| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:19:24 AM | Annon,
I havent talked to her yet because I havent talked to him yet. I am waiting to see if he calls. I see no reason to tell her until I know he is serious about being in her life. Before, when she would ask where he was I would say I dont know where but am sure he loves her wherever he's at. But, I also make sure I stress that mommy is here and loves her as well as her uncle dan, uncle aaron, grandpa, corey, and tony.
I dont know if I should talk to her or not. On one hand, if they meet I dont want to spring it on her but on the other hand she might get all excited about seeing her dad that she wont look at him with clear eyes plus it still is a fear of mine that he will make plans to see her and then not show up. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 8:27:51 AM |
prepare her for her biological father entering your lives, but also preparing her for the possibility that he may or may not stay in her life.
This is one of the key factors in this dilema. Her father may or may not stay in the child's life. Even though I encourage a slow start to reintroduce them, I would be fearful that the father would leave again. It simply wouldn't be beneficial for the child if her father bounced in and out of her life. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 9:10:15 AM | | I guess my dimemma now is this... say we meet, he assures me he is 100% sure he wants back in her life. They meet a few times and then disappears again. How can you really know for sure if he is being sincere? Should I risk putting her through this again? Granted, I know she prolly doesnt remember him, but she does know what its like to not have a father as opposed to having one. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:05:27 AM | You have a really tough decision to make ... I don't envy you.
My daughter was given the choice to meet her biological father when she was 10. Until that point I could always reassure her that "your father wasn't ready to be a dad, and that if he knew you he couldn't help but love you". I put alot of emphasis on the fact that it had nothing to do with who she was, he just didn't want to be a dad to any child.
My most dreaded fear of them meeting was that if he still did not want to be a father, she would then feel like it was because he didn't like her ... or that she was unloveable. I am just so thankful she chose on her own not to ever meet him!
The people who know and love your daughter ... what do they think you should do if he calls or shows up? | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:12:51 AM | annon,
"The people who know and love your daughter ... what do they think you should do if he calls or shows up? "
Honestly, they are worried too. One of my brothers thinks that if he is sincere then it is great but fears what his neice will do if he takes off again. Like life, it's unpredictable. there is no way to 100% know for a fact what he will do. Everyone is here for her and I and love us and pray that he wont flake again. But he hasnt called yet so this might have just been a lot of smoke his brother was trying to blow up my ass. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:55:57 PM | Pepsi, I was pregnant when I started divorce proceedings against my oldest daughter's father and he was an on again/off again kind of dad who disappeared for years at a time. I tried to limit the detail and explain a little more about how he was in and out of her life but it's just too crazy. Suffice it to say that I felt I did my best to help facilitate a bond between them but I admit that I was angry/hurt for her and sometimes that surfaced. And he has been only too happy to seize upon those times/words and claim I sabotaged any hope he had of having a relationship with her. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Ya know?
Did it mess with her head? Yes. Is she totally screwed up because of it? No. Do I regret encouraging the relationship? No. Was she ever physically harmed or placed in danger? No. Do they have a relationship now? Not really, but they still try on occassion. They've spoken a few times this past year for the first time in about 10 years. She's nearly 28 now and some things about her life he just would not approve of or understand so I just don't mention them. If he wanted to know what she was up to he should have come around or called at the time.
You're to be applauded for trying to do the right thing and taking steps to protect your daughter. You may not be able to protect her 100% and she may not need protection from him. Time will tell. And I think you're right to not mention it to her until if and when he makes contact with you and y'all hammer out some details. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/13/2008 4:21:33 PM |
I guess my dimemma now is this... say we meet, he assures me he is 100% sure he wants back in her life. They meet a few times and then disappears again. How can you really know for sure if he is being sincere? Should I risk putting her through this again? Granted, I know she prolly doesnt remember him, but she does know what its like to not have a father as opposed to having one.
Everyone deserves a second chance. Tell the ex that this is his second chance. After that, I don't know what to tell you. I assume when the child gets older she may simply understand that her father is a flake.
I guess you need to take one step at a time. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:33:18 AM | Pepsi76,
When will you quit this shyt of yours? READ! Your ex views you as nothing but his first HO, I just think you are really dumb and foolish.
Hey, it's no skin off my ayss, Please, go ahead and take the chance. I mean, at least when he does you wrong for the 3rd time then you can always contact a daytime drama show who'll pay you 5K-10k to appear along with him  . | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:16:29 AM | | ^^geez, klopper .... no need to get nasty when the girl is trying to sort out what to do with this problem. The decision she has to make could affect her little girls whole "world" and future, and that's gotta be tough. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:20:42 AM |
When will you quit this shyt of yours? READ! Your ex views you as nothing but his first HO, I just think you are really dumb and foolish.
Does it make you a man to sit there and call someone a ho when you dont even fully know their situation? Does it make you a man to think you know everything? Does it make you a man to make yourself out to look like dumb ass?
Your right it is no skin off your ass so why not stay out of the thread, if you have nothing nice to say to the OP then why not just stay out of it. Just because your relationship went down the drain along with your brain and your man hood doesnt mean that all relationship's (weather you are together or not) are doomed. Some people do actureally think about their children and what would make them happy (cause this may be a guy that has grown up finaly and want's to be there for his daughter) before thinking about themself.
My god Klopper, most times I see guys on here who are complaineing that they have a **** of an ex and so forth but yet you seem to take the cake on everything, you seem to think you know EVERYTHING in all reality you know nothing. You know what is good for you (mind you I dont see how refuseing your child to know their other parent is anything good) but doesnt mean that everyone is a cold harted **stard like yourself.
And again I am sorry but calling her a ho you have NO right yoou know nothing about her so keep your cheap comment's to yourself. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:28:16 AM | Hey Pepsi76,
What is there to PREVENT him from flaking again??????? I mean, come on, be realistic for yourself and your family now, what is there? Yes, I hear you say, I don't know but at least this is something I can hang onto in the hopes that it can become something positive for her BUT there has been nothing, nothing of REAL substance for 7 years.
There is so much speculation on here and with your family that I'm sure it isn't good so I'm wondering when you're going to finally put this all behind you and move on without a second glance even if another member of his family or himself will come around again.
Anybody in their right mind would call and mail a letter so as to explain the past and not cause any interruption or inconveniece to the other side just to hear what you thought and see if anything can proceed further. YOU are mom, the parent, the boss who has made sure for your daughter all these years and obviously nobody on the other side respects that or takes pride in that! Tell me of anybody in his family who has been there for birthday parties, Holidays, academic accomplishments, fun times and life's hardships, etc.
Your daughter is just 7 years old and beginning her life so I bet you the other side is telling him to just leave her alone because he is having troubles and needs a backdraw again so his brother secretly said, I'll go over there for you. You need to have more pride and respect in yourself and family for all of the great accomplishments and just forget him and continue what you are doing so a good man see's it and and knocks on your door.
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:51:57 AM | Nevaehs, (I'll never forget when the other guy asked if it was heaven spelled backwards minues the s, I just tried to do it while typing)
Geeez, does this keep running through the women. I never called her a HO....ok, yes, I typed the word and if that hurt you OP, I apologize.
I'm not a cold hearted basstard and don't know everything, I've just seen this follow a bad road hundred's if not over a thousand times. You just happened to get lucky in your relationship and are one of the rare ones but I don't think anybody else cares to risk all they have worked hard for just to see if they could also become a rare one based upon nothing of substance.
BTW...I have accomplished far more in life than you have at 25 so I'd say I will always know FAR more than you. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:04:09 AM |
BTW...I have accomplished far more in life than you have at 25 so I'd say I will always know FAR more than you.
There you go again thinking you know everything, when in fact you know nothing. Do you know anything about me or what I have accomplished in my life? Nope, so how do you know that you know FAR more then me? Because I am 25 and not in my 30's? Well like I said you know NOTHING because you know nothing about me, just as you know nothing about anyone else on here.
There is giving advice and then there is just being a moron. And dont get me wrong some of the advice you have given may be good for someone else but maybe it is not what is best for the OP. You keep going on and on about how she should not let the father of her daughter back in her life for this and that, but look at it this way, what if it were you in the father's shoes, would you like it if someone was trying to keep your child/children away from you? I am sure you would not like it, but put yourself in the father's shoes, then put yourself in the mother's shoes, then put yourself in the child's shoes. Do you know what it is like to not have your father in your life? I do and guess what my mother was the type of person that would not allow my father to know me, meet me, spend time with me, nor was I aloud to contact him tell I was of age. Well guess what that is not the life for any child to live. I met my bio father when I was 19 and in all the years that I didnt know him I always wondered the what if's and the where do I come from (which a mother/father can only answer for their side). And you know what, yes it is hard when the walk in and out of your life but guess what the not knowing is more painful then the knowing what type of person they are.
Again dont assume that I dont know anything just because of my age, just because I have only been on this earth for 25 years does not mean that I am not as smart, nor as educated, nor know life less then anyone older then myself. As you know nothing about me nor what my life has been, nor things that I havve gone through and accomplished in my life. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:17:16 PM |
just forget him and continue what you are doing so a good man see's it and and knocks on your door.
 Oh yeah! Cuz everybody knows that's what we women live for -- to be validated and valued by a man. Without that we ain't worth sh** in a handbag.
The truth of the matter is, regardless of whether a custodial parent is male or female, we all should do our best to protect our kids. It also is true that we will not be successful 100% of the time. Until a court intervenes or a parents' rights are terminated, the law frowns on withholding any form of visitation. It actually can be grounds for the "good" parent losing custody. What would something like that do for her daughter?
You really need to stop and THINK before you open that cybernetic pie hole. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:31:52 PM |
When will you quit this shyt of yours? READ! Your ex views you as nothing but his first HO, I just think you are really dumb and foolish.
This is absolutely unnecessary. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:12:25 PM | If you had bothered to read.....there isn't any visition decree nor has there been any for over 5 years, cybernetic snothole.
99% of women love and enjoy being valued by a good man just like we love being valued by a good woman so obviously with your response, I wasn't speaking about you. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:29:56 PM | | klopmeister..I don't get what ragged you off so bad here?...and with the name calling too...how come you called that little girl's mama a ho????...If there is a reason to lose it...I'm with ya...but I guess I'm missin' something here | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:40:20 PM | | Visitation and parental rights are two totally different things, moron. At worst your advice could result in loss of custody. Unless a parent has endangered or physically injured a child I cannot imagine totally denying one some type of access to their child. But if you don't "value" the parent-child relationship I doubt you could value much else. Lecture someone who values your f***ed up ideals. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:42:39 PM | | Whoooa Windy!!!....what's with all the hostility?????.....What did I do to p*iss in your Cheerios Girl??????? | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:49:43 PM | | Everyone can have a bad day....unloading like that doesn't help things....you even said f*uck! You dropped an "F" bomb! What the h*ell would your Ma say!!!!.....HEY!!!...I lost my "s*hit happens "little yeller haided smiley!!....Anyone seen it???????????? | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:53:52 PM | My mom would say "Now, honey, you know I hate it when you use that word. It's not very lady like." To which I would respond "I ain't no f***ing lady."
D***it! I tried to edit to include a smiley... actually laughing... face for your benefit but that wasn't an option. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:57:09 PM | | and MY Mom would of kicked my a*ss just because she heard you sayin' that to YOUR Mom!..........Thanks!!!! | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/15/2008 2:13:54 PM | When they coined the phrase "And I suppose your mother was just a mutha" they had me in mind.
It's just a word... and an adjective at that. It can't hurt anyone. Fair is a 4-letter F-word too, ya know. | |
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