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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 5/8/2009 10:49:56 AM | My ex boyfriend has been diagnosed with bipolar/schizphrenia and it is a very sad thing to have and there is alot of medications out there to help these people. After seeing alot of professors in this field i have learnt numerous things to look out for in these people,
1. Personalities alter reguraly,
2. prefer to be isolated from other people.
3. their lies become their truth (lie over and over that they finally believe it)
4. They enjoy spending other people money.
5. They can often sleep alot
6. Become very abusive towards others mentally/physically and they can never say they are sorry.
7. Very high sex drives.
8. very hyperative/very intelligent.
9. My experience my ex would steal and blame it on others even if he is caught.
10. Very good at conning people
I also found out that Bipolar can be passed down through the family, if a child is diagnosed early in life as they frow into teenagers they will try to commit suicide, most succeed. The ones who dont grow out of bipolar in their early 20's.
There is also another way of someone becoming bipolar as the Dr advised is if something really traumatic happens and it triggers it of. regardless of their age but also try to commit suicide.
Alchocol, illegal drugs also sets it off.
My friend you have done nothing wrong, as i learnt over the years dont blame yourself , and as much as you love your dad, and love is blind he can only see it for himself. it took me about 3yrs before i saw what was happening, cost me about $250 000. Very expensive lession.
But if you want to read more i recommend a book written by Jackie collins its regarding her son in real life who was diagnosed with Bipolar the book is called the life of Nick Trivolti (sorry if i spelt last name wrong).
Sorry to say because its your dad bare with it because he will need you when it all falls apart. take care | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 5/8/2009 11:21:34 AM | To Austgirl
I'm very sorry to hear your ex was diagnosed with both bipolar and schizophrenia...schizophrenia is an illness all on its own and is treated on its own and t I can just imagine what you must have gone through to have to deal with having the combination of both. It is tough enough to manage meds with just one illness on its own.
I know from working in a psychiatric facility many years ago schizophrenic symptoms are quite different than bipolar but some can mimic bipolar and treating the two together...I wouldn't want to be the doctor who has to figure that one out. I do hope that he is receiving the proper care though. The big difference I found with Schizophrenia is the extreme psychosis involved, such as hearing things that others do not , hallucinations , thinking that the television is giving you messages , etc.
I do agree with you on one thing...its very difficult for a lay person to figure out if the symptoms a person is experiencing is bipolar related or schziophrenic related because when it all comes crashing down around you , it doesn't matter what it is , all you know is , you're world is falling apart and everything in it.
Hope you're doing well and have managed to salvage your life at least. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 5/8/2009 4:26:16 PM | Without undermining the pain you went through in your relationship, I have to say that while some of your post is correct, the majority of it is inaccurate.
Many of the "numerous things" you have learned to "look out for in these people" are either blatant generalities, or just plain wrong.....
I'm going to address them one by one, because your message is just so tainted with bias, I don't really think it should be left to stand, as it is, without being addressed....
1. Personalities alter reguraly
Personality, or mood?....possible with schizophrenia....bipolar, not so much....actually sounds more BPD.
2. prefer to be isolated from other people.
Again possible, also a huge generalization.....could be one of a number of causes...
3. their lies become their truth (lie over and over that they finally believe it)
Again possible with schizophrenia...(or a number of other things)....AND how do you know that they even know that they lied in the first place? If I'm schizophrenic, and I have a delusion that martians are landing, that is my REALITY, I'm not LYING. (purposely deceiving)....Sounds more BPD.
4. They enjoy spending other people money.
Even though I am bipolar, if someone lets me spend their money....I will. I personally supported an ex-boyfriend and his daughter to the tune of $50,000, while I was manic. When I got un-manic, unfortunately, the money was gone, and nobody offered to give it back, because I spent it while mentally ill. Unless your b/f stole the money, it's your responsibility.....
5. They can often sleep alot
Absolutely true especially with bipolar....sleep is often the only escape from the hell going on in one's head.
6. Become very abusive towards others mentally/physically and they can never say they are sorry.
Can be very true, with both bipolar and schizophrenia....leading to the question....did he know he was doing it? Did he admit it, but not apologize? If there was physical violence, action should have been taken to show him that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable....ever.....Sounds more BPD.
7. Very high sex drives.
Bipolar disorder manic phase is well known for hypersexuality.
8. very hyperative/very intelligent.
Can be bipolar again....and also about 5 other disorders, just off the top of my head.....mania CAN cause an overabundance of energy, and very high concentration levels.
9. My experience my ex would steal and blame it on others even if he is caught.
How can you make this statement, unless you know the depth of his schizophrenia? Did he have delusions?....Sounds more BPD.
10. Very good at conning people
This is where I have a problem with both schizophrenia and bipolar.....some of what you have described sounds more like borderline personality disorder to me....
I also found out that Bipolar can be passed down through the family, if a child is diagnosed early in life as they frow into teenagers they will try to commit suicide, most succeed. The ones who dont grow out of bipolar in their early 20's.
Bipolar can be passed down through a family.....as for the rest of the quote, where are you getting your information? I'd like to see where the rest of the information comes from.
There is also another way of someone becoming bipolar as the Dr advised is if something really traumatic happens and it triggers it of. regardless of their age but also try to commit suicide.
Acute trauma can trigger a number of things...not just bipolar.....again, I'd like to see where your information comes from for the rest of the quote.
Alchocol, illegal drugs also sets it off.
Alcohol and illegal drugs can set off just about any mental health problem....from a gambling addiction, to psychosis.
I have bipolar disorder, and I've been around numerous schizophrenics...and I'm hesitating to try to take on your generalizations, because no two people are alike. Every case of bipolar, schizophrenia, BPD, etc. is unique. There are some common threads with each illness, and your b/f sounds more BPD than bipolar to me.....I also have BPD. Deception, and manipulation are more BPD, than bipolar or schizophrenic.
I understand your bitterness, but unfortunately unless the mentally ill person takes responsibility for him/herself, for the most part, if you're being taken, it's up to you to stop it. | |
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| So whats the answer???Anybody know?
Posted: 5/8/2009 8:09:54 PM | Can you tollerate some one like Me being bipollar(PTS).-
Or would you be pleasent during a visit lets say ,and after you leave-
You run the sink and try to wash off the disease.-
Believe it or not some people think they can get it from you , -
like the common cold...LOL-
-
Bubba... | |
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| So whats the answer???Anybody know?
Posted: 5/12/2009 8:21:49 AM | The answer is in education, from the statements in this extremely long discussion the amount of knowlege is lacking. Appears many of the throw them out with the dishwater mentality have been hurt and bitter, but fail to look in the mirror and ask what did I contribute or fail to contribute to the problem.
Pointing the finger is easy, and much easier when you have limited education concerning the issues. A suggestion is know what you are stateing prior to making remarks about your experiences or those of others you have heard about.
Maybe you will be lucky enough to have BP and the rest of the world shuns and spits on you. Look at the great writers, painters, musicans, actors, researchers that have made the quailty of your life better, rip their contribuations from history and maybe you would feel the quailty of your life was better, do not call me to join you. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/15/2009 11:53:31 PM | There are some sick people in this world, sorry people but my wife passed away in 2006 and she was biopolar and all the medications that were tried worked for a little while and her system would change again. the ups and downs were always there no
matter what medicines were used, to name a few. Seroquil, ambilify, zoloft paxil, nuerorotin, Zanax yes even zanax and when my wife passed away the M.E. replied
you no that several of the meds your wife was taking caused heart attacks.
Wow these doctors with the miracle cures and now the lawyers that want to represent
my wife who is no longer with us to sue for damages for an illness called biopolar that
one day caused my wife to OverDose from the pain in the head that was very hard to deal with. "For the sickos on here, kiss it baby"
To my wife, Melissa I will always love you  | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:55:42 AM | blue4you1: I'm sorry for your loss. The rest of this post is not directed at you...
It never stops to amaze me how many people are willing to throw out their opinions and defend all these mental issues. I've known more than one person with serious problems. They are good people...but how good of a person they are does not negate the shear number of things they will do and say that will break your heart and your life. They simply don't understand...and I honestly don't think there is an ideal match for someone that is BP or BPD. Either you're an enabler or you run the risk of forcing them to deal with an illness they have ignored. Even if they address their issues there is no easy way out, no pill that will fix all. Sometimes I think it would be better for these people to just find enablers...but then you have to think about the enabler and what kind of life they would have.
For those defending the mental illness: There is no score card you can pull out to attribute all things to one person or another. Each person exhibits the illness in their own way...while there are similarities...unless you're a doctor on the subject at hand I fail to see why anyone has decided to defend those with the mental illness as if their issues simply don't matter...the only person the issues don't matter to are those with the illness...cause chances are good they have no idea what kind of impact it has on others...discounting these issues when you consider a relationship with someone new is just plain stupid... | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 2:07:14 AM | omg....what century are we in??? bashing someone who has a mental illness like Bipolar is like bashing someone who happens to get cancer , lupus, ALS, Diabetes, etc.
Your brain is an organ just like your other organs and it needs to be fixed...people really need to get educated on mental illness because the stigma is still flying around and it's not fair to be angry at someone who has a mental illness like this. Would you be angry at your partner , mother, father , whoever, if they had cancer or diabetes? No you wouldn't....you would be supportive and as much as possible but being angry is really not fair. The reason bipolarism is such a difficult disease to cope with for family members is because during the depression state (and many commit suicide when they are in this mood), the person will take the meds...the meds work for a while, the person starts to feel better and thinks....hey , I feel great...don't want to take any meds. Then the mania starts, they feel great, life is great for a while and because they've stopped taking their meds, the depression and sets in again.
The trick to coping with someone who has bipolar is to be supportive, make sure they TAKE THEIR MEDS AT ALL TIMES, even when they feel great...it's like taking antibiotics for something...after 3 days you feel great so you stop taking them and then BOOM... a week later, you're more sick than you were when you first start taking them...that's why doctor's tell you to continue taking them even if you're feeling great...the bacteria is slowly multiplying at an even greater rate and you end up in the emergency room....same analogy....Bipolar cannot be cured, but it can be controlled with the right combinationn of meds , a supportive family who will make sure that their loved one is taking the meds and educating them on why it's necessary to keep taking them , even when they're on top of the world.
Some people just can't deal with the mood swings and tend to walk away from the situation completely , and that's the choice they make, for whatever reason, but if you really love him or her, keep it under control at all times so there are no relapses.
Come on people, mental illness is just like any other illness, you can't blame the person for it, it's just the way their brain is wired, doesn't make them whack jobs as long as it's controlled.....if you had diabetes and didn't take your insulin, you could end up with an amputated leg....its'all about understanding the illness, getting the support you need, seeing the shrink on a regular basis and take the damn meds!!! | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:20:57 AM |
It never stops to amaze me how many people are willing to throw out their opinions and defend all these mental issues. I've known more than one person with serious problems. They are good people...but how good of a person they are does not negate the shear number of things they will do and say that will break your heart and your life. They simply don't understand...and I honestly don't think there is an ideal match for someone that is BP or BPD. Either you're an enabler or you run the risk of forcing them to deal with an illness they have ignored. Even if they address their issues there is no easy way out, no pill that will fix all. Sometimes I think it would be better for these people to just find enablers...but then you have to think about the enabler and what kind of life they would have.
For those defending the mental illness: There is no score card you can pull out to attribute all things to one person or another. Each person exhibits the illness in their own way...while there are similarities...unless you're a doctor on the subject at hand I fail to see why anyone has decided to defend those with the mental illness as if their issues simply don't matter...the only person the issues don't matter to are those with the illness...cause chances are good they have no idea what kind of impact it has on others...discounting these issues when you consider a relationship with someone new is just plain stupid...
Going to tell a bit about my background....it's been a while since I've been on this thread, so, I'm going to state my familial background again....
Father: bipolar, narcissist, alcoholic....committed suicide when I was 18.
Mother: BPD, alcoholic
I am bipolarII and BPD.
Mom and Dad split when I was 7 and Mom married an alcoholic she met while they were in rehab.
So......I have mental health issues, and I was raised by people with mental health issues, AND I COULDN'T LEAVE......I was a child.
Through a combination of CBT, small doses of medication, years of experience, and some really hard work, I have stabilized my life.
I learned to listen for the distortions in my thinking that would send me into a tailspin. It took time, and very hard work.
A situation that would have sent me into suicidal thinking five years ago, doesn't even faze me anymore. I'm very aware that the thoughts are there, just waiting to jump in, but I ignore them, and they go away. They know they have no power over me anymore.
The brain can be re-trained, and YOU can be in charge of what you think.
BP, and BPD, for the most part are very hard to live with......one of the main secrets is.....not being afraid to set boundaries, and STICK TO THEM. .......if this happens, this is the consequence......AND STICK TO IT!
We try to duck around rules....manipulate....see how far we can push the envelope....until we are in charge of the envelope.
Don't let that happen......rules, schedules, routine, work wonders with BP and BPD.
Yes, you're right there is no easy was out, no pill that will fix all.....however, we can't do anything to you, that you don't let us do........don't let us do it.
Obviously, I'm not saying to railroad the BP, or BPD, if things are done properly, a mutual give/take relationship can result......
I've been on both sides, techhead 79, and I've seen it happen....... | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 10:25:34 AM |
There are some sick people in this world, sorry people but my wife passed away in 2006 and she was biopolar and all the medications that were tried worked for a little while and her system would change again. the ups and downs were always there no
matter what medicines were used, to name a few. Seroquil, ambilify, zoloft paxil, nuerorotin, Zanax yes even zanax and when my wife passed away the M.E. replied
you no that several of the meds your wife was taking caused heart attacks.
Wow these doctors with the miracle cures and now the lawyers that want to represent
my wife who is no longer with us to sue for damages for an illness called biopolar that
one day caused my wife to OverDose from the pain in the head that was very hard to deal with. "For the sickos on here, kiss it baby"
To my wife, Melissa I will always love you
blue4you1
I'm so sorry about your wife....I know of your pain. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:33:40 PM | "Some people just can't deal with the mood swings and tend to walk away from the situation completely , and that's the choice they make, for whatever reason, but if you really love him or her, keep it under control at all times so there are no relapses."
Over and over again in this thread, I have read examples of BP/BPD individuals and their sympathisers expressing an attitude of entitlement. You deserve understanding and help, however you are NOT entitled to a relationship so long as you remain unstable. Life is too short. The potentially distructive force of a BP/BPD individual in your life can destroy your own life. It isn't worth it. Persue healthy people. This should be common sense. We should all seek out people who are physically and psychologically/emotionally healthy.
BP/BPD individuals, we are NOT your psychologist/psychiatrist. We are your partners in what should be a healthy and balanced relationship. Until you have control over your problems, you don't posess the capactity to engage in a healthy and balanced relationship. Recognise and be honest about your limitations. Stop making the rest of us pay for your limitations. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 12:57:28 PM |
"Some people just can't deal with the mood swings and tend to walk away from the situation completely , and that's the choice they make, for whatever reason, but if you really love him or her, keep it under control at all times so there are no relapses."
Over and over again in this thread, I have read examples of BP/BPD individuals and their sympathisers expressing an attitude of entitlement. You deserve understanding and help, however you are NOT entitled to a relationship so long as you remain unstable.
I'm afraid I have to agree with the above.....to a point.
If a BP/BPD has taken responsibility for him/herself, and is working diligently to change the "problem" areas (taking responsibility will outline the most important problem areas, in and of itself....AND some "psychologically healthy" people don't take a whole lot of responsibility for their problem areas....sorry....it's true.....) then the BP/BPD is equipped to engage in a relationship.
Taking responsibility for the illness, is key. At that point, the BP/BPD owes it to his/herself to have a better quality of life. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 1:18:16 PM | It's simple. He's been with her for 5 years. The sex must be fantastic. You can only make choices for your own behavior and living your life. It's obvious your dad is choosing his sex partner over you. I'm sure he made choices putting you last while growing up too. Dont focus on her, focus on having your own life be as happy and successful as you can make it. Choose whether or not you even want to be around this woman. If you want your dad's company, invite him to do things with you alone. Dont give him the reward of your presence while he ALLOWS her to inflict her behaviors and craziness on you, much less in an abusive fashion. By that I mean, dont stand their saying daddy save me while a grown woman is assaulting you with a telephone thrown in your face. Next time she does a criminal act upon your body, file charges. Make her AND your dad face the consequences of the crazy behavior.
And by NO means, do you allow her to attend your wedding, or be around your children once you have them. Looks like you and your kids will be without your dad. Trust me, she'd ruin your wedding, and damage the kids.
No happy ending to be had here. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 3:45:15 PM | For You:
Establish boundaries. Enforce them. If you do not enforce them, look in the mirror - she is not the problem, how you are handling the issue is the problem. You can only control one person: You.
For Her (and anyone with Bipolar Affective Disorder):
Either Amen Clinics or LifeBridge Diagnostics - they both use psychometric testing and psychiatric testing before prescribing either counseling or medication. Each person is an individual and needs individualized treatment plans. "Guessing" is not a very good method, but remains the most common form of diagnostic evaluation in the United States. Guessing has a terrible track record.
NOTE TO SELF: You can suggest it, but you only control you. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 4:40:10 PM | Bi-Polar Disorder has many different symptoms, intensity and effective ways of treatment.
Family history of mental illness, physical and emotional trauma and drug/alcohol abuse, may be a major factor for ' Manic/Depressive Disorder "
Stigma of the disease/disorder in our society causes many to ' self medicate ', leading to addictions of spending, hyper sexuality, over cleaning, hoarding, eating, drinking and even physical and emotional abuse.
It can also take a long time to get the diagnosis right. Comprehensive medical background history, observation of life style and behavior, dilligence by healthcare workers and honesty from patient and family, are essential for reaching stability.
Regarding medication... if you have a headache and take an aspirin, the headache does not in all cases, go away.
There are support groups available for the person living with these disorders, as well as groups for the families and loved ones trying to understand the ripple effect and what is needed to help gain a functional lifestyle.
D.B.S.A. ( Depressive Bi-Polar Support Allience )
N.A.M.I ( National Allience Mental Illness ).......these are non-profit organizations that offer support groups and classes for families and people living with many of the mental illnesses .
There is no cure and diagnostic brain imaging is advanceing to understand and see how the brain works.
One of the biggest problems facing those living with mental illness is impatience.
Many do not stick with treatment long enough to see positive effect of treatment, they go off meds, stop talk/support group therapy and go through major relapse.
The other problem is the healthcare officials and workers, punch a clock in regard to this disease. That is not a slight by any means, it is a carrer, a job and for some a frustrating choice to help people.
The only pre-requisite for mental illness is a brain. These disorders do not care about gender, race, religion, age, sexual preferance, how popular or rich a person is.
It does not discriminate. The ripple effect can be crippleing. Some of you reading this will understand, some do not want to.
Medication does help to address the symptoms, unfortunately medication does not always work. Sometimes trial and error to find the right mix | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 4:49:43 PM | Comment from airconditioninthesummer...to the op
you are bipolar yourself. you shouldn't date at all and save us men the time and effort.
My reply to airheadconditionperson...
Your cooler is busted dude, you need a comprehension coil over-haul.
Your statement is a wonderful example of the ignorance and lack of compassion that keeps people from seeking treatment. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 6:39:14 PM | "Your statement is a wonderful example of the ignorance and lack of compassion that keeps people from seeking treatment."
Stormmike, did it ever occur to you that the people who lack this compassion are the same people who have been badly damaged by the more extreme BP/BPD individuals? In the more extreme cases, BP/BPD fail to give compassion. Their behavior is extremely damaging both to themselves and to anyone who is close to them. My reaction to these people is a defense mechanism. I will NOT put myself in that position again, and I will do my level best to warn anyone who is considering it.
To all the people suffering from these illness, I am very sorry, but I need to protect myself because I too have a right to live a good life. You can not expect me to risk myself, and the quality of my life, just because you are desperate for compassion. You are wrong to seek this compassion by seeking long term relationships. Please, for your own sake, and the sake of those people who fall in love with you, deal with your illness first. You aren't capable of a healthy relationship until you do. You are only going to make things worse for yourself. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:03:06 PM |
To all the people suffering from these illness, I am very sorry, but I need to protect myself because I too have a right to live a good life. You can not expect me to risk myself, and the quality of my life, just because you are desperate for compassion. You are wrong to seek this compassion by seeking long term relationships. Please, for your own sake, and the sake of those people who fall in love with you, deal with your illness first. You aren't capable of a healthy relationship until you do. You are only going to make things worse for yourself.
boinkboinkboink....
You can go to any mental health thread, where you see my name, and you will see a post similar to this one....
If what you are talking about is in fact BP/BPD (compassion is not a big indicated symptom of either) the BP/BPD may not know that they are mentally ill.
If the person manages to stay "below the radar", they may never be diagnosed. If the illness gets to a point where intervention is necessary, they may not believe, or understand the diagnosis.
When I was diagnosed BPD, I had no idea what it was. I was told to look on the internet. I looked at the DSM-IV, and the criteria, and it was all psycho-babble to me. I kept re-reading it, and I started to recognize my Mother's illness. I only believed that it was true, when I compared my behaviour to my Mother's, and it was "similar".
Bipolar can be just as bad. When you're feeling "invincible", it's hard to accept a Doctor telling you that you are mentally ill. My automatic thought was that the Doctor was mentally ill.
TRULY taking responsibility for mental illness is not on the "to do" list for most people. I know at least a dozen diagnosed mentally ill people, who acknowledge their mental illness, and take their meds, but don't do much work on changing their distorted thinking.
What this all comes down to, (and I get fried every time I say this) is that YOU cannot expect others to protect you, from them. You have to protect yourself....that is your responsibility....... | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:09:02 PM | I myself suffer from manic bi-polarism. It's not fun to deal with, especially if you're aware of how you get when you're up/down. Mecdication helps, sometimes, but it's not the only way. After going through about a half dozen different drug combinations I called it quits and just started working on controlling it myself. It can be done if the person DOESN'T want to be that way anymore. The problem is it sounds like this lady enjoys her behavior. And from my experiences with other people who suffer this most, but not all mind you, of them think their behavior is reasonable and rational. It's the control she is after. She has to have it, needs it, craves it. Let me also state that after being diagnosed with it i belive that a lot of the time when a person gets diagnosed with it is bullsh*t. Really. It's just an excuse. I was a complete @sshole. It took some big losses in my life to realize i was a bad person. I didn't like that, because i wasn't always an @sshole. A lot of the times i was a nice, jovial, caring person. But the times that stood out and made an impression on people was when I acted like a complete @ss.
So here's my advice. Stay in contact with your father at all costs, even if you have to do it behind her back. Encourage your dad to subtly convince her to seek help. I don't care if it's just counseling or even anger management, just get her some. Trick is to make her think it's her idea. If she's resistant to seeking help, a family intervention might do the trick. Her family members might even help. A lot of people with make a turn around when they realize that they are on the top 10 list of sh*theads in the area that others hate. Basically handle her with kit gloves. If that doesn't work, well just knock the b*tch out next time she gets in your face. Humility goes a long way when you get your @ss beat in front of others for something you did that was beligerantly stupid. That is a last resort ofcourse i dont normally condone violence, i just know i wish someone had knocked me in the head when i desperately deserved it lol. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/16/2009 8:14:29 PM | I had a long term GF that was BP. It was incredibly exhausting dealing with it. One tries to understand that it's not "them"..but that sense of responsibility will wear out.
My GF suffered from BP. When things were OK, she was a great person. He was honest, loyal, attentive and a good partner. When things were not OK, she was the opposite. Often angry and viciously explosive. There was.."no" way to discuss things with her. She'd feel remorseful at times, other times, oblivious to what she was. She could be the most logical, balanced person on Tuesday..and the opposite a few hours later.
With a person like this, you come to realize sometimes you can't change things. All your best wishes are just pipe dreams and it's best to leave it all behind..or you'll be dragged into the nightmare. Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave this person "alone" to fend for themselves. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/17/2009 8:31:23 AM | I really don't see where anyone with such heavy psychological conditions are anywhere near ready for relationships unless they are able to find a partner who is completely okay with the erratic nature of these illnesses.
Personally, my heart goes out to them, but I do not and cannot deal with that in a relationship. Heck, I find them difficult enough while both people are healthy, let alone dealing with something like bipolar disorder.
I have unfortunately had several people in my life either diagnosed with or who have this illness and some aren't getting the help they need. They just manage it somehow.
I have one close friend who I was instrumental in him being diagnosed. We were platonic friends and he would go off on these mood swings and say things that just didn't make any sense. And the paranoia! He'd accuse me of thinking things I wasn't thinking, saying things I didn't say...my God, it was like living in hell to be his friend. But deep down, I had this sense that there was just something not right with his mind, so I encouraged him to go get evaluated and that he had lived like this long enough. Had I not been treated this way by my own mother, I would have never had the strength to endure his outbursts.
But I hung in with him and he was diagnosed as Bipolar as a rapid cycler and man, did he ever cycle quick. I eventually had to end our friendship because he had no or very little control over his behaviour from time to time and I was so done being spoken to in such a way.
And to Bipolars out there and Bipolar sympathizers...don't be spewing on those who don't have it and calling us insensitive when you have NO idea what it's like to be on the receiving end of your crazy-making behaviour. Being raised by a woman who can "hide" her disorder (I never did understand how the hell bipolars do this) it really pisses me off that I had to be her battering ram when her condition would kick in. She'd go apeshit nutty. I forgave her more times than I can count, but you know what? I'm done forgiving that crap. Get help for crying out loud! She still hasn't.
I think perhaps my sister may have it as well, she can get pretty strange sometimes and she has that "go off" thing like my mother did. I really can't stand being around her much either. Drives me nuts and they talk and talk and talk and talk and they think they know EVERYTHING! What is up with that? Since when did bipolars become mindreaders?
Argh! I'm a victim of those with bipolar illness but I don't need to be sympathetic to people who willfully abused me over and over and over again. Find someone who can take care of you. I just don't have what it takes to be treated that way by anyone.
And if I had bipolar illness, I'd refrain from relationships as I wouldn't want to put my partners through such horrible things. Honestly, some are severe and really mess with your head.
People with cancer don't go around telling people that they are against them. There's a huge difference in the nature of these illnesses. Surely anyone who has bipolar disorder must realize this. Don't get angry at us if we can't hack it. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/17/2009 9:30:30 AM | "Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave this person "alone" to fend for themselves."
This is precisely what you MUST do! Leave them alone and let them fend for themselves. Only they can muster the strength needed to deal with their own problems. No amount of support from you is going to make a damn bit of difference if they aren't willing to make the effort themselves. Inherant in many, if not all of these people, is massive selfishness and a grand sense of entitlement. This is their self defense mechanism; they need to behave this way in order to maintain some semblemce of control over their life. In many ways it is like dealing with an alcoholic. at some point you need to say, "I love you, but your behavior is so impossible that I can no longer deal with you. I must leave you until you have made the effort to get control over your problems." They need to see this limit. They need to see, in no uncertain terms, the ugly consequences of their bad behavior! | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/17/2009 10:02:28 AM |
And to Bipolars out there and Bipolar sympathizers...don't be spewing on those who don't have it and calling us insensitive when you have NO idea what it's like to be on the receiving end of your crazy-making behaviour. Being raised by a woman who can "hide" her disorder (I never did understand how the hell bipolars do this) it really pisses me off that I had to be her battering ram when her condition would kick in. She'd go apeshit nutty. I forgave her more times than I can count, but you know what? I'm done forgiving that crap. Get help for crying out loud! She still hasn't.
I HEAR YOU! Have you ever told your Mom that she needs help? I never even thought it in my Mom's presence....she would have known, and crucified me.....
Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave this person "alone" to fend for themselves."
This is precisely what you MUST do! Leave them alone and let them fend for themselves. Only they can muster the strength needed to deal with their own problems.
If nothing is working, this is the only thing to do. This is what made me smarten my act up to the degree that I have.....I was left alone....completely.....sinking wasn't working well, so I decided to swim..... | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/21/2009 8:06:48 PM |
omg....what century are we in??? bashing someone who has a mental illness like Bipolar is like bashing someone who happens to get cancer , lupus, ALS, Diabetes, etc.
Your brain is an organ just like your other organs and it needs to be fixed...people really need to get educated on mental illness because the stigma is still flying around and it's not fair to be angry at someone who has a mental illness like this. Would you be angry at your partner , mother, father , whoever, if they had cancer or diabetes? No you wouldn't....you would be supportive and as much as possible but being angry is really not fair. The reason bipolarism is such a difficult disease to cope with for family members is because during the depression state (and many commit suicide when they are in this mood), the person will take the meds...the meds work for a while, the person starts to feel better and thinks....hey , I feel great...don't want to take any meds. Then the mania starts, they feel great, life is great for a while and because they've stopped taking their meds, the depression and sets in again.
The trick to coping with someone who has bipolar is to be supportive, make sure they TAKE THEIR MEDS AT ALL TIMES, even when they feel great...it's like taking antibiotics for something...after 3 days you feel great so you stop taking them and then BOOM... a week later, you're more sick than you were when you first start taking them...that's why doctor's tell you to continue taking them even if you're feeling great...the bacteria is slowly multiplying at an even greater rate and you end up in the emergency room....same analogy....Bipolar cannot be cured, but it can be controlled with the right combinationn of meds , a supportive family who will make sure that their loved one is taking the meds and educating them on why it's necessary to keep taking them , even when they're on top of the world.
Some people just can't deal with the mood swings and tend to walk away from the situation completely , and that's the choice they make, for whatever reason, but if you really love him or her, keep it under control at all times so there are no relapses.
Come on people, mental illness is just like any other illness, you can't blame the person for it, it's just the way their brain is wired, doesn't make them whack jobs as long as it's controlled.....if you had diabetes and didn't take your insulin, you could end up with an amputated leg....its'all about understanding the illness, getting the support you need, seeing the shrink on a regular basis and take the damn meds!!!
THANK YOU.
1. Not all of us refuse to take our meds, some of us are very DILIGENT about making our lives as positive and healthy as possible.
2. Do NOT mistake Bipolar for Borderline Personality Disorder. Some commonalities but comPLETELY different decks of cards.
3. There are alcoholics, compulsive gamblers, spenders, narcissists, EVERYONE has something someone else may see as a flaw or even illness. NO one is perfect.
4. Watch Mr. Jones. THAT is Bipolar. Being controlling, abusive, and labile vs. happy within minutes is NOT Bipolar. Those are personality issues.
5. There is so much misinformation in this thread it astounds me.
6. Many with Borderline are misdiagnosed or dually diagnosed with Bipolar but should NOT be confused, because Bipolar is CHEMICAL whereas Borderline is PERSONALITY and there are many like myself who DO take their medications and do all there is to maintain a better life.
Please be cautious with throwing sweeping generalizations around about any disorder or anything for that matter! We're all individuals and deserve a fair shake based on our own merits and not what media and misinformation and society's stigma has to say about it.
No matter, we all deserve love, and there is no place for blame. Everyone plays their role.
This woman discussed in the OP sounds very much like an abuser and personality disordered and could possibly not be Bipolar at all.
My 2 pennies.
Thanks. | |
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