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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?      Home login  
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 lookinatit
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 51
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
For me it is different now because I think I'm a little more cautious now than when I was in my twenties. Although I've been with someone for a few weeks, I'm hesitant about using that "L" word just yet. I just want to mean it when I say it. Maybe I won't be so hesitant in a few more weeks.
 Levi501s
Joined: 6/26/2007
Msg: 52
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 5:03:23 PM
I dunno, but I sure have plans for it to be different when/if it happens.

I made-up my mind that I can be happy the rest of my life without it, although I'd be happier if it did happen. I do rather well with that resolve, except for those couple of pesky months around Christmas (although I've developed strategies to minimize the effects).

For me, the difference hinges on how I define/d "love" then and now.

When I was younger, I defined "love" by how tolerant I could be of my SOs behavior, i.e. how much crap I could put up. The more crap I put up with, the deeper the expression of my love to them, even if it to my own demise. That wasn't working well!!!! Duh!!!! LOL

Yes, I had issues with picking the wrong partners. Bite Me! I'm not perfect! LOL

So, about a decade ago I redefined what "love" meant to me. Since then my definition of "love" hinges on MUTUAL RESPECT. It starts and/or stops right there. No if, ands, or buts about it.

My Motto these days?: I rather be lonely than miserable.

Me and my "resolve" have become pretty good friends! We greet each other daily!
 thisisbj
Joined: 2/14/2007
Msg: 53
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 6:36:40 PM
I guess my husband and I qualify since he is 50 and I'm 48. We met two years ago this coming weekend...so we plan to go back to the Sand Bar & Grill where we initially met at 11:30 on August 16th, 2006. It's the exact same as when you are a kid. The excitement when you hear his voice, the joy of getting a card for no reason, the smile that comes to his face when he walks in the door at the end of the day, the flirting on the beach or basically anytime of the day.

Of course we have the exs and the kids ...a total of 4 kids...step families certainly add a new dimension that you don't even think about when you are in love while young.

Another advantage...if you think about being married for 15 years...you definitely aren't thinking you will leave each other at 65 compared to getting married at 20 and divorcing at 35.

The only regret we constantly have is that we didn't meet each other when we were younger to have more years to spend together.

It does help if you have stayed active and healthy makes the bedroom just as much fun without any medical assistance.
 hugs*n*hisses
Joined: 1/28/2008
Msg: 54
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:17:50 PM
Congratulations on your upcoming anniversary this Saturday.
It will also be my son's wedding day, so it's a day I look forward to as well.

The only regret we constantly have is that we didn't meet each other when we were younger to have more years to spend together

Yep, I used to torment myself with that one too, until I realized that quality time outweighs quantity of time by far....I think many of us who stayed in relationships that were utterly loveless toward the last few years can attest to that.

Not only that, what you went through in the past is what has made who you both who you are today, and therefore it is likely also what gives you the deep appreciation you have for each other.

So, thiisbj, enjoy your love for each other, and celebrate it every day....you lucky ducks!

HnH
 jedi4
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 55
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:49:46 PM
for Indian men falling in love is the same at till you are about 55 or even 60+, you see a hot woman and dang you get a hard_on.. always wear baggy pants
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 56
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 10:05:52 PM

for Indian men falling in love is the same at till you are about 55 or even 60+, you see a hot woman and dang you get a hard_on.. always wear baggy pants


You've got romance in your soul...
 AgelessWonder
Joined: 4/12/2006
Msg: 57
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 11:12:39 PM

for Indian men falling in love is the same at till you are about 55 or even 60+, you see a hot woman and dang you get a hard_on.. always wear baggy pants



You've got romance in your soul...


Sounds more like lust in his pants to me!!!

 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 58
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/11/2008 11:19:40 PM

Sounds more like lust in his pants to me!!!


I would have said that too, but I'm shy!!
 jedi4
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 59
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:37:24 AM

You've got romance in your soul...


Thanks!



Sounds more like lust in his pants to me!!!


well at least you found it funny..
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 60
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 10:15:15 AM
Infatuation is undercontrol in me now that I am matured. What I am thinking now is the compatability quotient, same financial status and we are looking in the same direction of life.. I don't believe in falling in love, ,love developes on constant bonding.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 61
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:26:37 PM
I don't think it is one bit different, at least not if it is real. I have only truly loved two men in my life. Once at 22 and then again at 46(always will love both) and it was the same both times. Love is the same if it is real regardless of when or with who.
 OCbutterfly
Joined: 6/29/2008
Msg: 62
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:36:59 PM
What you are looking for is important...be it the sweetest Daddies for your babies, the sexiest hunk on the block, the most powerful best friend in high places, a networking contact, a goofball to drink with, a phone chat buddy, a car pool buddy, All that is not related to your age.
 rockwall lady
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 63
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:00:13 PM
you said it yourself, "love is not with the eyes, but the mind".
I was told in a support group of many women of 45 that were going thru a divorce, that the first time you fall in love it is wham, chemistry, dreams to be filled, things the other has or offers.
as you are in your more mature years, the second time yuo seek the friend, confidant and companion that compliments your life, as an accessory not a nessecity.
You are not into biological clocks, your into shared ideas, philosophies and interests..
Of course the eye plays an initial role and you are less likely to feel a need to "settle" for less then you hope to spend the rest of your life with. It is a comfortable relationship. Its like seeking a second career, you look for something you really are wanting to share your life with.
From your profile you with a masters degree and many interests and love to travel shoul have a short stop on this site. Best wishes, most guys our age are seeking the successful cerebral acomplished woman, theyve had a choice of beautiful and boring now they want it all in one package, she need not be younger unless he is seeking a second try at getting parenting right. She just need to hold his interest on many levels.
As you probally seek also.
 Easternsunshine
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 64
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 9:08:10 PM
Answer to ismene 1:

Falling in love in your 20's or 40's or 70's is exactly the same. It may not happen as often as we age! Let's face it! We are much less attractive as we get older and maybe a little slower but feelings don't change! I fell in love at 48 with a much younger man and I married him at 50. The feelings were the same as when I was 20 but the sex was much, much better! When it's over it hurts just the same, we still get over it and with time get ready for next round! It's not over until it's really over!
 Ismene1
Joined: 7/25/2008
Msg: 65
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 10:37:57 PM
^^^

you said it yourself, "love is not with the eyes, but the mind"


Well, I didn't say it, Shakespeare said it, but I agree. I mean, perfect example: Prince Charles....need I say more?


Its like seeking a second career, you look for something you really are wanting to share your life with.


I like your analogy, rockwall lady, and as I have done just that, found a second career and, actually, second life or lifestyle, I know exactly what you mean. This point may help me to focus more on what I am hoping and looking for.


... most guys our age are seeking the successful cerebral acomplished woman, theyve had a choice of beautiful and boring now they want it all in one package, she need not be younger ..... She just need to hold his interest on many levels.


hmmmm....
not seeing this yet, but hope you are right...
 Oregondaisy
Joined: 6/15/2007
Msg: 66
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/12/2008 11:23:49 PM
Since I have gone through getting over the death of 2 men I loved very much, it's scary for me to be in love again. It's wonderful to be so attracted to someone, and be so compatible too. I know though that it can all be taken away from me in the blink of an eye. That doesn't stop me from loving him though.
 roc15
Joined: 7/9/2008
Msg: 67
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/13/2008 2:58:01 PM
So whats with this age thing.........I've just fallen in love at77, and it still feels like 17. She is 56 and we never bother about age differences, it's all in the mind as long as you are fit. A beautiful woman is a beautiful woman regardless of your age or hers,and if you really love each other it just doesn't matter.
 Butter Tartlette
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 68
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/13/2008 3:18:04 PM
If it is, you’re not doing it right!

The rush of excitement and anticipation you feel when you know they’re going to walk through the door any minute,
The way your eyes light up when you finally see them again after being apart,
The way your body tingles when you hear their voice,
The way your knees weaken when they brush a strand of hair away from your face and lean over to kiss you.

The way it feels to fall in love never changes.
 firstlight
Joined: 8/30/2005
Msg: 69
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/13/2008 6:42:25 PM
I think falling in love at this age is different. I am a little more hesitant, a little wary. I think before I speak and I don't cry when things don't go my way. At least that is how it is progressing, so far. If I ever become convinced that I have fallen in love I believe it will rush over me like warm embrace. I don't expect the giddiness of young love but I caught a glimpse in the mirror today and that smile in my reflection has returned.
 geewiz001
Joined: 5/10/2008
Msg: 70
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/13/2008 6:59:03 PM
I think when I was young I fell in love with almost every girl I dated.(and lust too... I so couldn’t tell the difference. )
But now..., I'm so much more cautious.
I thought I was in love when I married. I guess it was love for that moment in time, that stage of my life. It was alot of different loves. For my wife at the time(who is now my ex.., who is the recipient of much different emotions), and the love of my children, which was like no other love I have ever felt. Shortly after divorcing I met a wonderful woman who taught me how to love and be loved and feel loved like I never ever knew could exist. I think falling in love can still happen, and I wait for it impatiently. .., but possibly for different reasons? maybe now.., my "loves"/ or "love" will be entirely for me, and my selfish reasons and enjoyment as opposed to falling in love with someone at another point in my life where I fell in love for a "family" reason?
Does any one understand what I mean? Maybe when I was younger I didn’t know what love "could" mean. As opposed to what it meant at that time......, because it became so many different things to me as I aged.
For the record, I have only been a member of the 45+ group for just over 2 years now.
I might not even be qualified to answer this question...., but my answer would be yes…., it is different. (and lust seems to be different as well…., I seem to be much more selective where that is concerned as well.)

MG
 dofiagle
Joined: 1/3/2008
Msg: 71
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:24:44 PM
It's different for me. I think a little higher now. (upper brain not lower) I'm not so loaded with testosterone that all I see is the wiggle.

Women are much more interesting. More facets that I want to explore. Like, "Do you like PB and J sandwiches?" Or more complex like, "Why do you like abstract literature?" And I enjoy knowing a woman well enough that I can couch what I say in her terms.

There's more time to explore now, no kids to take care of. They're stuck with their own now And I get to spoil them

I think I hurt longer on breaking up now. But everything else does too.

Once all I wanted to do was jump in bed. Now, I want to sit and talk, go hiking down to that old mine to see what's there. Take lunch, wine and a blanket out to a nice green hill and just lie there watching clouds with her head on my arm. (You mean this isn't the growing up thread???)

It's different, I'm older, I know more about me and what I want. I almost how to act so that I attract those that I'm looking for, instead of just diving in to whatever comes along.

I think it's more fun too. Women are more relaxed and will go and do now. More than they would have a few years back.

Good question again OP
Thanks
 Twisted Sister
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 72
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:03:29 PM
It certainly is. I am no longer stupid and I now pay attention to red flags. As I no longer feel that having a partner is the "be all, end all" in my life, I highly doubt I'll be falling in love any time soon. Unlike many people, I believe that "falling in love" with someone is a choice one makes. The "I couldn't help myself" school of thought is not what I subscribe to.
 snakebite58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 73
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:49:03 PM
I think the feelings are pretty much the same as when younger, the heart pounding, the happy, nervous excitement,butterflies in your stomache...but even better after 45 cuz you KNOW what you want and what you do not want, what things are deal breakers and what really isn't that big a deal. The experience we've had at our age really helps. I think probably most all of us women are self sufficient and don't need a man for financial reasons, we've got pretty good lives and friends, and a man is just the icing on the cake! But pretty damn good icing..
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 74
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:34:32 PM
...I was 36, wow that seems like a hundred years ago. Yup, he was all wrong for me, we did not make a good couple, but man, he rocked my world. I met him in September and by the following month end he had begged me to marry him. I managed to hold him off till his birthday, January the 30th. The relationship didn't even last two years before we split, I swear, my marriage to him was like living on a roller coaster, but what a ride.
He passed away a couple of years after the divorce....I think it was a combination of drugs and alcohol that took his life, or maybe the demons that were chasing him finally caught up....whatever it was he was far too young to die.

...maeflowers
 jag62
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 75
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:37:23 PM
yes, and there is a lot more appreciation involved!
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