Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 126 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:20:15 PM | Henry, she's two different persons from two threads.
Yes, that's cold, big deal if the shoe fits, helll, look at what the majority of women call their bad ex's on here  . OP is old enough to know what to do IF she wants a better life for themselves. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:26:19 AM | Klopper,
How am I two different people? The other thread ( it was either the child support thread or the abortion thread, cant remember which) you called me a Ho, I still dont know how you came to that conclusion considering I explained myself. My ex husband is the father of my child. we were together 3 years before I got pregnant. I never cheated on him. Big believer in monogomy. He had the affair and left. I also stated in the same thread that I had dated my ex boyfriend ,also for 3 years, came after my ex husband left and we divorced. I met my ex boyfriend when my daughter was 2. Now stay with me. This is the same ex boyfriend, not a new one. And we dated after my divorce.When we split up he promised my daughter he would still see her and she was crushed when he didnt. So explain to me how that makes me a Ho. I guess I forgot that people jump to conclusions and shoot off their mouths. guess I should have put that all in the same post.
First, you call me a ho, then you praise me for the way I handle things, and now you are telling Henry I am a ho and I am two different people. You are really screwed up, you know that? I dont get on these forums for drama and I dont stir up drama. I get on these forums to converse with other people, offer advise, and to also get advise if I have a problem so I can get other viewpoints so I can make an informed decision and know I made the best possible decision I could. There are many different viewpoints and how I first view something may not be what others see. I havent changed and my daughter is my number 1 priority. I always have her best interest at heart.
Leave my ex alone and pick a new father??? Do ya think good men, who want to raise someone elses child, grow on trees? It's not that simple. I only want good positive people in my daughter's life. And anyway, according to you, I am a ho, so how can i possibly find a good man. Who wants to date a ho, right? Get real. You need to really think before you speak. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:28:02 AM | | Klopper, you're so fulla sh** the whites of your eyes are brown. But go ahead. Watching you make a fool jacka** of yourself in front of the enture online community is entertaining. Like the old adage says: It is better to remain silent and be thought a full than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. You're certainly not worthy of my time and energy. I'm done. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:08:18 AM | Henry, I don't believe in organized religion or god, so you can leave me out of any prayers of yours :) And do not dare to say I have nothing in my heart - concentrate on yourself and you will see why you do not have custody of your children, perhaps you need personal insight as opposed to what you believe are clever digs at others on an internet forum. Some people would rather blame a "father hating state" and every woman on the planet for their woes then realize that the truth is their children are much better off where they are, if these acidic posts are any indication. I HAVE my daughter :)
Klopper: Neveah has a legal secretary diploma, actually called a "diploma" . Not once did she say she was a lawyer, called to the bar, etc. so you shouldn't call her out for nothing.
Pepsi, accordingly to a lot of them men here, ALL women are Ho's, so don't worry about it. It happens a lot in these forums :) | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:52:50 AM | | Maybe the answer is all about baking cookies.....I guess I had mainly lived a life where I thought the answer to the question of the existance of God was..."I dunno "......I don't have answers, All I know is this, the day my daughters were born and I looked into their eyes, they sure did seem like miracles to me....and I'll never question God"s existance again....Who knows. I guess, that some of ya, when you have lived a life that for so long is filled with hate, and you can't hide it because it comes out in nearly everything you type here...that now, it's all you know. Windy's right when she talks about posting your hate in here and what do you think that others that just read these things and never post are going to think of you???, or a potential date??..after all...this IS a single's or dating site. Whatever serves to keep ya warm, I guess. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:56:08 AM |
Do ya think good men, who want to raise someone elses child, grow on trees?
I know a few good apples.
And anyway, according to you, I am a ho, so how can i possibly find a good man. Who wants to date a ho, right? Get real. You need to really think before you speak.
Pepsi, don't feed the trolls. I have a quote that I use when I realize I am engaging with an idiot. "Who is the bigger fool? The fool or the one that argues with the fool?" | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:04:26 AM |
when you have lived a life that for so long is filled with hate, and you can't hide it because it comes out in nearly everything you type here...that now, it's all you know
Your first personal insight to your hatred and bitterness, hopefully now that you are aware of how your sarcastic diatribes sound in everything you say, you will take steps to correct it and perhaps things will change for you in your unhappy life. Thank goodness I have a great and happy and fulfilling life with my daughter! To go through life as bitter and unhappy as some here would probably kill me, and I can't imagine how my daughter would have turned out having someone like that in her life. It reinforces the great choices I made, and is apparent in everything in our lives and I could not be more grateful :) | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:11:06 AM | Pepsi:
you dont have to explaine yourself to anyone let alone to klopper. You know who you are and who your not, so there is no need to explaine yourself to anyone.
You have to realize that "boy's will be boys" not men and will always call a woman names when they feel threatened in some way. I dont know why anyone would feel threatned on here but hey some I guess are.
The best thing you can do is go with your own feeling on the situation, I mean I know I have asked for a lot of advice 0n here over the last 2 years, some of it I took and some of it I didnt, but most of the times I went with what my heart told me to do. And you and only you will know what is the best root to go.
I know as a mother myself that I would do what my heart told me when it came to my child, and no one would change my mind on it, let alone a bunch of people on a computer. I wish you luck with your choice on what to do with your daughter and her father, and I hope it all goes well for everyone involved. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:44:59 AM | Neveah,
thanks. I know I dont need to explain myself to him. People like him are a pet peeve of mine and I know that Klopper is only trying to start trouble and he thinks he gets to people when he calls them names. For an instant, he had me worked up and I spoke my mind. For someone to call me a ho, a liar, or whatever else came out of his mouth in this thread and other threads i have had the pleasure of interacting with him on, just infuriates me. Ho is such an uncalled rude word and is a word that infurates me. However, I do respect his right to his own opinion, no matter how juvenile I may think it is. It is his opinion and his alone. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:53:07 AM | | Amore...I promise you this, and this is just for you...I'm going to do something for you that the Devil himself would NOT do for ya!!!..............I'm gonna leave ya! ..... | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 136 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:57:12 PM | This thread is getting to be way out of hand so I'm excusing myself from it. Don't care to chat when so many disagree and all hell is breaking loose. All we're all trying to do is offer sound advice to each other so that lives flourish and prosper, find that special someone and continue forward in life without the needless drama or deadbeat ex's. Pepsi, you're a pretty woman with an adorable little girl, who is same age as my son, and have done great for both of you so I really wish you the best in all of your endevours and may both of your dreams come true.
Best!
Klopper | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 2:32:29 PM | | I concur and am leaving this particular thread - it is one thing to express your opinion in an intelligent manner and even disagree with others, it's quite another to intimidate and be just plain rude for the purpose of baiting. I hope you make the right decision Pepsi, please post on how things went in your situation and I too hope your little girl remains happy and loved. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:44:11 PM | I'm sorry, but I skipped past the last 4 pages or so, so if this was answered, forgive me...
You say you had a visitation agreement?
Unless you changed it during the last 5 years, that is the visitation agreement... He can go to court and have you found in contempt for not allowing him visitation. Just because he doesn't exercise his visitation doesn't make the agreement null and void.
It is still what is on the books and what you will be held to.
What he did during those 5 years is basically irrelevant because if you were so concerned about it, you should have made some kind of effort during those 5 years and change the visitation agreement. Its kind of late now to change it, because he can just say, "I wasn't on drugs, and I've quit drinking"... and then where will you be?
Typically judges want the parents involved with the children. Even if one of them is a deadbeat ashole.. Chances are if he really wants to be involved, he will be allowed to be involved. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:47:11 AM | Thanks everyone for their advise, i really appreciate it. I do agree that some have gotten carried away and a few have stated they were leaving this thread. All I have to say is that while I appreciate those who offered advise, calling people names or saying I am stupid if I allowed the ex to come back into my daughters life is NOT advise. Calling people names, klopper, is degrading, rude, and uncalled for.
While there is a visitation order set, it also states in the guidelines that when a parent has been gone for a significant period of time, the parenting time shall be fazed in, with supervised visitation. He cannot just show up on my doorstep and demand her, nor can he take me to court to say i am in contempt. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:29:19 PM | OP:
First, do you have a legal custody agreement with support terms stipulated? If not, tell him in order for him to have regular visitation, you want to go through the Social Services division in your state. You'll have an opportunity to bring up your concerns.
Second, if he hasn't been helping to financially support your daughter, what makes him think it's OK to acknowledge her now? Again, Social Services can set up support terms and assist in the collection of funds. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/21/2008 2:13:34 AM | | To the OP - I've heard of this happening before. Men can't handle little kids generally so once they realise the child is able to talk to them on a more reasonable level (eg from around 7 up) they often try to pick up the pieces and make some sort of attempt to connect with the child. I guess you need to decide if it's a good thing or not. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/22/2008 9:43:51 AM | | sorry folks, there is no updates yet. I have been contemplating calling his brother and talking to the ex myself. however, i feel, if he was indeed truly ready and wanted a relationship with her, he would have called me by now. i made sure I reinterated to his brother the last time i talked to him that i was all for my ex coming back into her life if he so desired, but it has to be done right with no mental or emotional harm for my daughter. True, i dont know how she would react to her father, i can only go by what i feel i would do in the same situation. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:58:20 AM |
if he was indeed truly ready and wanted a relationship with her, he would have called me by now
Exactly. Your inaction is proving the bio Dad is not really interested.
I move Heaven and Earth for the things I want. My daughter is my priority. Did you know the Earth's rotation is me doing things for my daughter? | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:21:34 AM | UPDATE:
The ex contacted me last night. It was a bit awkward but we talked, never raised our voices. He apologized for everything, said all he had were excuses for why he left and regrets missing out on 5 years of her life. He said that he would do whatever, jump through whatever hurdles I wanted him to jump through, he just wants back in his daughter's life. He said he thought about her all these years but thought that it had been to long and that maybe I had someone else in my life and he was now "dad". He didnt want to disrupt things. He was in a bad place and finally got help for his drinking. hasnt touched a drop of alcohol in 2 years.
He is out of state for work (he shows and trains horses) and will be driving back Friday and would like to come over Sunday. If, for some chance that he doesnt drive back Friday, he will def be back Monday and wants to set something up then. He said if I want to talk to him first we can meet first. He agreed that the first 4-5 visits, should be at my house where our daughter is comfortable and in her zone and let them start bonding. He is all for taking baby steps as to not hurt her and make her uncomfortable. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/26/2008 6:25:17 AM | | Sounds promising. I have every confidence in you that you'll handle this well. Now... if he just follows thru all will be well. Sending good vibes your way. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/26/2008 7:19:41 AM | thanks windroper,
it took alot for him to call me. He was always the type to run from things. if things got to serious, he would run. So I def think this is a good step. He said he would call me in advance so I can prepare her for him coming over. Have no idea what to say to her, but feel i should prepare her in some way so she isnt totally shocked.
I have to believe that this will be a very positive thing and I want to trust that he will follow through for her sake. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/26/2008 9:34:13 AM | I agree that it must have taken a lot for him to call and hope it is a good sign. That he hasn't just shown up unannounced and created upheaval certainly shows consideration on his part and I've never known substance abusers to be that aware of and concerned for others.
Do you know if he is utilizing AA/12 Step? You may want to ask him about that. If he is, at some point he may wish to make some admissions and amends to her (and possibly to you too). You may want to seek out AlAnon in your area to be prepared for and cope with that. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:09:49 PM | omg
this is my worse nightmare.it was my sons fathers choice not to be part of my sons life, hes spent a grand total of 5hrs with him in his 4 yrs of life.& i dont know how my son would deal with the fact his father wanted a relationship with him now, my son asks me to go get him a new daddy.
As for the drugs well im sorry i do strongly believe that all junkies dont desearve to impact there childrens lives as i have also seen the damadge done to children do to drugs.i have my sisters 4 children living with me due to drugs & an abusive father.There is also a 4 week old baby fighting to get off the drug addiction his mother placed on him before he was born.why should any child be placed in an enviroment were they dont have a say on how theres lives could be screwed up on seeing someone they look up upon to make the wrong choices.
Tell your ex to clean his act up & then he can see your daughter on his own, until then if he really must have contact with her make sure there is another adult with whom you trust with them at all times then your daughter is not going to see things or be around a stoned father.i know the DHS would not allow any child to see there parents on a visit if they seem to be under the influence of drugs or booze | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/3/2008 8:42:52 AM | UPDATE:
Talked to the ex on Sunday. He was driving back from Illinois but wanted to talk to me and tell me he would like to come see her tonight (Sunday). He was afraid it would be too late and wouldnt get to spend that much time with her so he asked me if he could come over Saturday morning and spend the whole day with her at my house. So that is the plan as of right now. I have started to talk to my daughter about her father coming to see her and she is excited. She has a lot of questions, questions I didnt even know she was thinking about. The obvious question, "Where have you been?" is at the top of her list. She also asked me if he was gonna move back in with us? I told her we were no longer married. Then she said we could always get remarried. I told her we werent in love anymore, but that we would always love her. That seems to suffice her for now.
I know I prolly shouldnt have talked to her about her dad until I knew for sure he was coming (he said he was but he can always back out). What started the whole convo is she was standing by the window waiting for her little friends to come home from their dad's that weekend. She was crying and kept asking me when they were gonna come back and where was her dad; why she didnt visit her dad on the weekends? Just broke my heart. So I talked to her a little bit and told her I had talked to him and he was going to see her real soon.
Just wondering if anyone has any ideas of what else I can say to her about him coming Saturday. Do I need to prepare her? Answer her questions about where he's been? What about if he doesnt show? | |
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