| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 3:37:22 PM | I hate to be jumping on this bandwagon, but your boyfriend does sound pretty gay. He might still be denying it himself or he might be trying to convince himself otherwise.
You need to talk to him and let him know that the lack of sex in your relationship is a dealbreaker for you. Maybe (if he isn't gay) if he realizes how serious this is to you he will figure out what his problem is and find some way of changing his attitude toward sex with you. If he doesn't you need to think about whether or not you can live in a relationship without sex. Judging by your post, I think the answer to that is no. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 3:37:26 PM | Now, now, OP. Don't fret. There's lots of men who will say that they love you and have sex with you. Most of them won't feel guilty and there's even a few who think that birth control is your problem, not his. I'm just saying that if you want obnoxious guys who will treat you poorly, you have many options. No reason to stay with this guy, right? What's love without sex, after all? /sarc  | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:52:27 PM |
Don't fret. There's lots of men who will say that they love you and have sex with you. Most of them won't feel guilty and there's even a few who think that birth control is your problem, not his. I'm just saying that if you want obnoxious guys who will treat you poorly, you have many options. No reason to stay with this guy, right? What's love without sex, after all? /sarc This I know every other guy will do this. This one is different. But I was just wondering what could possibly be wrong. Maybe he is gay...but I don't get that vibe. I have never seen him check out a guy. We are going to go to the gym together right now. I will pay close attention to where his eyes roam.  | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 4:59:49 PM | | The herpes outbreaks are probably fairly frequent with him and he just is uncomfortable having sex on those rare relapse occasions. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:07:04 PM | OP, rather then just be harsh and say "kick his ass to the curb", I'll be "nice" and try to put it gently.
You are obviously unhappy and unfulfilled by this guy (who the hell wouldn't be ??!!) so for your own sake, I think you need to accept that this guy has some issues and they are his problem, not your's.
If you're staying with him because you think you two have some deep connection, bond or love, well....it's just my opinion but if that was the case for both of you, I doubt he'd be able to keep his hands off you.
His behavior is totally abnormal for whatever reasons. The only thing you can do is end it and find a decent guy who can love and fulfill you. It really doesn't sound like this guy cares about your happiness or needs.
I know it probably sucks to hear it but I really do think you should move on unless you're ok with the idea of a sexless long term relationship and possibly marriage. If it's like this now (I don't believe it's just a fear of pregnancy) it's only likely to get worse the longer you're together. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:11:29 PM | I have a new theory... maybe it's the madonna/whore complex. He thinks you are too 'good' so he doesn't want to have sex with you... sex is reserved in his mind for 'dirty' girls.
Do you watch Sex and the City at all? Charlotte actually had this problem. She divorced him. :shrug:
I'm not sure what you can do about it other than talking to him, though. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:16:31 PM | My best advice to you would be to not expect it to change, except to maybe get worse,. This sounds like an ED problem. That is why he is saying it is not you. But, he obviously has not come to terms with the problem, or he would say he is going to a therapist. I don't buy the pregnancy bit. And y'all have been together a long time for him to not be in to you. I think that is probably is. But, unless you want to spend the rest of your years getting some kind of oral 5 or less times a year, you had better exit. And fast. Been there, done that. And it wasn't me~ He had that same problem with all his relationships.
Sherry | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:19:42 PM | Doesn't sound like an ED problem at all.
It sounds like her BF isn't attracted to her. Or he thinks she's nuts and doesn't want to knock her up. Or he's getting it elsewhere.
But certainly not an ED problem.
:::::her profession is PRINCESS:::::::I'm leaning towards my reason #2. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:24:31 PM | We all have it wrong though. Intimacy is not physical it is emotional and psychological. true intimacy is:
you can just look into your partners eyes and know how they feel or what they are thinking. its knowing what move they are going to make in any given situation.
Intimacy is sitting on the couch and being quiet and not having to say I love you but knowing it by touch (non sexual).
Intimacy is knowing what good and bad buttons to push for your spouse to get a desired response.
Its having those feelings knowing something is wrong or right by the look in their eyes and the way they carry themselves.
intimacy is becoming "one flesh" and that dosent jsut mean sexually.
that means emotionally
physiologically
economically
etc.
sex is just the physical result of that.
and some people do have old fashioned morals and believe in waiting till you get married to go all the way.
so maybe that's it also | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:58:22 PM | Who made you the expert on ED? Even if you have ever had it, bet I lived with it longer than you have. AND remained faithful. So, don't go all holier than thou to me. It sounds exactly like an ED problem. Psychological, yes. But, ED whether psychological or psysiological is ED. If viagra doesn't work or he is unwilling, she needs to get the hel* out, with her self confidence in tact. I don't mean to be unkind. I loved this man very much, and stayed with him a long time. It was not his fault. And therapy created more obstacles. I do not begrudge him those years. But, I guarantee you, my self esteem as a woman went down the drain. Along with all my hopes of intimacy. For, when a man cannot perform, he tends to draw away from all physicality, So as not to bring attention to his problem. So, intimacy kind of gets put at arms length, A tortuous life for all involved.
No way do I think that a man would stay in a relationship with a woman for a year and have sex only 5 times for her and not have feelings for her. He would have been long gone a long time ago. Unless she is supporting him or something.
Anyway, getting a little upsest over everyone telling this woman that she is a turn-off to her boyfriend. Bet 10 to 1 that is not the truth. The "nice" girls theory is even better than that,
Sherry | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:37:10 PM | Are you kidding???? She is 28 and she still might want children with the right man. Why on the earth she might do it for someone who is totally wrong for her?
She's 28. She has kids already. And you might note, I did a) specify it was a possibility if the relationship was that important to her and b)suggest that it might not be that great of an idea.
funchick: Unlikely to be a Madonna/whore thing... he seems content to get blowjobs from her... which is more commonly considered 'whore' territory. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:42:21 PM | OP
Is there a reason WHY you're still there? Is it the money? Are you afraid that you're not going to find someone else and be left alone? What is it that is allowing you to stay with someone who has issues with sex?
And you know what??? If you allow a man to whip it out and get a BJ whenever he wants, then he's getting what HE needs from you and is basically saying screw you...I got mine.
What can you do? Get the f**k out of that horrible relationship, be by yourself for awhile to get your head straight, then move on. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 7:50:26 PM |
We all have it wrong though.
...
sex is just the physical result of that.
and some people do have old fashioned morals and believe in waiting till you get married to go all the way. First of all, they already didn't wait until they marry.
Second, it's obvious he has problems with his health or with her.
And the last but not the least - god forbid her to marry a man with such huge incompatibility in the most important area of the married life. It's the best way to feel unhappy.....especially at such young age.
And since you are the best expert on this , bgrumling, would you get a pleasure from sex if you'd be married? I don't think so, but you know better, of course | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:06:51 PM | Ladies, ladies! Settle down here. A lot of you are talking about dumping his a$s so quickly it'd make his head spin. Whatever happened to being mature and communicating with those we love? (I realize some other posts have brought this up).
Anyway, by the sounds of it, the OP hasn't really sat down and talked with her beau about the whole situation and how deeply it affects her. Before you go ahead with dumping him and moving on, if you really care for him (which it seems you do) I suggest you try to get down to the real problem. It doesn't sound like there are many other huge issues (which is helpful), and I think you should put in a good effort before just throwing something away. I mean, if you try to resolve the issue (by opening up the communication gates), either he will want to try and resolve it also, and hopefully it will get better, or nothing will change. If you give an honest effort to make things work and he doesn't, than move on.
Benefit of the doubt...He may not even realize how much the lack of sex bothers you. It sounds more like a lack of proper communication to me.
On the other hand, if you feel you have already put in a reasonable effort to resolve the issue (which would involve a serious upfront conversation of the problem at hand), than I'd suggest you move on. If he doesn't want to work with you, than nothing will work.
Good luck  | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:23:27 PM |
He says it's not me. We have been together for a year now. We have had sex may 2 times. He is always so paranoid of pregnancy, but is quick to whip it out for a blow job. He has given me oral sex mayb 5 times in a year and I am getting sick of this. We spend a lot of time together and he always wants me to cuddle with him but when It comes to having sex he always has a freaking excuse. I mean the two times we have done it we have used 3 FORMS OF BIRTH CONTROL. I love him and I am tryinng to be okay with this but ugh!!! This weekend we took a vacation together and we weren't itnimate. His excuse was that he was exhausted. I mean what can I do? I don't know how much longer I can do this. I love him but I am getting really annoyed with him.
Either get some on the side or end the relationship and get some.
If it was me I'd of been long gone long ago. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:39:30 PM | Nocatchy, you been drinking tonight or something?
He says it's not me. We have been together for a year now. We have had sex may 2 times. He is always so paranoid of pregnancy, but is quick to whip it out for a blow job. He has given me oral sex mayb 5 times in a year
What the hell is there to discuss? It's not like this is a new or recent problem, it's apparently been going on for their entire relationship.
It sounds more like a lack of proper communication to me. And I thought DS needed to be spanked. What are you thinking?? This guy communicates through his blowjobs while she sits around sexually unfulfilled. What man in his right mind that actually gave a damn wouldn't realize this was a problem?
Whatever happened to being mature and communicating with those we love?
A mature man would realize a woman enjoys sexuals pleasure also.
As for love...let me ask how loved you'd feel if your girl demanded oral from you whenever she felt like it, yet only had sex with you twice and only gave you oral five times over the course of a year.  | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:49:56 PM |
As for love...let me ask how loved you'd feel if your girl demanded oral from you whenever she felt like it, yet only had sex with you twice and only gave you oral five times over the course of a year.
Hmm... is she (this hypothetical chick) hot, baggage-free, and otherwise perfect personality? Then... pretty good. Obviously it wouldn't be perfect... but everyone has to make some compromises. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:55:11 PM | Not drinking but I should be sleeping.
My point is, has she actually sat down and talked to him about this. Being a complete idiot in the past (and sometimes still in the present), it's possible to be completely oblivious to what a woman wants.
He tells her he isn't into sex because of the possibility of pregnancy, but he is more than willing to accept a blowjob. Hell, I'd be willing to accept a blow job too, especially if I had huge concerns of pregnancy. Has she talked to him about her sexual frustrations? If she's handing him blowjobs and not speaking up for herself, that's a 'her' problem (not to be rude). Maybe she should mention to him how inconsiderate he is being.
My main point is that if they aren't talking about it, it's not just going to fix itself. It seems he doesn't have an issue with the way things are. Therefore, by all logic, if it's her problem, she should be the one to bring it up, and go from there.
I'm going to doubt the the OP's b/f can read minds, I don't know anyone who can. So really, if she's not telling him straight out that there is an issue, and things are working for him, how's he supposed to fix what he doesn't know is broken.
<div class="quote">let me ask how loved you'd feel if your girl demanded oral from you whenever she felt like it, yet only had sex with you twice and only gave you oral five times over the course of a year
I'd be letting her know there was an issue well before it got even close to a year.
On a sidenote, it didn't sound like the b/f was demanding oral, rather that he was quick to accept it. So while he may be inconsiderate for not taking into account her feelings, really she hasn't said anything (as far as I can tell) to him to let him know it's been an issue. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 8:56:18 PM |
I have a new theory... maybe it's the madonna/whore complex. He thinks you are too 'good' so he doesn't want to have sex with you... sex is reserved in his mind for 'dirty' girls.
He told me this. That he is used to using women and I mean more to him than that. When we first starting talking it was friends with benefits for a few months...then I got tired of that so we were just friends for a year. Then we became a couple...and that's when the whole sex thing dwindled. BTW I don't give him head everytime he asks for it. That wouldn't be fair I hold out. He really doesn't have time to screw around I have him on a short leash.
And to the guy who made a comment about my profession..I am far from a princess, I manage a store and go to school full time...
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:02:09 PM |
On a sidenote, it didn't sound like the b/f was demanding oral, rather that he was quick to accept it.
Well, maybe we took
quick to whip it out for a blow job differently...maybe I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be on her knees begging this guy to let her give him one when for a year, she's gotten barely any sexual satisfaction from him.
It sounded to me as tho there had been communication since he'd made his fears of pregnancy very well known. Maybe it's me but sexual compatibility is an extremely important part of a relationship and if a guy seems only concerned with his own pleasure with very few exceptions over the course of a year, he's either just not that into giving or not that into her so IMO, there's not much left to talk about. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:04:19 PM | Nocatchy...
Ummm...there isn't anything left to communicate. His actions alone show that he isn't happy in the relationship and wants out.
I'm just saying........ | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:04:25 PM | some people are just not very sexual. If it becomes too much of a problem just look me up. All joking aside this happens and if it is so much of a problem then maybe you are not compatible. I have broken up for the same reason, I mean really how much time can you spend in the bathroom alone if you are supposed to be in a relationship. We can hook him up with my ex and they can play scrabble while we get it on  good luck | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:49:24 PM | | ummm....i think he's having sex but it's not with you. usually when men lose interest in sex, there's a reason, most likely another woman. | |
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| My boyfriend and I don't have sex.
Posted: 8/18/2008 9:52:28 PM | | you might want to consider a different form of birth control. the pill and IUD are like 99% effective and it's highly unlikely you would become pregnant unless you forget to take the pill. | |
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