| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 6:30:47 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
She has left the site as she said she would....as for a situation I know nothing of, you are right, so it is not up to any of us to make comments that either put down or defend, her situation will not be known because she is gone. Not because she is a chickensh*t but because she was frustrated, whether is was due to lack of interest because her profile didn't reflect her in a proper light or just the fact she hit a streak of bad luck with some of the people who do enjoy demeaning others with their obscure requests for their own pleasure. You can't tell me that even you have not received emails or IM's from women with a completely different agenda then yours. We all get them, some of us know how to handle it others don't. So heed your own advise as well, don't jump to conclusions on situations you know nothing about. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 6:53:06 AM | Well, I havent had any luck with any of the other sites.......everybody seems to be
to picky. In like "I want the perfect guy now that I've never had before".
Hello, thats unreasonable.......men and women are the same only the plumbing is different.
Some women say its easier for a man in that men can pick younger? Does that make any sence? Mostly what I see is its an age related issue........once past a certain age its like forget about it........
Real searching.........its hit and miss, mostly miss.
The upside to this site is its big and free.......don't get any better than that.
Ya'll be nice do ya hear........... | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:00:06 AM | | i agree whole heartedly with your comments i am sick of it as well makes you give up when there are a lot of time wasters just using the site for there own pleasure | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:22:59 AM | Perhapsnow, the OP willingly created a thread on a public forum and left it open for debate. She's entitled to all the hosannas and critiques it gets, whether she's here to defend herself or not. It's NOT my frickin' problem if YOU don't like my criticism of her. If she wants to defend herself and debate the finer points of Internet dating, that's her prerogative and I'll answer to her, not you.
If you've somehow appointed yourself her public defender and take it upon yourself to debate her points, then go ahead. However, I'm at a loss at just HOW you're going to do that since you know NOTHING about her dating activities and situation?
If you've had bad luck with men on here and/or real life don't project your own hate, anger, and disgust on me. I'm no spokesman for my gender and don't pretend to be. I'm voicing my own response to the OP the way "I" interpreted it. If you have wider issues with men in general deal with them in the appropriate thread.
Case closed. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:32:28 AM | | I am sorry to say but I have to side with the OP. It seems 1 in every 5 would actually like to get to know a person first. Most of the guys just want to get some and it's immediately. Makes you wonder how clean or healthy they really are. They don't realize alot of us might be sexual in nature but it still takes time and most reasonable girls do have some self-respect and don't just give it away to everyone who comes along. Holy Crap what is left to look forward to after you have given it up right up front. Where do you go from there? Besides sex for the first time with a new person is awkward enough there should be some level of intimacy there before hand so that if you do do something silly or say you do something the other person doesn't like at least there is some sort of base there and you won't solely be judging the person based upon what they did or didn't do right for you in the sack. On another point the idiots on here who are married and some of them are pretending to be single, as the Lord is my witness if i come across another one and you just happen to be shopping with your old lady at Walmart - you can bet your ass that i will out you to your wife. (play carefully boys!!) Some of us girls on here do talk and do socialize outside the pof world. I think for myself I might join match.com or lavalife as there is some truth to the fact that there won't be as many "SPECIAL PEOPLE" on those sites because they are paying sites and people think twice before they fork over their hard earned bucks and besides the married ones usually won't be on those sites in droves because their wives probably read the credit card statements. You know the lad who created POF did so with the best of intentions so thanks to him and kudos to those who have met their lifemates and are happy and good luck to all those still searching. OttawaGirl | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:34:19 AM | I guess that was the point I was trying to make....neither of us can make assumptions to her situation. But you made it pretty one sided without hearing the whole story, not here to defend but to leave options open.
As far as my having issues with men, nope doing just fine thank you.
Yep case closed | |
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| This site did nothing for me/Being Real
Posted: 8/27/2008 7:39:37 AM | Thank You Indiehills. You, me, we're all real, whether on here or elsewhere. We can choose to be open about who we are or try to wear a mask to appear what we think the other person wants. And if trying to be real, we can be misunderstood by someone looking at us through the filter of their own experience and culture. And we will probably misunderstand others too. That's how humans are.
POF is as real and useful as we make it with our profiles and presence. We can step into the water up to our ankles and then run away saying it's icky or I don't like this swimming thing. We can go in deeper, listen to advice and learn how to swim for real. There are going to be sharks and sea urchins etc. you have to avoid. But learn to move in it and look around and accept it for what it is, and you'll find it can be pretty neat too. There are a zillion kinds of fish to check out. Some are sociable toward normal humans and some aren't. You can’t expect them all to act the same. You can’t expect them to be the exact embodiment of your fantasy. And you cannot reasonably expect instant exclusivity! I’m seeing comments that sound like, “If he or she talks to me and seems interested and talks to someone else that’s cheating!” Excuse me, are we in grammar school?? Talking to someone or even going out once or twice equals instantly going steady? I don’t think so. Commitment to exclusivity can only happen with both parties discussing and agreeing to it, and if a person feels like they have to have that to even meet someone, that’s pathological.
Blaming the site because the experience you had in mind didn’t happen automatically or the person you fantasized hasn’t flung themselves into your arms already is silly. POF is us. How well it works to find someone you like depends at least 50% on you. If you want to meet someone, at the very least, let people know who you are and what you look like and don’t spend your profile whining or demanding or complaining. Unless, of course, that’s really who you are and then it’s fair warning to others. But in that case, don’t be surprised if those potential significant others avoid you. It’s called intelligence.
BTW, I’d like to mention I’ve been seeing someone recently I like a lot. We were outside each other’s search patterns but she saw enough in my profile so she wrote me anyway, and we found both our similarities and differences fascinating and delightful. We met on POF. It can happen… a lot depends on YOU. | |
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| This site did nothing for me/Being Real
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:40:54 AM | | Great posts and now that I got the whining off my chest ....I agree with much I have read the op started the post and if she didnt want to hang around ....her choice...I thought the entire point of the forums was for adult discussion......yes some men are out to get what they can but that does not by any means make all of us guys be nothing other then some cretin who cant wait to take possession of your panties and haul them off as a trophy...just as most of us men dont sit around and claim all the gals on here are here for nothing more then to try and enter some marriage and then screw the guy...take the stock, house and car ....my little rant was because she took her little ball and left the playground .....I dont have a ton of favorites and dont have gals knocking down my door....but I do have a couple of bites and hey thats what fishing is all about...and in so far as the pay sites ....yes they are good from the standpoint mentioned but lets be honest they are there to make MONEY they give a crap less on your happiness ...most do not allow the free exchange of messages if both are not paying only one can send a message back ....and one site is notorious for sending out false winks to its customers....I do check them occasion as I believe it can be a good tool to see if anyone on them is all so on here....which to me shows a good indicator they are serious in their fishing..... | |
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adf67
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Joined: 2/26/2008
Msg: 109 | |
| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:54:54 AM | No one promised you love on this site, just as anywhere else. Nothing ventured nothing gained. The more avenue's you try the better your odd's are of finding what your looking for. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:03:11 AM | adf67 wrote: No one promised you love on this site, just as anywhere else. Nothing ventured nothing gained. The more avenue's you try the better your odd's are of finding what your looking for
Exactly! When I was writing to women from Latin America I had more success than I had with North American women. When I get back on my feet health and job-wise then I plan on going on a single gentlemen's tour to a Latin American city and theoretically have hundreds of women to choose from. I say "theoretically" because it's unfeasible to meet hundreds of women in a week or less. Before, I'd go visit one lady at a time, but now I'd rather improve my odds and meet and date several women on one trip.
That is, if I don't meet a local woman on here first. Then again, with all the posts I see in these forums (fora) on this site, finding that special someone on here seems to be a losing proposition. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:41:57 AM | I see this type of thread a lot, the leaving thing. You can't blame the site for what you aren't finding, but I am oh so very curious: did y'all give up life outside of here once you joined? I've been here over a year and have only met 2 guys, but that's my choice, I have talked to others, and that's my choice as well.
I'm kind of thinking some women come here looking for their 'Prince Charming' and after a few days of him not riding in on that white horse, they somehow feel cheated.
Dunno, I just know that I'm enjoying this life with or without Billy Bob, Joe Don, or Peter, Paul & Mary! | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:03:38 AM |
I'm kind of thinking some women come here looking for their 'Prince Charming' and after a few days of him not riding in on that white horse, they somehow feel cheated.
brix58--- You hit the nail right on the head here. I have been here for a while and have seen a lot of this. This is one of the things that frustrate a lot of men with the women here. One would think that by the time a woman reaches her 30's and 40's, has been married and divorced she would have a clear idea of what she wants. But there are many at this age that are still running around with there heads in the clouds and holding on to that teen age fantasy of the knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse and sweeping them off there feet. One thing i have learned while being here is, If most of the people here would come down from there high horse they would prob, already have met someone. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 1:00:27 PM |
agree whole heartedly with your comments i am sick of it as well makes you give up when there are a lot of time wasters just using the site for there own pleasure
And what, pray tell, SHOULD we be using it for??
Insofar as I know, in the majority of countries where PoF has members, dating and relationships ARE lifestyle CHOICES...not missions that MUST be accomplished, not a requirement for salvation and admission to Heaven( or any other faith's equivalents of that),or vital to survival. So dating, chatting, emailing, whatever SHOULD be fun/pleasurable. If it's NOT a pleasure,why do it?
I agree, it can be annoying to deal with people who will email/IM like crazy, then cease communicating if a real face to face meeting is proposed. It can be annoying to be propositioned by guys who think online dating sites are cyber whorehouses. It can be downright devastating, I'm sure, to get an email from a contacts' spouse or significant other.
But to suggest that people using the site MUST be on a do-or-die mission to secure dates and/ or relationships, or else they are in the wrong, is absurd. The site is here for people to use for pleasure! It's not a site to apply for employment or financial support, to recieve an education,to order groceries, or any other survival need. It's a site for "social dating", first and foremost. There are members who are here for friendship and the fora, and yes there are those who are here to play games or run scams.It's here for us to use for our own pleasure.
Cindy O | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 2:00:04 PM | Being a POF swinger (hehehe), I can tell you guys how to stop doing some things wrong if you are bent on being "yourself".
First, answer every damn email you get NICELY. I don't care if she is 400lbs or 400 years old. Flirt with her. Make her feel good. Be friends. Hell, if you all did this you'd have three things; confidence, experience and great friends. And you'd make some possibly lonely women happy. And to tell the truth, you're fat too!
And by GOD, stop telling women what is wrong with them and dating in your profiles!!!!! "Please, no heavy women". Yeah, dough head, even a 110lb waif may be unsatisfied with her body. Really want to bring her attention to it? And besides, a 200lb woman can be just as great or better in the passion department. Stop screwing yourself!
And last, guys, QUIT SENDING GIRLS PICTURES OF YOUR GODDAMN PENIS!!!! Not once has any woman actually met anyone who sent her one. And really, your penis looks as stupid as the rest of ours. Its not attractive and its not a turn on. Send her poetry. That she'd like! Or a pic of your dog or cat. But leave Willie out of the picture!
And ladies, you answer every email too. Yes, age is a legitimate reason to decline a guy, but say it nicely. But realize every guy out here has some baggage, or damage, or flaws. Whatever you want to call them. They are not perfect. If they were a night in shining armour, they'd be fighting dragons, not hanging on POF. Quirky as they may be, there are likely some very good guys you are missing out on. And you stop looking for the physical, too. Describing your perfect guy down to toenail length on your profile is a sure way to chase a guy off. What does it matter if his hair is blonde or brown anyway??
If both sides of this crap would just step it down a notch on unrealistic expectations, we'd find some love out here! Then maybe I could go back to believing in a great lady, too. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 3:14:09 PM | Amen brother Karl PREACH IT!! It's nice to know that there is at least one other out there that has some common horse sense! Especially about the pecker pictures. I will never understand what makes some guys think that all it takes is one look at there pecker and the women will just swoon. STUPID. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 4:17:21 PM | I have met more nice and real guys on this site than any other site. I have dated some for a few months at a time and can say I am still having fun and still hoping to meet more nice people. I miss the emails so much when I turn my profile off that within a couple of weeks I am back. Keep fishing but have fun at it and ignore the ones that turn you off.
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 4:34:29 PM | | Dating sites are minefields. You can have a fantastic first date, and think everything worked out great, and then not get the promised phone call. Only one way to deal with this, in my opinion. Forget it.......move on. I delete all correspondence, rather promptly.......for experience has taught me that when a man is really interested in me, he will call me the next day......or certainly contact me one way or another very quickly. So, I suggest one remove all triggers, like e mails, etc..........delete the addys from your address book.......In time, you will get better at this, unless you decide to just quit this way of looking for someone. If you find this so scary, I think you should avoid putting yourself into a very uncomfortable situation. Protect yourself.........no one else will. And NO ONE is worth a broken heart. I've got a kid in a combat zone now, and I have my priorities in order. As lousy as this dating business can be........it's a picnic to living in terror everyday. Good luck. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 4:38:35 PM | Karl you are the man of my dreams, you have a great sense of right and wrong, and you appeal to the senses of what a woman really wants. RESPECT. I enjoy my time on POF, I have been off and on here 3 times now, I missed my friends. You toughen up when you realize that people want to play games and you put them on ignore. There are so many nice people on this site and one day we may just have the good fortune to meet the really nice one for us.
Thank you | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 8:07:48 PM | OMG Karl
WILL YOU MARRY ME????????????????????????
I am sure there is a line forming to the rear. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:39:20 PM |
And last, guys, QUIT SENDING GIRLS PICTURES OF YOUR GODDAMN PENIS!!!! Not once has any woman actually met anyone who sent her one. And really, your penis looks as stupid as the rest of ours.
Well I'm not sure STUPID is the word I'd use, but if you've seen one you've seen 'em all. Weinie pictures make you seem hard pressed, and coming up short, with ways to impress her. Penis photos are SO trailer trash.
Yes, age is a legitimate reason to decline a guy, but say it nicely
at another site, I received a very sweet, polite communication from a man half my age. I emailed him back, thanking him for his interest but explaining that I had an across the board policy to not date men young enough to be my son...or old enough to be my dad.
He emailed me his thanks for my polite response,and added " if you change your mind, let me know. I think you are beautiful and would do anything to be with you."
OK. here's an opportunity to offer kind guidance; one more email to this charming young man.
"Son! Don't EVER tell a woman of any age or disposition that "you will do anything to be with her...you will have opened yourself up to anything from washing dishes to driving the getaway car in a bank robbery!"
As for knights and dragons, my dragons are MY dragons...get your own!
For me, it's not about looks, education or income level, hair color(if applicable), it's about the quality of interaction,the feeling that he and I could easily weave into one anothers' lives but still have( and respect the other persons') space.
Cindy O | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 9:52:14 PM | | This site owes you nothing. It is up to YOU to find a mate. This is merely a tool to help you. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:39:33 PM | This site is great and a wonderful way to meet a diverse bunch of people....what the ?
Don't take it too seriously. The one thing I have learnt is not to give out home phone numbers too quickly though as when you decide the person that you have met is not what they are cracked up to be, (or a freaks you out) you are then stuck by not answering your phone for a while...ha ...it's true....but hey that's life and they eventually moove on.
Always stick to mobiles even if you feel that the mobile call is costing too much to chat on. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:41:19 PM | | Of course they're talking to other guys, just like you should be talking to other girls. That's what this site is all about. We HAVE to 'weed' out the ones that aren't 'compatible' with us. And we have to be patient as well, you can't expect to find miss right just like that you know. I t does take time. And nobody wants to just date the first guy that comes along.....unless they're desperate. It's obvious to me that you really haven't been methodical and understanding about the whole thing on here. It is a different way of meeting people, and can be frustrating at times. I'm sorry you feel that way, hope you don't mind my 'two cents' either. Take care, maybe you are better at meeting people in person. All the best to you. | |
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| This site did nothing for me
Posted: 8/27/2008 10:47:44 PM | | It's free. What more could you ask for? And, I think it's just as valid an option of meeting people as any. Relationships started in other conventional ways fail all the time too. You can meet "freaks" in real life as well. | |
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