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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?      Home login  
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 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 126
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?Page 6 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Sure Is..!!
I was a classic 'Wallflower' when I was younger....'Mr. Shy'...!
Now that I'm more versed in the social aspect of relationships...it's the 'distance-factor'
that is the biggest obstacle..!!
I still Fall-in-Love _Very_ easily....but with ~time~ getting the better of all of us....
it's more difficult to find someone that could Fall-in-Love....back..!!
I'm -almost- ready to lower my sights and ~settle~.....
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 127
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/10/2010 2:17:26 PM
Yes it is different. When I was younger, my wants and desires were not so fine tuned. I settled for dating some men who really were not a good fit at all. At this age, I seem to know much quicker what works and what doesn't work. This makes it easier to move away from unhealthy relationships and easier to fall more quickly for someone who is a good fit.

I am a widow and not divorced so I didn't have the negative experience that some men may have had. I had a good and loving spouse and am happily looking for the next love of my life to carry me through the rest of my days.

I am pretty sure I found someone who I could happily love the rest of my days. We are just at the one year mark in our relationship. In terms of verbal expressions of feelings, he is far more restrained than I. When I said I love you it scared him, but not enough to make him bolt. He does not have to "say" it with words. Right now I am accepting of his showing it with actions.

How is falling in love different? Well, mainly the difference lies in having a more mature concept of what its like to love someone, with a selfless love that is outwardly directed, rather than a selfish love that is all about me. I have a caretaking personality. I thrive having someone that I can "do" for. I also am a very verbal person, and at this stage in life it is easier for me to put my feelings into words, whether it be here on the forum threads, an email, a letter, a text message, or in person. He soaks up the words that I use to express my affection for him. I am more mature and confident in my sexuality than at a younger age. Making love for me is different. Of course falling in love, being in love and making love are all intimately intertwined at this stage of my life. I am a much more generous lover, and a much better communicator of my needs. My ability to express myself sexually has impacted the transition I made from caring for this man deeply to "falling in love" with him.
The physical intimacy we have shared did play a role in that transition.

I am an independent woman, and have financial security, a house that is mortgage free, and two teenage children. The fact that I don't need to feather a nest, and worry about supporting myself has impacted falling in love. I didn't need to worry about reproductive issues or financial issues when finding someone to love. That made the field of men wide open to me. I fell in love with a blue collar man, and I am a woman with two doctorates. At this age, I could care less what other people think about my choices. Falling in love is only about what I think and feel and what he thinks and feels, and not about what will my friends or family think of my choice.

In many many ways, falling in love has been better for me at the age of 55 than it was in my younger years. The only down side, is dealing with a man with emotional wounds from his failed marriage, and dismanteling the wall he has built to protect himself from love. The upside of all this is, I don't have a biological time clock ticking away that puts me on a deadline. I have the rest of my life to navigate this love relationship, and because there is no urgency, its easier to let it things progress slowly and by their natural course. I am more direct and open about what I want, need and feel. I don't play games. I am willing to fall flat on my face to obtain the prize, his heart, because I know the rewards of a loving relationship far exceed the risks.
 ~Duffster~
Joined: 5/7/2007
Msg: 128
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/10/2010 2:40:01 PM
I cannot answer this question in all honesty, because as of yet I haven't found my third true love.

My first was in High School, my second I married, my third is yet to be found. I am willing and able, I am sure of what I would like to attain in a relationship, and am not worried about any of the forthcoming derelictions of body functions, I feel I will deal with them as they encroach upon my lifestyle. Which by the way is so profoundly different than what it was 10 years ago!
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 129
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:19:15 AM
For me this time it was more intense. Maybe because of my age and maturity. Maybe because I know how hard it is just to find. This time hurt a bit more and made me sit back and think about my part instead of blaming and pointing fingers whenever it didn't work.......Love is amazing. I would have been in love to have never loved. I hope I will get the chance to experience it again.....and again until I have that someone.
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 130
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you were younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 10:27:38 AM
'b/e/s...'....
Agreed...
In my youth, it was the ~Lust~, the anticipation of 'The Act'...
But now, I know that there's So much more to a relationship than the mere physicality...
It's all the sharing of daily chores and duties...and smiling through them...
I, too...hope that there's just One more Perfect Match, Soul-mate, Lifetime-Love..!!
- A pity about those 106 miles -
 dunrich2
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 131
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you were younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:09:22 AM

So, I guess I am asking people who have fallen in love after 45 or so what it's like and if it is different, rather than asking people to speculate on whether or not they think it would be the same or different.


What, you mean it actually exists over 45? LOL, figured most of us would have been "cured" of that by now.

I never get pass the gate after the, "want to see your stock porfolio stage" that seems to be the highest priority now days.
 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 132
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 11:21:33 AM

For me this time it was more intense. Maybe because of my age and maturity. Maybe because I know how hard it is just to find.


I agree with blueyes we do know how hard it is to find someone at our age to fall in love with. Most of us have also experienced some heartbreak and because of that tend to be a big more guarded as well. So when those flood "Gates" finally open again you no doubt find yourself dealing with a raging river of emotions..

thecatsmeoww
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 133
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 12:28:32 PM
Falling in love after 45 for me wasn't hard at all.
I didn't notice a difference from when I was younger.
What I have found in my later years that I didn't find
when I was younger is unrequited love.
Apparently I forgot to be cautious and to tread lightly
with my guard up and my defenses at the ready...looking
for a reason not to trust.
I almost wish my previous relationship had left me with
the inability to love again...I find unrequited love harder
to get over.
But that could just be me.
What the heck do I know...I'm here posting with you guys.
 CynthiaMw
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 134
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 1:15:07 PM

Yes it is different. When I was younger, my wants and desires were not so fine tuned. … At this age, I seem to know much quicker what works and what doesn't work. This makes it easier to move away from unhealthy relationships and easier to fall more quickly for someone who is a good fit.

…I am pretty sure I found someone who I could happily love the rest of my days. … he is far more restrained than I. When I said I love you it scared him, but not enough to make him bolt. He does not have to "say" it with words. Right now I am accepting of his showing it with actions.

How is falling in love different? Well, mainly the difference lies in having a more mature concept of what its like to love someone, with a selfless love that is outwardly directed, rather than a selfish love that is all about me. I have a caretaking personality. I thrive having someone that I can "do" for. I also am a very verbal person, and at this stage in life it is easier for me to put my feelings into words, whether it be here on the forum threads, an email, a letter, a text message, or in person. He soaks up the words that I use to express my affection for him. I am more mature and confident in my sexuality than at a younger age. Making love for me is different. Of course falling in love, being in love and making love are all intimately intertwined at this stage of my life. I am a much more generous lover, and a much better communicator of my needs. My ability to express myself sexually has impacted the transition I made from caring for this man deeply to "falling in love" with him.
The physical intimacy we have shared did play a role in that transition.

I am an independent woman, and have financial security, a house that is mortgage free, and [one] teenage children. The fact that I don't need to feather a nest, and worry about supporting myself has impacted falling in love. I didn't need to worry about reproductive issues or financial issues when finding someone to love. That made the field of men wide open to me. … At this age, I could care less what other people think about my choices. Falling in love is only about what I think and feel and what he thinks and feels, and not about what will my friends or family think of my choice.

In many many ways, falling in love has been better for me at the age of [48] than it was in my younger years. ... I am more direct and open about what I want, need and feel. I don't play games. I am willing to fall flat on my face to obtain the prize, his heart, because I know the rewards of a loving relationship far exceed the risks.

Thank you, widowsdesire, for once again doing the heavy lifting. Couldn't have said it better myself
 widowsdesire
Joined: 4/7/2009
Msg: 135
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 3:18:19 PM
You are very welcome Cynthia. Glad to know not all the forum readers think my posts are all about "attention seeking" and "covering up the real hidden issues in my relationship." ha ha
 ulcers 1
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 136
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:22:25 PM
honest it is great to fall in love when you are older, you may fight it, but it just hits you in the nose and gives you a wake up call, age is not a suppresant to love.
 tryncatchme
Joined: 1/17/2008
Msg: 137
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/11/2010 4:37:54 PM
Yes, it's much more difficult. It's harder to meet someone and when you do it's even more difficult to fall for them. Crap, the truth is ... it's even hard to meet someone and want to go out with them the second time let alone fall for them. Maybe , it's past experiences and seeing some trait as a warning sign. I know for me , I am so much less tolerant of some dude saying he's gonna do something and don't. Like I'll call you tomorrow, but he calls the day after that.... well, let voicemail have that one from here on out.
 HoldingHands27
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 138
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/12/2010 1:37:22 PM
Again, *Yes*...
Currently living in a college town, there just aren't very many Single, Available, Attractive women in my neighborhood...
I'd be more than willing to relocate over a hundred miles , for a Lady that found me as interesting as I do her...
But a _Majority_ of women won't even Consider anyone outside 50 miles...
There's a very attractive Lady just 100 miles south of me that I wrote to ... that wouldn't even meet for coffee...in Her town...
...c'est-la-vie...
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 139
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/13/2010 4:47:05 PM
It was exactly the same for me. It was exhilerating, sexual, stimulating,
romantic, thrilling, longing, hot, affectionate, it was everything it was
when I was in my twenties and thirties.
Sex in the car, holding hands, talking talking talking, hugging,
kissing, lots of calls, etc. For me it didn't change one bit.

I have heard from people their sixties and seventies that it does
not change for them either. Yes it's sexual and intense for them too.
 christine6219
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 140
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/14/2010 2:51:13 PM
well i haven't fallen in love he is married im 47 and an x b/f from when i was 27 one day i was at the computer and he msn me my heart beat faster my stomach did summersaults so i think it is possible to have that feeling at whatever age so here's hoping
 c-max
Joined: 10/7/2009
Msg: 141
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/14/2010 11:50:54 PM
Hi Ismene1, yes its exactly the same feeling as when you are young, with a little more caution and experience thrown in. However the fall is also just as devastating (if not more so) when it all ends too. As we get older the time we have to keep starting again becomes limited and we have to constantly keep adjusting the goal posts of who we can fancy (unlike when we are young!).
 SEEKING SUE
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 142
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/15/2010 6:48:33 AM
I am thinking it is different every time. Trying to get what you lost, or wanting to recreate something that happened before, is wrong. Equally bad is trying to protect yourself from repeating past mistakes. We think we know it all when we are 23. Now we know that we don't know much! All of the relationships that I ventured into in the past ended in unexpected ways. So what conclusion can we come to? The alternative to limiting our options is to be open to new possibilities.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 143
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/15/2010 8:56:42 AM
I don't find falling in love to be different. What I find different is the type of relationship I want (have) that is different. I don't focus on the future and lose track of what today with the person is all about. In other words, I don't sweat all those little things that people tend to do when they're younger. It makes for a much more relaxed relationship without "things" getting in the way.
 944man
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 144
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/16/2010 6:01:04 AM
I think it's different. Being older and hopefully wiser. Seemed easier in a way when younger. Now i have the radar up and i'm more cautious. I guess you could say i've learned being single is better than being in a bad relationship.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 145
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Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/16/2010 2:17:53 PM
Ismene1 Qoute:

I am wondering about all the feelings associated with 'falling in love.' All the feelings, all the behavior, etc. Do you think it is different for people who are in their late 40's or in their 50's, 60's, and so on, than it is for younger people.

Can't say I can speak from experience as I haven't been that lucky yet, I'm thinking those euphoric emotions would feel even better the second time around, but I would like to see one difference, I'd like it to last forever this time..
 tom4342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Msg: 146
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/16/2010 5:58:07 PM
I would have to say yes,i think my perception of love is much deeper now not as much based on the physical.
 Curious Kitten 0403
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 147
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/16/2010 6:01:56 PM
Falling in love over 45, is just as good, as when you were 30, or whatever age you were, perhaps it's even better! If you find it again, embrace it, and enjoy it!
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 148
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/17/2010 6:23:52 PM
I don't know if it is or not because I can't even locate anyone I want to date who wants to date me or they want to date me and I am not interested....

I am not overly picky, but I refuse to settle either.

So there it is..............
 chiefgray
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 149
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/18/2010 8:17:05 PM
Of course it's harder. At 16, you're as nieve as someone 16 years old (yes ... I'm a math-a-lete). As we get older and more experienced ... and if we're on this web site, it's probably because we've experienced bad relationships in the past. We're smarter , more experienced, and maybe a little jaded ... so , it takes more to "impress". The last time I fell in love, I was 40. Now I'm 50. Is it still possible? ... I can only hope, because it's the greatest feeling in the world
 freeatlasta
Joined: 1/29/2010
Msg: 150
Is falling in love different at age 45+ than when you are younger?
Posted: 2/19/2010 8:34:37 AM
Hi I have never posted anything before but I felt compelled to post to you.

It is definatly different.. I think at our age we know that the butterfly in the stomache feeling will eventually fade. But that is a good thing because then we get to the soul of a person look deeper into things other than if they have a six pack ab. Hopefully and this is just me I can find a person who I can just breath, relax and know that they have been through the things I have been through, child rearing, losing parents, being a grandparent. I am trying to get past the superficalness on the dating sites and it is hard because not matter what age we are we will be drawn to attractive people at first. But hopefully our age will allow us to take the time to get to know someone the good the bad and the ugly.... Thanks for reading.
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