| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/12/2008 12:32:38 PM | You will feel better when you allow someone else a chance in your life.
You can't predict how things will go with anyone, that is why it is frustrating.
He probably had some feelings for you like you did him but that's not enough to build something lasting.
You know that ya'll are not right for one another. Whether you are feeling
guilty for not talking to him and feel like you sabbataged (spelling?) it - you have to know that if it were that fragile, it wasn't right either so don't beat yourself up over any of that. Remember communication is best, even if you pick up the phone and say you know, I'm not ready to talk right now, how about later tonight around 7 when we can spend some time and get on the same page?
When you find someone that it is right, you will wonder why you agonized so much over the ones that weren't right. You don't know what you don't know. So go out there and meet, mingle, make yourself available for someone that you will be happy with and you will know. :) Hope this helps. | |
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tru218
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Joined: 1/20/2008
Msg: 27 | |
| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/12/2008 12:33:54 PM | You want someone to tell you it's ok to make a mess out of your life. OK...keep doing what you are doing and you are sure to make a mess of your life. HAPPY NOW???
Don't ask questions for which you don't want the answers. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/12/2008 1:45:34 PM | First thing is you shouldn't attempt to date , you're not over this guy completely ....... Listen you need to be over this guy period, no point on being friends with him How can you be friends with someone if every time you look at them it makes you want and desire them even more?
IMO I don't think it's right to find someone on a dating site to use to help you get your mind off another person,you're still hurting ... you're not ready to date, hang out with good friends ,find some hobbies/sports/whatever that don't involve using other people to assuage your pain
I know you probably want closure but realistically hes moved on, his actions dictates he has doesn't matter why you broke up, he's already stuck in fork in your relationship now he's moved on to another restaurant. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:06:27 PM |
You want someone to tell you it's ok to make a mess out of your life. OK...keep doing what you are doing and you are sure to make a mess of your life. HAPPY NOW???
Don't ask questions for which you don't want the answers.
That's pretty harsh for someone to take, but you don't get more honest than that .
I feel your pain as I was in the same situation.... It is very hard when you want more and they want friends especially after you were more than that from the start ... I mentioned early in this topic ... YOU CAN'T GO BACKWARDS and be just friends now... it just doesn't work.. You will be devastated when he meets someone new.. Move on as all of us have had to do at one time in our lives.
But my heart does empathize with you .... | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:56:10 PM | friendship can be great.. if thats what you want
but as many many many have explained..... it will only work if you are not looking, hoping, praying, fooling yourself to think its more.... harry is not gonna necessarily meet sally again... best friends are nt going to one day open thier eyes and say i have been a fool... Ok maybe but slim.... you can not go on the roller coaster if you ae not ready
You can do what ever you want.. you will anyway... but you have been given great advice.. advice I am taking myself...
stay busy... do not cal... and find someone ekse to hang out with, talk to and spend time.... You must have some girl friends to hang with... give time.... It hurts but thats ok........ Friendship is great and I am lucky that my best friend is my choice to stay my best friend.. but we are ok with that.... I thought I loved him... and I do.. as my best friend..... I like that.. its good.. my heart is full and my time is spent with so many people.. and I love my life.... its possible..... liste to these people.. they actually have good points.. ask for help.... take it | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:01:14 AM | Big thanks to everyone that advised me, I think i know whats the best thing to do and I do feel a bit guilty but I think im gonna ignore him from now on. One last thing i want to say is that why i feel guilty is that he did few things for me and I feel mean just ignoring him now and not even saying anything. But if you all are saying its the best thing to do then i will do it.
I think there is more to it then i said cos i made the story short but i know i have to let him go otherwise i will never be ready for another relationship. Thank you soo much x | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:25:27 AM | I'm in exactly in the same boat as you and it is so easy for everyone to give the advice but how you feel inside is a different matter.
I am hurting a lot at the moment too, but the advice everyone is giving is great advice and we have to both be strong and accept the fact that these men don't want a relationship with us. In fact I think they are both very insensitive to think we won't have a problem being just friends with them.
I tried for a week to be friends with the guy who dumped me but we ended up in bed again!!!! So I was strong and said to him that I can't be in contact with him! He lives very local to me, drinks in the same pubs and comes into my shop every week.
Luckily I've got two weeks off and so am going to take that time to heal, I'm gonna get myself to the gym and make myself feel good about myself.
Let's not let these men knock our confidence, we are both fabulous women and one day we will both find a man to make us feel special!
Good luck sweetie, I am feeling your pain, you are not on you're own. Let me know how you get on.
Feel free to send me a message on here if you like, it may help for you to have someone to talk to in the same situation! x | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:33:10 AM | | I have had a similar situation and believe me if a man is interested it is black and white he will let you know. The harsh truth is he is not interested in a relationship with you but as you said when he gets lonely he falls back on you. You need to get it straight in your own mind that it is not going to happen with him and when he texts or appears on msn smile to yourself and feel sorry for him and think "ahhh you having a lonely moment again "? and that is all it is he is not pining for you. Eventually you will not care whether he texts or not and you will feel pleased with yourself that you can look on him as a friend. Try and remember when he ignored you for a week and why you don't want to go through that again, not the good times you had. We always forget the bad when we crave the good. Focus on the bad and feel sorry for the next girl he ignores for a week, because it is not your problem but his, he obviously preferred to watch football than see you, didn't give a damn how this affected your day so he is selfish and also stoopid der if he expected no reaction!!! Everyone has a right to their own space but a bit of notice would be nice, if somebody is genuinely ill that's different, but also ask yourself if I really didn't feel like seeing him should I go and see him. He was basically saying I don't feel like seeing you tonight, some men don't communicate enough, if he had said look babe I'm really tired just fancy chilling and watching some footie, still love ya loads so don't worry, I'll call you when the footie is finished. You couldn't still be mad could you? Anyway if it's not too painful and emotionally upheaving for you just be his friend and when you go out with him expect nothing and you will never be disappointed. Hope this helps a bit. x | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/13/2008 5:50:07 AM | OP: Don't allow yourself to be treated with such disrespect! From your description of his passive-aggressive behaviour, it's clearly obvious that he doesn't know what he wants. Do yourself a huge favour, cut-off contact with him & move on!
All the Best! | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:07:38 PM | Ladies you are all correct...... and what this hows is simple... a broken heart is found all over the world... and so is the strength one gets from friends hey do not even know they have,,,,,,,,,, shared experiences... Yeah its sucks.. but what can ou do... but be strong
it hurts.. and it will get better......... | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 3:50:33 PM | | You are not even into this guy; you are into anyone that will be with you; this guy isnt' into you and you wont get it. Cut him off, have no contact with him, or strap yourself into the train seat because this is going to be one HECK of a train wreck. Good choices are the key to good relationships. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:01:22 PM | you said: I know we might not be suited and he might not even be what im looking for but i dont think i wanna lose him completely, but i also know i will hurt if he finds someone else so i think i need to stop any contact
You need to get more introspective and realize how much our EGO is involved and its NOT about love or having feelings for someone. All this drama is because of your EGO and that you don't have anything going on with anyone that is giving you this attention. You are out of contact with him yet you needed someone to talk to and you contacted him? This was to get attention from him. Maturity helps with this part. Take care of yourself, VALUE your friends who probably were just as much help but unfortunatley you put relationships/attention from men above their help. This is a big part of growing up (some never do) but I advise you to really look at his and realize...what this is really about.
Have you ever noticed that when the breakup is your idea (instead of the others'), its SOOO much easier to get on with life and that your happier ? Why? Because your ego hasn't taken the brunt of it and you have a plan whether its concious or not in moving on.
Keep telling yourself that part that you wrote about him not being the one for you for all the reasons you think....remind yourself and don't let your EGO rule when you feel lonely or need that attention from someone who shouldn't be giving it to you. It takes practice and then one day...you don't even think about it because you are busy moving on.
good luck | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:15:02 PM | OP..You cant control anyones feelings but your own. Why not take some time to be on your own? I dont think a firendship is a good idea at this point. Maybe later when you can sort out your feelings.
He is going to be dating someone else. Do you want to know about it?
Look let him know you appreciate the things hes done for you but at the present time you need to take some time aways from this friendship to sort out your feelings.
GOOD LUCK | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:31:22 PM | Learn to say "NEXT", sugar, and mean it...
BREAK OFF ALL CONTACT WITH THE DUDE.....
...this guy could have tried harder but he didnt, that's the BOTTOM LINE.
Its a hard thing to let someone go completely...but its possible and exactly what will make you feel SO much better in the LONG run.
FREE YOURSELF UP for someone who is INTO YOU!!
SOMEONE WHO RESPECTS YOU!!!
Its one of the best things you can do for yourself!!!!
Love goes out to you lil girlfriend!!!
Things'll get better....you'll see....
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 5:41:58 PM | I think he has already decided, it isn't up to you any more. You must cut the strings and move on, you don't need to stay friends, because everytime you see him with another woman, it will upset you again.
cut your losses........Elysium_2008 | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:07:12 PM | | Alot of good mature advise here, you need to learn to grow up , read what you wrote on this thread and listen to yourself, You sound obsesed with a guy who will not care if you stay in contact with him or not, after all he lives 20 miles away and so he isn't going to run into you cause you don't drive right ? So how do you feel you will run into him unless it is online on a date site. You are the one who needs to let go and accept HE IS NOT interested in YOU. So stop whinning and move on and stop stocking the guy. You was upset with him cause he chose to watch football so you acted like a child when he text you and did not act mature and reply back and say hello . Don't ask for the advise if your not able to accept it. Trust me, your the one who can't deal with the rejection, this guy don't care if you ever say 2 words to him again. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:14:47 PM | You need to accept that this relationship is over. You got caught up in the games people sometimes play. He canceled a date for a ballgame so you ignored him; so he got back by ignoring you. So the battle begins. Most relationships never surive those games - if they do then they are damaged at best.
The best thing you can do is learn from your mistakes so you don't carry them into the next relationship you have. Someone cancels a date, tell him how you feel. If it becomes a pattern then you need to decide if you are willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't honor his commitments. (If in fact he made plans to be with you, communcation breakdown maybe?) Or should you expect better treatment than that? (the answer here is yes, you should)
He delivered the message early on that he wasn't interested; the lack of being available, coming over less and less. He tried to back out gently but the message wasn't received. His trip where you saw the pics with other girls - he had already told you he didn't want a relationship with you before that trip.
None of this is meant to be harsh; I have been there too. It's just time to regroup and make the decision not to make the same mistakes next time.
Good Luck; it will happen for you. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 8/16/2008 6:37:38 PM | | being that you have emotions into this you need to cut him loose! you are only hurting yourself. he saw his sports and other things more important! not saying that he isnt allowed to watch sports, but if he knew there was a game why did he plan a date, and then call it off right before hand. he has no respect for you! and you should have been honest with him when he cancelled over a game. the not talking to each other over it is pretty childish! well good luck, trust me i have been through similar situations so i speak from experience! | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 3/18/2009 1:09:44 AM | | hello,hes a player nothing more,your vunerable for him.you have feelings he doesnt.as long as you keep in touch he will use you.getting in touch after weeks or months keeps you on your toes.if you dont think your worth anything then keep waiting for him,he wont commit to you because your not for him.hel keep playing you because you want to be played.no one on here will tell you to stick around.if you want to here that then ask him.theres many nice loving men out there go find one that wants you.dote on some one that dotes back.your statement is confusing but ive worked it out,cos im clever.is he a mammies boy?just asking lol. | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/4/2009 12:07:38 AM | I have read several of your posts, and in answer to the advise given..
I too like many others on this post read your messages and see that I have been there..
Its hard to break free from someone you care for, even thought you can see you don't mean that much to him, you and your heart refuse to believe it... therefore you carry on..
One day it will click (no matter how many ppl advise you to stop) you won't stop until you are ready and see what a waste of space he is, and how stupid you have been (speaking from my experience of oneself)
I have been in this situation now 4 times (to be honest, probably very silly) and like you have mentioned several times I am not a vindictive person to say nasty things to him... however they walk over me, that's fine (it's not but it comes across that way).
I can also tell you that all 4 men who have done this to me, are now in relationships with others 2 of them married now, it hurt me that they moved on (to be honest) but wished them all well and blessings.
I do occassionally speak to all 4.. now.. but only on a friendly passing comments..
how's you, hope you are well... what's happening lately... (general)
I learn to move on, and you will too. But only in your own time will that happen! | |
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lsta
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Joined: 8/15/2008
Msg: 47 | |
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| I need some help or advice please!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 4/4/2009 5:31:33 AM | | You broke up with him, you spend time with him as a friend only, you are actively looking for people on a dating website, but yet you are hurt when he also starts looking? Get over yourself, and get over him. | |
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