| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:42:17 AM |
he obviously feels relax and comfortable with you to be so honest, and stayed on the phone for 3 hours at a time. so there is a friendship. both of you are non-attached and may feel lonely sometimes. so nothing wrong to share some fun. at least he has the decency to let you know that he is not emotionally available, rather than string you on.
as long as you are fully aware there is nothing more than friendship and fun; he and you can still date other people; you can continue whatever you are doing and enjoy life.
Thank you!!!!! Finally someone who sees the positive side of my relationship with him. We are good friends and when we get the time to spend together, its great and he tells me that he likes me for my personality and that im fun to be around. We dont always get together when we can for sex, it has happened only 4 times in the last two months after his separation and before that we seen each other quite a lot or talked a lot on the phone.
I know u all are trying to help me avoid getting hurt and i appreciate that but im a big girl (no pun intended) lol and i can handle whatever comes my way.  | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:58:44 AM |
If you're a 'big girl' and can 'handle anything that comes my way', why in hell post your plight on here, only to grab onto the one reply that says what you want to hear?
Im not just grabbing onto just one reply like i said i appreciate everything that everyone is telling me its just that noone really knows this person im talking about only from what im telling u all. What i should have said in my first post was that he said he wasnt looking for a gf at the moment when we first started being friends. I dont know where his head is at now that we've been sexually active together. I havent really talked to him about his feelings for me now since then.
If youve all read my previous thread i wrote about "is it ok to use baby oil as a lube?" u will see that we tried several times to have sex which didnt always work out but he still continued to pursue me. Also even when he used to come over on his lunch hour and it wasnt always a good time for us before we had any kind of sex, he still kept calling. Maybe i am fooling myself but i dont want to give up on him right now not until he tells me that even after the divorce there will be nothing more. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 10:58:51 AM |
Youre wrong though he does have a strong connection with me but right now he's just being cautious because of things that can jeopardize his divorce settlement
My ass.
If the sex is good and you are OK with it just being about sex, fine. But realize that another one of the less obvious "benefits" (for him) is that he can get Willy conditioned and quiet that constant background scream of "Gawd I NEED to get LAID"; and after he regains his sexual equilibrium he's more than likely going to go find a REAL relationship with someone else. If you are OK with that, by all means,keep boinking the guy but do not allow yourself to dream of a "real relationship" in the future because IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
Cindy O | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:13:48 AM | I get the feeling even when this 'relationship' blows over, you'll still be there to 'give it up' to him whenever he wants it.
You are indeed a 'rebound', OP, and will be as long as you continue to let him treat you this way.
You're in for heartache.
You chose the behaviour - you chose the consequences. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:21:31 AM |
Im not just grabbing onto just one reply like i said i appreciate everything that everyone is telling me its just that noone really knows this person im talking about only from what im telling u all. What i should have said in my first post was that he said he wasnt looking for a gf at the moment when we first started being friends. I dont know where his head is at now that we've been sexually active together. I havent really talked to him about his feelings for me now since then.
If youve all read my previous thread i wrote about "is it ok to use baby oil as a lube?" u will see that we tried several times to have sex which didnt always work out but he still continued to pursue me. Also even when he used to come over on his lunch hour and it wasnt always a good time for us before we had any kind of sex, he still kept calling. Maybe i am fooling myself but i dont want to give up on him right now not until he tells me that even after the divorce there will be nothing more
Then you will wait until after the divorce, and you will wait while he sorts out all his other problems, and you will wait while he gets his head together, and you will wait while he dates someone else because he still doesn't know where his head is at the moment etc etc. Go on kidding yourself OP. This is how people end up in pain complaining about how they wasted 1/2/3 years waiting for a person to get their act together, only to find out that when they did get it together the first thing they did was run off and get engaged to the next person. It's your life, either listen to your logic and save yourself the pain, or let your mind convince you it will all work out in the long run because you want it to happen. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:23:42 AM |
What i should have said in my first post was that he said he wasnt looking for a gf at the moment when we first started being friends. I dont know where his head is at now that we've been sexually active together. I havent really talked to him about his feelings for me now since then.
If youve all read my previous thread i wrote about "is it ok to use baby oil as a lube?" u will see that we tried several times to have sex which didnt always work out but he still continued to pursue me. Also even when he used to come over on his lunch hour and it wasnt always a good time for us before we had any kind of sex, he still kept calling. Maybe i am fooling myself but i dont want to give up on him right now not until he tells me that even after the divorce there will be nothing more.
OP, if you "don't know where his head is at now" and you "haven't really talked to him about his feelings," are you really just waiting "until he tells me that even after the divorce there will be nothing more"? If you care about this man, if you think he may care about you, TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT. Don't just ask a forum full of strangers if we think there's a chance--he's the only one who really KNOWS if there is. And you deserve to have that information. Chances are he won't bring it up, especially if he likes the way things are right now; it's often not an easy conversation even if you DO want a future with someone.
Don't be afraid to make your needs known. It can be as simple as asking: "Do you see any sort of future for us?"
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:38:36 AM |
Then you will wait until after the divorce, and you will wait while he sorts out all his other problems, and you will wait while he gets his head together, and you will wait while he dates someone else because he still doesn't know where his head is at the moment etc etc.
I will continue being friends with him, if sex is involved then so be it. As for him dating someone else besides me i doubt that very much and i know that for a fact because if he was to date anyone else then why not just come out in public and say something about me ? You make it sound like he doesnt like me and u dont know crap about his feelings for me. You seem to have your own opinion about whats going on and i dont even think u even read all of my posts when i talk about our friendship and how close we are. You seem to pick out the parts that only suit u in order to suit your own needs. Maybe you have a similar problem or had a similar problem with a man and so youre assuming all men are the same. JMO | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 11:48:06 AM | | You're kidding right? He has zero respect for you, he wanted to cheat on his wife you just wouldn't go along with it until he actually separated from her so cheating doesn't bother him. He doesn't do anything girlfriend-like with you, just calls when he's lonely/horny and gets together, once in a while, for sex. I think he's made himself pretty clear, you are not someone he's interested in other than what you have been getting. This strange fantasy you have about him is only going to lead you to hurt yourself, and then you'll probably want to blame him but really, this is what you have let in your life. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:05:06 PM |
I will continue being friends with him, if sex is involved then so be it. As for him dating someone else besides me i doubt that very much and i know that for a fact because if he was to date anyone else then why not just come out in public and say something about me ? You make it sound like he doesnt like me and u dont know crap about his feelings for me. You seem to have your own opinion about whats going on and i dont even think u even read all of my posts when i talk about our friendship and how close we are. You seem to pick out the parts that only suit u in order to suit your own needs. Maybe you have a similar problem or had a similar problem with a man and so youre assuming all men are the same. JMO
Strange, it seems to me that the topic was
Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Yes, you are. But you don't want to HEAR that, you don't want to BELIEVE that.
Although the overwhelming majority here are telling you that you are "transition girl", "FWB" "rebound girl" you seem to have a fantasy stuck in your head that somehow or other he's going to be your for real public 24/7 boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you are unhappy that those of us who have either been through this or have seen it happen to someone we knew( a sister, a girlfriend, a co worker) can't give you a sugarcoated fairytale.
Look, there's nothing wrong with being his friend and his booty call if that's working for you as well, but the chances of this becoming a real "relationship" are negligible. And I think that's what you are hoping for. What I hope for you is that you don't let a good relationship pass you by because you are hung up waiting for the "happily ever after" that ISN'T at the end of your involvement with this man.
Cindy O | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 12:20:20 PM |
What I hope for you is that you don't let a good relationship pass you by because you are hung up waiting for the "happily ever after" that ISN'T at the end of your involvement with this man.
Cindy O
I never said anything about sitting around waiting for him if something else came along. What im saying is that i enjoy spending the time with him when i can and i feel comfortable being with him sexually. Im not a woman who sleeps around with every tom,****and harry due to my sexual problem that i talked about in my other thread. If Mr Right comes along and we get along mentally and physically i wont let that pass me by. For now im just comfortable with being with him sexually. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:26:38 PM | | Doesn't matter, you can't ever trust him. Cheated on his wife, the woman he is supposed to keep no secrets from? He will do it to you as well. What's to say everything told you thus far is true...? Besides, transitional relationships don't usually last. People fresh out of a divorce tend to get a little wild. They need to be divorced at least year and to have gone through a few people before I can take them seriously. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:35:56 PM | I never said anything about sitting around waiting for him if something else came along. What im saying is that i enjoy spending the time with him when i can and i feel comfortable being with him sexually. Im not a woman who sleeps around with every tom,****and harry due to my sexual problem that i talked about in my other thread. If Mr Right comes along and we get along mentally and physically i wont let that pass me by. For now im just comfortable with being with him sexually.
OP you never said in these exact words 'I am sitting around waiting for him' but you said it in soo many other ways, you just can't see it with a clear head the way we can because you are stuck in the fog of it. As for if and when Mr Right comes along, you're not going to 'see' him if you're still besotted with the guy you are waiting around for at the moment. You have to clear out what is cluttering up your life before you will have room for anything decent in it. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 1:39:18 PM | I for one did not imply that you WERE sleeping around and your sexual problems are YOUR business...do I LOOK like Dr. Ruth??
But you seemed to be entertaining the hope that this interaction could come out of the shadows and you and he would be creating a future and a blended family and frankly, my dear, I seriously doubt that's going to happen.
FWB is fine, but please remember that it's kind of in a woman's nature to bond with a sex partner, and unless you can absolutely compartmentalize this bed buddy, you DO run the risk of letting genuine relationship opportunities pass you by. We are just trying to answer your question as honestly as we know how.
Cindy O | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 2:12:20 PM | | Like i said i wont sit around just waiting on him, if an opportunity comes for me to go on a date with someone else and im attracted to that person then i will go. In the meantime i still want to keep my friendship with this man even if it means we still have sex once in awhile when we can. | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 2:18:46 PM |
Like i said i wont sit around just waiting on him, if an opportunity comes for me to go on a date with someone else and im attracted to that person then i will go. In the meantime i still want to keep my friendship with this man even if it means we still have sex once in awhile when we can.
There are times when we just have to admit defeat, and I believe this is probably one of them  All the best to you OP, whatever happens. We won't say 'I told you so' when you come back on here in a couple of years or whatever (honest). | |
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| Am I fooling myself that he'll ever want anything more serious in the future?
Posted: 8/13/2008 2:22:15 PM | OP you are already sitting around waiting for him because you are expending energy that you would be using to find a guy who wants a relationship stroking the man's ego and enjoying the sex, which is your prerogative, but you asked if you could expect anything more.
You have your answers and recognize that most of us speak from experience when we wound up being the first person that someone dated or slept with or whatever after the break-up of the marriage. The man's brain is generally speaking mush and you are a great comfort to him, he does like you but that does not mean that he is going to turn around one day and say good Gawd, I need this woman in my life in a more permanent, normal and respectful way.
It's not going to happen if you wait around sitting or not for a hundred years. If you think differently, if you believe that he is somehow more emotionally stable and a better person than he was when he said he didn't want a girlfriend right now, then ask the guy whether anything has changed for him. And btw, I don't want a girlfriend right now absolves him of responsibility for hurting you when he does move on because he told you quite clearly in the very beginning and you refused to listen. Treating you like a girlfriend sometimes doesn't matter at all when he won't acknowledge that this is the role you occupy in his life. That should speak louder than words. | |
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