| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:14:59 PM | Why do woman chase men that do this? Because it works.
If they end up getting hurt; they stop trusting guys; even the decent guys. And decent guys get hurt because they've all been in the friend zone; desperately in love, with a woman that's been played by these types of guys.
Every see the Movie "Hitch"? Great scene; the speed dating scene, where Will Smith Explains that guys hire him, because women do not respond well to being told; "I like you".
There is a book; "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It covers all of this in detail.
The principal is this; women don't respect needy men. Men pull away to show they aren't needy. It builds anticipation, it builds sexual tension, and it works.
The bottom line is this; if you're attracted to bad boys, pursue bad boys, and don't mess with decent guys by giving them false signals. If you're attracted to good guys, and want a good relationship, don't chase bad boys.
If you've got a guy who seems great, but is pulling back; call him out on his behaviour. If he talks his way out of it; he's a bad boy. If respects you; he'll work on meeting you half way, and on working out a compromise that does demean you, and he'll probably open up about something that's bugging him too. That's a relationship; and a good one.
Good luck fishing :) | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:17:11 PM | Last line should read:
If you've got a guy who seems great, but is pulling back; call him out on his behaviour. If he talks his way out of it; he's a bad boy. If respects you; he'll work on meeting you half way, and on working out a compromise that "doesn't" demean you, and he'll probably open up about something that's bugging him too. That's a relationship; and a good one.
Good luck fishing :) | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 10:34:25 PM | Unfortunately it sounds like you gave him an excuse before he could give you one. Did you still have a profile up or do anything like answer the phone and head to the other room- for privacy=saying on the phone-you call them back later when your not" busy"- If your possitive that you didn't give him the impression of being second choice.. then its a pretty sure thing he's a player not worth the time. *and a week is peanuts when the preference is shown to be your number one.! Happy fishing | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:07:57 AM | | I am asking the same question...received an email from a guy and had an immediate connection. After a week of email exchange we met and he asked me out for another date. Before the second date an ex-flame comes back into his life and he becomes confused as to what he wants. He ends up canceling our date with an explanation that he is confused and needs sometime to figure everything out. He says he is still very interested in going out with me, but he doesn't want to juggle two women at once and needs some time, but he understands if I don't want to see him again. I completely understand his situation and indicate that he should take the time and let me know when he has come to some resolution. A few days later I receive an email opening up our email exchange again leaving me to wonder if he has made some decisions. But after two days he disappears. I would like to go out with him after he resolves his dilemma if I am not seeing someone else, but why does he write and disappear...other then to check in and see if I am still interested. I could exchange emails with him forever, but that's not what I am looking for. I feel like if I do that it just prolongs his making a decision and keeping me on the hook. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:44:21 AM |
Why do some men show interest and pursue a woman and everything seems to be going well, but then for whatever reason, will start to back off?
Because we have to act interested to some extent or we'd never get past the initial approach. It isn't an act, I suppose. One can be "interested" based on almost nothing until they discover something that eliminates their interest.
One of the main purposes of dating is to determine whether or not there is potential. Chances are if someone backs off they've come to the conclusion that it won't work for them. The reasons will vary greatly from person to person. | |
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| To ST and Omni e
Posted: 10/24/2008 9:09:18 AM | i'm not sure if you are responding to my post, but i will answer.
ST:
You have a great points there; thank you.
I'm not chasing him, just trying to make sense of it.
I haven't initiated any contact with him whatsoever.
Omni e:
yes, my profile was still up. i will take it down when i'm dating someone.
no, i think its rude to answer the mobile when you are with someone.
anyway, i don't give my number out very often.
its just wierd all the way around. i've never had anyone act this way.
nobody comes with a perfect package. i believe he is a good guy in his heart. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 4:35:38 PM | | Windsor saints08 - that has happened to me twice. Broke my heart - I don't understand it. I've also had several guys tell me I intimidate them. Seems like I pick the wrong type. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 5:56:09 PM | | Bah. This is fairly simple if one thinks generally. Why do all relationships fail? A disparity of interest between the two parties and the interest they want from a partner. He was investigating whether you were suitable, same as you were investigating him, and decided you weren't and gave a reasonable excuse. Why is that complicated? The fellow even tried to back out politely. On an aside, yes it certainly is important to be up front about you want out of a relationship but I have never heard of that happening. If you have the potential to be together you ought to understand each other well enough to know what the other wants otherwise one of you is using the other to masturbate, be it physically or emotionally. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:14:07 PM | Gosh, so many good posts on this thread. I find myself in agreement with almost all of them as divergent as they are.
OP, I guess the bottom line is this: you have to do what you think is right in any aspect of your life - including love life. You have to be true to yourself while also maintaining your ethics regarding how you treat others (or allow them to treat you). On the other hand, I think there's some psychological valididty in keeping people on thier toes not quite in the very, very early stages of dating....it creates desire on both parts. After that point passes and you settle into something more comfortable together, it's time to pack away the games and do I stated above. That's all you can do...be the best person you can be in all regards. If other people, at that point, misinterpret it,or aren't interested, or whatever, you've done all you can constructively do and then it's time to let the chips fall wherever they may. It may turn out well or it may not. All you can do then is if it turns out well, go with it....if it turns out not so well, all you can do is move on. The only thing that ever tells for sure is time. Whatecer happens, good or bad, will be come very obvious in retsrospect over time. The real question is: how MUCH time before you either have it truly together with the guy vs. cutting your losses? At any rate, I hope this is one that turns out well for you! Best wishes. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:54:24 AM | Well it all depends, with your situation I think the guy just wasnt honest of what he was looking for straight up from the beginning. So basically some men especially single ones find it hard to be a father figure when they've never been around kids. Or the same goes with women being with a single dad. I have had relationships with Single dads it was tough in the beginning but in the end the kids started to get close to me;eventhough I am no longer with their dad I am still good friends with the kids.
So basically as i said it all depends- BE STRAIGHT UP with what you are looking for & about having kids - that goes for both women & men alike because it complicates things when neither one mentions about having kids. Same goes if you are looking for a relationship or mere casual FWB relationship. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:12:45 AM | | WOW! I know this is a response to an old post, but I was just reading here and have to say that is such a sad story!! That's why I go after what I want. Life is way too short to let something great pass you by. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/25/2009 8:18:56 PM | this question will still be asked years and years from now because they're scared when a real woman is interested in them..because they were married to begin with....because barbie answered her phone...all of the above. yup i can say the same thing about single fathers of younger children, i mean. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:41:00 PM | Just take solace in knowing OP, that the guy wasn't after what you have to give and that's that.
He won't even be a memory eventually. Guys like this seldom are. He was probably hoping you were desperate enough (he probably assumes that all men don't want women who have children so that makes you a bit more needy for sex and opportunity--yeah right) to get "casual" with him so he could get some milf pootang.
Unless you're really hard up for friends, I don't recommend you keep men as friends unless they are genuine , real world friendships that developed OUTSIDE of the dating realm. Otherwise, it's just a sorry excuse for the a*hole to get laid and an opportunity for you to feel like you've given him more than you were getting in return.
Live and learn sista...live and learn. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/26/2009 2:28:51 PM | | Some men are just scared. Scared of what? Committment. Change in lifestyle. Maybe they feel they are not good enough for a woman who is smart, beautiful, intelligent and has her stuff together. I am not saying or implying all men are just scared. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:05:00 PM | I think most men are interested in a casual relationship at first, that Might develop into a long-term relationship.
Did you want a serious relationship? It seems that most women are looking for marriage/LTR. Maybe he doesn't want to be married or think you are wife-material, maybe he wants more kids. | |
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