| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:19:06 PM | Everyone does thier own things for a reason even unknown to them. Guys are no different than women. Both sexes do the same things to each other and unfortunently, its something thats never going to end. What do you think was going through my head when my ex that I met online that I moved to Seattle for cheated on me after almost 5 yrs together with the younger brother of the guy that raped her 10 yrs before? I wasnt saying whats going through women's heads. I was saying that my ex was fu-ked up in the head for that one. Now Ive been single for over a year with no sure fire end in site but Im just rolling with the punches just like you should. Your a beautiful woman. Dont worry, you wont get every a-hole. One will eventually turn out to be ok... | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:25:00 PM | OP, I don't think there's anything wrong with you. However, you may not have made the best of choices in getting involved with the two men you mentioned in your original posting.
The dating arena has changed substantially in the 27 years this lady was married. The rules, as well as thte dating game itself.
While you may believe you have healed from the loss of your husband in the last couple of years; you most likely still give off a "vibe" of wanting someone in your life.
The first man you mentioned in your post was very likely a man who wanted you to "keep" him. He sensed your need to have someone in your life, and he played upon that need. You are likely not the first lady he has been involved with, and done the same thing to. Those kinds of guys are very good at playing upon a lonely lady's feelings, and winning them over. After the target lady has been won over, these guys go about not working, and usually doing a certain amount of womanizing.
The guy you moved in left after a year, because he could see his welcome was getting worn out, and your patience was wearing thin with him. Thus, it was his time to go, and find someone else to prey upon.
Something similar happened to a friend of mine, only she married the guy; only to discover he was a registered sex offender, when a Sheriff's Deputy left a card saying he needed to register his new address. Thankfully, it didn't take very long, before they were divorced, and he was gone. Now, this same man is being "kept" by one of his ex wives, in exchange for his "servicing" her on occasion. She pays his rent, utilities, and even bought him a brand new motorcycle.
The second guy you mentioned came almost on the heels of the first guy moving out. While it was his idea for the two of you to see one another for 30 days in a row, it also made you feel exceptionally desired by, and desirable to, him. Something you hadn't felt deep down in a long time, and longed to feel again. While it felt really great; it unfortunately didn't last.
There's no way to say for certain say why these two guys left you for younger women. There are a couple of possibilities; (1) they were younger than you are, and you were convenient, or available, until they found something better, or (2) they left you for younger women, because they would be less likely, or it would take longer, for these younger women to get wise to the way these guys were playing them.
That you have been crying a lot lately tends to suggest that you have been hurt deeply by the loss of your husband, who very likely cherished you very much. You had 27 years with your husband; that's the most of a life time, you will not soon get over the loss of such a large, and very important, part of your life. Give yourself time to get used to being single again, before welcoming someone into your life once more.
Getting into the forums here on POF is a good start. Make some friends, meet people, and above all, take your time. When the right one, that will be in it for the long haul, comes along, he will make himself known to you; likely in a very casual way. He will be as non threatening, and will likely approach you with the utmost of judicious caution. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 2:42:52 PM | Sometimes they are looking for their own youth or they are the type of person that gets worth from being needed. There is nothing wrong with you except that without knowing it, you found men with a level of insecurity that made them feel vulnerable to the potential for you leaving them.
Or, they're selfish ***holes that thought the grass was greener somewhere else. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:04:12 PM | Hi Sarah
Please don't be too down on yourself. I'm guessing - but just remember that SOME men (and women) will say anything to get sex (yes, even 'I'm in this for the long haul') or, if they're already getting it from you, they'll say anything to KEEP getting it. That's some people for you - shallow, selfish and insincere. But that's not everyone - there are some fab men and women out there. Just take your time and let the friendship grow first. If the other person has any liking and/or respect for you, they'll want your company and let it grow. Otherwise they'll p*ss off and you've lost nothing.
Ho hum. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:09:36 PM | OP, okay, this is a pattern.....LOOK back at both relationships and SEE what part you are responsible for....I know that is difficult to understand sometimes, but if it has happened 2x, that may mean you had a part in WHY those guys ditched you for someone else.
I KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING....I kept getting my heart broke over and over, so finally I looked at MY part of WHY and found it out. A person starts smarting up and the cycle gets broken.
Wish you the best :) | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:15:57 PM | | I do understand and it is not you believe me, but next time take it slower and do not move anyone in, until u r sure about the outcome....... | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:17:40 PM |
Just a shot in the dark here, but from your profile pictures you seem to be dressing far and away younger then you are... It's like you're not accepting your age, and so I guess if a guy is attracted to you -- while you're trying to look 33 -- then it might not be totally surprising when he get's a shot at a real 33 year old, he takes it
Maybe you should really consider the image your projecting and what this says to men... sometimes you have to change the bait... if you want a guy who's not just out for a good time, maybe you shouldn't look like that's all you're out for either. This is the very first thought which got to my mind after I read you, OP.
He left me for 33 yr old with a 2 1/2 yr old, not particularly attractive, talked him into selling 4 wheeler he loved, didnt like to ride motorcycle. - I didnt get it!! Well he left her also.
I was his little "hottie"....he lets me go last week for 33 yr old, again nothing to write home about, (I'm sure shes nice), but so am I Do you see the pattern? These guys fall for your looks. Even if you hot for your age, you are not hot for 33!
Try to reread the first quotation without offense and think about it -- everything what happens to us, we attract ourselves. Sometimes it's very hard to admit, but until you change the patterns, events will be repeated. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 3:21:51 PM | | You summed it all up when you said "still grieving for him, met and fell in love with another". Stop dating, get your feet back under you. Learn to live alone and be happy... THEN and only then will you meet the right guy and all this agony will stop. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 5:00:09 PM |
basically men`s insecurities and desires is why they choose younger women
Well you got the desire part right. But insecurity has nothing to do with it. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 5:39:49 PM | Men love the chase...
1, Mistakes women make with new men can be giving in to easy, giving him your phone number, pin numbers , car keys , house keys, don't give yourself away to soon. Men don't like the catch.
2, Long phone calls, dates, stay overs don't make you his girl. He has to tell you ... Unless he says so... Your my girl. Your not!
3, money ... don't spend $ on him. He on you is OK... but you on him... unless you establish how things " outings " are being shared. But do not spend $ on this man. Until he says ..." your my girl" Then it's different... Period...
4, No private info about who you dated, how much $ you make. Don't give this info up ... I know we do it, I've done it... but don't do that.
5,No sexual favors for a ring. He may give his body , but that almost never means commitment to a man, just to a woman . Seriously... got it? Don't think sex is gonna win him over... it won't .
6,Never introduce a new boyfriend as uncle to your children... NEVER do it. Kids are part of the package... some men don't want that package no matter how great in the sack or out of the sack you are. Oh, they'll keep coming for the bed time stories he's getting in the eve. But never will he committ.
7,Men don't need mommies... so don't be a commander and chief. Call all the shots. What he should wear, where have you been, why didn't you call... No mommies needed.
8, Don't use your age as a threat... time is running out... Won't be able to have children. You may have time limits ... but don't threaten him with them.
9, Don't play the victim with ... drama... wasting my time... I thought this was the real thing. He'll calm you down with kisses and promises... but you still do not have a commitment.
Rem , love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Doesn't force itself on someone else.
My policies , when a man starts putting you in his future plans, then you can do some of the above. Listen to him talk . when he starts putting you into the picture .
Next month when" WE" go to the mountains. Next Yr when We go to Ca. ... Listen for the We in his conversations. ... That makes you a couple.
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 5:49:19 PM | | I was kind of in the same boat, and decided that instead of focusing on finding "him," I'd concentrate on my friendships with women. I joined a few groups thru meetup.com and it's been so helpful! Like most everyone else is saying on here, don't think it's something wrong with you, their actions are only reflecting their character. They both sound a bit on the shallow side and you definitely don't want that. You keep going forward and it'll be good again! | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 5:59:41 PM | | I heard the best explanation about how a man thinks, believe it or not, from a stand up comedian. He said "women use a remote control for the tv to find 'what's on'. but a man is forever clicking it to always see 'what else is on'. " That's basically it in a nutshell. They're never satisfied with what they have, even if they really do like it, they're continually looking for 'what else is out there'. It's not a rational explanation because their behavior isn't rational. It just is.... They're never satisfied. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:27:32 PM | i dont know but i wrote a thread that got deleted !
I sent you an email because i want you to know that you are not alone. I dont know why MY thread got deleted last nite because it said the exact same thing. bah humbug.
it was about what 4 guys just did to my mom.!!!
I would say it is the same guys . my mom is a hottie too. hugz babe, dont let it worry you. tonite at cracher barrel the waitress and host couldnt believe it when i said MOMMA, will you hold this?? they looked and shook their heads and looked again. THATS YOUR MOM!! WOW!!! and you look kinda like her. really. by the way, I am 23, next month 24. the POF police go t it wrong and wont correct it.! hugz hun. you are special!
My mom has never ever been rejected before, not that she was now, but they beg to see her then they call her a couple times and then nothing. how stupid and rude. So its not you. Mom has had 6 proposals in 3 years and even more that i dont know about. lol. im not partial. its true. shes a beautiful person and I KNOW you are too. in fact you look a bit like her. Hang in there, luv.
Dezi' | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:27:32 PM | You chose the wrong man. Remember, you had the shadow of your husband's death, which meant you were vulnerable and seeking companionship.
Some people seek this vulnerability and prey upon those people they see weak. Maybe you gave a lot away very soon. There were some obvious warning signals that maybe you chose to ignore because, in the glow of love, the least you can do is see....
Next time seek a companion not to try to close a wound or to quit being lonely. Meet someone for who they are and grow slow with them. Do not give everything away too quickly. Human beings are great at being takers when everything is given to them indiscriminately. | |
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psy-5
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Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 40 | |
| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 6:33:07 PM | | I would suggest he felt you were too attractive, a 'threat' & possibly high maintenance, and that someone "nothing to write home about" was a safer bet. Hope that makes sense. Does to me:) | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 7:17:30 PM | There's absolutly nothing wrong with you.
He's an idiot that was thinking with the wrong head as the old saying goes. That she talked him into selling the 4 wheeler that he loved means that she's got him wrapped around her little finger.
She doesn't do the things he likes to do, so he's probably not a real happy camper. If having a little hottie (that I'm sure he thinks she is) to show of is something that he thinks is more important than being with someone that he can have fund with he's a flippin idiot and not worth your morning over him. He probly gets laughed at and doesn't even know it.
When I lived in Ft. Lauderdale there was this very expensive speed boat with "Wall Street Profit" (the S was even a dollar sign) that we always saw just cruzing up and down the intercoastal. Driving it was a short fat bald guy. Next to him was a blond stallion that was a least a foot taller than he was and allways had her hand write where his wallet was. He always had this "aren't I soething" look on his face. He was so so stupid that he didn't realize that all he was doing was giving everyone a really good laugh at his expense. Jokes like half of his "Wall Street Profit" having gone to his ex.
Time to move on. You've got to much to offer to waste your time on him. Do you know how mmany men would love to have a lady that would just go fishing with them, let alone all of the other things you like to do. When you actually get mature finding soemone that's a hell of a lot of fun to be with is more important than just a everything else.
But yourself out on site's like AmatureMatch there's a senior one as well that I can't remember the name of, but I'm sure that you can find it. Warning, you will get wierd ones that have a picture of thier private partes posted, just ignore them.
When you have a profile that says that you like 4-wheeling, motorcycles, fishing......
your going to have trouble reading all of the email your going to get. A lot of them are going to be younger than you, but that shouldn't be a problem.
From your profile and what you wrote her you've obviously got a great personalityon top of everything else.
Forget him and start having some fun. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:21:57 PM | | That's pretty simple...Food...Sports....Sex...Sex...and more Sex ! Wiring is pretty simple ! Of course minus the hassels...Did I say MORE Sex | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/8/2008 11:35:05 PM | | I'll admit I'm a man! And most of the time, if I'm thinking, I'm not aware of it. Was it Robin Williams who said "God gave man a brain and a penis and only enough blood to use one at a time"? Or something like that. I can't see the attraction any man my age would have for a 33 year old. And vice versa. Sure they're great to look at. But there's something to be said for the effects of gravity on the male- as well as female- body. Though what that might be, I'm still not sure. I guess what I want to say is don't give up. Women get stepped on and hurt! Well, so do men. It's part of life. And love! Maybe you'll never find that one true love again. But isn't the search worth the occasional heartache? I'm still reeling from a 4 year relationship that broke up almost a year ago! I'm just starting to like myself and be able to be alone with myself. Maybe that's what you need for awhile, the solitude to learn about yourself first! | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 6:07:45 AM | Hey Sarah, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!! As a Nurse, I'd bet you are an extremely supportive and caring woman. Is it possible that you moved these guys in too quickly? Maybe that's something you should not do again - or at least wait a significant amount of time to be absolutely sure? I can't speak for other men, but I fail to see why middle aged men feel the need to date girls young enough to be their daughters. Seriously. What do they have in common?
As Circe said, sexy and fun works. I agree and I'd add COMMUNICATE!
Again, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU SARAH.
All relationships are hard. Get back on the horse. Good luck!!
John | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 7:52:07 AM | | We all think the same. I do not think it is a male versus female way of thinking. It is all about the individual. He has more issues than you know about, or than are posted. Men and women both can do this kind of thing. Get some hobbies and keep busy. I have found it to be the best medicine. I stay so dam busy it is not even funny. I come on here mainly for the forums at this point! Just let things happen, they will. All we can do. At least for me....:) Diva | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:07:11 AM | | The basic flaw in this question, is not "how men think" but "what men are using to think with." The little head was never designed to be able to make intelligent primary life decisions taking things like the feelings of others, integrity and trying not to look like a complete ass into consideration. It's a selfish little head. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:11:53 AM | | I respectfully disagree AuburnDiva. I think men do think differently, and if a woman is smart, she will try to find out how men think and act appropriately. I believe they want love just as much as we do, but they approach it differently. For example, just mention the word commitment and watch em run! A smart woman won't even mention the word at all! Onstageagain....your post was spot on! | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:31:16 AM | | Quit falling in love, and you won't get burned. At our age that Jr. High kind of love is long gone. Reality check. If a man says they're in it for the long haul, he moves in & no ring...well, actions speak louder than words. NEVER let the bum live w/ you, and keep a harem, so you don't get too attached. Younger guys don't mind that. If there's some quality cream, it will float to the top eventually. Have FUN & and don't take these goof-balls too seriously. Stop crying over something someone else did or didn't do. Sometimes menopause can be a contributing factor in emotions...like reverse puberty. A lil puff o the weed can help take the edge off, or anti-depressants if it's really bad. Get some respect for yourself. Do all the nice things for yourself that you want...and get a nice big vibrator. | |
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| does anyone understand how men think?
Posted: 8/9/2008 9:07:37 AM | | When these things happen I think we all blame ourselves. Its just a run of bad luck. Im almost 34 and single. I know Im ok looks and personality wise but tend to get crapped on or meet wrong guys. | |
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