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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:30:20 PM | it happends. i did it after i had an unexpected family emergency, then forgot all about her. she did nothing wrong. bad memory and a real loss on my part.
kenny | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:39:30 PM | | Fear of commitment. You meet a woman and you have a great time. You enjoy each other's company and you look forward to seeing each other. Then you start to feel like she might tell you that she loves you and maybe you get a little scared...or a lot scared. Enough to back off at least. Maybe its fear, maybe its immaturity, maybe its both. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 7:49:24 PM | | Most of the time it is because once they have met you, there are hundreds of others on this site that they want to meet. No commitment. Goes for both men and women. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:05:25 PM | | I am guilty of this....The girl I dated from this site was attractive...Intelligent..Witty...but what I discovered was she in my opinion had a drinking problem...that was the reason my marriage of 35 yrs ended..I was not about to go down that road again...Now somthing like this takes a few weeks to figure...but when you are the D&D every date...she has a glass of wine in her hand when ever you come to pick her up...you are sitting on a Patio with a gate and it takes her 40 seconds to open a simple latch and we have only been there 30 minutes...not only did I pull back I ran...I never even called her...She was well aware of my past situation....and tried to cover it up....so please Girls its not always the sex thing...some of us have morals and class..and we are not all knuckle draggers...have a great day guys...be safe. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:20:24 PM |
So I guess men will even swear that's not at all what they are looking for, but secretly they are hoping for it??
Pretty much. I think it's all based on fear. They want it, but are afraid they might just get what they've asked for and that, I think, scares the crap out of them to the point where they'll talk themselves out of it and even sabotage the relationship just so it fails. Some women do this too.
Why do they even bother approaching a woman who sends out vibes that she's not that type of woman? Why do they waste their time?
There could be a couple of reasons for that. They want to set themselves up for failure so if they go after someone who's basically unattainable; there's a certain safety in it. It may not be a conscious choice but something inside can drive them to it. Another possible reason is that they think they can change the woman. Yes, many men do try to change women. He might like how she looks but wants to mold her into something that he wants. Another reason could be that the guy thinks there's a certain type of woman that he wants to be with. The ideal woman who looks a certain way, does certain things, wears certain clothes, but then finds someone who's none of those things really but really likes her and it turns out that the ideal woman that he had in mind was not really his type at all, but he's too stupid to realize it until it's too late. There are probably more explanations for it but those are probably the more common ones. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:26:50 PM | | I have to say this guy is a player if he was as interested in you as you say he would have understood, & taken an interest in what you have to go through with your son so he would have a little understanding. Plus the plans that you two were making there shouldn't be any reason why he would stay on POF. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:28:16 PM | You guys make it sound like only women get 2nd thoughts. Dudes are just as likely to change their minds as chicks do. Nothing nasty about any of that. Its called human nature, deal with it and move on.
If theres no chemistry would you rather the guy pretend there was and stay with you? And even if you think your vibing, that doesnt mean you aint vibing enough according to what he looks for in a girl. Dating is all about figuring out if their right for you or not, heck even being longterm gf and bf doesnt give you a guaranteed pass these days to "happily ever after" so just be mature about it, and dont demonise the guy because he got cold feet or isnt into you as you thought he was - were human and were allowed to have our doubts. | |
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1FunGi
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Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 33 | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:37:29 PM | if you get along well with somebody, why sabatog it by not calling back when you say but checking out the activity on pof? i understand i am going to makes sure that somebody means what he says, but life is too short.
be an adult be a player or get involved with this person that you really like
if you want a relationship, you don't need to be looking at different people, if you met somebody that you like. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 8:43:03 PM | | What if you naturally get along with everybody you meet? Its not just about getting along, because then you could argue any friend that is the opposite sex is potentially a life partner, and that isnt the case at all. There are so many reasons guys will just drop off. Some find it better to distance themselves than to just say to the girl their not feeling the relationship 100% as she does. Saving face? who knows but if your adult enough to date then your adult enough not to take it to heart and move on. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/11/2008 9:12:21 PM | I think people need to relax... sure I've had this happen too, but there is a reason for it. If you're close enough, he'll tell you, and if you're not then he won't.
I disagree with the above statement about not being able to be friends with guys... the problem is, most girls who are friends with guys start out that way due to crushing on them, not truly liking their company or the things they do, and so they get hurt by their guy 'friends'. Boys will be boys, accept that and your world and views will change. They ARE NOT women, you are right there, but they can be friends if you try to understand them and take them for what they are instead of trying to change them. If you're in it just to hit on them, or be hit on, it will never work. Flirting is cool, but don't take flirts from your 'friends' as something serious. Take it as fun -it's not a 'lead' into a relationship. Men are also SO much more agreeable than most women (including myself).
:) Men back off because of a million and one different reasons... that's life. We all do it.
Love is as perennial as the grass, whether you like it or not. If he's not the 'one' then there is 'another'.
Keep smiling =], keep it light, keep it happy. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:32:04 AM |
Don't try to figure out guys, just be yourself. If they back off they were not meant for you and someone else out there is. Keep looking.
Thank you blueyedgirl This is some of the best advice on here.
Too much time gets wasted on wanting to understand the whys, why did he disappear, why did he change his mind, why isn't he returning my calls, messages, texts.... let it go, and move on...he did .
A big mistake is too wonder, and wait for him... if he's afraid, has trust issues, is trying to figure his feelings out.... but has developed any feelings & respect for you and your feelings, he would tell you that much.
By avoiding/ignoring you, he's expecting you to forget about him, and hoping you'll move on as well. JMO | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:07:44 AM | I realize that I am twice your age, but I find your profile very confusing.
You say in your post that "...it's important to always be upfront about what you want or don't want in a relationship" and yet you indicate that you are only interested in dating but are a romantic looking for a soul mate. In addition you say in your post that "...I wasn't looking for a serious relationship and only wanted a friend for now."
Some misunderstanding? D'ya think? How would you read these signals? I would have no clear idea how to proceed. Maybe he's just cooling his jets until he can figure you out. Has he said what he wants? If you really want to find something out, now read this carefully, ASK.
Furthermore, you don't indicate a time frame. Weeks? Months? After too long of it going nowhere anyone will lose interest.
Things to consider. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:17:25 AM | | I think I may agree with this post, BYEBYEBABY! This place, as any dating site, allows a lot of window shopping and the opportunity for something better to come along. I had a guy "show interest", one I had even met and had dinner with, but because I would not conform to his "demands" right away, decided to continue his shopping while telling me just the opposite. I have 3 female friends on here, and the dum dum made a mistake of e mailing one of them, and feeding her the exact same crap he fed me. He may end up BACK on RussianBride.Com...lmfao I just wish people would not play games period. :) | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:32:39 AM | to aurora,msg.20,just wanted to commend you on a great reply to the op post.well said.I,like many other ladies,find it very interesting to hear the mens point of view,and theories on the subject.  | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:42:05 AM | | There are lots of reasons, I think it often is the "Let's-Make-A-Deal" complex, they like what they see in front of them but what could be behind curtains 1, 2 and 3 intrigues them too much. In your case, whatislove2, I think you are right, he was hoping for a hook-up. When it was apparent you weren't giving it up he used the weak excuse "I wasn't sure you had kids." Good grief, that's like saying "Officer, I wasn't sure my foot was on the gas." I've only been like this with one girlfriend I had over 10 years ago. She had four kids and a hysterectomy for medical reasons, I didn't have any children and knew I wanted one so I ran hot and cold on her for a year and a half before she ended it by starting to see someone else. I can't blame her and we are friends to this day. Fear of commitment is huge in some men, they may be interested but pull back when it comes to being exclusive. I never considered it a big deal, both people stop dating for awhile to give each other a fair chance and see what develops. If it doesn't work out there will always be plenty of single people around. I'm not really worried about commiting to one girl and missing a better one the next day, week, or month. For me to commit there has to be strong attraction and chemistry. That's why I believe the whole "soulmate" notion can be a bad thing, people expect this total bonding and perfect person for them and I think miss out on some very good candidates along the way. I prefer the "90%mate", she's 90% perfect for me, 10% antagonistic pain in my a$$. Keeps the fires burning. Of course, if two people meet and 100% believe that they are each other's soulmate, that may get them through any tough times, so it may work. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:42:35 AM |
but then he kept on implying he wasn't interested in a serious relationship with a woman who had kids.
I knew there was attraction there, but I wasn't looking for a serious relationship and only wanted a friend for now.
I think there was some misunderstanding and he thought I wanted something different and casual, but I was not into that. Needless to say, I asked him why he even bothered asking me out since he knew I had kids and he acted like he wasn't sure if I had kids or not, but I know he knew I did.
Just wanted to highlight the important parts of your post. You answered your own question. Despite the attraction being there, you both wanted something different.
And how did you know that he knew you had kids? Are you a mind-reader? Do you know for sure what he was thinking? It's possible he wanted a NSA or a purely sexual relationship, but he doesn't seem to hide or play games to me, from what I'm reading of your post. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:58:44 AM | I don't know about all of you...but Im finding wisdom in all these posts. Yes you are all saying the same thing...and asking the same question....why?....I just went through a "why" thing....frankly, what people were suggesting on here was way off base as to the actual situation....although not the same as the OPs, a little or much weirder...one of those situations that anyone would be shaking their heads at....and I got a lashing for my behavior as oppose to his...
I needed that lashing because: It released the question as to "why"..and I realized, why bother, asking the question why...I was not placed on this earth to be fighting the why question. However, the suggestion of men being just as fearful as women when it comes to dating is real....they just have different agendas and men like what they can't have..when they have it...they don't know what to do with it....so Im going out on limb and possibly..just maybe...you were too much of what he wanted....and that scares him?....????....therefore its his problem, not yours and you don't need to find the "why" question for someone else...let him live with it.... | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:17:11 AM | Probably because something doesn't feel "right". That can be a variety of things, less things in common, habits revealed through spending time together, etc etc.
For some guys it's easier to pull away slowly , than having the "talk". It's akward initiating the "talk"...lol | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:18:18 AM | I've gotta agree with the poster who sees no need for explaination on that one. If you haven't even met this guy face to face, how can you expect him to take down his POF profile? You have no idea if theres even going to be a physical attraction there. I don't care what people say....there HAS to be some kind of physical attraction or it isn't going to work out.
Even if someone is the sweetest guy you'll ever meet and treats you like a queen...if they repulse you, the relationship isn't going to last... | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:31:29 AM | it is a matter of principal
how do you start a realationship
if he is looking elsewhere
why is he not investing his time in me if he is SOOOOOOOOOO INTERESTED
especially since i have taken myself off the market
and had committed myself to him
we are not children here
we both were supposedly looking for a husband wife
not to play the field
and if he feels the need to date
then do it without me
i want a man who wants to get to know me
if he wants to shake his willy at different women
when our personalities are compatable
there is a strong sexual chemistry~ been in the phone -email IM POF and VIDEOCAM
what the hell?
that is bull s hit!
don't need it
just pissed | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:59:49 AM | I'll just address the initial question, and not bother with all the waffle that came after it.
Men act interested, because initially we are. Yeah, Doh! This is because a) they don't know you and b) they're trying to get to know you. Isn't that the whole point of dating?
So, they're getting to know you and, from YOUR perspective (not necessarily theirs), it's going well. This is especially the case if you are 'old fashioned' and the guy follows the dictates of 'traditional' dating which involves buying you stuff and proving he's "into you" in a gazillion tedious ways. But, certainly in the first few dates, he's NOT doing this because he likes you, or respects you or because things are going well from his perspective - he doesn't KNOW you! He's doing this mostly because that's what the rules say he should do. And maybe too he's just having some fun with dating - this is allowed. YOU of course interpret it differently - "Oh he likes me!"
At some point, the guy has gotten to know you sufficiently and doesn't like what he's discovered. Or, to sugar-coat it a little more, maybe he doesn't like you enough (there, there, fragile ego). You might like to be pursued some more, but he doesn't think you are worth 'pursuing' (regardless of how marvellous a catch YOU think you are, or your friends tell you you are).
So he drops you like a hot potatoe.
All of a sudden you cry "Where did he go?", "...things were going so well!", "why did he act interested then pull back!"
You see, the problem is it's all going on in YOUR head. You are seeing things only from YOUR perspective.
This is another perspective - it may not be the correct one in this case, But it's one. But since it isn't very flattering to YOU, you might find it hard to swallow. | |
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