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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?      Home login  
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 Melanita08
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 26
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
From my experience the "falling" part is no different. The craziness (the good kind) that I felt during infatuation was no different at age 49 than at age 22. Many parts of it were more intense than when I was young, especially the sexual part.

I think when we are older we know more about ourselves and what we want, what we can tolerate and what we can't. Falling in love later in life can be a lot less confusing just because we know ourselves better. I think we have a better idea what we desire from a partner, so perhaps identifying a compatible person might be a little easier too.

I was a lot more sure about my feelings than I was when I was young. But I also have to say that the breakup was a lot harder in some ways. Finding what I thought was my perfect person, and then losing him was tough. I think most of us feel like our options and opportunities narrow as we get older, so maybe that accounts for a greater feeling of loss. Like this could be the last time I feel like this -- this very rare and special experience may not happen for me again.

So it's the same in some ways and different in others. From my experience, both easier and more difficult.

And I would have to disagree that there is no love more profound that one's first love -- I think (and hope) that the most profound love can come at any age.

--Mel
 CheshireCatalyst
Joined: 9/14/2007
Msg: 27
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 11:27:45 AM
For me, I don't think that the feeling is any different or less intense. I would say that, the OBJECT of my affections is very likely to be a different type of person now than when I was much younger.

Back in the day, I fell for extremely handsome guys. Now, I fall for the intelligent and witty guys - the handsome part has fallen by the wayside. I don't miss it.

As an adult I also find that the love is longer lasting and harder to get over. But I'm also a lot more selective now.

Be well........
 Paumanok
Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 28
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 12:04:31 PM
It's like skydiving again after the time your chute didn't open.
 Its Better Together
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 29
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 2:15:34 PM
NOW That's FUNNY
 joclyn33
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 30
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 2:22:02 PM
One of the beautiful things about growing older is we gain the benefit of wisdom. That, in turn, allows us to make smarter choices. I’m also smart enough to be more discriminating in my taste.

When I look back over my younger days, I realize I spent too much time craving the wrong men for all the right reasons. Can you relate? Think back for a moment. How many times did you ignore someone’s red flag warning because you were head over heals in love with the idea of being in love? Or worse yet, how many times did you mistake lust for love? How often did you justify or simply overlook his faults and irresponsible behavior because he was a smooth talker?

It’s safe to say if I knew then what I know now I would’ve definitely taken a different approach in my pursuit of finding Mr. Right. I made a checklist of things I was on the lookout for prior to hitting the middle age dating scene again so I could resolve any issues that could have an impact on my happily ever the second time around.


What kind of baggage is coming into the relationship?

Dating at middle age can be challenging because all of us bring some baggage into each other’s lives. Some of us have packed so much stuff over the years from bad relationships that we could take a trip around the world twice.

They say time heals all wounds. That may be true but you need to find out how old and deep those wounds are. . But thank God I unpacked my suitcase and threw that “junk” away.

I once dated a man who actually caught his wife in the physical act of cheating and although they had been divorced for ten years, he couldn’t get over it. He even admitted he could never trust another woman again because of it. That was a major red flag.

Depending on how their relationship ended may determine how yours will start. If your partner experienced a lack of time, love, affection or adultery from his better half, you may need to give them time to re-group so you can get together on a level playing field. The truth of the matter is we are all products of our environments. The depth of emotions we have received throughout our lives will impact our behavior and interaction with others.

What’s love got to do with it?

You have to be honest with yourself and ask what the purpose of a relationship is at this time in your life. Do you want to get married or just have companionship without attachment?
I had one very important criteria. He had to come from good stock. By that I mean he had to have a gene pool that generated good looks and intelligence. Of course, I’ve since learned that he can be as fine as Denzel Washington or Brad Pitt with an IQ that would put Einstein to shame, but if he doesn’t have character, he’s missing a key ingredient to me


Today I date with a purpose. No, I’m not hanging out until the break of dawn anymore. I can barely stay up past 12pm. Age and wisdom have taught me how to weed out the imitation from the real thing and given me with an inner strength I never had before. Growing older has allowed me to gain a better understanding of what it is I really want.

The man I seek at this stage of my life is one who’s strong enough to deal with my strengths, yet, gentle enough to understand my emotional stress and strife. No, I don’t have to settle for whoever should come along because I know now I can make it on my own. I prefer not to grow old alone but I realize at this stage of my life that I don’t need a man to complete my existence.

I have managed to obtain with the resources I need in order to survive.
 OhFunnyMe
Joined: 1/2/2008
Msg: 31
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 2:35:13 PM
Not so sure if it's so much the age thing, or if it is more about how much experience a person has in dating/relationships. Along the line of that the more you date, or relationships you have, the more you "know the score." I think that might be the leading cause to not being able to "fall in love" the same way as we did in the past.

Wisdom.
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 32
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 4:22:21 PM

It's like skydiving again after the time your chute didn't open.


 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 33
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:14:12 PM
I hate to admit it but after reading the posts I'm in agreement with *Ron* and *Mr. Happy Pants*.

But, the last time I fell in love was before age 45 and it lasted 12 years+ until his death.
I don't like casual dating, never did, but I will say that I have met some very nice men. So I guess you could say that I'm in that "the rest of us, who are quite happy with life in general" category as it were.

I will go on to say though, if there were someone who came along, that tripped my trigger (lol) and made me sit up and take notice, who was within my reach, I would prioritize it more than I am at this time.....Since I'm over 45 now and it hasn't happened, I'll have to get back to you on if it's the same or different falling in love after age 45. I would guess that the feelings wouldn't be all together that different.....but what do I know.

I don't _need_ a relationship to validate me or define me as a person.
 MsGone
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 34
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:37:35 PM
It's different those that you can chose to fall in love with after 45 are not that good looking as they used to be.Just joking!I dont know I guess it's same!
 halfnorge
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 35
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/9/2008 5:43:19 PM
One thing that I have learned is that I am as gullible now as I was when I first started dating in junior high.
 STH III
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 36
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:06:24 AM
Its the same and it hurts when you are older too. I have no love interest now and do not enjoy life as much without a partner but it is harder to find a person you really want to be with as you age. When younger everyone looked about the same, all young. Now we can look from young to old at the same age, makes it tougher.
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 4:04:26 AM
When I was younger it was puppy love at first and then at 19 it was love
to where I wanted to commit myself and get married. Falling in love these
days is hard and you have to have the right person you want to accomplish
that with. Being single today is a lot different that when I was a teenager,
cause today I know what I do and don't want. Yes falling in love today is
the same and does hurt more now than it did when I was a teen. Dating today
is much harder than it was when I was in high school, it was all about having
fun no pure pressure just being cool and enjoying puppy love and ones first
kiss and JR/SR prom dance that part of dating and love was fun. Now it's more
about who has what , and the perfect body , what they do and so forth, but real
love begins with wanting to be with that someone for them and sharing in all there
dreams and goals not about who has a hard body or a hot car , what should matter
is the chemistry and what counts in the heart, and I think today falling in love is
more pressure now than when I was a teen in the 70's the dating and singles world
as changed so much compared to what it was back then. ~ Brenny
 spacebabe9849
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 38
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:45:00 AM
Falling in love is fablous no matter what age
 ApplePieSweetTart
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 39
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:05:41 PM
I fell in love at 43, after not having loved anyone since my ex-husband. It was as wonderful, as tormenting, as fantastic, as sucky, as awesome as when I was 16.

I've had friends who have fallen passionately in love in their 50's and 60's. It's all good.
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 40
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:17:18 PM

I fell in love at 43, after not having loved anyone since my ex-husband. It was as wonderful, as tormenting, as fantastic, as sucky, as awesome as when I was 16.

I've had friends who have fallen passionately in love in their 50's and 60's. It's all good.


Yep. This pretty much sums it up and is pretty much what I would expect it to be, but for me, it is still speculation. Can't wait for the real thing, lol.
 ApplePieSweetTart
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 41
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:20:18 PM
It was real for us at the time. Just not forever. You'll find it, ismene1..or it will find you. :)
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 42
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:28:10 PM
I thought it would be. That it would be, erm, a bit more sedate, calm, &c. . . . It hasn't been. Thank God, lol!


 nytebyrd
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 43
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:44:53 PM
It dang well better be. And remember falling is akin to tripping.
 Chantii08
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 44
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:13:48 AM
I know that falling in Love after 45 can be wonderful, but if the other person is really into it; It will be even greater.
It is sad, that so few people want to open their hearts and really enjoy the ride.
We may be over 45, but if you let yourself really see and connect to the good in the other person, you can feel like you are 15 again!
Why is everyone so guarded or just out for casual sex?
Sure it may hurt to get hurt, but the joy that you are not experiencing is incredible.
It is like playing a sport, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but you will never experience the joy of winning if you are afraid of losing.
All of us have been hurt and had bad experiences, and no it is about focusing on the good.
You will be glowing and laughing and feeling like you just turned 15 again.
Come on friends. Give it a try!
And girlfriends, take your time, and make him work for it, don't let him rush you if you want to help him fall in love.javascript:smilie('')
javascript:smilie('')
 ApplePieSweetTart
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 45
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 4:38:34 AM
No one should have to "work for it" when falling in love. It either happens or it doesn't.
 WindRoper
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 46
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 12:06:12 PM
I haven't fallen in love after 45 but I had a slight brush with it this past weekend when a friend my age announced she believed she was headed in that direction. I will spare you all the details of meeting Mr. Wonderful and say only that it appears more like an acute case of lust... with a man ho. "Giiiirl! Get yourself checked!" So from that observation it would appear it can be quite similar to when we were younger. I suspect any difference isn't related so much to age as it is the individual's past experiences. Some will leap into the pool with total abandon. Others will wade in more carefully.
 Henry L. Moon
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 47
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 12:20:06 PM
Applepie...gimme back that chocolate I done give ya afore!! Hail YES, you HAVE to "work for it"!! Aint nuthin' in life an entitlement!! You best work hard for it ( love ) and you work JUST as hard to keep it!! Try going in a diner and getting lunch THEN explain to them that THIS is your "free lunch" that you are entitled to for no other d*amned reason than you just showed up! Watch what happens!
 cbebe1
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 48
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 12:28:11 PM
At 52 and being single for 10+ years I have recently met a man that gives me all those wonderful feelings I had when I was younger...so no, I do not think the emotionality changes....the goose bumps, racing heart, thinking about them throught the day, missing them when they are away, etc.

What does change is a comfort level being "in Love" at a mature age provides. I find that, as a couple, we are more secure in our relationship so there is not undue pressure from jealousy, suspicion or dishonesty. We both understand, that as individuals, we have respnsibilities to others (like our children) and jobs and that if we are not together 24/7 we will really appreciate the "couple" time we do have. Is it maturity or are we just to very secure individuals? I do not have the answer to that one.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 49
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:40:10 PM
I guess I am crashing this thread because I am still a hair under 45. Something chemical happens in the brain when one falls in love that mirrors and produces psychotic behavior. That said, falling in love is the same as it was when you were younger but what you do about it is different.

When the cracks start appearing, you don't paint over them as you might have when you were younger, you get something to look underneath and find out what this nut is really about. If you don't like what you find, you know enough to realize that the love isn't going to make up for all of that, and you save yourself before it is too late.

You become more tolerants of stupid crap that doesn't mean anything and will not put up with b.s. just to have someone in your life.
 hugs*n*hisses
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 50
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 2:56:17 PM
From post #25:
Because of the "ultimate high" I felt when falling in love... my much younger self was far more willing to overlook and ignore the red flags waving in the face of men I found myself "falling in love" with.

I agree with that, but unlike that poster, what's changed for me isn't that I'm guarded nowadays, rather that I have learned to tell the difference between the high of lust and the glow of real love.

And I am holding out for that, even if I have to lock myself up for weeks at a time when my body tries to betray me for the other (damn, spring fever is a bugger, isn't it?).

Like some others have said, casual dating has no allure for me - I have awesome friends and family who fulfill my social needs.

HnH
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