| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 9:53:35 AM | Now DF be nice
I think the depth of any relationship has to be based on trust. If you can't trust to let your guard down, trust to open up about your life (past, present, future), trust to try new things together...then things are not going to go far.
Don't rush things, take it slow, if its there it'll happen | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 1:50:40 PM | Here's a good litmus test on the depth of an individual and whether you should continue a relationship with him or her:
Could you trust that person to take good care of your kids when you are not there? How does that person treat them? What do the kids think about them?
I can say that all the guys who ended up not being the right person for me never passed the kid test, and I'm talking about relationships close enough where the guys actually interacted with my children for more than just a few minutes. I know that kids can be contrary sometimes about these things, but they can also be good judges of character as instinctively as your pets can. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 4:40:58 PM | | I was honored to meet the kids of the boyfriend on Sunday. I think it all went well and honestly I had never felt comfortable enough to be introduced to a mans children before this one. I get to meet his parents in 2 weeks now. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 5:53:56 PM | Dating Mile Markers
1) A second date
2) Willingness to meet on the spur of the moment, sans make-up
3) Comfortable inviting him to my home
4) Asking for - and better yet - accepting his advice
5) Ease around one another's kids and/or families
6) Confidence that an argument or disagreement doesn't signify The End
7) Desire for emotional intimacy
On this last note, eazk nailed it here:
relationships go down in flames because physical intimacy long preceded emotional intimacy.
I find it so ironic - but, it happens often that - people are willing to have sex with each other before they're emotionally intimate enough to seriously discuss details about birth control, fantasies, and sexual preferences. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 6:55:52 PM | | I am glad most people are truely different. I am glad many people live a life and find relationships that grow in a manner that feels natural to the individual. I am glad that people are true to themselves and avoid living life according to a time line or list of dating mile markers. Congradulations to individuals brave enough to find the relationship they seek. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:24:28 PM |
I am glad that people are true to themselves and avoid living life according to a time line or list of dating mile markers.
I think that no matter how different people are and no matter how free of the status quo they might become, those people are looking at something that tells them they have found what they are looking for. It's just human nature really. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/25/2008 7:29:43 PM |
I think that no matter how different people are and no matter how free of the status quo they might become, those people are looking at something that tells them they have found what they are looking for.
Nothing complicated for me. I just look for being happy and looking forward to spending time with them when I am not with them. When they happy feeling ends usually the relationship does too. I am told I absolutely glow when I'm talking about John to others. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:23:17 PM | Yes trust. Like the trust to allow a person the space to take care of bussiness. The trust to not cling and smother a person. The trust that a person's judgement holds value and is important.
Or you could say depth of a relationship is based on how much BS the person is willing to accept? | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/2/2008 6:16:42 AM | Trust.... that is a key word!
Can you turst that person to be faithful when your not together?
Can you trust that person to take care of you when your sick?
Can you trust that person to look over your kids?
Can you trust that person with your deepest secrets?
Yep TRUST is a big word that covers a lot. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/2/2008 1:06:25 PM | | Did you guys not see the movie Good Will Hunting and listen to Robin Williams character talk about his wife? If you haven't seen the movie, you should rent it. There are all sorts of "markers" as you call them in that movie. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/4/2008 5:08:13 PM |
Ever feel like God, put an angel on Earth just for you?
I think both John and I would say that about each other. He so gets me unlike most people... it seems like everything we do just fits so naturally that it fills the others needs without having to even be asked. I don't even know how it happens, but when he's down I always manage to pop in with a text, a call or a hug without even knowing he's in need and he has done the same for me as well many times. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:50:34 AM | After reading the posts on this thread, it struck me that many translate the depth of a good relationship as being an ultimate one with their soul mate. However, some people believe that there are numerous people that they could have a good relationship with at some level. Obviously, the soul mate would be the deepest level of relationship, but at what point, does one know if they have reached that depth? I know people who always ask themselves, could there be a deeper level still? And do they continue with a good relationship that is working at the risk of missing THE ONE.
Maybe that is the reason some people end a good relationship because they are not confident that this is the one. Is that the motivation of some who get the reputation of a player? Is it an emotional problem where people are just kidding themselves that someone else better is always still to come? | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/7/2008 11:50:55 AM | | Depth of a relationship depends on the individuals and the situation. I think communication is building block like a corner stone or the base. Talking and point of interest is a must, open minded, good heart (caring), and family values . A true relationship is when you think of that person every day in good and bad times, when your smiling before, during, and after spending time together, and not just a lover a friend. A persons personality, eyes, smile, and how they carry themselves are sometimes more important than general appearance. Intimacy is a bonus if a person's main goal is intimacy go to your local bar. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:59:39 AM |
Maybe that is the reason some people end a good relationship because they are not confident that this is the one. Is that the motivation of some who get the reputation of a player? Is it an emotional problem where people are just kidding themselves that someone else better is always still to come?
IMO when a man ends a "good relationship" to look elsewhere, fear may well be the catalyste. It's my understanding that (typically) a brokenheart in men results in a fear of being smothered and a brokenhearted woman wants to cling and hold on tight..... Also, sometimes people get hooked on the romance of it all and end up going from person to person just to experience the "feeling". I doubt any of the people do it out of malice or with intent to be a player...Seems to me, even Players resent being told they'll never settle down.
My 2 cents.... | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:36:24 AM |  jackie
and when they seem to think they can find intimacy in a bar well thats when you know they have no clue what the difference. intimacy is not that meet in a bar and hook up for sex...thats pure lust and most relationships don't make it past the lusting....so not actually a relationship just F buddies!
players may settle down but 9 times out of 10 they settle down with someone that beleives they have changed their ways for them...only to later find out they are still the player. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:18:13 AM |
players may settle down but 9 times out of 10 they settle down with someone that beleives they have changed their ways for them...only to later find out they are still the player.
Definitely agree. "Players" may well want to have a close relationship - and believe the "right gal" can change him....or "if they were together more often" .... "if he had a lower sex drive"....All the excuses are external - hence - go from one "relationship" to the next. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:23:48 AM | | I love the idea's on player's but look on the inside not the out. I have been told because I like to dance , I am a player, NOT!! I would to find a woman that is all that with no games, that can talk the talk and walk the walk, and be alot more than a lover. I want the same as everyone else the complete package. People categorize men as players, first hand experience that goes for woman also. I have been in two relationships in two years on POF , one six months and the other off and on eight months. All I know this gives me hope. Just remember it is easy to talk unless your in the others person's shoes and there are two sides to a story not one. Food for thought! I am that guy setting on that park bench "WAITING ON A WOMAN". | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/12/2008 2:44:27 PM | | Well, not all woman are like that but I will say their are some sharks. I get woman that think I am a TONKA toy on play me like a toy or a fiddle. All I know now is not to be tunnel vision and keep that walls up. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:31:57 AM |
I've learned relationships can be based on many levels. You can take it slow or fast but until you touch every aspect you just don't know if its real or not. Great sex is nice but it can't be the only thing holding a relationship together.
OK, I'm new to the forums, but I'll share. Relationships are complex and comprised of many different levels. I met somebody (from this site) earlier this year, and we dated. It did get emotionally and sexually involved, as well as I'm sure other levels. When it broke off, we stayed out of contact for weeks. That was the hardest part. After a while, I reached out and we talked. Turns out the friendship and emotional support was still intact, just not the "other" aspects. That realization was sooo healing. It's amazing what deep connections can exist between people that don't have to involve sex. Yes, every situation is different, and some broken hearts take longer to heal. But discovering the healing elements can be very satisfying in itself. | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:16:42 PM | Depth of relationships......... I do suggest doing your research on anyone that you think could have potential! If someone is branded a player or cheater, if there is any truth to it you will find the truth if you dig a little bit.... I have never met a cheater that is not a repeat offender and cheaters are a lot on the same lines as a player! And any type of relationship you have with that type will only end one way...
I've learned to make a list! Remember the old Pro's and Con's list! Yep.... The more you learn about someone write down their good points and bad points....what are things you can work on to move from the Con's side...The things that can not be overlooked on the CON side, is it something you can deal with or is it a huge RED FLAG? | |
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| What do you think defines the depth of a relationship?
Posted: 9/14/2008 4:07:23 AM |
It's amazing what deep connections can exist between people that don't have to involve sex.
This is very true, and also probably why I am still friends with most of my exs. I've rarely had to deal with pains from a breakup (could be because we stayed friends or it could be my asperger's... not sure). I do however know there is a good feeling about knowing that even though you are not together, they still believe in you and understand you and defend you. It makes you realize you have done things right in your life in respect to the people you keep around you.
Even though I am very sexual and the foundation of the relationship does involve it, it isn't what makes the relationship in the end. I always make sure the relationship is about more than sex (and if it isn't about more than that then I state that up front). | |
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