| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:58:59 AM | | To possibly get a little better understanding, u might want to check out borderline personality disorder,,,just a thought? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:02:12 AM | Going through the same ordeal only with an adulteress wife. Gotta 5 year old. Wont go off on a rant or anything but will say that I know exaclty how you feel. EXACTLY!!! Being thrown away like a piece of trash after you tried everything to make it work is never a good feeling. But you can't blame yourself or continue to try and figure her out. Wicked people do wicked things and there's nothing you can do to better them or bring them to the light. Not a bible thumper but do have faith in God and so I believe the verse "Vengence is mine sayeth the Lord". You almost want to make them hurt as bad as they've intentionally hurt you but let the big man upstairs handle her/it. God moves and does it on his time not yours or mine and when he takes care of it (and he will) - he does it in grandioso fashion. Payback is a **** and she will get hers in some shape, form or fashion. You can't go around mistreating people all your life (and believe me you're not the first person she's used or abused) and get by with it - life doesn't work that way. Take care my man and be glad you weren't married to her or had children by her - that makes it that much more painful and complicated.
God Bless!
Matt | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:14:54 PM | "Take care my man and be glad you weren't married to her or had children by her - that makes it that much more painful and complicated. "
Ditto to that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Especially after the whiskey doesn't work anymore | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:25:07 PM | dude...I know where you're coming from. I have BEEN THERE BEFORE MY BROTHER!!!!! It's not something you can just "get over"...it takes time. You can't fill the void one woman left with another, because you will only end up hurting the next girl....the only advice I can give you is that God has to sweep away all the old to make room for the new blessing you are about to receive....give it time, bro. Your blessing is right around the corner.
Delta Haze.....aka Greg | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:03:54 AM | OP~ When you discover the hole within yourself that you were trying to fill with this woman, you'll start to get over it. The best news is that when you get to know yourself, you'll feel confident that you won't end up in that situation again. I can only say this because I have been there and came back to LIFE....but it took a while.
Those who shout GET OVER IT, are oversimplifying a very complex life experience. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/19/2008 12:32:58 AM | God I HATE it when people say "Get over it" Or "Just move on"
Love has NO on or off button, you can not turn off or control your feelings.
Losing someone you truly love, is no different then losing someone who has passed.
You must go through ALL the stages of greiving (Shock, denial, anger then hopefully, somewhere down the road.....exceptance)
Beautiful women & handsome men do NOT make good partners. They are self obsessed, self centered,selfish takers. They can NOT be faithful to one person, because they constantly need to be fed by new people telling them how attractive & wonderful they are.
I am sorry to say that men ask to be treated like crap, though my girlfriends & I have NEVER figured out why. They get bored with the good woman that treat them like kings & run off to be with the beauty's that treat them like shit. It is all part of that thing guys have for needing a challenge, if a chick is to easy to have, they don't want her. So, that is why you can't let her go, your male pride has been hurt that you were not "THE MAN" to bring her to her knees & that is festering like an infection.
It all boils down to that old saying, love is blind. You just as well except it partner, there is NOTHING you can do to rush this. Getting over her I am sorry to say,will take time, maybe allot of time. Booze, women, sex, drugs, won't help. The only answer is time | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/19/2008 11:34:17 PM | Hey Mister Grumpy'gils'. When life gets ya down, know what ya gotta do? Just keep SWIMMIN, SWIMMIN, SWIMMIN!  This is the "plenty o' fish" site isn't it? Someone will 'catch' you. Just keep things in perspective my friend. This shite happens to the best of us. Now get out of this site, cuz the only reason I'm responding is because I'm in the same 'boat' if you will? But geez, I hope that 7 months from now, I won't even care to peek in 'broken hearts'  | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:04:33 AM | | Hey nice guy!!! well i guess i cannot say we have all been through this because some of us are givers..... and some are takers...I know what it feels like to want so much to understand WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED TO ME??? when you fel like you have given every ounce to someone and they just throw it back in your face... and then do not even justify their actions....there are no words, no healing magic, no wise advice that anyone can give you.... MY FREIND we have given of ourselves and if you look inside yourself you will remember warning signs... things that werent quite right but as a giver you went ahead in spite of those red flags....some one said that paople tend to give up their own identity in search of love... thats where i am gonna start... taking back my own sense of self and i am gonna try like hell to not do this again..... | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:13:07 AM | more"
Sometimes it's not always as simple as everyone makes it to be, and some of us can not just "get over the person" i'm not even close to your age range but i can tell you this.
It'll never "go away" and you'll never forget her but it will hopefully get easier as for me it's the same feelings as when me N someone i love/d with all my heart was together, so i can relate to what your going through because i'm still going through it and "LOVE" is not just something any of us can put behind us and move on.
Maybe yall two need to come to an understanding of some sort and maybe get back on track because yall really do not want to be going through this still in the next 4 or more years later, maybe she is in your heart for a reason. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:16:51 AM | | I agree with your girl13" and thats right unless someone has gone through the similar siturations that you/me/orginal poster has gone through than they honestly can't help him/anyone else but i have been through it aswell, and it hurts deep inside when you are having to face "this" every day and every night without anyone out there/around you who truly understands. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:10:06 AM | First of all, its not fair to the woman youre seeing now by holding on to past hurt and neglect. If you weren't ready to move on, then you simply never should've started seeing someone new. You shouldve taken some time to pull it together and give yourself space and some head room to work on your own self first.
Second of all, WHY would you want to be with someone who is selfish and inconsiderate of your needs, wants and not to mention- someone who doesnt care for you as equally as you do? Its a two way street. Be glad she's not around and count your blessings. Things like this happen for a reason. It may feel terrible now but you'll find yourself happier down the road. Youre gonna look back at all this in a year or two and thank the dear Lord he forced you to learn the hard way.
Trust me on this.... I know.
Good luck to you! | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:25:20 AM | I understand...I was with someone for 6 years...and asked myself the same questions......and hated and was angry at myself for being such a fool....it's taken time and my heart is much more guarded now.....as for all your questions, you have to accept they will never get answered...you have to realize that in the end it never was about you but about her....you loved her and gave her all you had....your heart...your body.....you were an open book to her....know in your heart that you were honest and true....work through the pain, and trust me mate, it's going to hurt like hell for a while...but with this post....you're on your way, releasing all the anger and hurt. It's going to take time but eventually you'll find that eventually each day you think of her less and less, and someday soon she won't haunt your every though.....give yourself time to heal. Let your lady friend know you need to back off for a while to give yourself the time to grieve and let go....otherwise she will get hurt because at this time you're not even at the point of letting go yet.....grieve, get angry, cry....heal yourself. It took me time and I am finally at the point in my life that I've opened my heart to the possibility of letting someone in....no, you won't ever love anyone the way you loved her, but you will love again someday....take care of yourself now and take the time to grieve and heal. It will get better, I promise....the pain won't go away but it will get better.
Pattie | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:47:38 AM | The gentleman knows what he has to do, his heart unfortunately has not caught up with his head. You can not turn off feelings...does that not make you heartless. Regardless how you lose your mate it still hurts. Whether its death, divorce, or just lack of interest in dating...it hurts. People do manage to get past this in their lives and if your feelings continue, then please seek proffessional help. Its unhealthy to continually think of this lady. It wasn't meant to be and you do have to move on.
I feel for you, most of us have been there, done that, it takes time but don't dwell on the past or on what should be could be, its not happening.
Take care | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:06:22 AM | Hun I may be younger than you but I have been through sooooo much when it comes to relationships. I understand how you're feeling as I've been through my own ordeal with my ex boyfriend.
To put it briefly: I met him on the rebound, treated him like shit, while I was with him went back to my ex ex, I eventually spilled the truth, he gave me a chance to redeem myself even though I told him I cheated, I continued to treat him bad, he finally had enough and left me, when he did, I realised what I'd done ... a few months later got into contact again, then on and off and on and off, it's been on and off for the past three years now .... THREEE YEARS can u believe that?? Now he's treating me like garbage, playing mind games, using me, has completely changed his colours, but hey I allow myself to be treated like garbage now because I see myself as garbage for being unfaithful and a ****, but deep down I know he can't let go.
See it's a similar situation as this lady and yourself, you left her, wanting to prove a point, wanting her to miss you and all of that stuff... Well I think that she does, but is too proud to admit to it ... Some people are stubborn, I tell u now ...
Thankfully I have changed, I am still becoming a woman and I know how to treat men better now, but this woman is fully matured, so is her personality and the hope of her becoming a better person is questionable because women of her age, well, their traits are pretty much locked in and if you were to be with her then your life could be miserable ...
But what u you have to do is basically sit back and watch what happens, that is all that u can do .... Whatever happens, happens .... I know you probably hear this all the time but everything does happen for a reason .... But whilst you are waiting to see what becomes of your life try to live it a little as well. I'm trying to do the same ...
But seriously hun, I do have alot of experiences that I can share with you that could perhaps shed some light onto your situation, so if u want some help, let me know ..
good luck .... | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:18:26 PM | It takes a fall to realize love.
It takes a fall to realize pain.
It takes a fall to have to get up.
It takes a fall to try over again.
Learn from your experience.
“get over it” doesn’t work. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:11:19 AM | | Waaaa! Maybe you should spend some time thinking about what part you played in losing her! I bet you are more responsible that you care to believe! | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:51:28 PM | DO NOT HATE, you will only fill yourself with toxins.
You said yourself it was her good looks that drew you. Is it possible that you didn't delve deeply enough ??? Into her soul.
To see what she wanted. All the negative signs were there, but you chose not to listen to them.
Perhaps you suffocated her.
Or perhaps she just didn't care enough about you. Or was frightened by your intensity.
By the way you say it is all about her her her ... This post is all about you you you ...
It isn't a selfless act when you create issue with the fact it wasn't returned, so who are you trying to justify yourself to ??? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:36:42 PM | I myself went through a similar relationship. Mostly distance and living in her exs shadow finished the relationship.We never fought or cussed one another, but many things you have described I could have written myself.
Well here's what I think. Its probably good that you vented this out in some harmless way like the forums. I finally said to myself I had no more time to waste on this girl. That it was time to care about me. You have to remember yourself in this and let go. The only thing I have done different is avoiding the hate. I know it is easy to see why you would feel that, but something has always told me hate is just not gonna help. I might get crap for saying that , but I like the old saying...the best revenge is to live well. That gal could be off in the head for all you know..I wouldn't waste anymore time on it, cause she's not. Give it time, and move bud. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 10/30/2009 6:48:09 PM | | To betterlate you are one mean ass coonass oops I mean cajun as I am to you broken guy the chemo will make her very sick | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 10/31/2009 1:54:07 PM | It is okay to love someone that doesn't care about you. Your story reminds me a lot of what happened to me 16 years ago. I keep telling myself I am over him but I find it very hard to move past the betrayal I endured.
In all of this, I am the victim and the culprit because I am doing this to me. He got re-married long before our divorce certificate came through and has had children since. He is living life happy (or so it seems) yet when he sees my family member, all he wants to do is talk about my life and me.
I guess what I am trying to say is that we need to learn to move forward and we can only do if we start living in the now.
Unfortunately, living in the now makes me realize I am not hot enough or smart enough or tall enough or rich enough or good looking enough.
Living in the now makes me realize that the types of guys I used to attract are no longer attracted to me because they can smell my low self esteem miles away.
So for the past 16 years I keep trying, and trying, and trying to rebuild the me that I was. Unfortunately, living in the now has made me realize that I allowed him to shred my beating heart to pulp.
And so all I do now is find solace from the knowledge that he too is hurting. Otherwise, why chase my family members in Wal Mart just he could find out how I am doing?
And in the meantime, just find someone - anyone to hold you and get intimate with - at least once in a while - so that you don't turn into a bitter old bat.
You are a man, and a good looking one at that based on your photo. My self esteem is still so low that I refuse to have my picture taken - all because of the mental abuse I endured in my marriage.
Get over it or don't get over it - it's your choice. Just remember, time waits for no one. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 11/1/2009 8:11:13 PM | Why was this thread rescitated (sp?) from the dead?
OP.....what happened with the relationship? | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 11/1/2009 10:49:21 PM | | First of all with these emotions you still hold about the lady you were discussing, why in the world are you in some kind of relationship with another woman. Now you don't want to hear the three little words, but obviously she holds feelings for you. Honestly, you need to take a step back and enjoy yourself. To me it doesn't sound like you have healed from what this woman has committed against you. It has taken me two yrs for it not to deeply bother me when my wife and her boyfriend are together. Remember she has the character problem and the integrity problem so let her go. Its okay to remember the good times if you want, however; I look forward to the future with that new person and I cannot wait to apply the lessons I have learned through this. So you are going to hurt but it is definitely your decison on how much you are going to allow yourself to hurt. Well God Bless and Good luck with yourself. | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 11/2/2009 7:42:25 AM |
YOu sound like a sissy, and asking is is is a player or a whore? What a typical thing for a stupid man to say... and you are not good looking, get over yourself and move on, she didnt like you, her kids didnt like you so that may have made her look harder at you, it just didnt work out. It doesnt mean anything, go on, and you are lucky to have a nice person in your life now yet you are here crying and whining like a four year old.... wahhhh poor me, what is wrong with me? my mommy said I was handsome, why didnt she like me... wahhhhhhh sniff, poor me... wahhh.. you are 45? Dear God... you sound just pathetic
wipe your eyes and grow a pair, man up
Yeah...um... Epic Fail. 
Hey OP. If you can't get past this woman, go around her and keep moving. Baby steps. You will eventually be ok, it'll take time. I've never encountered what you have, s I don't know how else to help, but just keep your head up. And as for betterlate..whatever, you look good for your age. Look at yourself in the mirror everyday and force yourself to smile and say nice things about yourself, don't let this woman have any more of your thoughts. It'll get easier over time.
Good luck | |
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| why cant i get past her ?
Posted: 11/2/2009 5:43:46 PM | op,
everything is in the mind... you need to let go. she didn't care for you te way you cared for her. stop torturing yourself...or at least, try... | |
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