| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:24:00 AM | What do YOU ?
I'd meet her for coffee, feel it out....she could of left you for someone else and then relized what she had in you....she could just be lonely and wanting an ego boost.
Noone can tell you if she is"jeaous or confused by your calm demeanor" only she can and I don't think she'll tell you.
"want you back to try and rip you apart again and get some kind of response"...hey people do the weirdest things to each other...... | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:51:27 AM | I wouldn't recommend being with someone who thinks 'you're easy to break up with' - they're probably planning on using the person they say this to as a 'middle-man' until 'the one' comes along.
I had a lady at work who had just divorced from her husband (he'd left to marry someone else) ask if I'd like to be involved in a 'bridging relationship' with her - she and I would be FWB until her next 'serious' guy came along. I declined. I'm good enough for sex but I'm not good enough for a proper relationship and I'm supposed to want that?
I had a g/f who dumped me when I was a teenager - I saw her a couple of years later with a new b/f and when she spotted me her face went bright red and she 'crumpled' with embarrassment. I remember thinking 'you dumped me, what are you embarrassed for?'.
My belief is that if something doesn't work or you get treated in a certain way it'll just continue - this particular case sounds as though the lady likes the idea of being able to throw the switch when it suits and there'll be no consequences.
Either that or there may be an element of not liking the fact someone was so neutral and wanting to see a bit more clinginess as an esteem booster - I've had a couple of women who wouldn't accept I didn't want to be around them and then when I thought 'oh well, I might as well' regretted it a little bit down the line (these weren't romantic relationships though).
Once it's done, it needs to be done. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:36:28 AM | I can sort of see someone new - who witnessed your actions during said break up being genuinely impressed with how you handled it, maybe... I can also see the person who brke up with you being genuinely pleased with the fact that breaking up with you led to no drama and screaming matches...
But having that be an impetus to get back together with you? I find that weird. On so many levels. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 9:57:21 AM | there is a 3rd option.. the woman didn't think it was working out, and didn't want to fall for said guy, but after some time, realized that the guy was in fact a catch and worth being with. now, you could speculate, she met someone else, screwed around and then got ditched, or, maybe got scared of suddenly being alone, or blah blah blah...
Doesn't sound like the two people were in a long term relationship, but a short, dalliance, nothing says "flee" more than a short term relationship you think is going nowhere.
Ask yourself the question: "do you like her, and do you think you could have a relationship with her again"... | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:00:14 AM |
...Your ex-partner is totally puzzled and clearly was expecting more "action" or drama.
I wonder if saying this would give them enough drama:
"You are breaking up with me? Really? Hell yeah! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can finally go do that hot waitress I've had my eye on for some time. Gotta go! Wish you luck...bye now." *then do your happy dance as you are leaving... something like the dance some football players do upon touchdown*
Your reluctant and moderately confused...especially when you hear: "The way you dealt with the break up was very relaxing...I want to be with someone like you"
The bitch is testing you, and manipulating you. If I were you I'd respond with,
"Yeah... I was relaxed wasn't I? I guess you didn't mean that much to me after all". | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:47:47 AM | She only wants him back because he acted like he didn't care. This is a game and she is one of those who likes some excitement. Maybe she dumped him in the first place because things were boring and his nonchalant attitude put her off. Women do like to feel that they are really desired. So, the fact that he acts like he doesn't care makes her interested again.
That is what I mean about how no drama actually creates drama.
Sounds like there wasn't a decent relationship in the first place because she should have told him her concerns about the relationship and what she was unsatisfied with and gave him (or them) a chance to make those changes before just dumping him. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:20:05 PM | I just had a massive post reply almost auoting everyone who replied and my browser back button was clicked and everything cleared f*ck me I hate that...LOL
She only wants him back because he acted like he didn't care
Ouch... 
For starters, there was no acting...he (I'm speaking in third person cause no where did I mention it was me -- although most assumed that and maybe their right) simply not into getting upset over spilt milk...why cry about something you can't change??? At least that has been his experience with women..
Maybe she dumped him in the first place because things were boring and his nonchalant attitude put her off
She had her reasons which is exactly why it was pointless to try and change
Women do like to feel that they are really desired
Something I personally have to figure out...I'm terrified of appearing clingy. haha.
So, the fact that he acts like he doesn't care makes her interested again.
Which is why I am so confused by women...you essentially just said the exact opposite...so you admit then that women are a paradox and can never be understood?
That is what I mean about how no drama actually creates drama.
I originally quoted that...very confusing I still don't get it. What dimension do women live in? No drama = no drama...how does no drama create drama...oh wait...now I get it...because I wasn't dramatic...now she wants to be? I can see how that would maybe work with male/female relations...makes no sense...but I can see how emotions might make a person act that way...
Sounds like there wasn't a decent relationship in the first place because she should have told him her concerns about the relationship and what she was unsatisfied with and gave him (or them) a chance to make those changes before just dumping him.
Sheesh...someone's critical. LOL
It was what it was and nothing more...wasn't long term by any means (well for me errr him it was but relative to most it was nil) so whatev' lets say good experience and educational trip into the midset of the female psyche... | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:25:52 PM | I think it didn't work out with the guy she left you for and now while waiting for another guy who will shower her with attention, she's doubting herself and wondering why she didn't have you wrapped around her finger like so many other men. So while bored and waiting for the next guy, she wants to try and get you to the point where you'll approach insanity when she breaks up with you the next time.
It's a game, turn and walk away. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:36:30 PM |
It's a game, turn and walk away.
Aye aye Captn'
p.s-who said it was me??? | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:36:59 PM | NOOO, CB, don't do it, don't go back.
I agree, tis a game, no more. She wants you now b/c you don't care... makes you a challenge.
Or, she could be one of those wenches that just enjoys breaking up every week and doesn't mean it...and I HATE that kind of behavior - gives the rest of us a bad name. LOL
Besides, I think if there was so little emotion involved, probably not going to be a forever love relationship if you try again.
Oh, um, I don't mean you, I mean "whoever he is". 
If it is you...CB, you really deserve to fall in love with someone who is worthy of all you have to offer. Us fishies here know you and know it will happen to you when the time is right. Am I right, fishies?????
Kaylie | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:40:30 PM |
She wants you now b/c you don't care
Thats the second or third time I've read someone say that...
Interesting...cause guys realized that it wasn't that I didn't care but that I simply couldn't be bothered to cry over spilled milk...and women on the otherhand seem to think it's because I didn't care...
I wonder why that is...
Like how that poster said: "No drama creates drama. Men don't get it"
She was right...at first I had no idea what the hell she wasy saying...sounded like an oxymoron...like turn left-right at the next intersection.  | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/16/2008 12:50:29 PM | I just broke things off abruptly with a guy I've been dating for 4 months and of course he was really upset, but he didn't go all crazy on me; just more disappointed. I felt so horrible the day after I broke it off and have been miserable for the past week knowing that I let a good guy go b/c of my fears. I ended up calling him last night (which I was planning on not doing, but I caved) and he said we'd still be friends, but it could never be the same as before. I told him, "that's fine," but in reality, I want him back.
In contrast, if the dumpee reacts calmly (and face it, that's unexpected in the majority of these situations) the dumper doesn't have the negative to focus on and reinforce their decision to break up. Instead they are left sitting in their own feelings about you/relationship/breaking up... possibly being reflective about the whole relationship and reevaluating their feelings. It may be the first time they really "try on" their fears and realize they were bigger in their mind than they actually are in reality.
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Your quote is exactly how I feel right now. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:05:32 PM | There is a man on POF that I am very interested in. He told me a few weeks ago that if he showed interest in me, I would have nothing to do with him. He said it was true. I really don't believe it... Nonetheless, people want what they can't have. When people are available and want you, then the other person pulls away for some off reason. There is no such thing as just telling the truth and liking people for who they are and just wanting to find love.
I still think she is interested because you act like you don't care either way. If you give in, she will change her mind again.
But no drama does create drama. You proved it yourself. She is interested again because you gave her no drama. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:28:44 PM | | it's simple really..she had a fling with someone else..it didnt work out..it was intense and full of action..but it burned out quickly..now she wants to go back to the comfort of the ole blanket..until something else comes along to light her fire..capish?/ | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:33:57 PM | Dont go back if you have any respect this is set up for failure. Be careful what you do here you are either going top end up with an ex you don't love or a never ending bullshit. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:52:18 PM | | Oh, beef...this is really one bizarre reason why would anyone want to go back to a relationship, because the other party didn't really cry over the spilt milk, wow... how real is this. Although, you almost convinced me. The only scenario I can picture here if they related to each other as buddies, which may happen... those couples lack passion and their male/female polarities are quite neutralized, so their relationship is very quiet, subdued, boring, and lack of the whole purpose why they ended up together in the first place, but they run the household together, and it seems like it makes perfect sense because it is easier to survive together than alone. Then, I really don't know how to answer the question, should the other party accept it, ... I am having blank moment here, because I don't really follow those kind of connections, either. La Jaconde 2 cents. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 8/18/2008 2:12:34 AM | Logic knows no home here - hearts are involved. Maybe the guy in this scenario had a nice car, a mansion, or just HBO. I wouldn't be the first guy who was cornfused by a woman's motives to rekindle a relationship she ended.
I've been dumped twice, and thought I was in love both times. In both cases, my ex girlfriends came back, one of them a few times over several years (we witnessed Hale-Bopp together, and then she became my own orbiting comet for a while). I don't think either time was like the case of the guy you're referring to, as I don't remember being particularly unruffled. To this day I don't know why they came back. | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:28:59 AM | my good pof friend posted on this a few months ago. i couldn't resist, resurrecting it--i guess to hear myself speak!!!
a good number of women (and men) want love, passion and security. they often operate out of different paradigms as to how to express those very deep needs and also how to receive. there is often the fear of loss, so one or both parties dares not to even try or pretends to make do, w/o the other. a good amount of time is spent, or wasted, trying to understand the "intentions" of the other. for some, they yearn for a formal/legal commitment which is then supposed to mean that all is well. for others, even when all is well, they fear that the commitment will not last and so they don't commit at all or ever.
it all gets very convoluted. so, you need to first define your words, ask what the other person "thinks" that they need, see if their actions are consistent with their words, and while doing so, ask yourself if you can meet these needs and vice versa. you have to be able to open up your heart and your soul to the right person. there are no guarantees and for many there is no intution about who/what is right. it is an evolution. many get it w/o any big words, many (myself included) have struggled to give it words, in order to finally get it right.
then there are the introverts and the extroverts. they process very differently. you must be able to distinguish between drama and extroversion; between introversion and personal rejection. you must, over time, be willing and able to communicate. if the passion is mixed with just the right amount of emotional and spiritual depth, then you have a fighting chance. there is only one greater thing than love between a man and a woman (or if you are gay, between two intimate and commited mates). that one greater thing is the love between a parent and a child. the path is not always rosy, but the rewards, i believe, are unfathomable and can be quite beautiful--even moreso with the challenges that are matched by the solutions.
hey, i'll be 60 in a week and i still believe this! i am not clear, OP what your situation was and its details, but i imagine some of what i have mentioned may be part of the underlying cause. it takes two. you can only do your part and only if its right for you. you can ask her, what had been going on to manifest these swings--unless you know already. so, then you already have your answer! | |
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| Jealous or Genuine
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:06:36 AM | If someone ended things with me...then came back a time later, I dont know if Id be able to trust them not to do it again...I mean..I wasnt good enough before, so why now?
If I wasnt confident, or felt on equal footing, then the second attempt would be doomed, because me walking on eggshells is not really me being me...you know?
I would not go back. | |
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