| | Did I scare this person off?Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) | | Ready2Relax thats why I dont like it.You end up feeling like the odd man out.Its all inside jokes that you arent in on and its very hard to actually get to know someone | |
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new2ec
| | Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:29:49 PM | Granted she may feel its a safety issue, but meetings in very public places can be arranged , taking necessary precausions.
What I read into this is that she lacks the ability to form an opinion on her own and needs to drag her best girlfriend (and her mate) along so that bff can tell her whether she should persue the relationship. If you are really interested in a woman that weak of mind, go for it. Better yet, why don't you agree to the double date and arrange for a couple YOU are friends with to join the two of you. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 8:49:26 PM | YES, you did. I also think you did yourself a favor. I looked what other people had to say about this, and I think most of it is bull. If she was afraid to meet you alone,and these day's who could blame her. All she had to do was to MEET you in a public place, and ask a friend, brother or Dad to sit in the back ground and watch over her. Men and woman alike need to be careful of the people they meet online. Most people lie about themselves, to get what they want. Heck, if someone proved to me they are honest about what they say here, I would think the world is coming to an end.
Get in touch with her again. Tell here you would till love to meet her, and add that you think she should have someone there to watch over her, just because you care. You don't have to know who it is, or where they are. You just want her to feel confertable being with you. The first date is always hard. If that is not good enough for her, just move on. Their is nothing else you can do after that, and she needs to get off line. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:02:01 PM | Cripes, first dates are hard enough with just two people involved, adding two more would totally overwhelm me.
My first dates are always "let's meet here" e.g., at Ruby Tuesday or TGIF or whatever. It would not at all make me worried that you want to meet me and just me on the first date, only if you absolutely insisted on picking me up at my house or something. (Women at first tend to prefer to meet on neutral ground.)
I don't think you were at all creepy by preferring to just meet with her. I think she was doing the HS "group date" thing. Very juvenile. Dating is hard and scary, but if you're gonna do it, you have to dive in and do it. Suffer what we've all suffered on first / blind dates! | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:04:49 PM | hey, who wants to come here for dinner? i'm one of the rare ones that would sooner meet someone on my own familiar grounds as per say the mall or something. sure, i'm taking a big risk but life is a game of chance isn't it? i've met a couple nice guys that never made any attempt to harm me or get sexual with me, i met a guy that made himself at home by sitting with his legs crossed on my sofa, my 2nd date (1st day with some guy), he came here to pick me up to take me to dinner (his choice) and made himself at home in my bathroom by splashing water all over the place. if i had a car i would drive to their house as well. isn't any relationship whether it be friendship or a commitment be based on trust? with all honesty, the way i feel it's just like a saying that my brothers always told me and i still say it as well....."locks are meant to keep the honest people out". what i mean is anything can happen anywhere......at a person's home, at the mall, at a club...anywhere, you have to trust the person even if it's in your own home for the 1st time. if a person has respect and wants it as well then they're going to respect the other person's wishes or boundaries as well.
double date for the 1st date? most men don't worry about women as much as women worry about men. what you should have done is mentioned about going to dinner on a double date but once dinner is over then the double date is over and the couples go their own way. it tends to give the woman a sense of security with her friends being there as well, the guy gets to meet at least 2 of her friends to see what kind of people she associates with, and they also get to check up on you as well to see what kind of a man she's interested in. imo. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:08:55 PM | ^^ Exactly! ....and usually I do tell them that we should drive separately just in case it would make them uncomfortable.
attachnostrings I understand what you are saying and i do agree that it is a dangerous world out there but typically if you meet someone in a crowded restaurant nothing is going to happen.Having someone sitting somewhere watching over us like a chaperon would be weird.I mean I am 31 years old and she i one year younger.She doesn't need someone to hold her hand.I think us meeting in a public place is security enough.I dont see why it should have to go any further than that.Anything beyond that seems like paranoia. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:35:54 PM | | Although in your shoes, I personally would not have objected to a double date, I feel that safety may not have been the issue. It almost seems as if she lacks social confidence by suggesting the security of having her friends along. As though she is afraid that she wouldn't know how to handle things if she didn't feel the attraction, or couldn't hold a conversation alone, or wanted other's impressions because she doesn't trust her own judgment, or is just too nervous, or anticipated something not so good.... but those are all negative possibilities. She also might have thought that her friends are fun, and that you might be comfortable meeting them. But then, to not contact you afterward? She's having some reservation that she doesn't feel comfortable in conveying. Ahh, I don't know. Doesn't sound appealing. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:52:27 PM | mystery, that's sort of a problem that my big brother used to have and to a point still does...lack of social confidence, shy, stuff like that. over a year ago a girl friend (female friend) of mine stopped by for a visit and my big brother called here. when she ended up talking to him since they're both truck drivers. anyway, he wanted to meet her but he's really shy and his last girlfriend was a few years back, and hasn't dated anyone since then. anyway, he asked me to ask her if she would like to go bowling and she accepted. i told her that since he's shy and don't feel comfy meeting anyone and in case she didn't like him that he wanted me to go as well. she ended up inviting yet another guy. my brother paid for himself and i and was going to pay for her as well but didn't since she had someone else there. she knew my brother wanted to meet her (i told her) but felt uncomfy when the other guy was there. it was rotten but she didn't talk to my brother most of the nite. he was disgusted so he and i ended up leaving after 2 hours and headed back up here for a 2 hour drive so he can bring me home then he had an hour drive to get back home.
ummm, op, driving in 2 different cars doesn't mean much to some people, it's meeting face to face where they have to be completely comfy with if they're meeting alone even if it's in a public place. if you read what i just posted and try to make heads or tails out of it.....i went as pretty much a security blanket for my brother and my friend, she invited another guy....she didn't have any attraction with my brother therefore ignoring him only to talk to the other guy.....that's the biggest downfall when going out on a double date for the 1st time you meet. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:54:32 PM | OP, I totally understand where you are coming from. I would never double date on a first date. I would definitely be taking sufficient safety precautions - my own means of transport, meeting in a public place, not letting them know where I live, etc. But I would not be at all comfortable double dating on a first meeting.
If what you said to her about it was enough to put her off, without at least coming back to you and explaining why it was that she was so keen on the idea, then perhaps it is not meant to be.
I don't see any harm in just clarifying with her that you are happy to do whatever makes her feel comfortable, safety wise. But really, if she's so afraid that all the regular safety precautions aren't enough, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be anyway.
A first meet is nerve racking enough, I don't need to be 'vetted/interviewed/whatever' by his friends as well! | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 9:59:45 PM | | Maybe she just took it as a sign that you weren't as social as her if you feel that double dates are awkward, and decided you two weren't a good match. Or she decided that if you were really "into" her, you would have just said yes, and went ahead with it, and that maybe if you're not trying hard enough now to be accomodating that it was a bad sign for the future. I probably would have understood your preference, and gone out with you anyway, but maybe she is a girl who gets tonnes of date requests, and can afford to be extra picky about what dates she accepts, and needs some way to whittle the numbers down. Or maybe she just lost interest, or didn't see anything there that made her interest grow. Or maybe she just met someone else. Or maybe she was just busy (how long has it been anyway?). | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/5/2008 11:30:31 PM | ^^^ I suppose if it was that much of deal to her it could have made her lose interest but honestly if someone loses interest that easily over something like that I wouldn't really trust that person in the future anyway.I'm not saying wouldn't have gone if she had contacted me and let me know how she felt.
I don't agree with the being extra picky.There are a lot of people,myself included,who talks to quite a few people.It just comes down to communication and the fact that it seemed strange that she would just dissapear without a response.So...that is why I asked if you think I did something wrong here.I don't feel like it but Im not perfect so I needed a bit of advice. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/6/2008 5:06:21 AM |
I have recently been talking to someone online and things were going really well.She told me she wanted to set up a date.All good.
She writes me back and asks if it would be cool if we double date.I personally dont like double dates as the first date.Its hard enough getting to know someone one on one let alone two more people I don't know.So....I politely told her that I would rather just go on the date with her alone.I even said if she wanted she can meet me where ever we are going if she was nervous to ride alone with me on the first date.
Well....needless to say.....no response.Did this scare her off? If so why would it and would it scare anyone else off? I thought it was reasonable and I don't seem like a serial killer.Help me out here.
Personally I find it hard to for women to agree to even a meet for a coffee let alone a date. All I can suggest it just try again man. | |
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| Did I scare this person off?
Posted: 8/6/2008 4:25:38 PM | | OP, I absolutely don't think you did anything wrong. And sounds like most of the women out here agree. But apparently the woman you were going to date did. However, I think that's her problem, not yours. | |
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