| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:22:10 PM | Nothing boosts the ego more than being confident that somebody else desires you.
However....
Isn't there a little too much of a passive/aggressive game about this attitude ?
Are not women who want this sort of thing really trying to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their own sex lives ?
Frankly, I've grown weary of ," That wasn't my idea, that was all your idea ".
Isn't anything ever your idea ?
Of course, if the woman gets pregnant she can always point to the man and blame his over active libido, " You're the one who just has to have it so much ", she says.
Sex is the only activity where men and women meet each other on an equal footing.
How am I as a man, supposed to look at the person I'm dominating, as an equal ?
How can women ever expect men to look at them as equals if they don't start holding up their end of it ( pun intended ). | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:38:21 PM | I'm with you nipoleon. I think I know what your saying. It's great when a guy knows that his woman really does want him, and he can really be himself and be masculine.
On the other hand, everyone's entitled to a woody allen moment.
It's usually the most dynamic guys, in my opinion, who experience the most anxiety/uncertainty in their perception of the world, because they are truly innovative. It's a winning strategy to be always confident, always assured if you are middlemanagement in some cog factory, but in the more personal corners of your life, a man, just like a woman should be allowed to entertain doubt, uncertainty, existential dilema and have a woman who can accept this side of his masculinity as well.
It's hard for a guy to maintain a balance in life between being a thinker and a doer if his other half is not an equal partner, and relies on him to create a myth of security, sexually or otherwise, rather than face the uncertainty of the world and explore it along side him. | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:52:00 PM | I've never read Anais Nin, though some of my best female friends have been avid readers of hers. Hints of the submissive side of the dominance/submission thing there. I like give-and-take, myself. There are moments when I like being somewhat passive, receptive, and I find it a real turn-on when a guy has a "plan." I love it when a guy takes me moves me a certain way, positions me, obviously has some idea in mind what he wants to do and it's exciting, that moment of anticipation and giving in. But I wouldn't want to be just that. I like being on top, too. I like surprising him and pleasing him and taking control. For me, part of what makes a good lover is the ease with which we can switch back and forth between passive and active, between being dominant and submissive, between being the leader and follower. Sometimes it is two together acting together, very much in synch, other times it's one taking the initiative and the other allowing them to do it. With a good lover, this interaction and shifting of roles is fluid and easy, like a good conversation.
And yes, you are one of my favority posters, too. | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:55:08 PM |
libra you are my absolute favorite within these forums love your posts and your incitefull replies to others why no one has pulled you from this pond to have and to hol d ill never know best to you reg
I'm sure you meant "insightful." "Inciteful" replies might . . . oh, incite a riot? | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 3:57:53 PM |
Are not women who want this sort of thing really trying to absolve themselves of any responsibility for their own sex lives ?
Absolutely not, IMO. I will do everything in my power to get my partner to the point where he is so in lust with me that he wants to be the dominant one. Like I said in my OP, there are definitely times I will be the agressor, the hunter.... and I take full responsibility for my own sex life. Having said that.... the responsibility I take is to ensure that he also is fulfilled... and for me, the type of guy I am most compatable with is, for the most part, dominant in the bedroom.... thus by allowing him to take control at that moment, he is being fulfilled.
How am I as a man, supposed to look at the person I'm dominating, as an equal ?
The same way I look at my guy when he is allowing me to be the dominant one at times.... in reality, he is the one in control at that moment... because if he says stop, I will stop.
I think that I can agree with what Anais Nim says in the quoted passage, but only as far as the "bedroom" is concerned. Outside the bedroom, the situation I have with a woman is different.
Completely agree Nick.... like Vegas.... what happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom.
These differences in opinions are why I love the forums and so enjoy a good debate. Ms. Nin's quote does not describe me completely..... as I stated in my OP.... but it sure does fit me a lot of the time!
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:24:35 PM | Completely agree with Nick - in the bedroom and only in the bedroom. And w/the chicks who said sometimes I want to aggress but not usually. I like my man to be dominant in the bedroom. Why? Well it turns me on.
I think that for me, part of it is because outside the bedroom I have to be in control all the time of my life and my family. I have to take care of the house, the kids, the pet, the job, etc. It's *hard* doing it all on my own.
When I am with my bf, part of why enjoy having a man in my life is so that I have one area where I am cherished. Where I am wanted for ME, not mom, not employee, but ME. Maybe that's weak of me, I don't know.
OTOH...I don't want to be dominated in my relationship but outside the bedroom.
I believe very, very firmly that a good relationship is that of partners, equals. Not leader and follower. I am nobody's follower, nor leader. BALANCE is key. We balance each other out...
Like, like a triangle. I lean against you and you lean against me and together we hold each other up. And when there is dissention, we work thru it as a team and find a solution or compromise that works for us. There is always a solution...always an answer. I find strength in my man, in my relationship. That same strength that I don't have at home, I find with him. BUT it isn't him leading me...because he finds that same exact strength in me. Fitting together like a puzzle...and where the edges rub and don't quite fit we file them down til they do.
BUT...in the bedroom, I do submit. I give him the lead. Put the power in his hands. It's a matter of trust. THat doesn't mean I am lazy or not a participant, not at all. It just means that the dynamic is a bit different. Sometimes it's nice to feel like a "bad girl" and let it all out, ya know?
Kaylie | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:54:30 PM | Anais Nin is a wonderful author and many of us who are into Dominance/submission are very familiar with her writings. She was one of the very first modern female authors of erotica. And it is erotica not porn.
laghinglibra if you would like to discuss more about dominance and submission feel free to look me up. I love to talk about it with people of like mind. If you are curious I'm willing to answer questions.
This also goes for others who may be reading this. If you are writing to blast me don't bother. I can hit delete faster than you can write. But if you have an interest or are genuinely curious feel free to write. | |
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kmacme
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Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 33 | |
| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:01:26 PM | | Submissive women in the bedroom are a HUGE turn off! Give me spread eagle, stroking her cl*t and telling me softly...f*ck me anyday over the other! | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:14:29 PM |
Submissive women in the bedroom are a HUGE turn off! Give me spread eagle, stroking her cl*t and telling me softly...f*ck me anyday over the other!
I agree with you.... and to me, that is the entire concept of balance in what Ms. Nin is saying...... that us women who are like this are confident enough in ourselves to do things like you just described and more in order to get our men to the point of such desire that his animalistic desires take over... thus being the dominant one at that point.
I'm certain that my guy can attest to the fact that I drive him crazy with my forwardness and letting him know how much I want him and desire him... and by doing that, it fuels his desire to be the dominant partner most of the time.
It's all about balance, IMHO.
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 6:34:12 PM | Obviously a lot of people out there do not understand that no matter WHAT kind of relationship they are in, SOMEONE is Dominant and SOMEONE is submissive. This also includes times when the roles switch. Someone is always taking the lead, even when a decision is shared.
And submissives have a helluva lot more power than most people think. 
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:26:40 PM | I disagree: Being in the lead doesn't make you dominant. Subs can top, doms can bottom, and for that matter partners often just move in sync. And jeez, not everything is about power anyway.
As for the OP, I just can't get on board with it. I'm not comfortable being dominant except as an occasional thing, and being enticed into it really doesn't help. All you guys who prefer submissive women, have it it. Please send the more aggressive ones this way. (Not that I want to be dominated. I personally prefer peers.) | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 10:56:24 PM | OMG!!!! that is the most spot on erotic urge invoking quote!!!! awesome Libra.... i truley "feel " this quote...... | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:08:50 PM | | Irish, i do not think it is so much about being submissive...more about your man taking over and showing passion....I had a guy tell me once that he would carry me to bed urgently...carry me to bed hungrily.... carry me to bed where there was no bed....whisper sweet words into my ears to maintain the rage and passion between us...this was a huge turn on... he was taking control... and in no way was i being submissive... but i let him take the reins so to speak....It invokes such a feeling in me to have my man "take control sexually"....to know that i am at his will and controll...WOW!!!! | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/15/2008 11:38:37 PM | "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful that the risk it took to blossom" -Anais Nin
Thanks LaughingLibra... I took your advice on googling Anais Nin and found several of her quotes that touched me.
From what I've read thus far, she was a very sexually open person of her time! I have to say though, it kinda grossed me out that she had an affair with her father! But the fact that divided her time alternately between two husbands over 30 years makes her a hero in my book!  | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:12:22 AM | How am I as a man, supposed to look at the person I'm dominating, as an equal ?
Well, I can't speak for anyone but myself on this...but here's my stance:
I consider the role of Dom to be the pinnacle of servanthood. Did you catch that...as a Dom I consider myself to be a servant. I am a servant who has gained such trust from the master, that they have said to me "My land, and all that I own, I place under you care". The role of Dom is the greatest honor that can be bestowed upon a servant. It is the ultimate demonstration of trust and respect from a woman, for her to want to surrender "her possesions" so completely to a man.
Does that begin to give you an idea of how I think the man should look at the person they are dominating? | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 8:59:08 AM | | its takes a very strong women to be like this......and not lose herself in the process....... | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:45:32 AM | | I don't know what to say.....I'm speechless..........Thanks for introducing her to me...I will read further!! | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:45:04 AM | | Perhaps when the idea of Yin and Yang first germinated, it was because of sex. | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 2:26:45 PM |
"I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness."
Whew! To have such a gift as to be able to be honoured with such a way of life as Anais describes is truly one lover's gift to another...
The implications of "submission" in Anais' quote are, I think, being misread by many. If a reader takes the time to explore that she is actually commenting on the ecstasy of being able to be all that we are in our core femininity with a man who is able to bring that forward, there is no submissiveness actually involved in that miracle.
Of all that we might miss in our lives as singles, I think this is the greatest cause of our mourning... where we have met that one person who could also revel in the "darkness and richness of our femaleness" and been unable, for whatever reason, to go forward with him.
*sigh* | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:08:21 PM | | This is the same impression of what I received from her above work. Like Silken Fire said, the ecstasy of being able to be all with a man that can be that man........Ummmm........ | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:17:36 PM | Hey sweetheart, just reinforces that if you can master making love to your girls mind you are well on the way, the largest, and heaviest, sexual organ responds to subtle ministrations that is why I love the idea of the japanese game I have spoken about in the bedroom where you bring your woman to orgasm without sexual penetration or sexual touching (no clit rubbing). What blast to be able to heighten her life so that you stimulate such a reaction and to the question do women really have the power, do kangaroos hop?dah
Imagine being able to drive your lover to orgasm with just talk and tit play, hoolaah that is true dominance. " I can make you go weak at the knees just by whispering to you" fantastic | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:21:28 PM | Nipolean, I just had to respond to your post, men and women meeting on an equal footing. As my girl says she loves her femaleness but a man can so control the bedrood, both physically and psychologically, just as a woman can have us chasing them in bed we can drive them to distraction and to the point of elliciting the 'for gods sake f**k me already' response and if that is not a power then I am not here | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 48 | |
| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:39:00 PM |
I've always looked at this as a kind of " lazy " way of going about things.
I'm hoping that the younger generation of women get away from these attitudes.
I don't think this is an 'attitude' so much as a natural way of being for most women. We like a man who takes charge without being overbearing or arrogant. This is not about him forcing her to do things she doesn't want to do. If there's mutual love, respect and trust, then this yin-yang way of the male-female relationship usually works best. This is not about weakness on the woman's part at all. Now I have to go and google AN, as I've never read any of her writings (didn't even know AN was a woman  ). Im only familiar with that name through doing crossword puzzles. 
N. | |
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Ninki
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Joined: 4/11/2005
Msg: 49 | |
| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:41:19 PM |
How am I as a man, supposed to look at the person I'm dominating, as an equal ?
How can women ever expect men to look at them as equals if they don't start holding up their end of it
Nipoleon, I think you're missing the point.
N. | |
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| A quote from Anais Nin....
Posted: 8/16/2008 4:44:46 PM | Hmmm. Anais Nin has a reputation for being very right wing in her politics and attitudes. Comes down to different generations, I suppose.
from a "Lefty" | |
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