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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 10:00:12 AM | It REALLY boils down to self control! We may feel like a little school boy
or girl, but we must put on our best poker face and pretend otherwise! lol
And I rather suspect that many women just LOVE to dig around below
the surface and see how we really feel about them! Too many guys just
don't get this and ruin all the fun and sexual tension that goes along with it
by blurting out all their feelings! | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 10:46:03 AM | vv2,
You need to realize when you meet people, they will NOT mesh with you on every level you demand. Yes, I said demand. You have a wonderful son who is a challenge. A lot of people DON'T understand what it is like to give so much more of yourself for him. I have been in your shoes. As much as you give him, you demand someone be as nice or nicer to you.
If you haven't made any kind of commitment to be together (all the foo-foo talk aside), you can't tell him what to do. That is the FASTEST way to have anyone high-tail it and leave for good. Having just chemistry does not a relationship make. If you don't have the other pieces of the puzzle, you will never be complete.
I am not trying to tell you do anything, but maybe you should see a couples counselor before you get in a relationship. You need to get a perspective from a third-party and not a family or friend. You need someone impartial to tell you who is wrong for demanding or not delivering.
The energy you spend being PISSED off could be spent finding the one. Your son needs you when he is not in school. If anyone can't accept that, you should take that as a first and last sign to leave. Why stay pissed when you can be hopeful or even happy you are not in a bad relationship?
Someone is out there waiting for you. You are NOT going to find "the one" pissing and moaning about the guy who obviously is going to treat you like crap.
I hope you do find the one that will treat you and yours the way you deserve.
Bill | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/22/2008 7:52:11 PM | | Yep its that wall! thing...but having had it done to me I have to wonder if his excuses as to why it happened were excuses or if the fact i had kids really bothered him...oh and that i dont have a perfect body lol!..when you have been casual with someone, friends and all of a sudden he starts hanging out with you and your kids in your home and well its just wonderful your starting to let your wall down and feel comfy and stuff ...for them to just stop dead because you said something that he reckons made you seem demanding and needy when in actual fact (asking someone to dinner) must be demanding who would of thought lol! I think alot of guys start to fall or get comfy and then think fuk is this what i really want...i think im ready to settle down but in reality maybe im not RUN!! for the hills ...guys seem to think that if they commit, what happens if something better comes along i will break her heart but really if he opens up and knocks that wall down he could of found the most wonderful relationship he could imagine....take the risk I say...because sometimes you throw away something really special because your scared...But I wouldn't mind knowing why men pull back too.....?? | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:49:13 PM | this just happened to me. i never had it happen before.
we did the emailing, talking and texting for a few weeks.
we met.
i text him a few days later "hope you have a great day."
i don't hear back from him, so what.
i come on here to answer another email.
i see he is gone from my profile.
he poofed.
i get a text 6 hours later "thanks. i hope you have one too."
i ask "did i do something wrong?"
he responds "no. why?"
i say "ok."
i asked, he said i didn't do anything, so i'm cool.
five minutes later, he texts me this paragraph on how we "just met" and "we are all here to make friends, he doesn't know if he met "the one" or not and asks if i know "what he means?" "we can still chat" and then he told me he was getting on the road so he couldn't text or talk. (not that i wanted to)
i am stunned.
i have no idea where he got "i want to move in with you and marry you" from "hope you have a great day."
i didn't respond to his text.
i haven't heard any further from him about it.
i feel like i've been played.
he was the one calling and texting me.
its easy to get used to someone doing that.
if you don't feel that you want to continue talking to someone after meeting them or at whatever point you discover that the person isn't for you, then just tell them.
when you go silent and poof, its the most unkind and selfish thing.
if you want honesty, then you have to be honest yourself. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:14:59 PM | Why do woman chase men that do this? Because it works.
If they end up getting hurt; they stop trusting guys; even the decent guys. And decent guys get hurt because they've all been in the friend zone; desperately in love, with a woman that's been played by these types of guys.
Every see the Movie "Hitch"? Great scene; the speed dating scene, where Will Smith Explains that guys hire him, because women do not respond well to being told; "I like you".
There is a book; "The Game" by Neil Strauss. It covers all of this in detail.
The principal is this; women don't respect needy men. Men pull away to show they aren't needy. It builds anticipation, it builds sexual tension, and it works.
The bottom line is this; if you're attracted to bad boys, pursue bad boys, and don't mess with decent guys by giving them false signals. If you're attracted to good guys, and want a good relationship, don't chase bad boys.
If you've got a guy who seems great, but is pulling back; call him out on his behaviour. If he talks his way out of it; he's a bad boy. If respects you; he'll work on meeting you half way, and on working out a compromise that does demean you, and he'll probably open up about something that's bugging him too. That's a relationship; and a good one.
Good luck fishing :) | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:17:11 PM | Last line should read:
If you've got a guy who seems great, but is pulling back; call him out on his behaviour. If he talks his way out of it; he's a bad boy. If respects you; he'll work on meeting you half way, and on working out a compromise that "doesn't" demean you, and he'll probably open up about something that's bugging him too. That's a relationship; and a good one.
Good luck fishing :) | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/23/2008 10:34:25 PM | Unfortunately it sounds like you gave him an excuse before he could give you one. Did you still have a profile up or do anything like answer the phone and head to the other room- for privacy=saying on the phone-you call them back later when your not" busy"- If your possitive that you didn't give him the impression of being second choice.. then its a pretty sure thing he's a player not worth the time. *and a week is peanuts when the preference is shown to be your number one.! Happy fishing | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:07:57 AM | | I am asking the same question...received an email from a guy and had an immediate connection. After a week of email exchange we met and he asked me out for another date. Before the second date an ex-flame comes back into his life and he becomes confused as to what he wants. He ends up canceling our date with an explanation that he is confused and needs sometime to figure everything out. He says he is still very interested in going out with me, but he doesn't want to juggle two women at once and needs some time, but he understands if I don't want to see him again. I completely understand his situation and indicate that he should take the time and let me know when he has come to some resolution. A few days later I receive an email opening up our email exchange again leaving me to wonder if he has made some decisions. But after two days he disappears. I would like to go out with him after he resolves his dilemma if I am not seeing someone else, but why does he write and disappear...other then to check in and see if I am still interested. I could exchange emails with him forever, but that's not what I am looking for. I feel like if I do that it just prolongs his making a decision and keeping me on the hook. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:44:21 AM |
Why do some men show interest and pursue a woman and everything seems to be going well, but then for whatever reason, will start to back off?
Because we have to act interested to some extent or we'd never get past the initial approach. It isn't an act, I suppose. One can be "interested" based on almost nothing until they discover something that eliminates their interest.
One of the main purposes of dating is to determine whether or not there is potential. Chances are if someone backs off they've come to the conclusion that it won't work for them. The reasons will vary greatly from person to person. | |
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| To ST and Omni e
Posted: 10/24/2008 9:09:18 AM | i'm not sure if you are responding to my post, but i will answer.
ST:
You have a great points there; thank you.
I'm not chasing him, just trying to make sense of it.
I haven't initiated any contact with him whatsoever.
Omni e:
yes, my profile was still up. i will take it down when i'm dating someone.
no, i think its rude to answer the mobile when you are with someone.
anyway, i don't give my number out very often.
its just wierd all the way around. i've never had anyone act this way.
nobody comes with a perfect package. i believe he is a good guy in his heart. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 4:35:38 PM | | Windsor saints08 - that has happened to me twice. Broke my heart - I don't understand it. I've also had several guys tell me I intimidate them. Seems like I pick the wrong type. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/24/2008 5:56:09 PM | | Bah. This is fairly simple if one thinks generally. Why do all relationships fail? A disparity of interest between the two parties and the interest they want from a partner. He was investigating whether you were suitable, same as you were investigating him, and decided you weren't and gave a reasonable excuse. Why is that complicated? The fellow even tried to back out politely. On an aside, yes it certainly is important to be up front about you want out of a relationship but I have never heard of that happening. If you have the potential to be together you ought to understand each other well enough to know what the other wants otherwise one of you is using the other to masturbate, be it physically or emotionally. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:14:07 PM | Gosh, so many good posts on this thread. I find myself in agreement with almost all of them as divergent as they are.
OP, I guess the bottom line is this: you have to do what you think is right in any aspect of your life - including love life. You have to be true to yourself while also maintaining your ethics regarding how you treat others (or allow them to treat you). On the other hand, I think there's some psychological valididty in keeping people on thier toes not quite in the very, very early stages of dating....it creates desire on both parts. After that point passes and you settle into something more comfortable together, it's time to pack away the games and do I stated above. That's all you can do...be the best person you can be in all regards. If other people, at that point, misinterpret it,or aren't interested, or whatever, you've done all you can constructively do and then it's time to let the chips fall wherever they may. It may turn out well or it may not. All you can do then is if it turns out well, go with it....if it turns out not so well, all you can do is move on. The only thing that ever tells for sure is time. Whatecer happens, good or bad, will be come very obvious in retsrospect over time. The real question is: how MUCH time before you either have it truly together with the guy vs. cutting your losses? At any rate, I hope this is one that turns out well for you! Best wishes. | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 12/3/2008 10:56:47 AM | I would like to reiterate mr. coruja's comments
At some point, the guy has gotten to know you sufficiently and doesn't like what he's discovered. Or, to sugar-coat it a little more, maybe he doesn't like you enough (there, there, fragile ego). You might like to be pursued some more, but he doesn't think you are worth 'pursuing' (regardless of how marvellous a catch YOU think you are, or your friends tell you you are).
So he drops you like a hot potatoe.
All of a sudden you cry "Where did he go?", "...things were going so well!", "why did he act interested then pull back!"
You see, the problem is it's all going on in YOUR head. You are seeing things only from YOUR perspective.
This is another perspective - it may not be the correct one in this case, But it's one. But since it isn't very flattering to YOU, you might find it hard to swallow
Initially I agreed coruja , but see any relationship, at any stage, is going to be some sort of compromise because you are part of a couple....I HAVE LEARNED..THAT IF A MAN WON'T WAIT FOR ME..sexually or otherwise..then he just wants instant gratification and he wants things his way..and visa versa female to male...A RELATIONSHIP IS A GIVE & TAKE..IF YOU REALLY,GENUINELY CARE FOR THE OTHER PERSON , YOU DO ur best..You don't run at the first few signs of things being crappy for you in some way, UNLESS IT'S ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR that is an understandable reason, THE FACT IS A LOT OF PPLE PREFER DELUSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS because it's easier for them to do that than it is to actually work on things with someone, especially when the someone isn't going to bend to your every whim or believe every lie u get caught in.....I HAVE MY DIZZY MOMENTS BUT I COULD NEVER lower myself to have a man define me..."YOU push I pull" if we were moving furniture that would be fine..pull all you wan't, pull it raw as a matter fact..CAN WE GUESS WHO GOT DID DIRTY HERE? LOL | |
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| Why do some men act interested, then pull back?
Posted: 12/6/2008 12:54:24 AM | Well it all depends, with your situation I think the guy just wasnt honest of what he was looking for straight up from the beginning. So basically some men especially single ones find it hard to be a father figure when they've never been around kids. Or the same goes with women being with a single dad. I have had relationships with Single dads it was tough in the beginning but in the end the kids started to get close to me;eventhough I am no longer with their dad I am still good friends with the kids.
So basically as i said it all depends- BE STRAIGHT UP with what you are looking for & about having kids - that goes for both women & men alike because it complicates things when neither one mentions about having kids. Same goes if you are looking for a relationship or mere casual FWB relationship. | |
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