| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:30:42 PM | ^^^
harsh
Forgive her, forgive yourself for letting someone (and her kids) treat you poorly. Next time it happens, walk sooner. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:35:09 PM | | Sorry gilmore721, I had exactly the same experience with my ex she broke up Christmas Eve then she wanted to get back....After a couple of months she found someone else after saying lets be friends....she put him on the phone when I called her and he warned me off...after two and half years...she never worked and was ungrateful....The only thing I can say is that a leopard doesn't change its spots. Any issues she had with you she will have with the next man ....I guess until she finds someone who will treat her the way she wanted to be treated...presumably badly Lol. Try not to take it personally try and accept she really didnt care and move on...put it down to life experience... | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 10:43:25 PM | This is a pity me post. I thot those were not allowed. I believe in a lot of things, and i know you are hurting, but the post comes out as whining , not about hurting.
Its all about YOU YOU YOU. Maybe start thinking about OTHERS first. THEN you can start getting over HER. she aint worth it, buddy | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:00:59 PM | I am going through the same thing, in fact it sounds like we dated the same woman,
just start talking to women and become their friends, many of them do make great friends and its always nice to have someone to talk to and do things with even if your just friends.
It will help you take your mind off her.
Tony | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:15:28 PM | Geez.
I've read two forum threads here - and am shocked by the venom that some of the women are spewing...
You know it is possible for a 40-something year old to actually have feelings - and if we are coming out of a long relationship - where we had someone to rely on and work through issues with - and now we don't... ...well, it makes it a bit tricky to cope...
Dude, my only advice is to just be glad that you didn't have kids - for then she'd be in your life - and yet out of touch - forever... | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:23:32 PM | You will get past her....sometimes people who seem not to have a heart, or tears...are hurting worse then people can see...They become emotionaly bankrupt... That person won't let go of the pain they feel, even though they have alot to do with the pain... She will never give you what you wanted... She would rather die then to give anything to anyone...not selfish...maybe drained is a better word... Your best bet is to look at her in a different light, and be glad you are free of her... She would never invest in your relationship... she was emotionally abusive, and it would have gotten worse... don't waste your time hating her... Spend the time loving you... Her kids are only a product of her mental abuse... Kids grow up to be exactly what the parents make them... Sad, very Sad!!!  | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:38:54 PM | I cant believe the dribble you just spewed out for us to read. Did you have to repeat yourself over and over? Talk about flogging a dead horse. Come on guy,it was all about the sex for her... if thats true then you had it made. But no you have to carry on about how selfish she was, her kids were mean,she never came to your place. Hell i would trade places with you in a minute. Honestly sounds like its all about you, feeling sorry for your sorry self, thinking all the ladies here will be sympathetic towards your sappy feelings. Grow the **** up and quit whinging about your sorry ass and how heartbroken this lady has left you. Next time dont bother to tell us about your pathetic relationships and save it for people who really need support and direction
Jeff | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:40:06 PM | Well, in the 'getting over phase' there's a step where you really don't want them anymore and yet you don't want them to be with anyone else. It's really... annoying. And it leads to giant rants like this.
I'm in that phase right now. 
I wish it would stop. 
I'm told time heals. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:05:16 AM | | firstly ive got to say i dont think u are over this women and i dont think u ever will be until u actually approach her and tell her how she made u feel and i mean really tell her how she made u feel and i dont mean in a letter or email or txt i mean face to face so she see`s ur real emotion and thats sommat she could`nt hide from then maybe the next bloke she goes off wiv it might make her realise wot a utter **** she is.. it will surely make u feel better about it... ya see i know sort ov how u feel cos i got wiv some1 when i was 17 and wiv in 2-3 weeks he was hittin me but we got married when i was 19 and the abuse continued but it wasn`t the punchin or him smackin my head off light switches that did my head in it was the emotinal abuse and me not seein people for weeks on end... i think the final straw for me was when he stood there and let his bro kick the shit out ov me and he just stood and watched... i left about a yr later. ive now been on my own for 19 months and it killed me to start wiv but i got over it...., but i think i started to get over it when i met him a few months later and he noticed how much i had changed... i had lost a lot ov weight and i was well lookin a hell better and this had got to him.. and i could see it in his face which ive got to say made me feel really gd so thats why i think u need to see this women and tell her how u feel and how she has done this to u and dont hold back on her tell her exactly how it is but at the end ov it tell her u are now ready to move on wiv ur life... i did the same and i actually made him cry then i told him i would never come home and i would never think ov him again but i also said i wished him all the luck in the world and i hope he becomes happy again...... ya dont have to drop to her level to make ys self feel elavated cos that would`nt be u by the sounds ov it....... and i think if u put ur mind to it will get the opportunity to do it.. but u need to feel strong in urself to do it first...... and as for u seein this girl that u are now.... u should explain things to her before it is too late but explain it nicely and maybe she doesnt want anything too much as well... i did the same i got myself a feck buddy and we both know where we stand wiv each other and have been for the last 18 months...so when u think it is all a mess its not really it just takes a bit ov control and assessing ov the situation hunni..... if this helps im glad and if ya need to talk or anything then get in touch.. i wish u luck and happiness babz.,.,.. just remember to be strong | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:14:17 AM | Hi gilmore721
I understand your pain, I am going through the same thing right now, but my x was very abusive and I stayed cause I loved him so. I left my first husband of 25 years for this guy. The first month was great and then the real him came out. I won't tell you the stuff that he done to me, but I will say I loved him so but it was a one way street. We even bought a house together in 2006 and he kicked me out in May 2008 after helping me sort of break my leg. I too hate him so much, but I was told that when you love someone so much but it's only a onesided thing, this love turns into hatered. I feel your pain, and yes it's hard, but I have closure with him, he called me all sorts of names the day he kicked me out of my own house and left me on the floor with a broken leg for four hours until I was able to call 911 myself. The difference with my children though is that they respected them cause that is the way I brought them up, but when they saw what he was doing to me they tried to warn me, my friends and my whole family saw it but I didn't love is blind. I didn't want to leave him, I wanted him to love me as much as I loved him, he asked me to move in with him, and I was like a teenager again, the feeling was great inside of me, but now its only hurt. He is keeping the house and buying me out, it hurts cause I put so much work into my house, but like everyone is telling me, it's only material. I just moved into an appartment last Saturday, it's lonely, it's sad, but I know I will get over this, it's going to take time. But now what you have to do is try and work on yourself, love yourself again, it's hard for you cause you had no closure, either did I he just told me to get the f out of his life and to get the f out of this house. Then the leg got broken. I don't know what I did to this monster, but now it's time for me to think of me. I was with him for 2 and half years. We even took a trip to Scotland, but I guess that trip meant nothing to him, but it meant the world to me. People like that, cause him too is very self centered and he doesn't like to be told what to do, will get theirs one day. I don't wish harm on anyone, but I do believe in the saying what goes around comes around. He will get his one day and I hope that I hear about it from someone, cause that will be the happiest day of my life concerning him. But now I am working on my, yes it's hard, I have neve been alone and it's a new life, it's like starting all over again, but please hang in there, brighter days are ahead of you. And for this new woman that you are dating if you love her and she loves you take it slowly find out what she is all about and let her find out your needs. I hope everything works out for you. But I do understand it's easier said then done. But be strong. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:23:56 AM |
YOu sound like a sissy...
And from the rest of your post, you sound like a feminazi. At least guys checking out your profile will see that up front. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:03:03 AM | | man i was in the exact same position minus the children, but i say i hate her but deep down i love her more that ne thing in the world, reading this was like reading a book on my life, even the 7 months and the last 2 years and using me for sex, i feel ur pain and hope it sorts itself sooner than later | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:12:51 AM | Walk through it, learn the lessons you have already learned, and stay the heck away from another woman until you've sorted this out!
You are going through the natural process of grieving. Next you are going to be one pissed off dude.
It is awful when we suffer an abusive and deceitful relationship. It's more awful when we give our tacit approval by remaining too long in a situation we know in our heart of hearts is no good for us.
This too shall pass.  | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:21:54 AM | | She's renting space in your head, time to evict her , without the 30 day notice! | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:23:50 AM | | to "betterlate".....no reason to be so cruel, hurtful and demeaning.....talk about bitter toward a man you don't even know.......shame on you..... | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 2:52:18 PM | | You stayed up way to late while replying to this subject. Betterlate is not on here to get ripped apart by a woman who apparently is bitter because she has had this happen to her numerous times and she hates the world but to get some guidance. You need to learn to be kind and compassionate. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 8:21:03 PM | Why can't you get past her? What, is she playing middle linebacker for the Pittsburgh Steelers or something? Try a juke move, or a spin move. If you know she is going to land a good hit try deflecting some of the force with a stiff arm and then move away from the pressure. If you see some daylight hit the gas pedal and run for all the glory of hitting paydirt and seeing 6 more points on the scoreboard courtesy of you!
For real though, its just like Pacino descrbied guilt in the Devils Advocate. Its like a bag of (expletive) bricks. All you have to do is let go. I had to let someone go recently after 3 years of tearing up my insides for her. It really isn't so bad if you use a bit of inner strength and focus on upgrading the quality of your own life. After awhile you start noticing things you might not have noticed in the time you spent with her. Eye contact with the many attractive women of the world would be one. After a few doses of that you start to notice something even more peculiar. When you make eye contact some of those girls actually smile back at you! Wow! All that is left is a prompt "Hello" and you suddenly stop giving a (youknowwhat) about the past and care only for the future. If you are good then maybe the immediate future!
Best of luck and when all else fails, shotgun a couple of beers. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 10:16:22 PM |
what do i need to do to get past this? did i not matter to her? please give me some insight!
ok.
you need therapy and you need it right now.
pick up the phone book or go on-line and look for mental health professionals or hotlines.
call them.
tell them what happened and how you feel.
do what they tell you to do.
this too shall pass.
best of luck!
god bless. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/6/2008 10:39:22 PM | wow !!!
anybody else notice the anger oozing out of the post above this one??
how would you like to open your heart to this lovely creature? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/7/2008 12:58:57 AM | wow !!!
anybody else notice the anger oozing out of the post above this one??
how would you like to open your heart to this lovely creature?
no, i didn't notice any anger at all.
i should know since i live in her skin.
i did notice a genuine concern that this issue for this particular person might possibly be a whole lot more than it would appear. i won't use the term here but i have real cause for concern for his well-being. perhaps i'm being an alarmist, but rather safe than sorry. i kept my post short and to the point hoping he would see it and hopefully act on it.
now for you on the other hand, what with the "creature" remark, you can chill your beer next to my heart.......lol | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:11:47 AM | ~OP~ posted: a few months ago she posted herself on a dateing site and when i saw it it just about killed me !
i do not want her !
i do not love her.
i am so angry and i just do not know how to let go of her. Are you sure you was in love with her and it wasn't lust? Lust is sometimes 10 times more powerful than love. Maybe if you two tuffed it out for a couple years maybe you should email her on the dating site and ask her if she miss's some of that lusty sex . There's no doubt in my mind about my last long term relationship. We tuffed it out for 11 years due to the hot bedroom adventures. ![]()
Men are weak to a womans beauty. One of our biggest flaws. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:33:25 AM | I think you made a good point there, lust or love. Love is what's left over when the lust is long gone, so did you even get to that point? Lust is powerful and clouds judgment.
As to the comments about your age and what you should know by now, that would depend completely on whether or not you got married young and stayed married for a long time. If so, once you get thrown out into dating in this day and age, you're pretty naive because of inexperience.
I guess some people just don't do the "get over it", "move on" thing as well as others. That's what makes us all different.
One thing is for sure, I don't think people come on here to open up about their feelings just to be bashed by someone. It's ashame. I think it's a nice idea to be able to come here and get some empathy, support and good advice, not be put down for how you feel. I would hate to think that the bashing would prevent people from speaking up at all.
Maybe think about what do you really miss. It didn't sound like very much other than her looks and the sex. At the end of the day if you want more than that in your life, I guess you have to look a little deeper into the heart and soul before you get too involved. It stinks to give more than you ever get back constantly, but learn from it now. Maybe think about it as a recording in your head, don't rewind, hit stop, and then press forward to catch yourself when you think about her too much. Try to keep busy and hang around people that make you laugh and you enjoy. It helps. Good luck as this process is different for everyone.
And oh, I don't think you really hate her which is good because hate only hurts you more, not her. The goal you want to reach is indifference - not love, not hate, just a non-issue. Keep your eye on the goal. Good luck again. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:42:18 AM | You can't get past her because you are choosing to stay stuck in your anger and disappointment.
You can choose to accept what happened and heal yourself by accepting that you allowed yourself to be treated they way she treated you. She isn't to blame for YOUR acceptance of being ill-treated.
Gotta tell ya--the whole, 'is she a whore' thing? Not attractive.
Own your actions. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:57:57 AM |
i should have known. i did know.
iwas just to blinded by her looks i guess.
Got this far and did not see any need (nor have any desire) to read further.
Your shallowness got you into this mess so I have no pity for you...
besides, you seem to have more than enough for yourself.
Get over it and move on. | |
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