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 misticmaid
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 76
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From one relationship to anotherPage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
CNC said it best..in my experience I am leery of those who hop straight from one relationship into another..makes me wonder how shallow they might be..I am not talking about dating here, but a true relationship that ended. A person needs time to mourn & reflect when something serious ends- also, people that do that make me wonder if they are afraid to be BY themself- again, not talking about dating & friends & getting out there- in fact those are healthy...but the ones I have seen that go almost from one bed to another, without giving themself time to get over past issues, will see the same issues pop up again & again.
 sweetjemgirl
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 77
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From one relationship to another
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:27:23 PM

CNC said it best..in my experience I am leery of those who hop straight from one relationship into another..makes me wonder how shallow they might be..I am not talking about dating here, but a true relationship that ended. A person needs time to mourn & reflect when something serious ends- also, people that do that make me wonder if they are afraid to be BY themself- again, not talking about dating & friends & getting out there- in fact those are healthy...but the ones I have seen that go almost from one bed to another, without giving themself time to get over past issues, will see the same issues pop up again & again.


Yes and they are called relationship frogs.
 sensualityme35
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 78
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From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/28/2011 10:56:06 PM
"I feel that a person who transfers their emotions so easily from person to person shows that they are needy. And if they did it after being with somebody for some time it would show they had total disrespect and contempt for their previous partner. Its like them saying all they had with their ex meant nothing. Steer clear thats what i say, its all about them."

So well typed!!..Those who have been in a long term, and even if they've "checked out" in their mind & heart of the relationship sometime back, still in my opinion it should say that it was SOMETHIN there in the relationship that kept them there that long. No matter what! How could one stay in a 2 yr + relationship, and get right into another relationship weeks after the breakup? Maybe it was because they was only lookin out for "self". That is why people should take their time in getting to know someone in other words PATIENCE. Some hop from one relationship to another, because they are trying to find that "perfect" mate or pre-manufacture one to fit their needs (i.e. wanting a family, kids, etc...RIGHT NOW!) There is NO such thing as a PERFECT person or relationship!! The way I see it, is that there is some type of insecurity, clingy-ness or keep running from the emotions of hurt, so they go right into the next to avoid these dilemnas. Eventually sooner or later, it will catch up with them....and the end result is a Nuclear melt down.
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 79
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/29/2011 12:46:52 AM
Because they cannot be alone....these relationships are not usually healthy ones. They are going from one to another just to have someone in their lives without ever trying to understand why the prior one didn't work.

this is a really bad sign in both men and women.
I tend to agree with this. They are unable to be on their own, and usually the relationships they get into are not healthy because they are not waiting for a truly compatible person. I dated a guy who met and married someone rather quickly. It turned out they barely knew each other because they hadn't talked about any really serious matters. This same guy, after knowing and dating me a short time was telling me how much he loved me. Same thing. Just falling in love too quickly without really getting to know someone and finding out if you are truly compatible. In love with being in love.
 _roxy_
Joined: 3/29/2011
Msg: 80
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/29/2011 3:32:31 AM
Its ok to draw on our experiences but you cant make that the rule. I have a friend who admits to having to be in a relationship. Doesn't mean her relationships are any better or worse than mine, or the majority on here I suspect, she's just had more of them.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 81
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/29/2011 7:59:04 AM
Well personally I think that it all depends on how hard they worked on the relationship to stay there in the first place.
I have a rule to myself which is rather simple, I wake up every morning in a warm fuzzy just joyful mood, when I lose that I start changing things. Whether it is my schedule, lack of balance or some kind of personal drama.

If I have worked hard to negotiate with my partner and it seems like each time I see them it is a battle, I really examine if we are a good match.

I can not afford to go through life being angry I have patients that need my joy.

So I work continuously to keep myself happy.
When I am done, I am pretty much done.
It takes time to come to resolution and put things to rest, yes but everyone has their way.
To me the amount of time I spent with someone is proportionate to the amount of time it will take to be open for a new person.
 Janet_Always
Joined: 12/7/2010
Msg: 82
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/29/2011 8:01:11 AM
If someone waits too long, they are picky or bitter. Too soon? Can't live with themselves and need someone else to feel good.

Maybe, maybe not. I haven't found any hard and fast rules than can relate to relationship history.

It's not that hard to find out about someone in conversation. Seems the best way to me.
 55upnorthguy
Joined: 3/16/2011
Msg: 83
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/31/2011 6:52:59 AM
some people cant handle a long term reltionship and just like to jump buses and dont care what bus it is thye like to go for bus rides , others look for the right bus with right scenery,
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 84
From one relationship to another
Posted: 5/31/2011 11:28:29 AM
When a relationship ends, and let's assume that regardless of who split, that both or one of them had deep feelings. Yet for whatever reason you cannot live together. It could be infidelity, it could be abuse, it could be falling into indifference, but when you split, your mind does two weird things. One, it recalls the good times over and over again. Almost like a pure fantasy. Second, it recalls the pain of the bad times, what didn't work, what became destructive, what later had to be numbed. All the resentments come to surface, and this cause pain.

Many people live through pain avoidance and to do that they continually walk away from situations that would make them open their hearts. So they shut down. To get over someone takes time. For some people you can go into another relationship rather quickly, because the distraction from the pass is good enough to then start forming new memories, new synaptic connections that refer to the new reality. Unfortunately many of the things that were wrong in the previous relationship tend to pop up again, for the simple reason that we tend to attract the same, and we tend to project the same.

So while some people can jump into a new relationship right away, others cannot, and I don't believe there's anything wrong with that. You just have to be comfortable with your own feelings. Some people have said that when you end a relationship, in your mind, you go through a process of mourning, as if that person had died. So it is natural to go through the different steps necessary to then find acceptance.
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