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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:34:53 AM | | doesn't sound like your wasting any time.. seems to me like his actions are speaking his words.. and I don't see from what you say a low sex drive.. I see responcible actions and commitment... | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 12:45:23 PM | | 3 weeks and you think he has a low sex drive? Waiting to be intimate more than 3 weeks is not asking too much. I would think for most mature adults it is fairly standard. If you don't like the idea of dating a guy that works long hours and will chose his kids over seeing you. Then look for someone else. He is not going to change his ways for someone he has known less than a month. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 3:14:59 PM | OP: Everything you've described makes him sound like the kind of guy who's been kicked around the block a few times. The prioritization of his kids and livelihood over your need for attention... an emphasis on scrutiny over sexual gratification- this program is designed specifically to find the "keepers" and weed out the Princesses, Ne'er-do-wells, and Clingons that lead to heartbreak and destruction. By leaving sex out of the equation, you find out if they have game or just man-bait.
If its bugging the crap out of you, I think that means its working. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 4:53:33 PM | GEEZE! the guy sounds like a normal person, he's had his kids longer than he's known you, also his job...
If you need a guy to be around more, find one with a 40 hour work week instead of 70. I might agree with you on THAT point.
ALSO: think STDs... he's cautious and careful. Nothing wrong with that in my book. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 7:33:44 PM | | If I were you, I would consider myself very very very lucky to be dating someone like this.... Think about it carefully .... If he did not work 70 hours a week and was a bum no good daddy you would be on here singing a different tune of how he does not work and has a kid he never see's and cares nothing about .... Be happy in the fact that he is respectable and responsible.... If you can not handle things on his terms, throw him back to be caught in someone else's net... Someone who can truly appreciate what they have .... | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:39:46 PM | As a single parent I can C how it could B frustrating. Yes my son comes 1st, but in order 4 that 2 happen I have 2 B 1st. !st in making sure he is fed, clothed, bathed , taught,and all those parental duties that have 2 happen. Yet if i had women in my life and it was moving along the relationship would B 2 include her in my life. Not just arm candy which there is nothing wrong that 2. U have 2 build that team. Certain things come 1st why not B part of the 1st.  | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:54:42 PM | Lots of people work 70 hours a week (10 hour days), straight time mon - thurs, time and a half for fri, and double time sat and sun.
Maybe he just doesn't want to be used just for sex, actually wants to take some time to get to know you, develop A RELATIONSHIP, before just hitting the sheets.
Women wax on poetically about how there are no "good" men left, yet when one wants to take his time, there is something wrong with him. I guess you two should have just hit the sheets for some meaningless sex, and been on your way. It seems you would have been happier with that.
"Kids first, Job second, Relationship Third" welcome to our world. Wow he might even be a responsible parent to boot. Check out women's profiles (with kids) some time. They all say that, and rightly so. You can't expect to be put in front of his children, just as guys can't expect the same thing either.
Take your time, enjoy the view, maybe build something together so when you do have sex, it will be more than just sex, you could possibly even make love. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:23:44 PM |
It is amazing how often women say they want this kind of man, but when they get him, they want something else, because the woman has to be number one, no matter what! And actually thinking something may be wrong with him because he doesn't want to rush into having sex.
Well, thats the thing..see, isn't most women like that?..I mean they seem to say they want certain qualities in a guy yet when they get a guy with those things..they don't want the guy anymore or they thing "something is wrong with him" or i"its too good to be true"..It's just like the women who say they want a nice guy who treats them nice, and knows how to be emotional etc..yet when they meet a guy who is EXACTLY like that..Guess what?....they start tyo labell the guy with all sorts of names.."he's too soft".."he's not manly enough"....etc..WOW..some women are just unbelieveable..it's not even funny..
OP I think you may very well be one of those insecure women..you probably just feel insecure because you think he doesnt want to have sex with you because he may think something is wrong with you or he doesnt find you sexually appealing or something..It just sounds to me like you feel insecure.... | |
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wolftx
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 59 | |
| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:59:25 PM |
Talk about kids. If a guy say to me his "kids will always be first in his life", is that means if we are married ill always be second in his life or worst third if his job counts as second? Thats a scary thought.
Are you all nuts? With divorce rates at 52% (taken from one of the forum posts) and way higher for the single guys with kids(what percentage of single dads is divorced?), do you seriously expect to marry into somebody's life and be first when he has blood-relatives who depend on him? Perhaps it is implied 'until they are 18'. How would you have felt, if a woman had married your divorced dad (or man .. mom) and your parent said: 'Sorry, you are not my #1 anymore.' What you imply is that if he is torn between being there for his kids and being there for you, it should at least be a close call. Granted, you will make time as you see fit, but any woman who would feel that way could not be in my life, and I would feel the same way about a woman who put her kids on the back burner to be with me.
You cannot really compare a job and a human being for #2, but how many women stick with a man who is out of a job for three months or longer (those who do so, not say so)? It is hard enough to make it these days, and even people with a decent job have a long list of things they have to defer. Without a job, you are talking mortgage/rent and fridge issues. Pay this, fill that. If a woman wanted me to play hookie at the risk of losing my job just to spend a day with her, I would stick with my job, too. I could possibly accept that attitude, if the woman never made a materialistic request, but here on planet Earth you should be happy he takes his job seriously. Whatever he makes will trickle down to you: Financial security, gifts, a nice place you call home. If you work and pay your own bills, you probably prefer your job over being unemployed, too. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 12:16:51 AM | | Listen to your gut and what it sounds like, you are and you dont like what it is saying. Find a guy that gives more, if that's what you want or learn from this guy and take it slow and appreciate the time you have with him. You can always date other guys. I suggest that to people on here, date more than one person and find out about different people. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 1:43:19 AM | Ya'll just need to communicate. If you think something weird is going on then you need to find out...because although we can all speculate none of us know him so we can't tell u what is reallygoing on.
As for the kids , job and sex aspect....it boils down to are you guys compatible? Are u wanting the same things? Are you at the same place in your lives and if not are you willing to accommodate and compromise on certain things? Are the differences reconcilable or too much? If they are....then move on. All people can do is present who they are and their situation and we have to either accept it and both of us make compromises where necessary...or move on. But we can't jump in knowing the deal or feeling uncomfortable from jump and know we dont like it and still proceed then complain .....now that is a waste of time. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:55:41 AM | wow this is quite hilarious, no wonder guys can't figure us out, I can't figure women out either after reading this one!
first we B*tch if he rushes into sex, then we complain if he doesn't.
Second we hate deadbeat dads but we don't want to be told we come second to his kids.
Look , none of us are there on your dates, all the sex and priority and work stuff aside, if your gut is telling you something is up or the feelings "just aren't there" you're probably right.
It's new , give it some time.... | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:31:19 AM | Are you wasting your time by getting to know someone slowly over time instead of rushing into an instant relationship? It really depends on what you want - if an instant relationship is what it takes to make you feel secure when dating then this man is obviously not the one for you. For myself, I'm with the guy - I'd rather go slow letting things grow and develop over time thus building a stronger foundation should things progress beyond dating.
For me life isn't a race to a finish line (just as dating isn't a race to a wedding) - life is to be savored along the way, and each step in getting to know someone offers some amazing insight into who we are and all that we will become.
Lust is instant, love takes time to nurture and grow. The best things in life are worth the effort and time. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:05:55 AM | So, lets see if I have this correct:
1. He works 70 hours a week
2. He has children which is his main priority.
3. He does not appear eager to touch you and hold you.
So I would ask "Where do you fit in?"
His work is first, his children second, and you would be what....third? Intimacy would be....fourth?
He is basically emotionally unavailable due to him being preoccupied with work and children.
Now, is this what you want in a relationship? | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:32:26 AM | I think you are wasting your time. I dated a guy who said basically the same thing. Men can't multitask nearly as well as women. I was instructed to cut all communication with him during the wks he had his girls, then when he didn't, allegedly I would come first.
He also worked a lot, was on call a lot, but that didn't cut into our time that much, but I recall he did say his job would have to come first, before any of our plans, etc. He was in the computer field, so being on call wasn't a matter of life and death, nor would he have been penalized for not answering a call.
Of course men should love their kids and put their kids welfare first and foremost. But I'd be very wary of someone who makes a point of telling you THE KIDS COME FIRST. Sounds like someone not comfortable with their role of single dad or has been guilted by the ex about dating again. If he's "really into you", he will make time for you.
As far as the sex thing, the guy I was with also could be very physically affectionate, but when it came down to doing the deed, was great for me, but he just couldn't get it off, so to speak. So, if all systems seem go, in context, and he is so hesistant, I would really wonder about physical problems in the department. | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:43:21 AM | | cut bait............... fellow fisher........it's only gonna get worse.......... | |
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| Am I wasting my time?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:48:57 AM | no he doesnt need a pet any man who's going to put his kids first is alright in my book. If you are in a relationship with a man that has children you should except it. and if you think its going to turn into something long term be ready to except his children and help with them in every way. In my book if you conjoin familys you come together as one and become your own family as a whole. javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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