| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:01:39 PM | | *He* didn't want to take her out of her environment? You would not allow it, two different things. After 2 calls and one visit, how do you call yourself "good friends" with this person now? I just am not getting something here. You have not seen this guy in 6 years, your daughter does not even know this guy, and you seem so quick to give him what he wants and put your daughter in the middle. You let this stranger who had abandoned you and your daughter alone in your home, and for a walk around the block. If he is sincere then I do hope everything works out, but in my opinion you are allowing him far too much without him proving he in fact has changed his behaviour, and are setting your daughter up by allowing this. You have stated you do not know he has stopped drinking, you know basically nothing about the past 5 years of his life, he has some new girlfriend you don't even know who will be interacting with your daughter (stranger number 2), you will probably be a "nervous wreck" when he takes your daughter alone you are obviously not trusting him with her, you don't know if he has replaced his drinking with another addiction, his brother threatened you with calling the police, etc etc. How could this new g/f sit by with a man who abandoned his kid? Why does it matter when you are so quick to allow this same man back in your daughter's life to do it again. For the sake of your daughter I would go extremely slow with this one - he left, so I would put the onus on HIM to prove he in fact wants to be a father tot his kid, not for a few visits until the novelty wears off and he finds another excuse for his actions and leaves your young daughter to pick up the pieces. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:12:04 PM |
i was really excited that things went along so well. before he left, he made plans to meet me at her eye appointment on Saturday and he wants us to come to the Stables where he works. It's a little early to know how things will pan out. But I feel this will be a positive thing for her and that he wont leave her again. I just pray that we can co-parent effectively together and we will become friends and get along for her.
That's great! I hope things work out for all of you.
Best of luck and keep us updated. | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 178 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:25:41 PM | So tell me Joann, 
QUOTE "I have seven year old daughter who's father really HAS abandoned her. He has never made any contact since she was three. YOUR childs father loves her and wants to be in her life"
Since Pepsi's EX did the exact same thing but for 5 years instead of your 4, why do you claim her ex loves his daughter? Just because he's came back? Are you going to say your EX loves your daughter if he decides to come back in another year as in 'yeah, I didn't give a shyt for 5 years because I enjoyed something else more then more problems came up so I decided that I better come back and make amends while I still can and she'll always allow me too no matter what'. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/12/2008 9:49:42 PM | | But none of that crap matters. All that matters is that your child must know that her dad cares about her for her emotional well being. And if you guys end up in court, that is exactly what a judge will think too. The judge will not care about you, your ex, what anyone did wronge, what anyone's brother did wronge, etc. He will also order a reconciliation to take place right away with a professional supervisor- which is what is best for your child given his history. And he will have to pay for it - not you. The supervisor is the one qualified to determine if he should have unsupervisied visits, not you. That is your child's father period. And he has every right to see her and you have no right to make the decision of whether or not you will "let him." | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:06:30 PM | | If my ex showed up I would petition the courts for supervised visits given his history, period. I would not try to decide whether i would "let him see his child" because he did this wronge or that wronge. | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 181 | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 183 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:43:06 AM |  That's the best shyt you can come up with?
No wonder you are where you are at, why don't you put that same hatred toward the losers you all complain about so maybe you wouldn't be in the shyt! | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 186 | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 3:12:59 PM | Joann,
I agree that it does not matter who did what to whom. What is in the past should stay in the past, it doesnt matter. I dont feel drudging up the past and why he left and why it took him 5 years to sober up and come back to her is best. I just feel that we should concentrate on his relationship with her now and his relationship with her in the future. He was the one who brought up meeting at my house. He didnt want to take her out of her environment and he felt she would be more comfortable. And I happened to agree. I have been in and out of the court system becaus of my parents and I see no reason to have the law intervene when we both agree on the terms. Had he chose to fight me, come to the house and demanded her, then yes we would have had a problem and I would have called the police and gone to court. He didnt do that. I know what rights he is alloted to and I know my rights as her primary parent. Believe me, I tried to file abandonment charges on him a couple of years ago and I was told by the courts and my lawyer that I couldnt unless I was getting married and he was willing to adopt her. I also have a copy of the State of Indiana's child custody/visitation order and I know what he is entitled to. It also encourages the parents to try to reach an agreement themselves. If no agreement is met then the courts will intervene. Right now, I do have the upper hand. His visitation is being phased in. They are getting along really well and I do see he is trying. We are trying to be friends and get along. and so far, it seems to be working out fine. Our only concern is our daughter. Like I said earlier, I know what its like to have the parents hate each other and I dont want to put her through that. I will never fight with him in front of her, i have never said one negative thing about him in front of her. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:36:14 PM | | Well good for you if that is true. But get over the "my rights, his rights, I have the upper hand" stuff because that is not showing concern for your child. I can guarantee you that these are not HER concerns so why are they yours? Do you even know what her concerns are?? Maybe you should ask her. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 5:58:23 PM | This is dremy stuff your posting here.
Look I've been thru 20yrs of this drug alcohol crap raised 2 still have a 15 and 4 yr old here let him be tested if there is any question in your mind before he comes near her or he will do her more harm then good.
Hell visit promise the world visit again and dissappear. Then come back and forth dragging her into and thru his drug induced illusions.
GET HIM TESTED BEFORE THINKING OF A BARBQ.
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 6:29:36 PM | | Isn't coming "back and forth" the same as coming to see your child? This is why the family courts are full to capacity because of angry women like you who are still mad at the ex! | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:23:43 PM | | And that is another good reason for supervised visits. They will not let him make any promises to the child so she will not be put through any crap. And if you allowed your children to go through all those years of garbage that says something about you. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:21:40 AM | Let her see her father (sober) see where it goes from there.Be there for the visit.Talk to him first and tell him not to make promises or try to build a relationship in a day.It should be just you three.This way nothing is said to impress others.Maybe hes clean but what happens if he back slides into drugs or drinking again and leaves her hanging.
I been raising 4 kids over 18 months now.Mom don't drink or do drugs but shes wrapped up in her boyfriend so bad that she does'nt seem to have time for these guys.I went through the "whens mommy moving back in part to I miss mommy"Trying to explain this to a 8 yearold little girl was'nt easy but I did it without making her look bad.She already did that quite a few times and the kids realized where they stood and learned not to count on her.My two youngest go to a baby sitter 1/2 mile away from her everyday and she never goes to see them and she knows she can.If you want to drop a line I'll try to help you pepsi76. Remember the choice is going to be hers (unless its a situation where drinking or drugs are involved then keep only do visits where your there.)Gary | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 193 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 12:08:02 AM | Ok Joanne,
QUOTE : None of the past matters. All that matters is that your child must know that her dad cares about her for her emotional well being. That is your child's father period. And he has every right to see her and you have no right to make the decision of whether or not you will "let him."
So how exactly does that agree with your other post of "They will not let him make any promises to the child so she will not be put through any crap. And if you allowed your children to go through all those years of garbage that says something about you."
And you call me a moron and aysswhole  You totally conflict yourself against your own gender!!!!!
Pepsi has done a wonderful job of taking care of their 7 year old daughter on her own for over 5 years. The courts will not let him falter on any promises to their child YET he abandoned them til just a few weeks ago and still has every right to see their child over her dead body (if she didn't want him too).
None of the past matters yet you blast her for allowing the garbage? | |
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Durken
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Joined: 5/8/2008
Msg: 194 | |
| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 12:23:15 AM | Joanne,
I believe you are really a man or transsexual who's done awful shyt to women and posing as a woman just to see who agrees with you.
Quote, """"""""""""""This is why the family courts are full to capacity because of angry women like you who are still mad at the ex!"""""""""""
Knocking on moms for standing up for their kids against cheaters, drugees, drunks, deadbeats, etc...how pitiful!!!!! So Pepsi, Joanne says for you to keep bending over for your ex's shaft because you have no rights, only he does. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 1:26:38 AM | | I do agree that any parent should have the right to see their children and vise/versa. However, said parent MUST NOT be under the influence of ANYTHING except pure love for the child! I got a dui 3 years before my divorce and she still used it against me. I agreed to be swabbed for alcohol before I could pick my boys up because I love them and could NOT stand to miss my turn to have them(I am a every other weekend dad) It almost sounds like he is using her to get to you. If it is,to you, important for your daughter to be with his father, then contact a lawyer to set some restrictions. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 5:54:10 AM | Joanne,
I only said that "I have the upper hand" and "I know what his rights are and what my rights are" because some posters have said I wasnt looking out for my daughter and I was trying to tell them that I was looking out for her and I know what our rights are.
He met me Saturday at her eye appointment and then came back to the house. And yesterday her and I drove up to his place of employment. He works for a horse stable. She got to ride the horses and she helped him feed and water them. Him and I talked and got along and joked around with each other. That right there I feel is important for her to see. He was affectionate towards her and she to him. She had a good day. I believe and I do see he is trying. I know that there is a chance he will backslide with the alcohol and I am watching for that and that is a concern of mine. But honestly, I have never seen him happier. He has a job he absolutely loves, and he loves his daughter and is happy to be back in her life. He calls her every morning before school and every night.
Things could have turned out bad. I thank God that it didnt. I understand the concern of some posters have about him backsliding and how their ex did this or that. I understand and I am sorry their situations were bad. However, dont bash me or call me a terrible mother because I allowed him back in her life. Believe me, her well being is all I am concerned with. Just seeing their interaction over the past few weeks, I am optimistic about their future. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:04:32 AM | Pepsi,
In my eyes you are doing everything right, you are allowing your daughter to have her father in her life, and you are also watching out for your daughter and have her feelings at heart.
Dont let anyone make you feel like you have done something wrong by allowing this, nor let anyone make you feel like a bad mother because you are far from it. You have your daughter's best interest at heart, and you have showed that by letting her know her father even after everything that has gone on in the past, you also have let by gone's be by gones when it comes to him. But yet you are still playing it safe as any other parent would do.
Your a great mama hun dont let anyone take that away from ya nor make you feel diffrent. I am so happy things are working out for all of you, mostly your daughter. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:39:44 AM | | Everything regarding children, support, visitation, custody, finances is a unique situation to each family. Although asking for advice and seeking solace with those that might have similar circumstances might be of some comfort to you , it's not a good thing to apply their experiences to your own.. No one here knows the whole story or what the delinquent parent is really like or capable of, so I hope that whoever starts these threads doesn't take all the info to heart. You do what is correct for your situation , only you know what adversity you are facing and maybe the character of all involved.... | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:14:53 AM | Neavehmom and wind,
Thanks so much. I do understand the concerns that some posters have said, given their situation and what happened to them in their specific cases. However, like you said, every situation is different and no one but me knows all the parties involved. I know I am a good mother and I also know I cant keep him from her. She would only resent me. I have made certain that no one, me nor anyone in my circle, bad mouthed her dad in front of her. She will make up her own mind about her father. Given the interactions I have witnessed, he truly seems repentant of past mistakes he has made and is truly sorry for leaving. I do believe that back then he was in a bad place. But now, he does seem to be at peace with himself and maybe now he sees himself as someone she can look up too and be proud of, whereas before he wasnt. | |
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| I was informed yesterday.........
Posted: 9/15/2008 10:37:12 AM | Well Klopper, again you have shown your lack of mental capacity. Don't forget this thread started with pepsi claiming that after a long absence and problems with addiction, her childs father wanted to regain visitation with his child. Pepsi stated that she believes her child deserves both parents, she WANTS them to have a relationship, believes he has changed, is sober now and regrets the past. She NEVER states that he is a monster of any kind who has abused or molested the child in the past.
So what was stopping the visitation from happening?
She didn't like that he sent his brother over to resume the initial contact, she didn't like what the brother said years ago, she thought they were cowards, etc, etc, etc.
That is called Parental Alienation and the courts see it all the time and have no patience whatsoever for it. Whether it is done by the mom or dad!
The only real concern here is that he is an addict and only recently sober. And because of this the visits should be supervised because there will most likely be at least one relapse to come, that is part of recovery, and if it is not handled properly, the child WILL be put through crap. Also the visits should not be supervised by pepsi because of all of the obvious tension between herself and the father on matters that do not regard the child.
Take that and shove it in your pie hole!
And klopper, I never called you a moron or an a- hole, you have me confused with one of your other POS enemies, hahaha. I called you a B*T*H. I was right wasn't I? You are a gay male are you not?? | |
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