| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:35:41 AM |
Most men don't enjoy taking women out if its not mutual. We feel it should be equal and mutual. I take you out. The next date is on you.
I don't think you are the mouth piece for "most men".
I've not encountered this type of score keeping with men I've known, so I would consider your viewpoint in the minority of the male population.
If you don't want to do something, you certainly don't have to... but why do the ones that make this choice to sound cheap and complain always sound so angry and miserable? | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:33:51 AM |
A real man that wants his date to have a nice time would think nothing of paying for the gum..
Correct, but a real woman would have offered to pay for it. It's a matter of etiquette. Not long ago I was out with someone and after dinner, stopped at a store because she wanted a bottle of wine (for personal use - I don't drink - so it wasn't going to get opened at her place.) I paid for a $30.00 bottle of wine. It wasn't a big deal because she didn't expect me to pay for it. I simply told it ws on me. I never have a problem picking something up for a friend or a date, without being paid back. I do have a problem with people who never don't offer to reimburse me because they begin to expect it and never return the favor. Good manners are no different today than 25 years ago. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:49:48 AM | I don't think we have the whole story here. I agree that no man should expect physical "compensation" for money he spent. But, there could have been an argument where this was said in the heat of the moment. Consider the following:
1) Did the guy know ahead of time that he would be paying $50 for dinner, or did she just suddenly have no money after dinner?
2) If the OP is financially challenged, did the guy know ahead of time?
3) Who set up the date and decided what would be done that evening for entertainment?
4) How much time was spent getting to know each other first? | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:52:05 AM | OP, I didn't read all the replies, though I think I read your post a bit differently than others here.
My interpretation of your post would be:
You went on a date, next day in an email told him that you didnt see him as dating material...........I am assuming after reading your email, he took offence, (because of being rejected) he then got upset and procees to tell you that you used him.
I would be willing to bet, if you were attracted to him and continued to date, he would have never been upset let alone brought it up.
As far as the gum situation, I can see both views, you probably should have offered some change for it as most suggested.
To me it sounds like the posts I read about women sending a polite rejection responce to guys who email them and the guy turns and sends them back very rude emails. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 9:59:42 AM | | Read your remark about the guy buying you gum... some men are just cheap. did you like him though? did you have fun on the date or wasit forced to talk and laugh. if not then a hug would not have been wrong.. Men need some attention more no but a hug would have been nice for him and maybe even you !!! I am a nurse and hugs are good therapy LOL | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:03:05 AM | Although it all seems ridiculous... who pays for gum or who expects what... I think at this point, OP, I'd be inclined to send the guy the money he spent on the date and be sure to include the "gum".
If the money is not the issue, just give it to him. Maybe you'll both learn something from the experience. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:49:42 AM | This is one of the problems when having a man buy you a nice meal.
The man thinks becasue he gave yo usomething that he can expect something in return.
This is one reason why I would never buy a date a meal.
Just why would I buy a stranger a meal ?
Just as why should they buy me one.....
A good first date is a nice walk or a chat over a drink in a quiet pub.
I buy meals for girlfriends and wives not for someone I dont know. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 10:57:38 AM | I buy meals for girlfriends and wives not for someone I dont know.
I don't even go on a date with someone I don't know. By the time I ask a lady out, I have a pretty good idea of who I am meeting and why, and have already decided the price of a meal is irrellevant. No matter how the date goes, I expect nothing in return. I don't pay because I want something, I pay because I am a gentleman, and that is what a gentleman does.
I would never even DREAM of asking a lady to pay... My parents raised me better than that.... I'd be ashamed of myself.
Mark
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:04:43 AM | Very funny - the guy was just looking for reasons to bash you because you wouldn't kiss him!
I would have paid for my own gum though. I would never expect a guy I barely know on a first date to pick up my "extras". If he offered, great, if not...I can afford the dollar.
And fellas, we do not owe you any kisses, hugs, sex, etc because you chose to spend money. Dates don't have to be expensive meals - especially first ones. A drink, a coffee, a local free event....get creative! | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:48:01 AM | If I wanted a pack of gum and the man I was with had not inquired if I wanted anything from the store as most if not all of the men I have dated would have done, I would get out and buy the gum myself because as others noted, asking him to get it for you, regardless of who pays, is something that you would do when more familiar with the individual, not on a first date.
Now, outside that this is a good story, do we really need to ask about this? We have a man who is either that cheap that a $1 really makes a difference when he is not going to have any of the gum himself or someone that likes to avoid the issue of his real problem being having paid for dinner and reaping no rewards from it so he makes an issue of the gum.
Either way, this is someone that would likely be a huge pain in the rear in a relationship and he has just saved you experiencing that and then needing to send him on his way later down the road. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 11:57:59 AM | this whole thing looks incredibly tacky. you shouldn't have expected him to pay for the pack of gum. and, once he realized you did expect that, he should have let it slide, covered the price for the gum, and not pursued any further interaction.
the incident says a lot about the couple. both parties look petty here. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 12:12:23 PM | Ladies, is there a better example of what putting up with this behavior creates? Do you really want men who take you out and ask you to pay so they can "get laid" even cheaper? Is this the kind of attitude you want to put up with? Do you really want to be THAT woman? I know this much, I'm raising a daughter who I certainly hope will grow up to expect a hell of a lot better from a gentleman than this kind of crap.
You mean do they want to be the fair , generous women who might enjoy planning and paying for a date instead of expecting a man to feed them and entertain them all the time? The woman who believes in mutual give and take instead of one way giving. Yea what type of woman would want to do that? No one should have to pay for anyone except their children. If I happened to make more money then paying would be no problem. If the woman made more money I would hope she would have no problem paying most of the time. But no one should have to pay because of gender. And women who don't pay are usually cheap in other areas especially sexually, emotionally. They are the ones who expect you to initiate sex, do all the work during sex, be their constant emotional support yet do 50% of the housework but expect the man to do the manual labor and maintenance around the house. Who want to date that type of women? Cheap women are just as unattractive as cheap men. If you believe in worshiping women go ahead but the majority of men disagree with you and I'm sure there are just as many GOOD women who would have a problem with not being able to treat their partner. I'm sure some women enjoy giving and being true partners. Some people are givers. You give only so you can boast and make yourself look better than other men. Probably because you are insecure about something else and need to make yourself look like a gentlemen and have some sort of need to boast about it online too.
I've not encountered this type of score keeping with men I've known, so I would consider your viewpoint in the minority of the male population.
I never said men didn't enjoy taking a woman out. I said many men (especially the younger generation) do feel it should be mutual. One might have more money or time or just might be more into the other person. So that person will take the other one out more. It could be either the man or woman doing more. There should be some degree of reciprocation. Too many men (and from reading these forums too many women as well) find themselves in one sided relationships. A lot of men (and women) end up doing everything and all the taking out in a relationship. Its not right. I can't believe how many women think it is right if she's the one being taken out. Yet the man in the vice versa situation will be ridiculed by those same women. If you look at the younger generation (the ones in their 20's and early 30's) you'll see their relationships are more balanced. They take each other out. The wine and dine and entertain each other. In some cases I have seen the woman taking the man out more than vice versa in those relationships. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 12:40:16 PM |
I don't even go on a date with someone I don't know.
I agree with Swamphunter... I don't date strangers, either. This internet thing gives people the misconception of connecting, when in reality it is usually not so.
Some men pay for things then complain... some women sleep with men then complain...
And they do it to themselves. No one is forcing anything and they will always complain, always be disgruntled.
Too bad. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 12:48:09 PM | I was just gum or mints. If it bothered him that bad he could have just said... do you have the correct change? Come on, mayb you should have just handed him a dollar but it sounded like he wanted to fight with someone.
There has to be something bigger to complain about than gum. Get over this and move on. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 1:04:42 PM | Why the hell would a guy shell out $50 on a first date with someone that he barely knows?
Agreed, where did you eat, one of those 5 star restaurants where they put tiny vege's on the plate and you're only playing for the "ambience" (sp?)
Just go to a Chili's or TGI Fridays, that's about 25 bucks for 2 people right there...half the price.
Those are the kinds of places you eat at on an anniversery or something. 
I agree with Swamphunter... I don't date strangers, either.
I thought the purpose of dating was to date strangers?
Remember, "A stranger is a friend you just haven't met yet!"
I always throw that little quip in when people make the above statement, they think it's cool and it makes sense. :-) | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 1:13:47 PM | You give only so you can boast and make yourself look better than other men. Probably because you are insecure about something else and need to make yourself look like a gentlemen and have some sort of need to boast about it online too.
What a crock! Ask 100 women whether they'd rather go on a date with a man with my philosophy or a man with your philosophy, and you'd quickly be totally humiliated when the votes came in. No, most men are NOT like you, I doubt even most men on POF are like you, I doubt even most men here in the forums are like you... I'm ashamed there even ARE men like you... We could start our own thread and call it "Gentleman v. Cheap Bastard" and let all the ladies decide... How about that?
No, I do not "worship women", that only my God gets. I get the door for a lady because that is what a gentleman does. I get her chair for her because that is what a gentleman does. I make the check dissappear with as little notice as possible because that is also what a gentleman does.
I'll argue this with you til the cows come home. If you want all the women you're after on POF to see the crap you post on your profile, just keep it up... Just don't count on getting many dates for a while...
Mark
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 2:06:53 PM |
Those are the kinds of places you eat at on an anniversery or something.
In major cities dinner and a movie runs over $150.00. Still think a guy should pay?
But even if he could afford it doesn't mean he should pay. It should be mutual. I believe in entertaining each other and what if the woman is more well off. What if he can afford to go to Applebee's but she is accustomed to having steak dinners? She would have to pay. Don't see anything wrong with that especially since women make 117% of what men make in major cities they should have no problem paying right (since that's an excuse women use). Whoever makes more should pay more. Simple as that.
But lets just forget about the paying issue. Since men are expected to pay they are expected to plan ALL the dates and entertain her. It ensures he does the grunt work and she sits back like a duck. Why would a man want to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn't feel the desire to take him out, buy him dinner and entertain him? Who wants to be with a woman who isn't confident and generous enough to do that? Who wants to be responsible for the entire relationship moving forward. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 2:23:17 PM |
In major cities dinner and a movie runs over $150.00. Still think a guy should pay?
Yes. But him being a man and in control of the date, he has the ability to decide what he can afford and cuts his cloth accordingly. The best dates do not have to cost oodles of cash if there is some sort of chemistry and sense of fun. I would have thought that the OP should have been more intuitive on this date and seen it was inappropriate to expect him to buy her sweets on demand - this was very impolite and probably the last straw, I can't blame him for resenting the cash he spent on what turned out to be a waste of time. | |
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| Date thought I was taking advantage of him by asking him to get me a pack of gum
Posted: 8/10/2008 3:10:57 PM | In Iowa - pizza and a six pack $20.00
There's a date.
First meeting?
2 cans of soda $1.17 and you get .10 back if you recycle.
$150.00 you can buy the movie and the DVD player and install it, order in a pizza and a six pack, tip the driver $5.00 and ask him to give you a stick of gum - chances are he'll have three or four kinds you can choose from.
Then snuggle on the couch and you MAY - may get a peck on the cheek.
Lord - no wonder everyone's divorced and single.
Nobody has any common sense any more.
Or manners.
Keep fishing! | |
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