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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:24:20 PM | I would suggest OP...that this woman is threatened by you and/or your relationship with your father.
My sister is bi-polar. She has alienated herself, her husband and her daughter from everyone else, including family. It is her fear that other people will confer with them about her in a negative way. These people enable her, by allowing her to believe that she is 'normal' in this endeavor and twisted thinking.
I read an autobiography by Patti Maclean, author of Bird on a Wire. I think that I have the spelling wrong...however it was the best insight into manic depression that I have found. The difference between the author and my sister, and many of the people, different posters have described is that Patti came to terms with the symptons, cause and effects of her illness. She came to know after an episode that she had behaved unfairly and inappropriately, and took the steps necessary to make amends. Not everyone is this strong. My sister, after so many years, chooses to make her illness an excuse, for her shortcomings but does not accept accountability for her inappropriate behavior. She quotes all of the symptoms and terminology but continues to believe that her social behavior is unaffected. In 10 years, she has never lived a period of longer than a few months in a "normal" capacity. She, like the OP's future step mom, chooses to believe that others are responsible.
Tough.
A very, very, difficult situation always.... and my heart goes out to anyone in this situation. If your father is to survive in this relationship that it appears that he has chosen, he must be selfless, and be prepared for abuse. I feel sorry for my sister's husband, but for his own reasons, he has chosen to support her. After all, he loves her, and sometimes, she is the person he met and grew to love, and even in the worst of times still maintains some of these qualities. He understands her illness, and chooses to stay by her. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/6/2008 6:54:12 PM | ~Kyn~ :
Thanks for taking the time to give me advice - I appreciate it. This is something that i've never really even talked to my closest friends about because it's so difficult for people to understand the pain that I have gone through because of my mother's illness if they do not have any experience with the disease, and it often feels like my family has this huge secret and nobody I know would understand so I never talk about it.
I try not to feel too guilty about it all because I know all it does is cause me to stress and i've had enough stress in my life....it's just the fact that it has gone on for so long that kills me, you know?
I have done a lot of research on bipolar and I understand that the illness can manifest itself in destructive behaviours and in my mom's case she developed a severe gambling problem, and I won't get into it but basically my parent's entire life savings have gone down the drain, so it's like there's really TWO huge issues.
I've tried - more than once, to speak to my mother's doctor about her because I knew she was lying to him about things but he would not discuss anything with me. On more than one occaision when my mom had been gone for over a WEEK spending all her time at the casino and basically just sleeping in her car in the parking lot (if she slept at all) I went into the casino and tried to speak to people who worked there, telling them that my mom had an illness and was extremely ill and was ****ing up her whole life wasting all the money she'd worked for in her life in the casino, I was trying to get them to kick her out and not let her back in again - but instead they escorted ME out of the building. Overall i've tried as many things as I could think of to try to make things better but people do not effing cooperate with me and it's so frustrating.
I know that you can't force someone to get help and that someone will only get help when they can admit they need it and want to help themselves. Last summer my mom FINALLY committed herself into a psychiatric hospital. She was there for about a month. The doctor looking after her wanted to do ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) on her, but my mom also has heart problems and because of that the Anesthesiologist didn't feel comfortable knocking her out. Instead they put her on lithium and a combination of anti-depressents and set her up with a psychiatrist. I was extremely proud of her for getting help and I figured things would get much better. Well, in the beginning things were fine because all she did was sleep most of the time. A few months later she started working again and things started getting bad again. She went to the psychiatrist once and she apparently didn't like him so didn't go back. For the past couple months things have been okay, but I feel like I am just waiting for shit to hit the fan again....it's really not a good way to live your life.
Thanks again. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/6/2008 7:57:01 PM | msusnicknel- that is when i mean when i said that medication does not change them , its hard to tell who she really is regardless of her condition ,
when my ex got on his medication he didnt flip out all the time in fact he never flipped out after he got on his meds but he was still an ***hole he still used me and still lied to me generally speaking he was still the same person with fewer episodes
my best friends son is bipolar ,ocd, and something else i cant remember but hes been treated for a very long time and has an amazing mother he is oen of the sweetest kids i know and extremely kindhearted i am very attached to him
i also noticed it varies , not everyone that is bipolar is the same , so personalities must play in it
after reading everyones experiences it seems like some people that are bipolar do well with medications and are very loving or some are not loving regardless of meds
i think it really depends on the individual themselves in my case i believe my dads fiance is a mega **** and will stay one regardless
she also is not taking her meds i found out that she has them and is not taking them | |
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gaveup
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Joined: 10/29/2007
Msg: 79 | |
| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:41:49 PM | | I was married to someone who sounds just like what you described. No matter what I did it was wrong, tried to isolate me from my kids, picked fights by constantly drilling me like a defense attorney and was extremly jealous. I saw signs of it before we gotr married but I had never dealt with anyone like that before and I assumed it was nerves and it would get better. Wishful thinking, after the wedding she got worse every day. I'm easy-going but when I have had enough I really had have enough. I left once and she convinced me to try again so I came back. She did great, FOR A WEEK. Then it was right back to the way it was enough I had made her go to the doctor to get medication for her condition. Tell your dad to RUN before it is to late and not to marry this woman. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/6/2008 11:38:19 PM | | hi, have been with someone who had bipolar disorder, pretty scary thing to experience especially when they arent on meds, believe me my expererience was traumatic & was regularly hit without any due reason, and verbally ear bashed, got out when a 12 inch knife was pulled out on me, considered it was time for me to run for safety. Bipolar disorder unless treated can be pretty dangerous especially if they get angry, once treated they can be like you and me,my ex girlfriend couldnt help being the way she was and although I left the relationship she has maintained a normal lifestyle for the last year on lithium which stabilises the condition...is your fathers partner on meds? if not I think she needs to be...could explain the mood swings, for the person at the other end of the mood swings it can be frightening , I actually felt bullied into doing things for her rather than be hit! she has aske me back recently but after having therapy myself from the experience I cant put myself through it all again although she is on meds I regularly have nightmares of sharp knifes... & got out for my own safety although I still love and care for her its a grey area for my own personal safety and the concerns of my immediate family, if your dad is in love with this woman then there maybe little you can do, craig | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:13:49 AM | | I truely do feel bad you had to deal with an undiagnosed bipolar individual. But know this. Bipolar disorder is no different than any other disease such as diabetes or heart failure. when not treated the symptoms will present in a very harsh and unapologetic way. bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance in the brain. You asked for experience...I am experienced. I am bipolar. I have been diagnosed for 5 or 6 years now. I am not as extreme as your father's choice for a mate is. I will tell you this...it is ENTIRELY up to her to get better though. It is a correct statement to say that the medication doesn't fix everything. What does help tremendously is the person's willingness to be 'normal' Therapy is a good start. It took me 18 months of treatment to cope accordingly. Next I would like to say that the things she did to you is not by any means your fault. DO NOT own her problems. Bipolar people who do not wish to get better are at the least masters of manipulation and breeders of hate & discontent. As the saying goes... Misery loves company. As my own personal saying goes... don't let them be your travel agent for guilt trips. If you have any doubts, please research this disorder for yourself. there is a wealth of informtion on the internet as well as support groups out there for bipolar sufferers. The mood swings even when treated with meds will still occur. the trick is to recognize the triggers and avoid them. I hope this little bit of advice from an 'experienced' bipolar survivor has helped in some way. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:49:51 AM | | Wow, that is an extremely difficult situation. I think you did the right thing by confronting him about her and the negatives that would come with a marriage. If she was a woman of dignity, she would never try to put a wedge in between a family that loves one another. I hope that you are able to keep talking to your dad about this and hopefully one day he will see the light and know how much strain this woman has put on your family. One thing you should never do that some people do...take blame upon themselves for a sitution like this that is not their fault. Best of luck and wishes for the best. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 3:00:32 AM | *sigh...
Just about a year ago my sister-in-law took a bunch of pills and vodka at work, which landed her first in the hospital, and subsequently the nut house. I had to explain to my brother that it was a suicide attempt, hence the guard outside her door at the hospital. (He was living in another state at the time.) She was eventually labeled as bi-polar, put on meds, and sent to daily therapy. She lost her job at one of the big studios, and subsequently her health insurance, which, of course was covering the therapy and meds! It's still a rollercoaster, but like all of us, she has some days that are better than others.
So, yes, I know. ..
Wishing you the best.
p.
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 3:10:08 AM | my exhusband is bipolar, and schizo...
He did to me what she is doing to your dad. He has to see it and come to the realization that you are his daughter without a choice. He also has to want to make sure that you stay in his life. I think you should tell him how much you love him and how much you want to keep him in your life. But after that it is his discision. DONT blame yourself if he picks her over you. He will eventually realize what's happened and hopefully come to you and apologize. I know that it's hard... but I don't know what else to do.
I cut a lot of people out of my life for my ex. I searched them out after he was gone and apologized. Only one didn't take me back.
I hope things work out for you and that you don't lose your dad. Let him know that you will work through anything, but only if you mean it.
Good luck. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 11:40:47 AM |
He did to me what she is doing to your dad. He has to see it and come to the realization that you are his daughter without a choice. He also has to want to make sure that you stay in his life. I think you should tell him how much you love him and how much you want to keep him in your life. But after that it is his discision. DONT blame yourself if he picks her over you. He will eventually realize what's happened and hopefully come to you and apologize. I know that it's hard..
One thing I do know from personal experience for sure.....my Mom picked my step-Dad over me...... it burned my behind until the day my Mom died.
I don't know how it would affect you, but if it happens, please don't rule therapy out...it really does help. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 1:30:11 PM | Ok yes everyone here needs to do more research on this disorder. You are all a$$holes. Did you ever consider that her dad's fiance was just a B*tch? And for everyone information, Bipolar disorder isn't a mental illness. Its a biological illness just like heart disease or diabetes. The only reason people THINK its a mental illness is because its treated like one.
How about you educate your ignorant selves and look at people and not the label. Some people are a$$holes without bipolar, so really get a life. And Saveyourself69, you are the most ignorant and pompous a$$ I have ever come across in my life. Why are you even on this site? "Not single/not looking" ???? You're 30, grow the F up! | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 2:09:16 PM |
Ok yes everyone here needs to do more research on this disorder. You are all a$$holes. Did you ever consider that her dad's fiance was just a B*tch? And for everyone information, Bipolar disorder isn't a mental illness. Its a biological illness just like heart disease or diabetes. The only reason people THINK its a mental illness is because its treated like one.
How about you educate your ignorant selves and look at people and not the label. Some people are a$$holes without bipolar, so really get a life. And Saveyourself69, you are the most ignorant and pompous a$$ I have ever come across in my life. Why are you even on this site? "Not single/not looking" ???? You're 30, grow the F up!
Woah, what's with the anger? Yeah, some people are a$$e$ on this thread, but some have provided very thought provoking and insightful posts.
And you are wrong. Bipolar disorder IS a mental illness. If you want to get technical about it, it is a category of mood disorders. Might there be some biological causes or risk factors for it? Absolutely. That doesn't mean it isn't a mental illness. Lots (probably most) mental illnesses have biological roots. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 3:49:02 PM | I get angry when people talk about things they don't know or understand. And no you are wrong. There's new research that says that bipolar is related to epilepsy. They say that mood swings are actually small seizures. It manifests itself has a mental illness, and if you want to get technical, it is a mental illness because its abnormalities in the brain.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.  | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 5:12:24 PM |
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's a chemical imbalance in the brain.
American Heritage Dictionary
"mental illness
n. Any of various conditions characterized by impairment of an individual's normal cognitive, emotional, or behavioral functioning, and caused by social, psychological, biochemical, genetic, or other factors, such as infection or head trauma. Also called emotional illness, mental disease, mental disorder. "
Oh, that and it is also classified as a set of mood disorders in the DSM-IV. So, how is it not a mental illness?
No offense, but whether it is related to or caused by epilepsy, chemical imbalances, environment, or whatever it is still a mental illness. Just like depression (a mental illness) can be caused by chemical imbalances, poor diet and exercise, stress, etc. Just like schizophrenia, also a mental illness, can be triggered by substance abuse, trauma, or biological issues. Just like PTSD, also a mental illness, is brought on almost entirely by environmental causes. Just like ADHD can be caused/intensified by things like artificial dyes.
Just because someone has a "mental illness" does not have to mean that their brain isn't wired right. No need to get all uptight/angry with people when they refer to a mental illness as a mental illness. Not only are you off base, you can't expect everyone to be experts in everything. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 6:31:04 PM | Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's a chemical imbalance in the brain
as is schizophrenia, depression, ADHD...
if it's happening in the brain, it's mental. Now the task at hand is to erase the stigma of mental illness, within ourselves as well as in others. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 7:48:56 PM |
Ok yes everyone here needs to do more research on this disorder. You are all a$$holes. Did you ever consider that her dad's fiance was just a B*tch? And for everyone information, Bipolar disorder isn't a mental illness. Its a biological illness just like heart disease or diabetes. The only reason people THINK its a mental illness is because its treated like one.
How about you educate your ignorant selves and look at people and not the label. Some people are a$$holes without bipolar, so really get a life. And Saveyourself69, you are the most ignorant and pompous a$$ I have ever come across in my life. Why are you even on this site? "Not single/not looking" ???? You're 30, grow the F up!
I have spent the day in front of my computer, trying to help a woman from South Carolina, who is suicidal and Bi-Polar by E-MAIL! No phone conversations....MESSAGES!
I'm sure that if I told her that her problem isn't actually a "mental illness", it would have solved everything!
Sorry, just a little on edge, I talked her out of it as of 7:00 tonight...so far so good.
Refine your technique, drop the hostility, and advocate for a change of status...... | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 10:13:18 PM | | I'm not going to side with, or alienate myself from anyone on this fourm by griping / slamming / or accusing them of being wright or wrong. I am however, going to revisit my relationship of 10 years with a human being who was diagnosed with BPD - complicated with Borderline Personality disorder. This person was my girlfriend for 5 years, my wife for 5 more, the mother of my son, and now my Ex-wife for 3 years. As stated by the author, she was the perfect choice as a mate in the beginning. She eventually caused me to quit two very good jobs. Any friends I had before I met her were off limits - not because she said so, but because they wouldn't put up with her obnoxious behavior - which meant they would only associate with me if she wasn't there. She would tell me that my kids (from a prior marriage) were cruell to her while I was at work, and I (not thinking she would lie) disciplined my children for their actions. I have to live with knowing that I chose her over my own children, and that I punnished them for things they never did. My own children did not want to visit me anymore. She would accuse me of having an affair if I was 15 minutes late comming home from work, and in the end - after the divorce - I found out that she in fact had had several flings during our relationship. She would threaten to leave because she thought I only wanted her for sex - which didn't make sense because we seldom had sex. An argument would escallate over meaningless things - like she just wanted to fight over something - probably because she always ended up putting me in a no-win situation, which gave her a false sense of superiority. The borderline personality made it worse because she would often take on a different personality - of someone she just met, or someone on TV. I never knew who I was comming home to. Sometimes she would be waiting for me with a smile, and loving open arms, and other times she would be waiting for me with claws out, and ready to fight. If I could say a few things to the authors father, I would say: "look beyond what she says to what is really the truth, and you will find they don't jive. Make your choice to live in her fantasy, or in the real world with your family and friends. It only gets worse, and eventually you will be looking for someone else anyway. Believe your child, she loves you". | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 10:21:07 PM | Girlfriend... Read up on Borderline Personality Disorder, and go to the big bookstore, buy a book called "Stop Walking on Eggshells". Google BPD and there are some assessment tools there that can help you identify what's going on on your life with regard to that situation.
Good luck. This may help you understand why people are like this, beyond bipolar.
-damoN- | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/7/2008 11:24:36 PM | My studies includes people who suffer from Personality Disorders so I really know very little on people who suffer from a chemical imbalance. One good piece of news is that it is treatable with medication and psychotherapy. But people who suffer from a Personality Disorder are not so lucky. There is not any medication out there that can give a person a conscience or the ability to have empathy for others. I was with someone that suffers from having a Personality Disorder and wish that she was bi-polar which she isn’t. In short people who suffer (yes there are many different types) from a chemical imbalance can live normal lives with chemical psychotherapy and a strong support system i.e. family friends and therapies. People who suffer from this chemical imbalance acknowledge that something is wrong with them and want help. People who suffer from a Personality Disorder denies that there is anything wrong with them and blame love ones and sociality for all their personal problems. Anyway as I stated I know very little on this subject concerning those that indeed suffer from Bi-polar so if one wants more information this is a very good site to get more information and do some research on. Good luck to the OP and hope that her soon to be mother-in-law is only “bi-polar”.
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:14:59 AM | I have read some of the responses to your query and agree with those who are suggesting you read up on bi-polar disorder and research it for yourself instead of accepting input from strangers who may or may not be providing accurate statements on the condition. I don't usually have much time to read threads on here anymore, but yours caught my eye since my former husband was diagnosed and suffered from the severe form of the bi-polar condition. Those who responded to you out of personal experiences probably know more than anyone else or than any book can tell you. Still, do your homework and find out about this condition as it's symptoms may vary and the severity can be different as well.
Because my former husband and I were only together a total of 2 years, I neglected to understand how serious his condition was and that there are layers of other issues involved which make living a normal life practically impossible without proper medication coupled with consistent and appropriate therapy. It wasn't until after I was forced to leave my former husband as his condition made my ability to function and even care for myself not to mention nearly costing me my freedom that I discovered this condition is quite common and the general "feeling" about relationships with individuals who suffer with the severe form of bi-polar in my experience were all met with a resounding similar response. That response being that it is nearly impossible to have any type of balanced relationship with someone suffering from this condition. Now, I didn't say that, that is what others reflected to me when I asked similar questions like yours.
My former husband was my dream man when he stayed on his meds. I still miss him. I still love him. I still feel for him and his condition. But in my case, I was forced to leave and cease all contact with him to preserve my freedom. I hurt for him still. I wish I could make it go away. I wish I could make him better. However, all the wishing in the world will never change reality. In the end, you must choose what is right for you. It is my wish for you and anyone else who has similar issues that you will educate yourself, find an understanding of yourself and your own issues, and then carve out a way to deal with the pain that this condition is creating in your own reality.
I wish you nothing but strength and understanding not to mention a generous dose of compassion for both your father and the woman he has chosen for whatever reason to be a part of his life. Educate yourself on the topic and you may find some level of peace for your life. Just remember that it's okay to hurt and it's okay if you don't handle everything correctly all the time. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, but don't allow those feelings to own you. Be you and be the best, healthiest you you can be.
Now go read!!!  | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 10:06:09 AM | I apologize for being so hostile. I just know that you have to be careful about the information you receive on the internet. They are 95% horror stories from people only having experiences with people who have bipolar. Be weary of your sources and be open to getting to know someone with bipolar. They just might surprise you with how stable they are. Being bipolar does not make you a bad person. The people who let their bipolar to conquer them are not taking care of themselves: proper medication(s), exercise, proper diet, and self evaluation.
I only ask that you know the person before you judge. And please, never trust a .com site. If you want to know more about it, speak with a professor of psychology, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist.
Again I'm sorry for the hostility and my excuse is moot. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:25:49 AM | | Use discretion when reading many of these posts. As with any mental illness there are many degrees of bipolar disorder. There are types 1...2...3 etc...and many doctors don't get it right the first time, since people tend to go in when they are depressed not manic, and are precribed antidepressants geared for depression only, which makes matters worse by pushing them into mania instead of evening out their moods. We all behave differently based on our personalities, don't expect people with B.P. to be any different. Severities are anywhere from hardly noticable to extreme. Bipolar 1 mania may be the superman feeling while bipolar 2 may just be anger and high energy. Bipolar 3 may be medically induced bipolar. One size does not fit all, often it is not the BP patient that fails, it is the attitude of others. Many people feel like victims, or tied down because of the BP person. Web search famous people-bipolar and be prepared for a surprise. As for bipolarism, what is that? | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:51:55 AM | I apologize for being so hostile. I just know that you have to be careful about the information you receive on the internet. They are 95% horror stories from people only having experiences with people who have bipolar. Be weary of your sources and be open to getting to know someone with bipolar. They just might surprise you with how stable they are. Being bipolar does not make you a bad person. The people who let their bipolar to conquer them are not taking care of themselves: proper medication(s), exercise, proper diet, and self evaluation.
I only ask that you know the person before you judge. And please, never trust a .com site. If you want to know more about it, speak with a professor of psychology, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist.
Again I'm sorry for the hostility and my excuse is moot. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:18:14 PM | This is the only non-judmental message I have read so far.
I agree, that the uneducated should not be giving advice, and get off this forum. | |
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| she has been diagnosed with bipolarism
Posted: 8/8/2008 12:33:13 PM |
the uneducated should not be giving advice, and get off this forum.
wow. I'm almost beyond words. This is a discussion board, open to everyone despite education level. The majority of posters are sharing opinions, advice and experience and for the most part, mean well.
Anyone starting a thread knows that they are not tapping into the Mayo Clinic; they are inviting responses from everyone on POF, which stands for "Plenty of Fish" and nothing more. | |
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