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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:49:37 AM | Its been my experience...not that woman dont like sex...they havnt been treated right in that department....woman need the time and patience to build up for the romance and experience of sex.I have been with woman that thought they knew what an orgasm was....nope....I took the time with kissing and massages and foreplay...and oh boy!Was like taking a radiator cap of a steaming engine....she blew...lol.Most more than once anyway. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:10:31 AM | | Not true we women love sex and you might learn that foreplay begans long before the act so do something nice like helping her and maybe flowers or just letting her know you appreciate her,.And that you will always be there for her. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:14:14 AM | | I love sex - really good sex with someone I love. (Heck - it can even be really bad sex every once in a while if I love them LOL) I don't want just the sex - I want the whole encheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelaaaaaaaahdaaaaaaaaah! I don't withhold sex - I don't have sex with men I am not really "into". I cannot speak for other women or men. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:16:57 AM | It's not that a lot of women don't like sex, they are just more likely to associate it with more complications.
eg;
1 Attaining pleasure - most men seem to be pretty easily pleased, but women often need more thought/effort put in to it than a lot of casual partners are willing to put in.
2 Attachment - sex releases a chemical in to a woman's body that can make it easier to feel attached. Men dont have that... so I'm told.
3 Reputation/conditioning - women are more likely to feel that uncomplicated sex has devalued her in the eyes of society and that the guy has through that treated her with disrespect, especially if the above problems has led to imbalance between the two people.
4 Pregnancy/STDs - more perceived risks for a woman
5 As men are aware that many women will not 'put out' without there being potential for a serious relationship, there is more chance they will allow a woman to believe that is the case when it isn't, or even enter in to deception over it. No one likes to feel used.
6 Also, I think its possible that a woman reaches the point of wanting a serious relationship that much earlier in life. Casual sex is likely to interfere or distract her from this goal leading to her feel she's been wasting her time. Again if this causes her to feel he got all he wanted but she didn't then she might feel cheated.
Myself, I do have a high sex drive, and I went through a period in life where I definitely didn't feel ready for a serious relationship. I actually felt there were things I could learn (not talking sex skills here!) from a casual relationship though I would still only be attracted to men I could respect.
Now I'm ready to risk emotional complications for a relationship I guess its the last example I gave that fits my reasoning for not wanting a casual relationship, I just wouldn't find it fulfilling and prefer to spend my time in a relationship that has some potential for being something a bit deeper some day.
That means sexual prowess is a much lower priority and I imagine that being with someone I can envisage staying in love with for life and being in a relationship with them that enriches both our lives would make up for any lack in sexual prowess because it wouldn't just be sex, it would be making love and that overcomes most of the problems above and more. Hence not a dislike for casual sex, but more of a disinterest. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:25:35 AM |
I'd say that's about right. My mom has always taught me that women need to feel loved to make love and men need to make love to feel loved.
I like the way you put that! Few questions...
1) Is it fair of me to say that the word "relationship" is synonym for "emotional attachment"?
2) Extending what you are saying, for women it seems "relationship" comes first, sex comes later. Given that men and women are different in that respect, should there a compromise between the sexes?
3) If there is no emotional attachment, can a woman enjoy sex?
4) I mentioned in my original post that I have heard endless accounts of, "I find him attractive, I like him, but I wouldn't have sex with him!"
What do women mean by that? Isn't "like" and "attraction" a form of "emotional attachment"?
But, in general, women are much more selective when it comes to sex. It doesn't mean that we don't enjoy it. It just means that we don't enjoy it with "just anybody". I hope that makes at least a little bit of sense.
I think I understand. What I don't get is women saying, "I like him, I find him attractive, but I won't have sex with him"
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
That's why I feel that women don't like sex. Sex is enjoyable, as many women have admitted. That seems like a good enough reason to have sex! Can you think of a better reason to have sex? Something doesn't add up.
Many women have experienced men "using them" or not being considerate and making it all about male pleasure.
That's where I'm a bit confused... if women enjoy sex, how can they be "used"? It just doesn't make sense. If Jessica Alba come over my place and I allowed her to have her way with me, I doubt I would say she "used" me. Receiving pleasure and claiming to be used is a very weird notion to me.
They've experienced "players" and men who view them as "conquests" but lie and state they want LTR.
I'm not justifying these guys actions, but you can understand why they "learned" to do what they do, right?
This explains *some* women's poor attitude toward sex, especially when you consider that we were raised differently than males.
True. I've heard the same from close friends. But then there is something else that doesn't add up... some of those very women turn around and have a one night stand... which is confusing as hell.
OP: I think you have a point here, although it is not about enjoying sex. Some women say "give", "allow", "let him use my body", "let him get some", etc. as if it was some kind of reward. Some women also say "I deserve", "treat me like I am supposed to", "I gave in", etc. again as if they had done the guy a favor just for being around him.
I wish I thought of that wording. Very well put. Yes, my point exactly. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 10:02:44 AM | [ "I find him attractive, I like him, but I wouldn't have sex with him!"
What do women mean by that? Isn't "like" and "attraction" a form of "emotional attachment"?]
That's exactly what it means. She most likely feels that she would have some emotional attachment and dont want to have sex with him because she believes he would not have the same emotional attachment.
Men can have reputations too. She does not want a one night stand and knows that's what it would be.
She's saying that although she's attracted the would not have sex because she knows that she will feel unwanted afterwards. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:10:47 PM |
I love sex which is exactly why I don't have sex outside of a relationship.
That's like saying I love food that's why I don't have any outside of a restaurant. To a degree it makes sense. The only way what you are saying fully makes sense is if you add, "And I value relationships more than sex". Cause if you really like sex, you would have it regardless if you're in a relationship or not. In a similar way if you really like food, you would eat regardless if you are in a restaurant or not.
The situations you describe are obviously people "hooking up" rather than those in a LTR.
Many man say that after marriage sex frequency decreases. But I rather leave that discussion for another time.
Enjoying sex, for a women doesn't mean enjoying it every time. A man who is a selfish lover can make sure that a women capable of multiple Os ends the evening having none.
So it's a man's responsibility to make the woman come? Come on now... if you really enjoyed sex you wouldn't wait for the guy to make you come. You'd make sure you got what you want. If women like sex half as much as they like shoes, they would get what they want 100% of the time! Don't shoot the messenger... just making a point.
Having bad sex will tend to make you not want to have sex.
Nope, sorry. Having bad sex would make me look for a better partner. I would not stop enjoying something I like. Neither would a woman... unless it wasn't that important to her! Does a woman stop shoe shopping after she buys several bad pairs of shoes? Again, don't shoot the messenger... just making a point.
Its been my experience...not that woman dont like sex...they havnt been treated right in that department....woman need the time and patience to build up for the romance and experience of sex.I have been with woman that thought they knew what an orgasm was....nope....I took the time with kissing and massages and foreplay...and oh boy!Was like taking a radiator cap of a steaming engine....she blew...lol.Most more than once anyway.
You're proving my point. If I had a vagina and sex is enjoyable to the degree many women claim, I'd be examining every inch of my vagina ten times over! That way I make sure next time I had sex, I get 500 orgasms. As you point out, some women don't even know what an orgasm is...Conclusion? Women don't seem to like sex. Or if they do, it's not that important to them. That would explain why some women use the term "gave sex" or "allowed sex"... it's a favor they are not particularly too found of.
1 Attaining pleasure - most men seem to be pretty easily pleased, but women often need more thought/effort put in to it than a lot of casual partners are willing to put in.
You do realize that in a way you imply that women have no say in the bedroom, right?
Seriously... if a women said, "Try this..." I doubt the guy would say, "No, I don't feel like it"! Which begs the question... why doesn't a women say, for example, "Hey, move a bit left, you'd make my day"?
Think about! How is a guy supposed to know? And what's more, some women don't know themselves...something the previous poster pointed out.
2 Attachment - sex releases a chemical in to a woman's body that can make it easier to feel attached. Men dont have that... so I'm told.
Actually we do... it takes a slightly different form... it's called the "desire for sex". If a man is getting it, he isn't likely to go anywhere. But that's a discussion for another time.
5 As men are aware that many women will not 'put out' without there being potential for a serious relationship, there is more chance they will allow a woman to believe that is the case when it isn't, or even enter in to deception over it. No one likes to feel used.
Ah! That's what women mean by "used"... false emotional connection. But again, that inevitably implies that "relationships" or "emotional attachment" has a higher priority than sex. You are also implying that women don't enjoy when there is no "emotional attachment".. am I right?
6 Also, I think its possible that a woman reaches the point of wanting a serious relationship that much earlier in life. Casual sex is likely to interfere or distract her from this goal leading to her feel she's been wasting her time.
I get that. But why does a woman need to be in a serious relationship in order to have sex for pleasure? I'm really interested in that answer.
That's exactly what it means. She most likely feels that she would have some emotional attachment and dont want to have sex with him because she believes he would not have the same emotional attachment.
Okay that makes sense. But how can she possibly know that about a guy she has never met before?
She's saying that although she's attracted the would not have sex because she knows that she will feel unwanted afterwards.
No women can possibly know that ahead of time. It's impossible... no one can predict the future. She might feel that way, but she can't possibly know for sure. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:31:56 PM | Ok x_file, here goes!
Relationships ARE more important than sex to most women, and as you say you 'get that' casual sex is seen as a distraction from finding a deeper relationship, doesn't tha answer most of your questions?
Next, the thing you didn't seem to pick up from my last thread was this;
If two people make an equal investment, one comes out with what they want and the other only gets a bit of what they want, can you see that they might feel a bit hard done to?
Add to that the idea that they may well have been led/allowed to believe that the other person wanted the same(wanting the same being key to whether it is achieved), and if only they'd known the truth they might have decided to invest elsewhere or continue but with a more realistic expectation.
Can you see why women want to avoid that?
As for shoes, no we dont stop shoe shopping if we keep having our feet cut up by our purchases, but we might not be in such a rush to do it and might shop around a bit more next time.
I agree, a woman should take responsibility for her own orgasm, but taking that to the extreme, why bother with the complications of involving a man at all?! Surely you agree that enjoyable sex is more likely between two people both seeking to give pleasure to the other as well as themselves. As I said though, it doesn't seem to require as much work for a man.
Emotional attachment is not a requirement for pleasurable sex, but it makes it more likely and probably means greater chance of not encountering the first issue, being casual sex being a distraction from potential relationships.
Actually, I spent some time after the break up with my kids' Dad having casual relationships. No strings stuff. I really enjoyed it at the time, I felt no guilt or regret. I am sure that most women have had such a time in their lives...
But it comes back to it just being a distraction. Its like being really hungry and walking past McDonalds. A few times, even when you know very well what will happen you'll still do it, you smell it and want it so you go get it. You've paid your money and consumed your calories and hopefully enjoyed it, but half an hour later you're starving hungry again!!! What was the point, you might as well have kept walking and gone for a proper meal. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:39:01 PM | Thanks! My mother is a very wise woman haha ;-)
1) I would say that is a fair assumption, yes. I can only speak for myself, but I would never consider having sex with someone that I wasn't in a serious relationship with.
2) I don't really think there should be a compromise on that. Every person, men and women, have every right to do what they want with their own bodies. It is their body. It is a very personal thing. If a man respects a woman enough, he will respect her choice to wait until she is ready to be intimate with him. In my opinion, sex was designed to be something incredible, but within the bounds of a relationship. If I was friends with a man or was dating a man and he knew that I didn't want to have sex with him until we were more serious and he didn't respect that, I would tell him to get lost. I have no desire to sleep with any man that wants to. Yes, I enjoy sex (a lot actually). No, I would not enjoy sex with just anybody. Some women in this thread have mentioned that some men don't consider what the woman needs to make sex enjoyable for her. For example, he gets off but doesn't take the time to make sure that she does. That kind of "sex" is enjoyable for the man, but not for the woman. If you're in a relationship with someone it is unlikely that if you have sex with them what you give won't be reciprocated. If they care about you and love you, they will want to make sure that you are fulfilled by the experience. A one night stand probably (I can't say for sure since I've never had the experience) could not care less if you are fulfilled. All they would care about is if they got what THEY wanted out of the escapade. So, this is an obvious concern for women. They may not necessarily get what they want out of that sexual experience, whereas a man almost certainly will. So, it is more likely that they will "enjoy" and be "fulfilled" by having sex with someone that cares about them and their pleasure than some random man that they choose to have sex with.
3) This depends entirely on the woman. Speaking for myself, heck no. But, I know plenty of women that look at sex completely differently than I do and will jump into bed with anyone that wants to jump in with them and enjoy it. For me, part of the enjoyment is knowing that I'm with someone that I love and I can look into his eyes and know that he feels exactly the same way about me. I can't imagine actually enjoying sex with a man knowing that it was probably going to be a one night stand and he would be onto another woman the next day or the next week or whatever. I'm just not interested in that. There are definitely women that are, so I'm sure you could find someone like that if that's really what you're looking for :-) But, don't get upset with the ones that want more than just the physical aspect of sex. We're just built differently than men. There will always be women who are willing to have sex with random men and are able to enjoy it that way and there will always be women that require more than that to actually enjoy it.
4) I've never personally heard a woman say that. My guess would be that she doesn't want to be just another notch on his belt. She may have an emotional attachment to him, but she would want to know that the attachment was mutual before hopping into bed with him. Just my guess.
I want to add something here. When you think of a woman that you would want to marry, would you rather have a woman that has had sex with 100's of men just because she could and she enjoyed it, or would you prefer to have someone that had only had sex with a few men that she had been in a serious relationship with? My guess is that you wouldn't want to be walking around the mall with your wife and hearing men say, "oh, I banged her" to their friend when you walked past them. Most women want to eventually get married (not all, but most) so they consider this fact (or what we perceive to be a fact) when deciding how to act sexually, promiscuously versus conservatively. I have actually had guys tell me that they would have a one night stand with a woman or sleep with a woman on the first date, but after that they would never consider having a serious relationship with the woman because she put out on the first date. What sane woman wants to put herself into that position???? Definitely not me. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 1:42:31 PM | "So it's a man's responsibility to make the woman come? Come on now... if you really enjoyed sex you wouldn't wait for the guy to make you come. You'd make sure you got what you want."
In that case, what does the woman need the man for?? Haha They have plenty of toys for women to use. Why bother with a man if he doesn't even care whether she gets off or not? I'm just sayin'............ | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 2:51:07 PM | Saying that 'women dont like sex' is similar to saying 'men dont like emotional attachments'....both statements are wrong, the difference is most men need sex to become emotionally attached and most women need some form of emotional bond first before we have sex.....neither is wrong, we are just wired differently ....so where's the compromise??....
Problem is, generally speaking, men can have sex purely for pleasure and have no qualms about leaving the next day (some women do this too, but it's not a common complaint), and the women, whether it was the man's intention or not, do feel 'used' afterwards......when i was single i never 'expected' an instant relationship from a man i just met, even tho the goal of dating was to choose a compatible partner and settle down, so why, should he, then expect instant sex from me???, if you know what i mean.....
The compromise, imo, therefore is, if she is looking for a 'potential' relationship, and he wants sex, is just to give it some time, so in the end, if they are suited to each other they both get what they want, which is a combination of sex and love.... | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:13:16 PM | Women like sex.
But for some reason, too many women like to send out this message to the world, that they are above it all. And they are above men, men who are foolish, or bad, because they are consumed with sex.
It's like some women just can't admit they like Sex, unless it is in the "right" context. There always has to be some qualifier. Like they will give away their power or compromise themselves if they just say it.
So from a guys point of view, it can very well appear that women don't like sex. It's another mixed message. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:48:07 PM | | Yes I love sex and I want to have it as much as possible. Though I chose to only have it with someone I know and have some kind of feelings for. I don't just have it with anyone, that is not who or what I am. Just because a woman enjoys sex as much as a man doesn't mean we want to hop in the sack with just anyone. When I do find someone I get along with, then look out because I will keep his nights very busy! | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:01:49 PM |
Just because a woman enjoys sex as much as a man doesn't mean we want to hop in the sack with just anyone.
Contrary to popular myth, most men don't either. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:14:04 PM | | I enjoy sex, I love making love, but nothing better that the COMBINATION!! Why settle for (wham, bam, thank ya ma'am) when you can have it all. If I want a quickie, I got a toy box for that. The only difference between the real think and a toy is the warm body and emotion that comes with it. Therefore, If there is no emotion there, I'll take my toy. They are a lot cheaper too, the only cost is batteries. lol And guess what, I'm guarenteed the big OOOOOOOOOOOOOOh. ha | |
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Joined: 6/15/2008
Msg: 42 | |
| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:53:42 PM | Women want to have sex ... just with attractive men.  They are just as passionate about sex as men just less often.
Some may whore themselves which allows more men to participate in sexual activity.
Most single women are delusional and will never find a mate unless they settle.
So unless U are the 15% of male attractiveness or possess alot of money (nice house, car, vacations, dinners, cloths) U better get some game or learn to enjoy porn.
*Just my opinion  | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 4:53:55 PM | Re the Opost
I have been reading the forums for 18 months now and I must say that SOME women seem not to like or enjoy sex AND/OR men/manhood.
(And I am not talking of the women who are picky or want commitment and/or Love to go with sex.)
Some women prefer the company (no sex, I di not mean that) of their pets rather than men.
Some women want to put on a strap on and do to men what they "do"!! to them!
But as I said, SOME, not many, not most nor all.
And of course, being a free world, they are entitled to their choices.
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 5:16:19 PM | personally..i .can take it or leave it?? i guees ive never had `good sex` neither past partner has tried to plesae me properly...and thats both in LTR...
i guess if there was something to get excited about/look forward to./.then maybe id like it more lol...as yet ive not found it  | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 6:41:31 PM | | I like sex as much as I ever have, physically speaking, but, "intellectually," it's really lost its appeal. It doesn't mean as much when it's so easy to get. You know? | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:34:37 PM | I enjoy sex. Women are programmed differently I think though than men. (not me thank god, but most)
You have to learn the lingo... feel free to refer to my list of translations on my profile. Men and women are motivated differently by and large.
I have sex when I feel like it as long as I have a willing partner. Could I have it more often? Sure with people I don't like enough to have sex with. Which ends the discussion. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 7:59:39 PM | OP
[That's like saying I love food that's why I don't have any outside of a restaurant. To a degree it makes sense. The only way what you are saying fully makes sense is if you add, "And I value relationships more than sex". Cause if you really like sex, you would have it regardless if you're in a relationship or not. In a similar way if you really like food, you would eat regardless if you are in a restaurant or not.]
No. What I'm saying is I would rather not have sex with a random partner. This will guarantee that I dont have bad sex.
Women who are not having random sex with semi-strangers still like sex.
You are suggesting that just because we like someone and find them attractive, we should have sex with them. As if to say "If you like sex what's the big deal?"
Keep in mind just because I'm not having sex with a partner doesnt mean I'm not having sex. I know exactly what works for me. I know that it will be great every time. I know that I will still respect myself the next day and dont have to wonder if the phone will ring. I can do it as often and for as long as I like.
Someday I will have a man in my life who will have the mutual love, respect and trust to do with me all the things I do when I am alone... Until that time I will enjoy my sex alone! | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:00:20 PM |
I love sex which is exactly why I don't have sex outside of a relationship.
Thanks Amy, my thought exactly. 
~OP~ "Allowed"; "agreed to have"; "gave in and had"; "it was planned"; etc., are synonymous with: the sex-card. It a twisted little game that some play. Probably one of the very reasons men and women never see eye to eye on this topic. Some people, (yes ~ men as well as women) do use sex as a control move. Personally, I think those things are really just cutting of one's nose to spite their face ~ but that's just how I view it. | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:09:30 PM | I'm not to experienced in this situation as I've only ever had 1 sex partner as to the fact I myself can't have mindless sex. You have to be emotionally involved with the person. I for one do not see how you can just have one night stands although a lot of people are capable of doing so (yes both men and women alike).
I personally do not feel to be part of the "men" category of mindless partnership. I love the act and pleasure of being with someone and I believe that being in love with someone should come first. Personal pleasure goes away after a certain age when you can't even lift it. Today's society is based on sex and pleasure. People either enjoy it or they don't and feel like it's a chore.
I myself.. will state that emotions have to be involved.. you have to enjoy just hanging out, smiling, holding hands and wanting to be with that person for a long period of time in order to share the special bond of love making. That's just my 2cents | |
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| A lot of women don't like sex?
Posted: 8/19/2008 8:14:37 PM | I agree with what Anatasisa Beaverhousen has to say...........nothing better then sex with the right person!!!!! | |
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