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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:04:01 AM | Hi Izhang,
I'm afraid that I feel the same as you, I know that being a bloke I am probably stereotyped but it can seem that love is a dead concept for us male's too. I have always been a kind and considerate person and lover but usually find myself attracted to those who like to take advantage of that fact, when I find someone with good qualities they tend to be very shy and withdrawn.
Living in a rather remote area the options seem very limited and I guess that I have to live with the idea that I put up with someone shy, put up with someone who will cheat and take advantage of me or that I will be single forever and never have the have kids. Personally I think I would rather the last option. Have all the ladies who would appreciate a kind, considerate and faithful man vanished?
Don't get me wrong I can go out a pull, I'm not butt ugly lol, but I just cant find the right person that I can give my all to, I cant find my soulmate!
It's a very harsh reality but I think it's a sign of the times we live in, relationships dont seem to mean so much anymore, couples get together under the heat of the moment or are either desperate and end up splitting up after a very short while. I'm not scared of commitment but I dont see why I should have to make do with someone who is only 80% of what I want!! and vise versa.
I hope you do finally find someone but if your situation is anything like mine, I empathise with you. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:05:36 AM | Yes, I do. But I don't know that I ever believed that love conquers all--I think it's more like love CAN conquer all. And I've seen enough evidence in that happening at least some of the time to keep my faith in love. Wouldn't say I have an ironclad belief that it will definitely work that way for me, but I do believe, quite strongly, that it MIGHT. And that's enough.
What might help, OP, is to see if you can find a way to be exposed to more than just the tons of married guys looking for affairs and the guys who don't care who you are. Balance out that skewed view you're getting of the way things can turn out bad with a dose of evidence from those couples who DO love each other, the ones happily embarking on their 50th year. And maybe expand your definition of true love to include the love of a parent for a child, a close friend for another, a teacher for his or her subject and students. Love is all around us, truly--but sometimes you have to open your eyes further to see that.
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:11:37 AM | i have faith in love. some will love you, but do "you" know how to love a person in return, w/o seeking perfection? do you know that "knowing love" is indeed a journey? will you know love when it knocks upon your door? will you even open it?
love is not just a feeling. some, when loved, are not willing to be loved or to love in return. even though they care. they are afraid to risk. they'd rather point the finger at you, when instead there should be some personal introspection taking place. they are not brave. and then there are those who need to project onto you what you are not, in order to avoid the "working" on themselves.
love cannot leap over boundaries that you may put around yourself. yet, you must know how to keep those, who do not love you, out.
it takes skill. it takes time. it takes commitment. it takes reaching for the stars. it takes grounding. you may lose it, you may find it again. the bottom line is trust in something greater than one's ego.
love is an argeement to journey forth on new and challenging pathways. to call to one another when the path is not always shared, but the story can be told and cherished between one another. it is to remain in each others thoughts and essence.
love is not just a 6 month, fleeting feeling. but the ultimate passion can be much greater, assuming you remember to nurture it.
you sensed correctly, it rests upon "faith". it is not much different than pursuing your life's purpose. it is there to nurture the maintenance of each other's purpose. and to appreciate and take joy in the other's victories--no matter how big or small they may be. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:22:42 AM | I don't have any faith in the notion that love conquers all because it is not true but that does not mean that I don't believe in love or that a successful monagomous happy relationship is not possible. Without love in our lives we would all wither and die and perhaps only when people recognize and relish in the love they already have, do they emit the type of presence that will attract the type of person that will value and nurture that in a romantic sense. Love can overcome many things but if you don't do your part, it is too great a weight for most relationships to withstand.
I too know few couples that do not so much love but like each other, the kind that actually really want to spend their free time with their spouses or SOs. There was a couple that used to attend my church and I always wondered if it was a second marriage because he touched her a lot, the arm around her, or in some other way just making physical contact that you see more in a young couple rather than one that is old enough to have been married 30-40 years.
If you believe that love conquers all you are likely to be disappointed because a good relationship also requires compatibility, commonly shared values, enough difference to make things interesting, time, attention and sometimes I think a bit of luck. Too few people stop to evaluate whether they like the people they fall in love with and it has been my experience that only in the cases when the couples like each other and would chosen to associate as friends, does the long-term romantic fantasy happen. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:24:05 AM | OP, yes I still believe in love between two partners. I have no magic formula for finding it. My observation is that one has to be lucky because most of the time it is illusionary and one of the two partners was faking it. That explains the high divorce rates in western societies. The rather high percentage of responses here that dont believe in love also explains why its rare to find on places like POF.  I remain confident that it can happen regardless of how small the chance may be. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:34:50 AM | Perhapsnow, your screen name and this thread made me think of this John Denver song, very applicable to this discussion:
PERHAPS LOVE
Perhaps love is like a resting place, a shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble when you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home
Perhaps love is like a window, perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer, it wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through
Love to some is like a cloud, to some as strong as steel
For some a way of living, for some a way to feel
And some say love is holding on and some say letting go
And some say love is everything, and some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the ocean, full of conflict, full of pain
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
Some say love is holding on and some say letting go
Some say love is everything and some say they don't know
Perhaps love is like the mountains, full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside, thunder when it rains
If I should live forever, and all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you
--Ms. Flis | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:36:56 AM |
I remember when I was young and I always had this belief in love that it can conquer everything and it's the kind of feeling that you would die for that person.
I am so glad that there are more people out there that share this same belief. I don't think that it's a fairy tale at all. I think that it's incredibly romantic and I just hope that one day I will find a woman, where I will feel this way towards.
I also believe that you can't control who you fall in love with. Your heart has a mind of it's own, and while you may have some steering that you can do. Ultimately you can't just make yourself fall for someone.
I miss that butterfly feeling and hope to find the one who I will gladly give my heart to.
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:37:56 AM | Ms. Flis
You have brought tears to my eyes, and wonderful memories as well.
Thank you I will copy your entry and keep it,  you are a sweetheart.
Perhapsnow | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:54:15 AM | I think that love and like are equally important. You have to have both to have a successful relationship...and I think that a lot of people tend to deny love in order to find something exciting and new. To keep the "new car smell" if you will. Unfortunately, people get hurt because of this attitude. People grow bitter and sometimes try to punish the next person because of it; all that happens is that the next person gets hurt and the cycle continues.
Call it ADD of the heart, if you like, but what's so wrong with finding one person who doesn't make you unhappy? Why place all your happiness on one person? I'm pretty happy on my own; and I try really hard to surround myself with other happy people without depending on them for my own happiness.
It's painful for me to see how many are disillusioned...bitter...unhappy. And I think that comes from so many being used, even as they try to use others for their own emotional gain. I know that people say, "You should like the one you're with, because love fades". I've seen that written in a thousand ways, all over this site and others.
However, I disagree with that. Love? Doesn't fade. When it's right, you can still feel it, even when the person who helped create it is long gone. I have only to close my eyes, and I know this to be true. I know it with everything that I am, with the faith that I live my life.
Love is the pivot of my life...the foundation of my very being. This is what I am made for...what I am created to be. I know this. And thusly, I know love.
Call me silly, delusional, naive. But at the end of the day, I'm smiling and feeling love...no matter how badly the day has gone. Even when I'm single, like now.
And that's the best thing ever. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:10:43 PM | You said it all quite well and I'm glad to see that Love is more than a four letter word....it exists in our hearts and souls and until you have experienced it you will never know the exciting feeling it gives you.
Thank you | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:32:10 PM | YES I HAVE FAITH IN LOVE ... But then again who and I ... I am still hoping they will invent chocolate air ...  ... just kiddin
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:48:03 PM | Such sadness.
Love comes when you least expect it.
But it’s a painting that never gets finished. A story that never ends until we leave this earthly plain. It’s a thing shared between two souls that once begun never can be destroyed. Sure we can fall in and out of love. We can give up from frustration, misunderstanding, and exhaustion of everyday concerns and personal frailties. We can turn selfish and confused and walk away from it.
But once you are in love it’s an experience that can't be tarnished. A journey to that place where all was conquered. It only takes commitment. It only takes passion. It only takes the strength of will and beliefs that two can face anything and come out as one. Many don’t see it. Many can’t enjoy the feast for the immediate need of the crumbs that fall from the table. We give up too soon. We fail from fatigue
Very sad.
We can love once, twice, as often as life permits.
If you give up on finding that one that ignites your very soul and could make you whole then you are turning your back to the connection you are intended to have. You could be standing next to that special someone. And by being discouraged, and beaten down and behind your walls of defense, let them pass you by.
The ones you speak of that can come and go with seemingly no attachments are the same as you. They’ve lost sight of what two people can mean to each other. They live for the moment or at the very most live for the temporary fix.
My advice, from experience, is to open up your mind and heart to be ready to accept that one love that will fall into your lap and be just as surprised as you are. Then hold on tight. Not out of being needy, but out of that pure drive that feeds your desires to love and be loved.
Yes, love can most definitely conquer all. But it has to be something you are willing to give all of your self to. Scary isn’t it? The trick is to balance it with the one you are with. Sometimes you are led into it and sometimes you have to lead.
At 24 you’ve a lot of loving to face. Smile, open the doors of your heart, and be ready. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:52:56 PM | | Well nbman35 I sure hope your right!! all the time I'v beensingle witch is over 10 years now..I'v been called a man hater or a fairytail dreamer for my beleifs! told to get with the times! of course that was from married men I'm SURE! lol...I'll keep fishing!honestly fishing SUCKS hahaa ty for your opinion though :) | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 12:56:40 PM | I have to say that the good souls joining in this thread have such a wonderful outlook on this subject. You can certainly tell who has experienced true love and those that haven't YET. As Fluke Skywalker said be ready because when it comes it puts everything into perspective and why you waited for this person.
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Katir
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Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 41 | |
| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:39:43 PM | I would bet that you've had the opportunity, but were blind to it. Relationships mirror who we are.
"I really just feel like I will never meet the right guy and worse still I'm not even willing to give out my heart again any more. It sounds depressing but thats really how I feel."
What we believe in, is what we find. This is your belief, that you're not willing to give out your heart again, and that you will never meet... etc.
It's out there. But if you don't believe it is, then it won't be... because it may even be, but you will miss it, because you are blind to the opportunity.
Does love really exist? I think so. But here's how I see love:
Love is like a kite. Two lovers can stare at it all day blowing in the breeze, but eventually it will fall. Then there are those who realize you have to WORK at keeping it up in the air.
And so they work, hand in hand, for a common goal... to keep their union alive.
At some point, through working together, they don't even need the kite anymore... they've become something more together by working together.
It was the journey, after all :) | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:47:50 PM | Love conquers all, if two people are willing to allow it do that.
lzhang, if this guy you "met", wasn't in the same location, but was willing to wait (that is, not pursue anything with others - which, unlike people may think, we *DO* have control over - things don't "just happen" ), then his love for you would have conquered outside temptations. It sounds like your love was untrue, and unwilling to wait. If you believe you are meant to be with someone, then you/your love would be patient. In the meantime, you're hooking up with the wrong guys. Leave the married / involved people alone, the moment you know of their status (have some self-respect). As for the "big losers" singles? Perhaps it's your love again, unwilling to give them a chance. You expect people to be perfect. Why are the taken ones so attractive to you? It's because they are growing from/with the love of another. Despite what anyone says, love and companionship, affection, compassion and understanding from a partner, does make one (more) "complete". So instead of holding out for "the right guy", how about finding someone you like who's not so perfect, and complement them? Love's not that complicated - it's about acceptance and appreciation - but then, I'm a Libran, and I'm cursed with profound perspicacity.
- Your Excogitator | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 1:48:37 PM | | I will always have faith in love. We just need to make sure we know the difference between love and infatuation. For those who are don't have faith ---- why let one or two or a few idiots ruin something so beautiful? | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:37:21 PM | I believe in Love!
I love myself, I love my family and friends, and I most certainly will embrace and love my future lover.
So with that in mind, I know I am not the only one in the world thinking like that, and the very thought that I am not unique on this makes me know that out there my true love awaits.  | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:00:16 PM | | Love is all around you. You just have to take notice of it. What a lot of people dont realize (and its mostly us guys I hate to admit), love can be the little things. Holding your partners hand while walking down the street, or wraping your arms around your partner while they are looking at something, or just a simple glare into your partners eyes without saying a word. Love happens all over so yes, I do believe in love and God willing, I will have it again because I have had it before but no matter how long it takes to find that love, ill never give up on it. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:00:58 PM | | Yes, I absolutely have faith in love! Somehow it seems that maybe our culture should start considering the concept of 3 partners. One starter husband, have the kids, get a house, the second one from about ages 32-45 , and then the home run guy, a last lover to enjoy growing old with. I think people change so much emotionally and mentally over the yrs, its wishful thinking to imagine one person would fill your needs at every stage of life. I know a lot of people and most of the long term marriages are just couples in a rut, there's no real love and affection anymore and often no sex. I can truly say I know very few long term relationships being really happy. Its just so easy for people to become complacent and stay because they figure its too much of a hassle to be out and dating again, just the act of dissolving the marriage seems an expensive ordeal, and that 'lukewarm' is better than being without a companion. I believe life is short, and I am determined to have everything I want in a partner now, everything. I have always had belief in love, never once, at any age or stage in my life did I feel I would be without a partner. Too many people on here have given up already, read the forums and see all the men and women admitting they really have no hope of finding love. All that negative self talk becomes a mantra that is self fulfilling. I have enjoyed myself of POF, its about the best dating site I've been on. I've had a couple dates with one guy who seems quite promising. Not time to remove my profile yet but I have a feeling the day is coming. Believe in yourself. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:52:52 PM | My faith in love goes something like this, being in love with a partner doesn't mean two people aren't going to have differences, and sometimes it's about accepting a mate for who they are rather than who the other person wants the other person to be.
I think people just want to be in love for the sake of being in love (someone already said that), so when they meet someone with some what of an attraction, they automatically think it's being "in love" when in all reality it's just an illusional love.
I used to wonder if I could actually spend the rest of my life with just one person like my parents did, and for years in and out of a marriage and a couple of long term relationships I found out later, much later, that I settled for just love and grew to love deeper, but for all the wrong reasons. I think real "in love" is when there is no reason, it just all comes together so wonderfully and with all the individual differences too. It's learning to allow individuality, not just for things, or money, sex, companionship, it's got to be all that and more.
The funny thing is though, very few people really know when they are commpletely in love with all the wrong ones, until the right one comes along. The proof is these kind never last.
I found that right one, but we still have our differences. We still have separate ways. We still are our own people. So, being in love is accepting those differences and working with those differences, but never giving up on each other and growing together instead of apart. Never putting our love at risk and cherishing each others ways.
I believe that any kind of love is the greatest gift there is in this whole world. I believe that everybody's ship comes in... you just have to be at the right port, at that exact and right time and in the right frame of mind. Most of all, one has to have the will to strive and keep it going through the good times and the bad times, protecting it. That is when love will prevail when it's the right kind of love.
Chela | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 8:52:56 PM | | Yes, I still have faith. I've found it, lost it, believe that it still is out there. I'm nearly 60, you are just 24 and you may think I'm just some old fool. But I can tell you that love does exist, and it's not just some movie script. Love WILL find you. Right now, the young men you mingle with are perhaps just not emotionally ready, still driven by hormonal urges and societal pressures to find the perfect "10"...but not all of them...somewhere out there, there IS a young man who will need you as much as you need him, will care for you as much as you care for him, will love you as much as you will love him. You have to keep that faith. He is out there. Keeping love alive beyond the six month chemistry honeymoon takes some work, some effort, some knowing that love is not static, that keeping romance alive takes more than just being comfortable with each other. It should be, as in all the best love stories, a continuing journey of exploration and finding wonder between a couple. It is possible. It does happen. But it takes more than just wishing and hoping (apologies to Dusty Springfield). Sometimes you actually have to be aware, and make the effort to keep love alive. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 9:42:26 PM | I have come to the conclusion that all men care about is sex. If I am not horny, I don't even bother looking at them anymore because they are so useless otherwise.
In theory it may not be true of all men. In fact it is true of every man I have ever met or known.
Anymore I don't need love or more accurately a "romance story" to tell others and mostly fool myself into feeling good about being used as a flesh toy or to mask the fact that all he cares about is sex. It doesn't feel good to be used and those stories are all feel good crapola that doesn't exist in reality. He is now as useless to me as I have always been to him. In fact the sight of most of them makes me so sick, that on the rare occassion every once in a long while, the one that doesn't make me want to puke, especially with those storybook lines, is getting lucky. The worst part is they love it. He doesn't have to bullcrap me first and it just makes me sick anymore. There is one every once in a while that isn't full of crap. Not often, but still all he cares about is sex too. So, if I'm not horny, he's done too. | |
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| Do you still have faith in love?
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:15:47 PM | Hey Fireknight, good to see ya still around :)
Do I believe in love? The older I get the less my expectations for love become. It's not that I don't I'll find love, it's just that love is teaching me, each and every time, that I've expected too much all my life :)
Just hang in there. You'll find it soon enough. | |
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