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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:49:21 PM | | I am in a profession (sex and relationship counselling) that continually deals with people and their efforts to sort out this kind of thing. What I read from your posts is in fact that perhaps you are not that into this guy, so, tell him you dont have to be cruel about it just say Bob or whatever, I don't think we have a future in a ltr, however I enjoy your company and would like to still go out on occasion. Don't worry he will soon get the message and while remaining friends will have short circuited any long term thoughts. Imagine if you felt very strongly towards him and were not getting reciprocal feelings, old but accurate saying, choose the behaviour choose the consequence, he chose to go after you and you have to admire his endeavours they just aren't wanted by you is all | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/12/2008 8:53:01 PM | Sorry Pleasurelimits... but your theory is actually totally the opposite. I was totally into him and when we met (in real life situation) there was a totally chemistry between us. But...... he came on so fast and strong that I was a little skeptical and wasn't sure how to handle the comments because I think with my head first, then my heart. Well...... long behold, two weeks later his actions changed suddenly and I questioned him about it. Hence, we aren't seeing each other anymore and another story.
But my point is... he was so like that in the beginning and then it changed. Hence, my questions about the subject. | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:03:19 PM |
I was a little skeptical and wasn't sure how to handle the comments because I think with my head first, then my heart.
...I avoid women that lead with their head first and not their heart, mainly because I've been burned by relationships with overly intellectual women, who lacked passion and fire. These days I would take a passionate fiery drama queen over any woman that came across as "thinking with her head first"... Yuck!  | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:06:36 PM | wow,
OP, guys that do that are insincere or emotionally disturbed and all they want is sex. Really. If they haven't known you that long then they can't possibly be sincere. Time to calibrate your BS meter!
... someone needs to get a hold of themselves, it's a personal issue, myself I enjoy letting the other person know if i'm thinking about them, some people enjoy knowing someone's thinking of them. Much like a message in the middle of the day saying something as trivial as "Hey sexy, just wanted to say that i'm thinking of you!" could turn around someone's day if it were difficult.
I'll agree their are some issues if you've only spoken a few times very briefly, then yes, it could be interperated as a play to get in the sac... however the emotionally disturbed, comment is setting off my bs meter | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:05:30 PM | | Gee. How difficult is it to respond in a way that tells him you like him? Do you really think a guy that goes out of his way to appreciate you is going to be thrilled if you ignore him? What is wrong with you people? | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:21:53 PM | "But my point is... he was so like that in the beginning and then it changed. Hence, my questions about the subject."
So he's honest with you about his feeling towards you and you didn't respond at all. He decided he wouldn't waste time barking on a dead tree. And you're confused?
You think with your head? I highly doubt it. | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 9/1/2008 10:23:37 PM |
So he's honest with you about his feeling towards you and you didn't respond at all. He decided he wouldn't waste time barking on a dead tree. And you're confused?
You act like I am a dead tree. I had no problem showing my interest and expressing myself when we were together. Maybe I am more of an in person type than sending it in a text etc.
Anyway..... it is all water under the bridge. Eventhough, I might think with my head at first...... this time I was right. He was so much, so soon, then poof. What is wrong with a happy medium? When someone gives out so much, so soon...... it makes you wonder. | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 9/1/2008 11:49:47 PM | I can't speak for anyone but myself. If I've had a couple dates, (encounters, coffees, whatever you have) then I will be thinking about that person...it's a running dialogue in your subconcious, unconciously. So I am going to say that, to that person. (wheres the fault there?)
As far as the continuous and repeated contact throughout the day, can't help you there. Some days I guess I might call a few times, if the situation warrants, but the type of work I do, dictates that I am non-communicado for the better part of however many hours it takes to get the job done.
Regardless of how long we have been seeing each other, 3 dates, months, years, decades...I sure haven't got any desire to make a career out of phoning.
Obsessive compulsive disorder, is, for some people, reality. | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:42:37 AM | Ok, ok... my boyfriend was/is kinda like this. I get an email every morning and several short text messages/5 minute phone calls throughout the day. At first I found it completely overwhelming... but I *really* liked him (I met him in RL, not online) so I decided to give it a chance. As I got to know him, I realized that he just likes to be in touch!
It's a different style of communication... rather than save up everything he has to say during the day and have a long conversation at night, he likes to give me the play-by-play. You get used to it.
Do you have to initiate? I don't. He likes driving the 'contact' bus, so I let him. If an unusual amount of time passes and I don't hear from him, I'll call... but otherwise, no. I just wait for the next update.
What do you say to "Good morning", why "Good morning!". "I'm thinking of you" - just smile. No worries... it's about the contact more than it is about what you say.
It's strange, I'll admit... but now? I find it really sweet.
I'm using this whole thing as a reference point of how 'healthy' relationships are generally supposed to go..... yes, there ARE variances in contact levels for healthy couples....but over all....this is a great example of an 'attitude' that is essential to have a healthy relationship with somebody.
I just spent the labor day weekend with two of my closest friends. I've known both of them since college days. So we have a twenty five year history. They've been together since college. They have three daughters.
Since he is in sales, and has a pretty big territory, he spends some time on the road. We will sometimes meet up when he's down in my neck of the woods to do dinner and shoot the chit.
It's never happened, without fail, that while we're talking, his cell phone goes off. It's his wife..... who calls just to say 'HI', or to give him the latest scoop on what's happening with one of his daughters. And it's always great fun to hear them just going back and forth, sometimes just getting in a joke with each other. He looked at me one day, after closing his cell phone, and said, "I've got HOMEWORK waiting for me in my email when I get back to the hotel room." (the wife didn't know how to help the middle one with some math..)
He never 'rolls his eyes' when the phone rings.... He never gives a 'humph' like he's being inconvenienced by her calling. He doesn't call her an 'obsessive NAG', who's always checking up on him. He doesn't feel like he's being DEPRIVED of his precious 'individuality' or that he needs his requirement of SPACE.
And ya know why??? Because his wife is the primary person in his LIFE!!! And my friend is the primary person in HER life............HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! They LOVE each other. Imagine that!! Couples who actually DIG each other!! And LIVE for each other!! And like to TALK to each other!! Holy CRAP!! What a novel concept!!! They actually COMMUNICATE to each other. You can sure tell they've never spent ONE MINUTE in a place like this!! Because only two things would happen if they did: They would either start to DOUBT themselves and how their lives were somehow WRONG for doing such a basic thing.......or they would sit at a screen and LAUGH at all the great ADVICE that's available out there by the 'relationship experts' and tell them all to 'get a life'......... And I guarantee it would be the latter.
The example post above makes me simply sort of LAUGH. Because at first, the poster displays 'suspicion' and being 'uncomfortable' with this sort of STYLE. Like 'HE' had some sort of PROBLEM by being one to actually say, "hi....ya know.....I've been thinking about you...and I can't get you out of my mind..." It cracks me UP!! But see....back in them OLD DAYS, when men actually pursued women, and weren't quite so paranoid as being either viewed as PERVERTS, AZZHOLES, or STALKERS for doing so.....this is what they LIKED TO DO!! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! BUELLER!!!!!!
Kind of funny that the woman now actually ENJOYS the communication.....huh?? But it still WREAKS of implying that she somehow obliged HIM for doing so..... well gee...thanks a LOT!!
How else do you come up with a "It's STRANGE....(STRANGE)....I'll admit...but now I find it really sweet!!".....................awwwww.......can't imagine NORMAL communication between a couple who GIVE A CHIT about each other being anything OTHER than sweet........hello!!!!!?????
If any of you women can't get the guy you claim you want.........it's simply because you have now perverted the whole COURTING PROCESS with your 'modern day' thinking to a point where men simply are not doing what they were WIRED to do in the first place. And then, isn't it ironic.........that after the men have been completely DE-terminated from their wiring.....because THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED......let's be honest, you've all been going around as unlicensed electricians, performing the operation yourselves, how women then have the audacity to come into places like this and then post questions like.........."Is courting out of style now?"........I just read that damn post last night........
So.....allow me to call each and every one of you in the morning....and say....."I'm just giving you some practice on what REAL communication is like between a man and a woman.....I'm letting you know that I'm THINKING about you.....and that if you're not careful....you're going to blow the next opportunity with the next guy who MIGHT want to call to let you know he's thinking about you as well.......so here's your PRACTICE call".........
please put your phone numbers down on the below list........... Class is now in session... | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 9/2/2008 7:22:08 AM | What's the matter hunnie, is sweetypie a bit overwhelmy this morning?
I have been guilty of the loftiest expectations far too early in a relationship just as a few women have been with me. If you want to call it desperation go ahead, I call it humanity. And out our age OP are these men pursuing you older? That's a variable you must consider. Great luck to you. | |
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| Men jumping in, in the beginning of a relationship
Posted: 9/2/2008 8:39:53 AM | Piano........ there is a difference between being married and only seeing each other less than two weeks. You are comparing apples and oranges there.
I dated a guy for two years. We would call each other every morning to say Good Morning. Catch up briefly once during the day, then after work. Then we ended the evening with a Good Night call. We were in a full relationship and did that on the days we weren't together. It was very natural and it never got old.
Yes, it is flattering. Yes, it makes you smile. But also, when it is so soon....... you wonder if they are like that with everyone in the beginning or just with you. I don't think you truly know someone in less than two weeks, to know if there are feelings or sincerity behind it -vs- they are a little over zealous, desperate, pushing for sex etc.
See......... when someone is a little overboard in the beginning, then it fizzles within two weeks. It makes the person look like an Ass. Because, then you shake your head and go....... HMMMMM, one minute they are this way, then the next not. Makes you think it was a game. When I do or say something, it is because I mean it and my heart and soul is in it. I don't mislead or be all gushy, then decide I don't want to see the person anymore. Then wouldn't I be screwing with their head? Then I would be called a game player, or biotch. | |
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