| |
| |
| |
| |
| Funny Analogies Pertaining to Dating, Relationships or Sex - Add to the List !
Posted: 8/22/2008 8:50:23 PM | A few grinny ones for the gals:
WHY DOES IT TAKE A MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)
WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
A couple more I thought were kinda funny:
A man and a woman, who had never met before, and who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1 a.m., the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying "I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own F-ing blanket!"
After a brief moment of silence ... he farted. 
A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest, "I had an affair with a woman... almost."
The priest says, "what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers, then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you said it was the same as putting it in!" | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| Funny Analogies Pertaining to Dating, Relationships or Sex - Add to the List !
Posted: 10/25/2008 10:23:42 AM | A little humor I found about Shoes and Dating
I've always thought of dating like shoe shopping, where men are the shoes. Some shoes look great but give you the worst blisters. Others are more comfortable, but kind of dowdy. There are special event shoes, just as there are special event dates -- guys/shoes are perfect for that one occasion, but not good for everyday. Or the pair
that you don't really like, but you're too lazy to go shopping for a new pair, so you put up with the imperfect shoes for way too long. Then, there is the One: the perfect pair -- comfortable, good-looking, all-purpose, reliable. The
ones even your friends love. Over the years, I've bought more pairs of shoes than I've had relationships, but I always go shopping with the same hope of finding the perfect pair. Sometimes I listen to my logical side, or remember an experience from the past (flats may be cute, but really uncomfortable for someone with low arches
like me!), but other times I'm impetuous or irrational and end up with a pair that sits in my closet for a year, until I decide to donate them to Goodwill.  | |
|
| Funny Analogies Pertaining to Dating, Relationships or Sex - Add to the List !
Posted: 10/25/2008 3:21:19 PM | A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item
from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you
CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited. | |
|
| |
| |
| Funny Analogies Pertaining to Dating, Relationships or Sex - Add to the List !
Posted: 10/26/2008 11:33:49 AM | this thread cracks me up
Dont know if this applies
Su Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy. 'Congratulations,'
says the nurse to the new parents. 'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two Wong's don't make a white, so I think we will name him...
Are you ready for this?
Sum Ting Wong
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
Thoughts for the weekend:
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!    | |
|
| Funny Analogies Pertaining to Dating, Relationships or Sex - Add to the List !
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:02:12 PM | Baseball Analogies for Sex
On Deck - Having plans for a date
Strike-Out - Duh!!
Walk - Kissing
Bunt - Masturbation
Single - Tongue kissing
Double - Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing
Triple - Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual masturbation
Inside the park home run - Oral Sex
Home Run - SEX!
Ground Rule Double - would have sex, but no condom
Error - Condom breaks during sex
Banned for life for gambling - sex without condom
Hall of Fame - Marriage
Balk - Premature ejaculation
Pine Tar - KY jelly
Relief pitcher - Vibrator
Rain Delay - parents/roommate return home unexpectedly
Box Seats - Waterbed
Seventh Inning Stretch - Unusual positions
Rookie - Virgin
Switch Hitter - Sex with her one night, and her brother the next.
Minor Leagues - Under 18
Loaded Bases - menage a trois
Grand Slam - Sex three times in twelve hours
Foul tip - VD
Three up and three down - impotency
Gives a whole different perspective to this: So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out, when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and had to call in a relief pitcher. | |
|
Home
login 
