'socially acceptable' bodyshape?
I'm sorry for sounding harsh but thats how your post came across. It seems that you werent happy when you were married to her as she was heavier than you wanted her to be but now she's finally happy, done something for HERSELF by losing the weight and is now marrying again, you're still not happy! I think you're jealous.

I'm overweight for my height. I'll never be skinny as i'm a curvy girl. Since the birth of my daughter, i've put on more than i am happy with but NO ONE has ever said to me, lose weight, go to the gym, eat this... because i wouldnt do it anyway! I will do it WHEN I'm READY! Maybe thats what your ex's new partner did...let HER decide when SHE was ready or if she was already losing the weight when he met her, never made a big issue out of it

Next time you meet someone who is overweight...dont make the mistake of dictating to them about it. Embrace the person they are and let them decide if they want to lose the weight, if not...just leave them alone and get on with loving them for who they are!
 junkyard dawg
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 180
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:32:38 PM
Unfortunatly, I have gained weight since she offered me food for sex. I now weigh 128.. This is more than I ever weighed in my life. quote
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nebula you make me laugh so much You must be hot in the sack and she must be a good cook.I love your posts.You and your ex should write a book.Is this the one cheated on you.If she desires you so much , she,ll feed you, why ffs.You sound like a red hot studmuffin.

I love to eat and cook.You got to eat healthy and treat yourself, but dont get hung up on food.Use fresh produce and chew and taste each bite.Let your stomach know when it has enough.People have forgotten how to eat properly.Totally avoid junk food and cook from scratch.Food is good, enjoy it and exercise and the weight will come off.
Your ex wants to look good for her man, thats why she is losing the weight, she needs to do it for herself or it wont last.
 rocinante_
Joined: 9/29/2007
Msg: 181
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 4/17/2009 3:16:12 AM

Next time you meet someone who is overweight...dont make the mistake of dictating to them about it. Embrace the person they are and let them decide if they want to lose the weight, if not...just leave them alone and get on with loving them for who they are!

Or, if you're disgusted by their weight and or looks, just leave them alone altogether! Don't marry them, 'constantly encourage' them to 'eat right and go to the gym' and complain about it if they manage to do so after the divorce.

sounds like 'constant encouragement' was not a factor in her eventual success
 Peachycream08131957
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 182
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Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/2/2009 6:15:55 PM
Nagging a person about their weight in effect does the opposite..it mysteriously gets them depressed...they know they are fat...they know they need to lose weight....you don't have to constantly remind them? Maybe initially she was happy but maybe she was kidding herself and you too...

I know that my weight gradually crept up for 20 yrs due to arthritis in the knees..then I got knee surgery, since Oct 2008, I have lost 55 lbs, with another 50 lbs to go...I was always thin when I was young...it was my mother who constantly nagged me about my weight..she has always been skinny, almost sickly looking but thats just her..she never knew what it's like to be heavy and she has always been obsessed with people who are fat...always insulting me and my father..For once in her life, I wished that she was fat and had a weight problem...but it hasn't happened yet and never will...she is too thin.

When a person has medical issues or is unhappy, they are stressed and gain weight..Some cultures or society is always around food...

Think back when you were dating your ex-wife....did you go out to dinner alot? Why didn't you have an activity date instead of eating? Did you reward her for something good she did and go out to dinner, or order food in....did you ever eat carryout from McDonalds...or other places? You know...it's always more effective to be on a weightloss program with a buddy...doing the Buddy system is much more fun especially when you get into the competitiveness of seeing who can lose more weight quicker? You obviously went about the situation in a not to good way..

Sounds to me like you are jealous that she is now finally happy...and maybe you are not happy? Happiness comes from within...no one person can make another person happy...I am losing weight for myself..not for anyone...

I wish your ex-wife well...unfortunately, you may have some issues that you have to deal with on your own..

Good luck!
 jenzfun
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 183
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/3/2009 9:36:43 AM
Whether you, or she for that matter, realized it at the time...she was miserable. I was married for 15 years and have always had weight issues, going up and down constantly depending on what horrible thing I was doing to my body at the time. When I finally separated, although it was horrible, I actually started feeling better. I'd been on several medications for various health problems; migraines, depression, and horrible acid reflux...and within a few months of being single I was off of everything. I'd started going to the gym and was getting personal training. I actually didn't even realize I was that miserable in my marriage to the point of effecting my health, and I think that somehow in a sick way, we get used to our own misery and don't realize the effects it has on us. In my opinion, that's what happened with your wife. I'm sorry, but you may have been the biggest catalyst in her weight gain by making her feel less than beautiful. Learn from this experience, and be a better man and partner by always letting your significant other know how special she is to you. Don't be bitter with your ex, be happy for her and try to move on...being a little wiser and more sensitive. If you really think about it, I doubt you were all that happy in the relationship either, its just that she took a different path than you did by bettering herself. Now, you should do the same.
 Nannao
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 184
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/3/2009 2:10:37 PM
First I want to say I don't know you or your ex so I can only speak for myself as anyone can see I am over weight I started having weight issues when I was a teenager I was about 30 pounds over my ideal weight and everyone I knew made a huge point out of how FAT I was I did everything I could think of from diet and exercise to anorexia and never seemed to get anywhere everyone around me continued to try to "encourage" me to be skinner and lose the weight but nothing seemed to work eventually I gave up nothing I did was good enough and I would never be good enough so why try any more if it just meant I would continue to fail and more people telling me what was wrong with me everything about my life became about how FAT I was nothing I did that could be considered good was ever mentioned, everyone needs to hear about the good things too if the focus is on one aspect or another that needs to change for their health or any other reason any thing they do takes a back seat to them trying to change something to make the other happy until they give up realizing they will never be good enough.
 bournemouthman
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 185
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/4/2009 1:36:02 PM
Sometimes people eat cos they are unhappy and maybe this bloke treats her good and give her encouragement so do the same to your next woman learn from it dont be a fool.
 bournemouthman
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 186
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 5/4/2009 1:43:12 PM
Dear Naneo dont rely on others to make you feel good and if people keep going on about your weight and that is all they are not worth bovering about because you are worth so much more than that and inner beauty is what matter the most and I am sure you have a lovely face and hair. look at your good points yourself and just concentrate on eating healthy and exercise and dont put not junk in that precious body of yours. You are special and wonderfully made the bible says so but you must take care because your health is very important and you dont want to become ill sll o concentrate on this and the benefits of losing weight and get information about food. knowledge is power. Tell yourself you can do it and ignore negative people,s opinions and give yourself praise in your daily life often for the good you do and being a great mother.
 Nannao
Joined: 4/18/2009
Msg: 187
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/19/2009 2:32:22 AM

Dear Naneo dont rely on others to make you feel good and if people keep going on about your weight and that is all they are not worth bovering about because you are worth so much more than that and inner beauty is what matter the most and I am sure you have a lovely face and hair. look at your good points yourself and just concentrate on eating healthy and exercise and dont put not junk in that precious body of yours. You are special and wonderfully made the bible says so but you must take care because your health is very important and you dont want to become ill sll o concentrate on this and the benefits of losing weight and get information about food. knowledge is power. Tell yourself you can do it and ignore negative people,s opinions and give yourself praise in your daily life often for the good you do and being a great mother.

bournemouthman,
Thank you for your support I have come to realize much of what you said and have decided that if I was meant to be one of the skinny minis than I would be the powers that be made me who I am for a reason and I am worth more as myself than I could be by being someone else the point I was trying to make with my post was that no matter how well meaning the encouragement may have been it is often easy to see it as something else entirely.
 northerndreamer
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 188
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/19/2009 6:35:22 AM
I understand your anger and disappointment. Because you felt so accepting and wondered why she didn't make the effort for you. Often when people divorce, they decide to rethink their entire outlook on life. This is about her, not about you. She did it for her because the time felt right. Don't take it personally- hard not to. But I've seen it before. women transforming themselves after divorce. It's pretty common.
 d.rod
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 189
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/19/2009 7:00:09 AM
I got with my ex when she was around 60 lbs overweight. Through out our two year relationship she lost all that weight and ended up with a perfect figure. Then her ass started cheating and burned out with some dumbfvck that was a pretty boy but had no education and couldn't even spell simple words like "each" which he spelled "eatch" and "other" which he spelled "outher"! I was like WOW! People are fvcked up now a days.

Now if they don't have a good figure there is no reason for me to hook up with them.....why! Cause I need to know that they are going to stick around when they have the good figure, not get with them when they are plump, fall in love, they lose the weight and then ditch me....F that!!
 rexie xo
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 190
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:29:11 PM
you encouraged her how? did you offer to work out with her? to eat right with her? its never easy to just lose weight and its always better to have someone doing it with you.. so idk if you did offer or not but that may be the reason she lost the weight now?
 oldmaid72
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 191
Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 3:42:02 PM

Speaking of working out, try this the next time : Do a few easy exercises at home, in front of your next S.O. Stuff like loosening up and bending & stretching. Maybe the lady of your life will see how easy some of this can be, and will want to join in.

That has to be one of the most assinine things I've read on here.
"Oh sure hun, oh looky, you're stretching...ohhhh that looks like so much fun...wheeeee...let me join in...tee hee"
FFS. If I had a man hint at me like that to lose a few pounds, he'd have a Jazzercise VHS aimed at his head.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 192
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:18:35 PM
People eat for many different reasons, maybe she wasn't happy in the relationship or she had a low self esteem at the time. Maybe her new husband brings out the best of her and makes her feel better about herself instead of critizing her.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 193
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:22:21 PM
My ex told me no one would ever want me. Boy, was he wrong. I have dated some nice looking muscular and slender men even being over weight. In order for someone to loose weight they have to be happy with themselves first and foremost.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 194
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Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:26:38 PM
*snort* Got that right, oldmaid72!
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 195
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:29:16 PM
One time my sister and I were at a bar talking sitting across one another and I get tapped on the shoulder. I was looking at my sister's expressions, her mouth drops open her eyes wide open then I looked to the person that tapped me on the shoulder and I probably did the same. Long story short I danced with this nice looking, dark headed and eyed muscular over six foot hunk of a man the rest of the night, and it was really nice. My ex told me no one would ever want me because I was over weight. This guy put my ex to shame. My ex was a toothpick.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 196
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/21/2009 5:55:48 PM

However, I think you're missing the main point of the original post. OP is upset because he married a woman who was heavy, and was unhappy about finding himself married to a heavy woman.

Maybe others are missing the main point from the OP? In an edited version i read the following:

I dated and married my wife when she was over weight. She gained a lot during our marriage. I think she was up to 325. I constantly encouraged her to eat right and go the gym.......Now that she's getting remarried, she can eat right and go to they gym? I hate to admit that she looks good.


I interpret the OP as asking why she wouldn't have done that in their relationship. Many of you women made all kinds of assumptions that the OP drove her to depression, thus causing the weight gain.

I guess we can assume, resulting from the majority of female responses in this thread, the majority of those divorced women in the gym are victims of depression and the married women in the gyms are not happy at home.
 onetruesweetheart
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 197
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/22/2009 11:07:54 PM

I interpret the OP as asking why she wouldn't have done that in their relationship. Many of you women made all kinds of assumptions that the OP drove her to depression, thus causing the weight gain.


I interpret it at the OP being resentful that she didn't do that during their relationship. Many posters pointed out (rightly so) that having someone constantly reminding us of what they percieve to be our shortcomings can have a very detrimental effect on us emotionally. Maybe the poster's ex wife was happy with how she looked. Maybe she didn't like being treated like a child, unable to make her own decisions... Maybe he just didn't inspire her to fulfill what he saw as her potential.... Whatever the reason, she was certainly entitled to care for her body in whatever manner she saw fit, as was he....


I guess we can assume, resulting from the majority of female responses in this thread, the majority of those divorced women in the gym are victims of depression and the married women in the gyms are not happy at home.


Feel free to assume whatever you like, just don't be surprised when you find out you totally missed the mark... Every human being on earth in an individual, with their own set of unique life experiences, and their own personal motivation for whatever they do, so those generalizations are pretty worthless.
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 198
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/22/2009 11:59:58 PM

Feel free to assume whatever you like, just don't be surprised when you find out you totally missed the mark......so those generalizations are pretty worthless


If a husband can't talk about these type issues to his wife, then maybe you women can understand why guys prefer the sports channel and newspaper then only grunt to things you want to talk about.
 themeparkgirl
Joined: 8/1/2009
Msg: 199
Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:16:07 AM
That has to be one of the most assinine things I've read on here.
"Oh sure hun, oh looky, you're stretching...ohhhh that looks like so much fun...wheeeee...let me join in...tee hee"
FFS. If I had a man hint at me like that to lose a few pounds, he'd have a Jazzercise VHS aimed at his head.

I can't believe someone would think stretching at home would encourage their spouse to work out. Ridiculous.
Better yet, find some Richard Simmons Sweatin' To The Oldies VHS tapes and aim them like Frisbees at his crotch That should help him rethink encouraging exercise at home again!
 openheart4real
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 200
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Oh now, she loses the weight
Posted: 8/23/2009 2:21:48 AM
I agree, my ex thought I was overweight and I am not skinny, never really was, but I am healthy. I am doing what I can to loose the extra weight, but it is because I want to, and not because someone told me I was FAT and needed to loose the weight.

I found out from my doctor after blood tests and other tests that I have an exstreamy low matabolism, which he said has not been jump started by walking or aerobics, so to take it easy and continue on the food plan I had been using because it was very healthy. So it may take a very long time to loose the weight, but if someone loves you, there is uncinditional love. Men who pick, or are "supportive" may not understand what "unconditional love means." These men ought to look in the mirror and pick on their own imperfections their ladies have overlooked because she loved them.
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