| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/16/2005 11:11:50 PM | | simple dad: i was just trying to give you the other side of things. i'm not cynical, at least i don't think i am. i'm realistic, though. i think it's safe to say that i've been where you are right now, more or less. sincerely, i was only offering comment. i can only speak about my own situation and i do realize that a lot of people get through it. good luck to you. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 6/16/2005 11:16:53 PM | | monkeybone: it's true that the pain does pass eventually and you do recover some of your faculties to a point. all i'm really saying is that time does heal. but it's the time wasted and that you don't get back that i've found difficult to handle. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/17/2005 2:58:34 PM | hi singledad..i dont know if i can give any advice....i'm sure the pain of not seeing your kids is very hard to take...and if you dont see them..can i make a suggestion to you...for every special occassion that you would have bought them a card/gift..still bye one and put itaside with a loving note written inside and date it..be sure to date it...and one day when your kids do get to visit you...your memories and love in each card/for each year and occassion will be there for them to see...to realize that it wasnt your choise that you couldnt see them....in there hearts they will know that you thought of them and loved them..no matter where they was......good luck... | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/19/2005 7:12:22 AM | Hello there.I just wanted to tell you that iam going through the same thing as you and i know just how hurt you must be.Iam recently out of a 19 year relationship.My ex commom inlaw and i lived together and raised my 3 children for all those years.Then after 18 years i was told by a friend that he was and has always been going with his ex wife and that as long as she is alive ,she will always be a part of his life.So he cheated on me all those years and i didn't ever suspect it.People said that he was a cheat but i always said that he loves me so much and he would never even thing of being with someone else.Now what i don't understand is ,if a person is not happy with their mate then why don't they talk about it and at least give the other person the right to find someone that wants to love them and only them.So as i said i know where you are in your life.Iam one of the most honest,kind,caring and most of all faithful going.I have never cheated on someone i was with and as much as i wanted to when i found out about him cheating on me i never did.I would not want someone to go through the pain and hurt everyday.It has been a short time since our split up and iam finally beginning to realize that not all men are cheats.I finally got tired of crying all day and night,hibernating in my home,not answering the phone and most of all i had lost my appetite and was making myself ill,so i had a talk with myself and my doctor and now iam finally free again and iam starting to look around again.That is why my profile says that i want someone that is not still attached somehow with their ex.So cheer up and just ask yourself is she really worth all this pain and sorrow.You will find the perfect woman for you,obviously she was not the one for you after all that time.If you ever want to chat,please contact me.....ok. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 6/19/2005 7:46:10 AM | | i know the chats have broken up so many marriages . i have also lost my children due to the fact my hubby of 20 years brain washed our children ,i don't see my kids either, so i know the emptiness you feel. as for the meeting on line and leave a marriage i have to not wonder if something was missing in the marriage, Its a big gamble to risk a marriage to take off with a chat lover. grass always look greener on the other side of the fence . good luck and i hope u see your kids .. shes mean notto let you see your kids , in time the kids my hold this against her.maybe you can drive to see your kids if shes not out of the country good luck | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 1/12/2006 10:10:32 AM | | aww that touched my heart you will find someone you sound like a great person to bad i,m married alot of same interests lol but if u hav mns you could always add me i am a really good listener bye for now irishlass | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 1/12/2006 10:43:16 AM | It just breaks my heart to hear that I'm not the only one who was married for over 20 years, and I went through the same thing, except that I had to leave, and my five children, mostly teenagers stayed with their Dad. Brain washed, to be sure.
I'm no saint! But, I was the faithful wife, stay-at-home mother, volunteer, and I'm still a devote Christian. Exhusband was/is an active alcoholic who decided that he didn't love me anymore, and it was time for him to get on with his life. Meaning dating other women, and getting me out of the house. Threatening to divorce me!
The big crime or sin I committed was that I started going to college against his orders, and I refused to quit despite his threats to divorce me for desertion! Sounds weird, I know! Well, I ended up getting really, really sick, bed ridden, and I had to drop out of school. But, when I recovered, I said that I wanted to go back to school! Boom!
Shortly afterward, he started telling the children that I was going to leave them soon, and that I was mentally ill. Handing out lots of spending money. Convincing them that I was planning on moving them away from their friends and home.
It was a mess, to say the least. I ended up in a women's shelter, lost physical custody of my kids because he had a better lawyer. Really! I had a Legal Aid lawyer who gave her money's worth, and threw me to the dogs. I didn't have any money to fight him with. I didn't get Alimony, but I did share custody with the kids. No car, and I lived 45 miles away. Ya, right! But, I did keep in touch, and now that they are grown, we have been healing from the pain of the divorce, and separation. It happened +16 years ago.
Simple Dad, and those of you who are going through a similar crisis, I applaud you for being gracious enough to allow your children to be brought to another state. Someday, you will be blessed for your kindness. Your children will come back to you with open arms.
God Bless!  | |
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maroc
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Joined: 11/26/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 1/12/2006 10:57:14 AM | I'm sorry you have been hurt and part of the pain will always be there. It will get better and the pain will not be so intense but don't let it ruin the remainder of your life. Not all women are like that and you will find someone who feels about a relationship the way you feel; so let her go, if you can see or talk with your children, they really need you as you do them.
I hope things will get better for you......Sincerely......Bellaire | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 1/12/2006 10:18:00 PM | Man I do feel your pain....I was married 15yrs and she ran off with my brother...I thought I was going to die....I cryed myself to sleep several nights and I didn't think the pain would ever stop either...But, it does..After about 3 months after she left I got my daughter back..She is with me now....I did alot of things to take my mind off of it or it will drive you crazy...Just always remember that it is not your fault..and don't blame yourself for the pain she is causing you...Don't let her ever know you are hurting and let her know that you are going on with your life...Make yourself start dating again...Don't sit and hope that everything is going to be alright because Bro.it won't even if she did come back you will never be able to trust her 100% again and you will always wander in the back of your mind things you shouldn't....When this happened to me I thought my life was over and even tried to committ suicide wich was very,very dumb...Since then I have met a woman on POF that totally rocks my world and makes me more happy then my wife ever could.. I didn't want to let go but I had to and Brother so do you..And that's when you will start to heal...It won't be easy but you can do it....Meet you somebody else to share your hopes and dreams with..And please don't let this keep you from trusting love again...Like I said I have found someone that makes me feel more then I ever have and I know that your next love is just around the corner.....just walk around the corner and get her....If it gets rough and you need a friend to talk to write me I am here for you man..I do know what you are going through..(STAY OCCUPPIED) | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 1/13/2006 1:44:06 AM | You actually lost nothing, you actually gained a lot.
Take some time for yourself now, and get your life in order. That takes a bit of time, but the results are well worth it.
Don't balme women in general, just blame that one. Forgive her for all the pain she ever caused, and then forget her and move on.
Typically, those types will wind up calling you at some time in the future.
Just hang up when they do.
Stay strong, and keep moving forward. | |
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| I can feel your pain.
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:50:39 PM | My wife rejected a 3 diamond ring for our ten year anniversary. A week later she kicks me out. A month later, her best friend's married husband moves in. The sad thing is that I held a mattress over his two child heads and my child during a hurricane. This is the thanks I get.
No loyality, no morals. She stated God will forgive her like Moses. God blesses divorce a quote from her. I am wait for her to file the divorce papers. Yes it does hurt. It hurt our child more. Well I guess they like married people, not their own spouses, but others. This is a soap opera 101. Good luck. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:26:20 PM | Hello True Love...
Jeese your story is heatbreaker. I was also married for 20 years to a wonderful man. I adored him. He was my everything. My friend, lover, and soul mate. I contemplated suicide and thought of many ways to end my life. The planning of this was very thought out. I remember it like it was yesterday. We came from grocery shopping and we were putting things away and he he told me that he had fallen in love with his 25 yr old secretary....ok he is 45. Well i went to my knees and vomit. I was never so hurt, humilated, and devestated. I immediatly blamed myself...asking well maybe if I loose some weight, maybe if I colour my hair....I thought I could compete with her...but there was no way on this earth I could do that. She was 25!!!! I was 45, and had 3 children. I went into a depression and I wanted to die. I ended up in the hospital for many weeks to try to deal with the pain. There is no medication on this planet that will take away that kind of pain. When I was released from the hospital I focused all my love, attention, and my heart on our children that he also left behind. I slowly started to heal...I started college, got my diploma, sold the home and purchased another one for me and the children, bought a new car, joined curves, still attending college, had a few dates, have wonderful friends, and I have my self esteem back. I wouldn't have any of this if not for my kids, they are my lifeline, they brought me back to life. I was dead inside for so long. What Im saying here is that there is hope,,,the scars will always be there, but the pain will subside. I know thank that 25 yr old kid for choosing him...Im a much happier, complete, and caring person. I have my own life and I love it....I get very lonely at times, but I try to keep busy and the school work does that. So cheer up... Im now 48 yrs old and I have never been happier in my life....and O by the way the 25 yr old left him....he wasn't her type...... | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 2/14/2006 8:38:58 PM | | A few thoughts.... I know that pain cause mine literally went nutzz on her 40th and ran off with a lesbian from the net.. I got the kids so the pain was eased some.. 2nd,,,, she came around long enough to try and get custody,,, but the courts ruled that she wasn't stable cause she ran off and moved in with somebody she had never met.. Mental stability IS still the most important thing to the courts,, NOT whether you pee sitting or standing.. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 10/3/2006 10:30:29 PM | behind hazel eyes,
I like the saying
- I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy -
simply because
"he who forgets the past is doomed to repeat it" -George Santayana
What comes around goes around, and karma will follow the fool who randomly hurts others.
Keep your chin up kids, the earth is still spinning.
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 10/4/2006 1:51:24 PM | | single after 25 years, no kids. it isn't any easier, been at this for 9 months. Starting to date and get out , but it isn't easy. JUst want to be happy again | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 10/4/2006 2:03:05 PM | | I know three women that lost their families the same way so it goes both ways...this site and others should be called Marriage breakers... | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/15/2006 11:17:22 PM | To never be heard from again! Fantastic! If she would do that, what sort of roll model and mother would she have been if she stayed inthe picture?!!! I am sure it hurts, but I would say it is better for your son to pine for what he does not know, then to have to live with the pain that an unhappy person who is not interested in him as a person would bring him.
I am dealing with an ex who for 3 1/2 years has been trying to take my 4 year old son away from me...he threw us out, changed the locks on the doors, there are 23 court orders pertaining to custody,he hascontested a divorce, several of his family members have restraining orders against them to protect myself and my child ....do you think that sometimes it may just be best that influences like that not be in a childs life?
The best I can say is enjoy what you have...best not to wish for something...you may get it. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/16/2006 7:47:45 PM | I am certainly humbled reading some of these experiences. My question to all of you is:
Given only the options of either going back and never meeting that person, or repeating it all, which would you choose? | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED too
Posted: 12/16/2006 9:17:55 PM | Hi Dad....It really sucks she was so cold as to take the kids from you I hate when one or the other parent does that..they arent thinking of the kids at all!!!It soo unfair and I know it must make you feel so sad and it takes a long time just to breathe never mind function...but this too shall pass and you will come out on the other side..what does 20 yrs mean to some?!?! obviously nothing..but to drag the kids thru the mud is just cruel..it it will turn around and they will relaize hoepfully she was just being selfish and thinking only of Herself!!
I was married a long time also so I know where youre coming from...I wasnt happy but the kids were grown when we split..it didnt end pretty he had a stroke ,kind of ironic really he wanted me to get nothing and he got his wish...bitter a tad..but life goes on...the caretaker moved in and cleaned house he passed away so I got nothing as well as my kids the same kids I stayed with to spare them the pain and not having their dad around..
just move on a day at a time and you will see a light at the end of the tunnel..Bless you and if shell do it to you well you know the rest...take care and keep reaching out to others that have went thru the pain or are going thru it now..sincerely caroline | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/16/2006 9:39:30 PM | WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT?! i get so pissed everytime i hear such situation. i mean, come on! why would you leave what you have over some person from the internet?!
sorry...i don't have a similar situation. sorry to hear about your situation. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/16/2006 9:53:11 PM | | Thats rough but the greatest advice I can give you is learn from it if you don't your bound to have this happen again with someone else.Your wife was unhappy before she left try to find out why and what you could have done.If the pain is strong get busy with work or friends to help take your mind off it.The worse thing you could do is be alone with too much time on your hands to think about what happened.When your ready start dating with luck you might even get something better then what you had.But try to be on good terms with the ex so you can see your kids as much as you can.The love of a new woman and time should heal you,good luck. | |
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darylr
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 49 | |
| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/16/2006 10:23:27 PM | | That sucks, sorry to hear that. My ex left me after 11 years for another guy. It has been about a year and a half now and i still think about her every day, but the pain does go away. Every day gets easier. The memory never goes away, but the pain will. You got to do something about seeing your kids though, thats important. Good luck with your situation, hope it gets better. | |
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| SINGLE AFTER 20YEARS AND IM DEVASTATED
Posted: 12/17/2006 12:22:13 AM | | Hey my friend. My wife did the same thing to me two years ago...she also took the kids...and we have 7 of them....six girls and one boy....my son was the youngest and I wanted a bot more than anything.....she left when he was 3 months old....and I have seen him for one day since then....and she has cut off all contact.....the pain never leaves you....it only gets worse each day...or at least its that way for me....I loved my wife, even though she was the most horrible creature I have ever known in my life ....now I spend most days wishing for death...and coming here reading the forums...taking comfort in knowing others are with me and being that I live in seclusion and work online i have literally no contact outside of my house....what contact i have on PoF is about the only comfort I have. How do you move on? Honestly I havent figured that one out myself...if you figure it out inform me! If you need somebody to talk to you are welcome to email me....I share your pain my friend....and you dont have to lie to me about being OK with her gone....as i know exactly what you are feeling, but of course women are trained to run away at people who mention anything about your ex, so we guys are forced to keep our mouths shut most of the time...particularly on a dating site...LOL. I dont know if you are feeling the same things I am, but deep down I still love my ex, although I have come to realize I dont love who she is and likely never did, but instead I still love her for what she is. The mother of my kids. I love her body (although its no longer the eye candy it once was thanks to me..hehe) but I despise her soul more than anything God ever created. I would be guessing you are feeling somewhat similar. I guess until now I never imagined you could love somebody you truely hate, let alone could I have ever imagined just how it feels to have such emotions.....I would rather die a thousand deaths than go through the things I have already suffered again....but let a woman I feel is worthy of me come along....I have finally come to know I could love again, but it has taken almost 2 years....and unfortunaltly I doubt I will ever find such a woman as I know for a fact I have already scared 3 of them off by discussing my situation and my feelings...Thank God I am able to laugh about it and move on as it was thier loss and not mine. If you come here to seek a new relationship I can tell you from being here over a year myself, it is very difficult to find women who arent afraid of being hurt, and are so paranoid they will read way too deep into what you say, and vanish long before getting to know you. I only wish I could convey to you women that not all the "warning signs" you seek to raise flags in your mind are true of every man. No two people are alike, and just because sometimes some of us guys speak a bit much about our exes who have hurt us, that does not mean you are setting yourself up to get hurt...as if you befriended me it is true I would have to mention my ex and my situation, and perhaps you would feel I am still "too attached" to her emotionally, but I too am very afraid of being hurt, and I feel the need to tell you where I have been and so I may mention my ex too much...but hey, for my entire adult life she was the limit of my relationship experiance, and I cant help but talk about it. Not that I am deeply disturbed by the rejections and am here to whine about it. I am only wishing to convey some advice you may use when you speak with other guys that if you like us initially, dig a little deeper before you let that flag make you break away...for with SOME of us guys...when we are hurting as deeply as this man and myself, we are most capable of loving another on levels far greater than when we are more happy and secure....am I alone in being that way? | |
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