| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 9:34:02 AM | Posted By: coruja on 8/12/2008 11 49 AM this is for you
well i am not the person showing up on his site babe. he is showing up on mine.
doesn't that sound like a baby game??? instead of going to my profile 20 times a day why not call me or talk to me??????? Send a message!
COMMUNICATE.
not run or play cat and mouse games | |
|
| |
| |
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:12:38 PM | | I've done this myself..I'm a woman,like you.sometimes you learn something about the person or situation,that you think you cannot live with.it could be anything at all...that causes you to back out, because you know for sure that you can't live with the situation.being mutually attracted doesn't guarantee a lengthy relationship...to mention a few of my non-committments.after a fantastic weekend,where he convinced me that he was the absolutely most fabulous guy, I ran into two other females, about my age who had just met him last month and were raving about him, just totally infatuated..not one...I said two. He lived in another state, called me every nite for 2 hour talks..I discovered that he billed it all, and a whole lot else to his widowed Mom, who worked two shifts as a nurse,had done so for the last 10 years...he, by the way didn't work.He had been previously incarcerated for forgery, and identity fraud...need I say more?? | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:22:04 PM | Girls, also do this too. They act interested and say all the most sweetest things and make the deepest promises. Promising you the world and everything in it.
and then one day, they suddenly turn colder than the ice queen and as distant as the last planet in the galaxy. Suddenly, stop sending you those sweet messages, but you see signs that they're online, but they don't make contact, ever again; yet, you know they're still online searching the crops of plentyoffish.com to see what they can harvest. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:24:35 PM | | It happened to me too windsor saints08. But it wasn't that I thought it was a joke. I feared future heartbreak. I knew that once I had this girl. My heart would not have been able to take losing her. I choose to not miss what I never had and rejected her offers of growing closer. That was over 21 years ago and today, I can't get her out of my mind. | |
|
| |
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:32:09 PM | | Well when I meet a girl that catches my fancy I tend to really go for it, maybe too much. I really want to show her that I maybe what she is looking for. Then after a few meetings there maybe something I see that does not please me. Or I may sense something going bad so I generally slowly back off and try to get out of it without any real bad feelings. Now this is only for a short term relationship. I would handle things differently if it was long term. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:34:06 PM | | because they are not interested at all, life is short... they actually need to get to know the person inside first... I don't go on physical looks only ..... I see if we click....and if we dont ...just be honest .... | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:53:39 PM | | I've had more than 100 internet dates and no I'm not exaggerating. Probably more. But from my personal experience, the reason is more often than not, they want sex. Period. Yes, some guys get scared, blah, blah, blah. But normally, they want sex with no strings, no emotions, just get my rocks off and go. If you get hurt, oh well, price you pay for dating, esp on the internet. That's the feeling I get that the men are thinking. I don't understand it either and have almost made myself insane trying to figure it out. I've decided it will never make sense and just realize that it's just for sex. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:56:55 PM | | This guy has a valid point that does (even though we don't like it) make sense. But please tell me why oh why doesn't the guy just say....you know, we've been seeing each other for a while now and after getting to know each other a bit, I don't think we are a match. Instead, it's POOF! That's so disrespectful. what's wrong with courtesy?? | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 5:56:57 PM | I think coruja pretty much nailed it. Developing a new relationship is hard, and many people (not just women) will split unless you show unambiguous interest. Like vv2 wrote:
how do you start a realationship
if he is looking elsewhere
Maybe I'm reading her wrong, but it sounds like she expects some kind of commitment right from the first date. I personally think that's extreme -- my marriage counselor tells me that the decision to see each other exclusively is a major decision for most couples, and that it only happens after seeing each other for a month or two.
But despite that, I still feel a lot of pressure to commit to a relationship, even if it's just to say that I really want to see her again. But when I get some space to think about it, often I realize that I really don't want to see her again. So I don't. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:02:39 PM | | I would agree that it's disrespectful if you have some sort of commitment, wifewannabe. However, if you've only gone out on a date or three, I don't think it's reasonable to expect that you will keep seeing each other, nor to expect an explicit good-bye. I'm personally inclined the other way: I think it's somewhat rude to demand a Talk from somebody that you haven't established a commitment with. And for what it's worth, I get explicit good-byes from women only VERY rarely, and they don't really make me feel any better. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/12/2008 7:28:15 PM | I think he wasn't looking for anything serious but would have been quite happy for you to agree to something less - for a while, then he'd have disappeared anyway. I'm firmly of the belief that men don't value women if they don't have to 'work' for them. It sounds to me like he was mentioning the kids aspect for two reasons: 1) It bothered him and he wouldn't have wanted a serious relationship with someone who had kids; 2) It would have been useful for reminding you later, when he dumps you, that he hadn't been interested in anything serious - 'But I told you I wasn't interested in a serious relationship with a woman who has kids' (so it's not my fault I've let you down).
I suspect at least half of men do the game-playing things, one way or another. Some do it deliberately, others have unconscious issues that they are barely aware of. All you can do is to try to filter them out, see what the games are first, and look out for a genuine guy who isn't going to do this kind of thing. I think you need to feel confident in yourself that you will have lots of choice. Assume it may take years to find the right person, then you will not be disappointed if the first one is wrong. Interesting men will appear in your life and you just have to sift them. If you don't feel confident, you'll find yourself trying to make allowances and negotiating too much. If you feel that's happening, take a step back and tell yourself you are worth more and a better man is just around the corner. | |
|
| |
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:09:20 PM | Well seems like this was a good question and really got us all thinking.
I have always been cautious as to the mind games that SOME, not all, men play and have always thought I could back out in time to avoid all the confusion, but reality is sometimes you can't explain any of it. Hence, this is why I said always be upfront about what you are really looking for and don't waste your time or his.
In all fairness, the guy was honest about what he really wanted and although it hurt at first, he gave me a wake-up call and I am appreciative of that. I am new to the dating scene again coming out of a six-year marriage. Actually, this man I am talking about is not on POF that I know of, but was a man from work. We aren't in the same department. He told me we had 75% things in common and if I were 10 years older with grown kids we'd definitely be in a relationship. (He's 13 years older than me, but so HOT, oops sorry!) He's just not comfortable raising kids. I told him that's fine, it's not like I wanted him to be my boyfriend or anything. I saw it more just go out and have fun, but he kept bringing up the kid thing. So then I thought, this man must either a) really be fighting his feelings for me and is trying to convince himself not to fall for me or b) thought I was really into him and wanted to be with me in an intimate way with no strings attached so was using the kid thing as his excuse to back out gracefully eventually (very low) or c) has serious trust issues and wants to sabatouge something that could just be nice for the moment because it's happened to him so much in the past anyway. I never had expectations and it was very presumptious of him to assume he already could predict what our relationship would end up like in the future. We are still friends after going out to lunches for about two months. He wanted to continue seeing me at work for lunch at times, but I told him I wanted to back off a little. We are both coming out of a relationship, mine longer than his and it was best to not see eachother so much. I feel stronger already and feel I have passed a test in some sort of way. Can't wait to see what the future holds!  | |
|
| |
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:53:38 PM | | i sometimes wonder if guys are creatures incapable of feeling.....lol at least reading this makes me feel a little bit better....it dosn't make it any easier though and i wonder if i was ever anything to the last guy i dated....its so hard to figure out... | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/13/2008 7:10:30 PM |
I am not playing games, i am serious about this man, i liked him.
he was supposed to call me back and did not but went onto POF.
That PISSED me off.
Then he was supposed to call back. went on pof again to check his messages.
so he wants to see if the grass is greener. even though he told me that he wants a relationship with me.
so i feel deceived
i told him to remove his profile. we get along well. we have chemistry. we want the same things. cut the games.
he says that we haven't met face to face and we should take a break.
i feel that he is being a player.
Whoa honey. Talking about building a future together and insisting he take down his profile when you haven't even met face to face? seems like you are taking things WAY too quickly! And if this guy you haven't even met is talking about taking a break already... you need to get a grip and back off. If you are this jealous and possessive with a man you haven't even MET, I can't imagine how you will be a year or two into a relationship. | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:03:00 PM | | I thought the whole point of going out with someone was to know how much your into them, so if the opposite holds true after a while... then its bad to not fake liking them and pull back instead? Seriously were all individuals here and to say that someone cannot leave you for some unknown reason is like stating that you have some totalitarian grip on them and that they are not allowed to excersize free will around you. I know it hurts or baffles us when that special someone we think is gearing up for a fulfilling relationship suddenly exits the scene, but if you respect them enough, despite the mishap. Then you can forgive and forget. | |
|
| |
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:44:12 PM | Why...because in reality they don't know what they want. I have heard some of my male friends say that they will only go out with successful women but when she comes along they pull back. I believe that they become intimidated....maybe this guy you know is afraid of what may happen between you two, so he puts up barriers in hopes of not getting to like you. Just stay strong and hang in there the right one will come along.
Nana | |
|
| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:11:58 AM | | Apparently real difficult for some relationships. Especially if the girl has a tendency to be clingy. You cant fault a man for being bad at breakups, not all men are this indifferent. But to carry on and mope about a jerk who doesnt know how to end it properly is like crying over spilt milk. Whats done is done, and if the woman has any self respect she will spend the minimum amount of time mulling it over. Cause the more she does, the more aweful she begins to feel about herself and question her own dignity etc etc, it never leads to anything, only more power to the guy who left her. | |
|
| |
| |
Home
login 
