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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Guy  > why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?      Home login  
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 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 26
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I find that if a woman really wants to know you, and is really attracted to you sexually as well, that they will be just as interested in having and enjoying sex, as you might be.....

It is all a matter of walls built for protection, boundaries set for sanity, health, and personal beliefs, and the security of knowing that you are not making a mistake by heading down that path.

Men like sex, but so do women, so that is a given, and what more men need to do is to leave the aggressiveness at the door that society and nature has instilled in them, and just relax and let her decide when it is right for the situation.

Once this is accomplished, and they know that they are in charge of when, where, and how, it seems to happen just as fast as when you try to be aggressive and force the issue, and maybe get it every so often, but look so typical male, thinking with your small brain, and making an a** out of yourself.

With all the ways to prevent pregnancy, testing for STD's, and moving more and more towards equality of the genders, women have as much a need and desire to enjoy the one they are with, as much as men do..........so, why not let them take that lead, and you be the one to say yea or nay when right?????.......

Just my opinion.......
 dazzyb123
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 27
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:50:36 AM
What a load of S##T. Men are men and why not.If people are meant to have sex on a first date so be it. If not so be it. What has gender equality got to do with it. Rubbish.
 spiderette
Joined: 6/28/2008
Msg: 28
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:58:34 AM
OP,
The biggest thing you can do for yourself given the situation is to make sure you've been up front with him, honest, and sincere about your strong feelings for him (not the time for games-embarrassing as it may be to speak forthrightly - of course, it has to be done in a non-needy way, but also in very clear, sincere way that communicates your true feelings...difficult to execute, but can be done). That way, if he doesn't come back, you won't be sitting there wondering if things might have been different if only you'd done or said something else. It's also your best chance for him to come back (if he's vacillating or has any intention). Once that has been done (and it sounds like you've done it---& I assume you said what you truly wanted to say with no games), then it's out of your hands. You'll have to wait and in the interim you need to get focused on things other than him in your life.

In any event, if he's what you want, I hope he comes back. If not, then you've positioned yourself to move on more easily.
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 29
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:07:12 AM
Someguys assume womenknowthattheyarebelieversinthe'three date rule'

please please what is the three date rule??? and who made it up??.
 bk0x45
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 30
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:11:09 AM
please please what is the three date rule??? and who made it up??.


Basically, as I understand it, there's a school of thought that if a woman doesn't want to have sex by the third date, she's unlikely to want to have sex in the forseeable future. (It may be assumed that the guy has been paying all along, so that's part of this next part.) Also, it is going to end up dragging on and costing the guy so much on the off chance she finally does have sex that he is better off finding someone else.

No clue who came up with it. I could see an economics student somewhere being behind it, though.
 dazzyb123
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 31
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:14:52 AM
Good old gender equality...
 The Artful Codger
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 32
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:26:00 AM
"Always" is hyperbole, "so early" is subjective and I can't answer for all men.

That said, and speaking very generally, it has been my (unscientific) observation in life that many women need to have an emotional connection in place with a man before they can comfortably have sex with him, and many men need to have sex with a woman before they can comfortably develop an emotional connection with her.

I don't know exactly why this is, but I suspect it is buried deep in our reproductive and survival instincts somewhere . . .
and reinforced by cultural stimuli and personal experience.

The trick, I think, is in finding or negotiating a middle ground that is acceptable for both parties.

-----------


could you tell me please how to enclose those little boxes of quotes from previous replies?
Go here...
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts469064.aspx
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 33
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:27:15 AM
threedaterule
quote ::: Also, it is going to end up dragging on and costing the guy so much on the off chance she finally does have sex that he is better off finding someone else.

bkOO69
it aint costing the guy anything!!!!
why do you keep saying that. it can not be assumed this is the case. I have reiterated several times that I always go dutch.

when I met my husband of 12 years we didnt have sex until at least a month after meeting him, and I saw him at least 5 times a week. Some girls do NOT want sex early. It is a choice and it doesnt mean that she is stringing a guy along until something better comes along
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 34
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:29:02 AM
THANK you the artful Codger
you hit the nail right on the head; negotiation!!!
 dazzyb123
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 35
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:30:29 AM
What about instinct
 johnboy72472
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 36
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:31:02 AM
Cause we are always horny.............

THATS WHY!!!!!!!!!

 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 37
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:33:23 AM
so you telling me johnboy that that is it????
so you dont want to date if a woman wont have sex with you?? (and im not talking EVER here?)
 bk0x45
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 38
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:49:20 AM


it aint costing the guy anything!!!!
why do you keep saying that. it can not be assumed this is the case. I have reiterated several times that I always go dutch.


This time, it was in reference to the "three date rule" you asked about. Normally, it is assumed in dating that the guy pays... so the 'rule' is obviously going to be based on that assumption, in its derivation. It had nothing to do with you in person, but rather your question.

And if you look back over my posts... you'll notice I was actually the first to mention negotiation.
 TillyD.
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 39
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:51:29 AM
Just because you don't want to sleep around or with a guy the first time you meet them doesn't make you uptight.
I am a very sexual person but like to get to know a guy before I sleep with him.
I started internet dating because almost everytime I met a guy when I was out he wanted to sleep with me either that night or on our first date. Men do not respect women anymore. Sex used to be a beautiful thing that was shared by two people who cared about eachother. I actually put on my profile that I have high standards and morals for myself. I have had no problem meeting men but they know where I stand before we even meet.
By the way the lack of respect is not all the man's fault. Women don't respect themselves anymore either.
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 40
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:54:17 AM
yes thank you Tilly

'Sex used to be a beautiful thing that was shared by two people who cared about eachother'

hit the nail on the head

I may take your suggestion 'that i have high standards and morals' and put it on my profile
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 41
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 11:57:20 AM
ahhh assumptions!
So if you assume that a girl should sleep with a guy after 3 dates if he pays for teh meal

what about if he doesnt pay for teh meal??

Does this mean that a girl isnt expected to sleep with him??

we go back to my original post then dont we... why is it that every guy I go out with wants sex early in a relationship???

dig deep BK dig deep
 TillyD.
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 42
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:16:30 PM
What the heck does paying for a meal have to do with sex? Are we really that shallow?
money, food, sex, how do they relate?
So are you saying that I have to pay for every date if I don't want to have sex with a guy? Well, at least I know now the answer to my much pondered question. See girls we have our answer. Yippee!
 bk0x45
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 43
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:16:33 PM
Well, the other assumption of that three date rule is still that if sex has not occurred by the third date, there is a vanishingly small chance of it occurring on any particular date beyond that. So while a guy could, theoretically, stick around until finally getting some on date 10, he could instead start dating someone else instead of going on the fourth date, and probably get laid by the third date there, and if not, then by the third date with a third woman. Even if it goes to the third date with the third woman, he's still invested less time. I'm fairly certain that it comes down to a diminishing returns analysis with some probabilities involved.

Now, in your personal experience, I can't be certain. I don't know the guys. However, many of the others have mentioned parts of it, and you've never actually commented on the one suggestion I did pose on the issue... that you hadn't communicated extensively enough to have negotiated the framework of the relationship up front. And remember, guys will always want sex with a woman that we are attracted to. We might not act on it, or we might... that is a personal issue. You seem to be choosing the guys who more aggressively pursue... maybe you should go choose guys, rather than waiting for them to pursue you. That might reduce the chance of them having the personality that would make them inclined to force the issue of sex. Maybe.
 bk0x45
Joined: 1/4/2006
Msg: 44
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:19:39 PM

What the heck does paying for a meal have to do with sex? Are we really that shallow?
money, food, sex, how do they relate?


Women (or at least some women) believe it isn't right for men to use them for sex. However, many women seem to believe it is all right to use men for their money. Doesn't this seem a little hypocritical?
 GreatRichGuy
Joined: 6/7/2008
Msg: 45
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why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:28:03 PM
I've not dated to many girls for someone of my age but the women I have dated or semi dated wanted to get straight in and because I said 'No', they look at me like there is something wrong and feel rejected and never see them again. This has happend 4 times in my lifetime. Now if I had of slept with them then I would have been called everything under the sun.

I repect women, and expect the same in return. If the relationship is going well, who need the sex and enjoy it when it comes.

You can't win!
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 46
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:35:23 PM
yes you can!! I wish you were nearer my age, I would loev to date you
a guy with standards
bravo and thanks
 TillyD.
Joined: 7/28/2008
Msg: 47
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:37:01 PM
If you are interested in finding a partner who you relate to, have companionship with and hopefully have a long term relationship with you may be willing to fork out a few bucks for the opportunity of having a poential life partner. Paying for a date, opening the door, pulling out the chair for her at the table are things gentlemen do. It does not mean a woman should be expected to"put out". As for women using a man for their money, I am sure there are alot of those girls out there and maybe you can figure out if she is that kind of girl before you take her out. That still does not mean that paying for a date relates to having sex that night.
You may be missing out on something good with that mind set.
 aka61
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 48
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:43:45 PM
thank you tilly
I have approached the guy that I am having a first date with tomorrow, in advance, and said that I dont believe in the 'three date rule'
he is a sweetie and says : quote:

" no im ok,i dont expect sex like that,sex is good but so is a relationship,holding hands,kissing and cuddling.sex is only part of a relationship.so unless u want to cancel i will be there"

hey wish me luck, I might be on to a winner there

oh and all you cynical men out there, he has offered to pay too!
 nigelwright
Joined: 3/24/2007
Msg: 49
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:45:09 PM
Men need sex, it is as simple as that.

I dont see any point in continuing a relationship if the sex is poor.

Why date for 6 months only to find out she wants sex once per month and he wants it once per night ! That is seriously not going to work.

Also some men like very adventurous women in the bedroom and some women just cant deal with that.

Sex isnt everything in a relationship but it is a very important part.
 Doodleboy
Joined: 6/24/2008
Msg: 50
why do men always want sex so early in a relationship?
Posted: 8/17/2008 12:48:21 PM
OP: It's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't things.

If we want it early, we're dogs (according to your kind).
If we don't want it, we're not normal (according to your kind).

Frankly, I wish you people would just make up your minds.
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