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 pcm73
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 76
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Dating a deaf person...Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I dont think being Deaf makes you a bad parent, I know alot of friends who are deaf who are good parents to their kids. I think you would use common sense when parenting a kid...if you dont hear from your kid for a while, you simply check up on them or they come to you or whatever works between the two of you. I have seen hearing people who were TERRIBLE parents to their children, so the inability to "hear" does not disqualify you as a bad parent automatically.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 77
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 11/12/2009 1:30:41 AM
I'd date a deaf person. Deaf men would probably make better 'listeners' than hearing-abled men, and therefore better communicators.

And I'm interested in sign language.
 MissaInVA
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 78
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:11:24 AM
I speak sign language, and my last significant other was Deaf - as in culturally/dependent on ASL/next to no residual hearing at all - DEAF. I hate to say it, but at this time in my life, I wouldn't consider dating another Deaf person. There is a huge difference between the Deaf culture and the hearing world. Most of the fights we had - especially early on - were cultural misunderstandings. He had this complete belief that all things Deaf were vastly superior to anything hearing. He didn't like it when I would talk on the phone because he had no way of knowing who I was talking to. He didn't like it when I would listen to music. If I had my Ipod in my ears, he'd grab it and start screwing with the controls. To talk to him, I had to stop pretty much every other thing I was doing and look at him. Everything we did had to revolve around the fact that he was deaf. We could only go to the movies if there was a special captioned showing or it had subtitles. When the stage production of Phantom of the Opera came through DC I really wanted to go see it. I ended up not going to see it because he didn't want to see it because - why would he? He tried to stop me from going to see AC/DC, but I put my foot down on that one and went anyway. He had what was basically a temper tantrum. He would accuse me of being ashamed to take him around my hearing friends (I only have one hearing friend who signs). But, anytime I tried to bring him around my hearing friends he would behave like an ass. Being with him meant that I was *on* as an interpreter 24 hours a day/7 days a week. Sometimes I felt more like his personal interpreter than his girlfriend.

You could say that all those problems were just that individual and him being selfish, but when I very first started dating him a female deaf friend of mine warned me - that for that relationship to work long term that I would have to be willing to turn my back on the hearing world. In the end I wasn't willing to do that.
 Thaddal
Joined: 10/23/2009
Msg: 79
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:19:12 AM
Consider yourself lucky....you get to weed out the rotten eggs from the start....most guys dont realize their dating a conditional girl until she has left tire marks all over him....the right one will be placed in your life...when you just sit back and relax...wait and see...
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 80
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 11/12/2009 9:24:25 AM
OP, I was talking with one guy who was deaf a while ago and though we initially hit it off it ended not because he was deaf but because he made the same sorta mistakes hearing guys make by trying to not text for days then think its ok to just text again... or being too flirty too soon, etc.

It might not be your disability... it might be some other incompatibility. Ever thought of that?
 dove2009
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 81
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 1/18/2010 7:35:30 PM
hello

hi my name is polly and i am DEAF divorced and singlemom of two kids live with me full time and i read your pofile and it seem nice to about this ,, where are u come from ? we live in vermont ... i have been looking for logn realtionship to find deaf but hard to find lol so well hope that u would chat wiht me and let me know i am so frustted to find deaf date but i didnt get chance for that well thanks for listen and hope to hear from u soon take care anyone want to chat or email to me pls rely back to me
 LikesNature
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 82
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 1/18/2010 7:49:53 PM
Dated a deaf girl for two years.......absolutely no problems. Her mother was the problem!
 deadears
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 83
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:37:13 AM
You are absolutely correct about the deaf voice and hearing voice, was married to a hearing 35 years and she passed. Yes it very hard to find one that really see who you really are, those that turn you down is like those seeing greener grass on the other side of fence not knowing what there.

Jerry
 onthelines
Joined: 3/8/2010
Msg: 84
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:56:54 PM
I am also familar with the Deaf community here where I am, I am hearing and sign ASL fluently, my ex boyfriend is Deaf and is an ASL user, he grew up oral (reads lips well speech is ok, takes time to learn his "accent")

Because of the language barrier I think its important to develop the foundation of a relationship first through a friendship, this could be where the teaching of sign language happens and the big part of getting to know each other. You might find women who only date you to learn ASL or because of the pity factor. you seem like a smart guy and would know if this was happening. I think you are in the same boat as the rest of the guys here. But of course because you are Deaf, somehow you have more to prove in that you are able to be just like a hearing person - talking and reading lips.

good luck...someone who is just right will come along...
 himynameisSarah
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 85
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:27:23 AM
They aren't not going for you over the ear thing... you are just self-conscious about it.

On the other hand, no pun intended: do deaf people talk dirty with their hands? I mean, is there a sign for I want to swallow your cum... is there a sign for cum? LOL... I guess I'm cruel, but still made me wonder after reading this thread...
 83GS650
Joined: 4/1/2010
Msg: 86
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/4/2010 9:36:45 AM
deaf people do all the same things as people that can hear. one of my best friends is a coda (child of deaf adults) and she taught me a lot about the deaf community. Her mom lives with her and I have learned a little bit of ASL but admit my children picked it up much better from spending timer with her children and mom and just learning as kids learn.


On the other hand, no pun intended: do deaf people talk dirty with their hands? I mean, is there a sign for I want to swallow your cum... is there a sign for cum? LOL... I guess I'm cruel, but still made me wonder after reading this thread...

One thing she told me was that her mom uses a free service to call her through her computer that has someone read whatever she types to her over the phone then type her responses back. She said the translators are extremely professional and with translate anything said. I guess her mom told her stories of her friends having sexual conversations through the proxy service and the translater never missed a word or questioned it. So not only do they talk dirty with their hands they talk dirty over the phone too. Of course now it it was a deaf person calling a deaf person they would just text over the computer directly anyways, that is for a deaf person to a hearing person.

Another thing my friend said is the deaf community can be very to the point and this frankness is often seen as rude by people that do not understand. A lot of the subtle words are skipped and things are shortened to go right to the point. I can see this in my friend having grown up with two deaf parents, she learned to speak from her older sister and I am not sure how / when her older sister learned to speak. However they obviously learned to sign first and learned to be very abrubt and to the point like their parents.

Perhaps this is just one persons perspective...

Oh and to the original point, don't worry so much the type of people not willing to accept you are not worth your time anyways.
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 87
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/4/2010 11:10:53 AM
Too bad you're too young & too far away for me...

My Aunt & Uncle are both deaf (with 3 hearing daughters), so I'm not uncomfortable around people who cannot hear...I can even manage the alphabet and about 10 words in sign. Considering how much I talk to myself and babble on meaninglessly, a deaf mate would probably be my best bet!

Your charm & attraction cannot be measured by sound, sight, touch or taste, but by your heart...follow that & good luck!
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 88
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 5/4/2010 11:43:34 AM
Dude, the answer to this is simple and it has nothing to do with you being deaf. In case you haven't figured it out yet, the most important thing a woman wants in a relationship is communication. This is the reason women do not move mountains to get to deaf men. For them, communication is needed in a clear, concise way to feel they are actually in a relationship.

As far as deaf women getting hearing guys goes, clue, the guy are NOT interested in communication, eh?
 rivrat34
Joined: 8/15/2010
Msg: 89
Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 8/2/2011 12:34:10 AM
Wow, this whole time I never knew there was forums about deaf men dating hearing women..

From my experinces, I am deaf myself, wasnt born that way. Although I havent been soicalizing deaf people in years until recently dated a deaf woman. It didnt work out because of me growing in (what they usually call it, "Hearing world"), so the jokes, sense of humor, and smartass remarks offened them hard than it would with hearing women. But at same time dating hearing women, they feel too much work for them when they dont know ASL or if they know little signs. It is kind of true, but just the impatenice ones arent worth your time. I say your better off start as friends, let her have all the time she need to get into comfort zone. So I have made a few pretty cool friends with some single womens from here, some already deiced to hurry up and date someone sooner than later which there has been better "easier" communication for her, which is no big deal to me. Sometimes women like to see if the guy is willing work hard trying to steal her back and use that guy as for rebounding. Its all the game, some women like feel wanted, and showing that your willing do anything. Then she will proabaly give in and work things out. Although I do sometimes can tell she doesnt want it, so i just step back and countiue getting know other women. Im 35 almost, and still single, never had LTR since 1999. Just have to say be patenice, let them have all the time they ask for. I even have dated some who already knew sign, yes its my fault for getting attached too soon. And it seemed to scare them away, anyhow now I know I have to let the timing do itself.

I do read lips very well, and speak fairly okay sometimes i say word clearly, sometimes not. It just takes them alot of time to adjust..

And as for hearing men dating deaf women, of course men are easy to get than women, so obviously men tend to accept the woman less than what their standards is, most men are lazy with communciation, so thats why its easier for deaf women, they dont talk too much like hearing women do. And yeah men have corny jokes that easily crack deaf women up than hearing women who has higher standard.

its just my 2 cent!
 Holly.Ray
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 90
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/24/2015 1:27:19 AM
Lip-reading would get annoying. If you want a relationship with a deaf person, you should be interested enough in them to learn how to speak with them...their way!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 91
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/24/2015 9:53:18 AM

Lip-reading would get annoying.


Annoying?
It's just as annoying for us to keep telling people to face us.
" Don't talk with their mouth full. Shave that hairy moustache". etc etc etc.



If you want a relationship with a deaf person, you should be interested enough in them to learn how to speak with them...their way!


Duh..... of course interest has to be part of the equation here.

Their way??? It sounds like a hindrance.
Like I said, it's hard for us as well. We have to put up with a lot from hearing people.
Why else do you think the deaf culture is so strong and clique-ish.. it's so they don't have to put up with any bs. Life is easier within their own deaf world. Some, note I said SOME (not all), have become complete snobs towards hearing people to the point of reverse discrimination. Because I can communicate well enough in person with the hearing, I have been a victim of this. Yet I've been discriminated by the hearing for my disability. I just can't win lol

That said, when deaf person makes the effort to be with a hearing person and vice versa, it says a lot about how much that person cares for and wants the other.
But this can be applied to anyone. It doesn't have to be a disability as a barrier.
There are lots of barriers that couples have to work through in order to create and maintain a relationship.
It's all part of life and part of living with so many different people.



OP: " I know that all the cute and pretty and drop dead hearing girls "
^^
If this is all who the OP is aiming for...... there lies the answer why he is single.



People in general are are uncomfortable by anything with which they aren't familiar,
^^^
Abelian msg #15 called it



geeleebee msg #42 is a good response! Straight to the point with a sidenote about ASL.



msg #47 "Feel free. In case it wasn't obvious, I'm a nationally certified interpreter with a huge deaf family."

Lol... I was wondering when I was going to see someone exert their know it all attitude. It always happens when the topic involves ASL. :)


msg #74 " I think it might have something to do with having kids. Raising kids is hard and sometimes you need to hear them..hear what they are getting into, because you can't always have your eyes on them. "

If hearing people think this.. they will be surprise to find that I, and many others like myself, have raised children (I did all by myself) with next to zero problems. I personally have never had any broken bones, a fire, cops or firemen called to my home. My boys are well adjusted kids that dont swear, smoke, do drugs, blah blah blah. We aren't stupid. We can still raise kids!
Teh following msg #75 confirms it with the saying that raising children is a challenge for all people. :)


I'm amazed I haven't seen this thread sooner considering I've been here forever. Meh
OP's profile is still up. I wonder if he found anyone????
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 92
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/24/2015 4:21:24 PM
pcm73- Some people just don't know how to deal with anyone who is different from them, and that's too bad.
I have been hearing impaired most of my life.
I started having repeat ear infections as a baby, I had tubes in and out 6 different times, the ear drum in my right ear wound up with a hole in it from my ear drum bursting so many times. I had skin graft surgery to fix it when I was 11.
I am not deaf, but my hearing issues do affect me.
I can not understand anyone if two people talk at once, social settings where there are a lot of people talking at once are very difficult for me.
I've been yelled at, talked down to, etc.
Since I can't help it, I just have to take a breath and consider it their problem.
I would be willing to learn sign language for someone deaf and I think there are other women who would too.
Don't give up, the right one is out there :)
 alexbrod
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 93
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/26/2015 12:45:23 PM
I'm totally deaf since when I was a child and I'm reliant on lipreading. Having read some of the stories from 'deaf activists/orientated' people, I just can't live with their claustrophobic atmosphere where they won't allow you to go to concerts, and having a 'deaf' pride identity because I was brought up in the hearing world, I was taught to enjoy lots of things.
I have a cochlear implant which I have had for nearly 15 years now, but it doesn't miraculously make me hearing because I missed the boat on understanding speech but I thrive to work around that.

I believe that there is a guy for me who will accept me for who I am, I refuse to inflict rules where the guy can't listen to music or go to concerts or stop them using the telephone. I see my deafness as a challenge to overcome, find an advantage in situations. I know I cannot keep up in group situations but I don't let that stop me. I would be really happy if a guy introduces me to their favourite music, or whisper sweet nothings (he has to be prepared to repeat few times till I get it) or be flexible with communication cos it's expressed in many different ways.
 sunnydaysss
Joined: 8/26/2013
Msg: 94
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/27/2015 4:35:22 AM
Hi there I've no idea why this is happening,are you sure it's because you are deaf?
It only takes one woman to make a relationship so be self preserved and let it flow to the right river
It's far more off putting if they have a personality disorder, so don't focus on the ears:)
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 95
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Dating a deaf person...
Posted: 2/27/2015 10:44:56 PM
I think you are overgeneralizing. There are hearing women who would date a deaf man. You just have not come across any I suppose. Some women will be immediately turned off by your deafness and some won't. Being deaf probably makes your search harder, but not impossible.

As for it never going the other way.....my sibs and I are all hearing impaired. One of my brothers met a wonderful woman through a dating site. She is not hearing impaired. She went with him to sign language class. They got married last year. My other brother has been married to his wife for over 20 years. She is not hearing impaired.

You have no way of knowing that women are walking away because they don't think a deaf guy will be able to support them down the road.

I look at it this way: I am profoundly hearing impaired and I am open about it. If it's a problem for someone, then its HIS problem, not mine. If he doesnt want to get to know me because of it...that's fine. Some are not interested because of my weight. Others maybe because of my looks or whatever. If someone has a reason he isnt interested in getting to know me, that's fine. Why wouldnt it be fine? We each have our deal breakers. Let it go and move on....NEXT!
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