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Posted: 8/18/2008 9:26:08 AM | As far as the rest, the ones that say they wouldn't date you, well they just think their life is trouble free and to say the least are nothing more than ignorant.
You keep your head up, someone will come along that will love you and your kids despite what happened in your past.
The past is what makes us, it's a vital part of who we are. You can learn a lot from someone off their past experiences and what their life's held for them up to this point. It contains everything we've learned and everything we haven't learned, but should've. Like not having kids whilst you're a teenager. I could look past one kid at the age of 20, but three? Way too many. To me that also just shows the inability to learn from one's mistakes, something I can't stand.
I'm sure they had screwed 2 different people by the time they were 20
Nope. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 9:31:58 AM | Simply put without criticizing your life choices such as some other posters have done;
Not at this time. You are young but have priorities and obligations to your kids at this time to raise them in good health and with 1 father figure, theirs. Trying to bring more men into the house and family circle can cause serious confusion for your children in the long run.
The fact is you are a mother now, and it is time to start acting like that. You made adult choices when you were younger; so it has been written that you shall now live those adult choices.
Non of us here have the right to berate you for your actions; everybody makes mistakes-- but never call a child a mistake. Like an above poster said, you are not ready for a relationship. Bring the kids closer to their fathers even if you personally don't get along with them now; this is about your kids, not you.
Born, | |
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| honest answers please no offence will be taken!!
Posted: 8/18/2008 10:24:20 AM | I won't ask, but when i read your profile, you seem like a girl who was probably molested early by mom's boyfriends or other older men maybe even daddy. The sex being a way to gain their acceptance and love and now you have children to show for it.
Does any of this matter to a prospective new partner...of course. You've had a rough life, but because you've lived it you don't see it as it's all you know.
You'll find what's taken place in your youth has infected you as an adult. I'd very much suggest you get counciling, but only from a hetrosexual female therapist. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 10:50:47 AM |
The OP is English, Navigator6 and in the UK it's OFFENCE not OFFENSE. She did get that right.... [/quotes]
Ooops, my mistake! Thanks for bringing that to my attention.
I still stand by my suggestion that she learn a basic knowledge of writing skills or at the very least, have someone help her. Her post and profile reads are still very juvenile. No offence... | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 11:09:50 AM | | hi diane , i know im a woman , but have to say your very brave getting on here and spilling out your life story just to understand men ,and how they think but your missing the bigger picture here and that is how you feel about yourself , right now you should be thinking of how to get back to the girl you were before all the shit , its very hard to loose your children ,as i have 3 also , and would never be without them , but if there is anything ive learned is never depend on anyone but yourself to make life worth living , to say that life is only about love is wrong , its about learning new things and how you as a person can handle them and as it show,s you can handle a bit more then most ,so that alone can only mean that you are stronger then you think. get yourself back on track with your children and the rest will follow , and as you can see the men in this world do not know why you ask this ? , as most of them cant see past what as happend in your life and just see the fact that you have 3 kids at 2o , ,, you and only you can get your life back to what it should be ,,, so all the best hun i hope it gets better for you soon . | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 11:21:08 AM | Where's Captain Save-a-Ho? Eh....he's probably backlogged. It's scary to say, but this isn't the worst deal on this website. There was another chick around here with five kids from three daddies.
Hmmm....five months and back on the prowl, huh? Well if this doesn't scream DEPENDANT upon a man, I don't know what does. People wished you good luck and blessings, but what you need is a slap across the head first. Cause this dude nailed it:
this is about your kids, not you.
Unfortunately, you didn't learn this with your first or second child, so hopefully for your kid's sake, you'll one day realize that your life is fourth in line on this train.
Anyway, You do certainly sound like you're quite grown up for a girl your age, in your situation. That's actually a horrible thing, as you've had to give up your innocence. I genuinely wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers.
WTF? Grown up? Are you sh!tting us, dude? This girl is far from gown up when she seems ready to make the same mistake yet again. I just hope she gets her tubes tied now.
but i just kind of wondering if you met a women like this didnt know the background would you send her a message get in touch etc or would you stay away.and what wouldou do when you found the background out.does past matter etc do arising problems at present matter?
If I knew upfront, I wouldn't get involved. And if I found out afterward, it's not a question of "if I would run," but also, "how fast and far could I get away in the quickest time possible." It'd probably be something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gx1CkPcICaY | |
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| honest answers please no offence will be taken!!
Posted: 8/18/2008 11:23:31 AM | wow....out of all she is going thru some advised her to get help with her spellling....
cant we all agree that spelling and whether she starts a sentence with an upper case letter is the least of her worries?
I could just see some 20 year old...."well, she does have three kids, two different fathers, she has had a rough life...so I dont know".....
"oh wait, she knows how to spell and write a sentence.....ok, I will go out with her" | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 11:30:46 AM |
I could just see some 20 year old...."well, she does have three kids, two different fathers, she has had a rough life...so I dont know".....
She has no chance with 20 year olds, you know that. If she's able to pull herself together a little, and give a better impression of her maturity and intelligence, then maybe older guys (although only the ones who'd look past those three glaring mistakes) would give her a chance. Writing poorly is not a sign of maturity and intelligence. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 11:37:22 AM | she can be the smartest person in the world and guys will still run.....
by the way....
I know people who have a college degree, and are dumb as a rock when it comes to common sense... | |
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j417
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Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 36 | |
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| honest answers please no offence will be taken!!
Posted: 8/18/2008 12:28:41 PM |
I know people who have a college degree, and are dumb as a rock when it comes to common sense...
Which is why, in D&D, INT and WIS are two seperate stats.
Yeah, I'm cool.  | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 12:44:13 PM | the woman I married, and had 4 children with had a baby from another short lived marriage. so yes... I guess I would date a girl with young kids. but, looking back, there were signs I'd wished I'd seen more clearly..., but these were my lessons to be learned, and I couldn't possibly help you learn them. I dated a 25 year old with a 2 year old daughter , within the last few years I guess it was. as you say, a young person can be more mature then others. so technically I could say yes to all your questions.
But the real point here is, you should be getting "yourself " right before trying to be with someone else. Relationships can be complicated. do you really need complication when you seem to have so much of it already? make some friends, people you can confide in, men as well as woman. who knows what the future can hold for you. having a friend now can turn out to be very rewarding in the future when sparks fly and a friend becomes more. you sound like you have so much going on in your life that requires attention. I won't argue the point that its nice to have companion ship when one is feeling miserable about ones life. I’m am a victim of that thinking. It does help, but its not a long lasting fix.., merely a band aid at best. A good base of trusting friendship would be better in my opinion. My thoughts would be that you will become something extraordinary once you have evolved through this…, not that you aren’t now…., but clearly there are greater issues that need your full attention.
MG | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 1:03:56 PM | just to let everyone know, i wasnt sexually abused when i was younger i just didnt have veryloving parents, i went to nursery,infant junior and secondary school and came out with gcse's! yes i was 15 when i had my 1st child. yes i can spell believe it or not! im sure most of you out there have more than one child to a different father,my eldest has a very loving father who hes sees most days,my other 2 children also have a very loving father he would do anything for them him being my ex of 4 years(i got with him when my eldest was 5m...my eldest is nearly 5) and more to the point everyone is kinda making out it was my fault for having the children dont get me wrong condoms are there bla bla bla, i have been on the pill and patch to which effect didnt work to now im on the depo which i intend to be staying on for the rest of my life if i can. i dont intend on having more children certainly after all the trouble me and my children have gone through in the last nearly 5 years. i begged the hospital for sterilisation but was refused.
about my life career work etc, forgot to mention that i have had 3 jobs in the last nearly 5 years ok so not highly career wise jobs but job that earnt money to put food on the table,i also completed 2 online courses one being money management and the other in computing as i do have a goal in lfe which is to work or study computers so i am working myself up regardless of this trouble going on at the minute.
i always sit and think if i hadnt have had my eldest when i did what would i have been doing, being a tearaway teenager running the streets drugs drinking etc, i had to grow up seriously quick matter of days from finding out i was pregnant,i lost my childhood which hasnt bothered me as if i hadnt have had children would i be dead in a gutter now? who knows.
i know poeple are being as honest as possible but theres no need to make a girl more fragile than she is! lol. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 1:11:24 PM | I would stay away...
Honestly...you have way to much life experience for me...I'm almost 30 and I can barely hold a woman's hand without blushing...how would that strike someone who was as mature (for lack of a better word) as you are?
I can't imagine how frequently someone like you would tell me to grow up or whatever...it'd get annoying me thinks...for both of us. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 1:17:25 PM |
Which is why, in D&D, INT and WIS are two seperate stats.
Yeah, I'm cool.
And that's why THACO stands for "To Hit Armor Class O".
Wait what?
I totally didn't just say that. | |
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| honest answers please no offence will be taken!!
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:41:29 PM |
The past is what makes us, it's a vital part of who we are. You can learn a lot from someone off their past experiences and what their life's held for them up to this point. It contains everything we've learned and everything we haven't learned, but should've. Like not having kids whilst you're a teenager. I could look past one kid at the age of 20, but three? Way too many. To me that also just shows the inability to learn from one's mistakes, something I can't stand.
Lets see here, so our past is who we are? Now that is what you are saying. You say because of her past she is a bad person.
OK, I left home at 17 , run the bars untill I was 28. Did the drugs and the whole nine yards. Been in almost ever jail in Georgia for fights and or something having to do with drinking. (nothing major like theft or murder or anything like that)
Had a bad reputation for quite a while.
But here I am at 40 got 5 girls, have custody of them all. Have never even let my kids see me drink and I don't do it much anyways. Wouldn't get in a car and drive if I had a drink if my life depended on it. Have my own place paid for, kids are not wanting for nothing.
Anyone that knows me, knows that my kids are the most important thing in my life and they are not to be messed with. I hear from family members and friends that the kids spend the night with that they are the sweetest and well mannered kids.
Can go to the bank and get a loan without putting my house up as collateral.
And am known as a man of his word. will do what he says he will do.
Now how did my past have anything to do with all of that. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 1:50:39 PM | Did you not learn from your past to eventually be like that?
Do you think you'd be as you are now if you'd had a completely different past?
People can say "Oh, my past has nothing to do with who I am now." all they like, but it won't change the fact that their past happened, it includes all they've learnt, done, thought and been, which all adds up to who we are now. You can't just "forget" your past, and pretend like it never happened, because then you wouldn't be who you are now.
Makes the phrase "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger" null and void, if our pasts don't count to who we are. People who don't learn from their past and embrace it never get stronger, and end up making the same mistakes over and over again until they learn from their past, not to make that mistake. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 3:07:53 PM | No my past didn't have anything to do with it. My parents raising me right is what made me who I am today. They taught me untill I left home and then made my own choices. But I eventually returned to the things that they had told me..Which makes the phrase mom told ya so, so very true..
But I do understand what you are saying. The reason I gave that example was the fact that everyone is putting this young lady down because of her past and saying she is a bad person because of it.
Read her last post and you can see, she has goal which alot of young people who have babys don't have.
she is wanting her babies, which alot of young people just try to throw them off on someone else.
She seems to have done eveerything she can to provide for her kids. Most young people would count on mom and dad to raise and take care or the chile or just go to welfare..
I think this young lady seems to have her priorities pretty much in order. Yes maybe she should wait a while before dating or at least before getting serious with someone.
But even if she doesn't that does not make her a bad person. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 3:57:39 PM |
No my past didn't have anything to do with it. My parents raising me right is what made me who I am today. They taught me untill I left home and then made my own choices. But I eventually returned to the things that they had told me..Which makes the phrase mom told ya so, so very true.
Ummm....Captain Obvious here. Weren't those lessons that your parents taught you in your past as a child? Errr....uhhh....has the light bulb gone off yet?
And any dude that would want a serious relationship with her has to deal with the fact that there's seven people in this deal. That's a 'past' that just doesn't disappear so instantly. That's why the 'past' is so important in this regard. Any man that would take it half-heartedly or ignore it would being a disservice to everyone involved.
I think this young lady seems to have her priorities pretty much in order. Her priorities are far from defined, as witnessed by her desire to pursue a relationship 5 months after another, with three kids and much drama going on.
Yes maybe she should wait a while before dating or at least before getting serious with someone.She seems to have done everything she can to provide for her kids.
The operative word there is "seems." The reality is not.
But even if she doesn't that does not make her a bad person.
Yeah, because that's what these kids need: another man in their life, right?
But for the vast majority of men, it does make her NON-date worthy. That is the question that was asked. Getting into the bad versus good argument is a diversion. A fun diversion, but a diversion nonetheless. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 4:18:41 PM |
OP, don't pay any attention to them guys that say you are a bad person for having 3 kids at 20, or having kids by 2 to different people.. heck I'm sure they had screwed 2 different people by the time they were 20 but because of being a man they had no risk of having the baby.
As far as the rest, the ones that say they wouldn't date you, well they just think their life is trouble free and to say the least are nothing more than ignorant.
Guess again. I control myself and my body and I expect others to do so as well. And as for ignorant, you need to look a bit closer before you fire. I've had several relationships that were filled with drama, and children add to the drama. There is no doubt that's the case. Why would I want that? Don't I have a say in the matter?
Just because I wouldn't date the OP doesn't mean that I think she's doomed to a life of misery or is beyond hope. However, she's not what I'm looking for and there's nothing wrong with that. | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 4:23:17 PM | Holy bucket of bolts. You guys make it sound like having kids was some kind of recent and exotic invention.
boy meets girl...
babies...
It's a very old story. You should know it by now. How did you all get here, virgin births?
There is nothing wrong with love, screwing or having kids. It's all in how you go about it. But hey, if y'all dislike the consequences, stop having sex. Can't have babies if you don't have sex. If being a mother makes a woman unworthy of dating, that says a lot about what the man thinks of what his own birth did to the value of his own mother.
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Posted: 8/18/2008 4:26:54 PM |
There is nothing wrong with love, screwing or having kids. It's all in how you go about it. But hey, if y'all dislike the consequences, stop having sex. Can't have babies if you don't have sex. If being a mother makes a woman unworthy of dating, that says a lot about what the man thinks of what his own birth did to the value of his own mother.
And in one fell swoop (highlighted), you negate your own point. Funny how that works, huh?
Any more gems of wisdom, Yoda? | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 4:27:37 PM |
If being a mother makes a woman unworthy of dating, that says a lot about what the man thinks of what his own birth did to the value of his own mother.
so if a guy doesnt want to date a "mom" all of a sudden they dont appreciate there mom giving them birth?.....
wow...what an analogy...
I need a drink after that one..... | |
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Posted: 8/18/2008 4:35:11 PM | OP I was a young mother too, but that isn't what defines me. Where I went afterwards; that's what defines who I am today.
I finished high school, went to college, and was the best mother I could possibly be. I started a career and made a good life for my family. I made my children my priority and giving them the best possible life, my ambition. They didn't deserve to be just another statistic.
Focus on your children and growing up. You may think you have, but the repetitive nature of your relations, show that you haven't. Your willingness to blame it on "the pill" is another tell tale clue. The first time the pill failed, you could use that excuse; after that, it was all your choices that caused an outcome. Use a condom, every time. You're someone's Mommy now, think of what would become of them if you died from Aids / HIV.
Best wishes OP, I'm living proof that you can make it and do very well for yourself and your children. If only you make that your priority. | |
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