| | Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?Page 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) | to the OP
I believe one should perhaps get to know the person a little before meeting up first. Face to face is always the best way and means of truly getting to know one another but before you do that it's always better to have some communication before hand. Friend above all else I say. This way you can assert the situation inform what you expect and don't leave it all blank. Also you'll know more what to expect also. Sometimes going in blind is not the best way to go about things.
So yeah, get to know the person first don't feel bad for refusing. I'm a little skeptical myself when someone wants to meet on the first day.. wait a bit, get to know each other communicate and then see where things go | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/19/2008 9:18:50 PM | oh ive been in that situation 2 many times. after talking 3 times, the guy wanted to meet. why would they put themselves in a situation like that when these men dont know u and u dont know them? thats what makes it dangerous. one time, i was meeting a guy off of yahoo 4 yrs ago. it was on a friday, i met him on that saturday. that was the worst meetup in my life! it was a sad and frightening ending, but im glad hes out of my life.
if they just emailed u, dont meet them cuz u didnt establish any kind of relationship yet. ppl who rush into things are just desperate, insecure, and lonely. i used to do that b4 in the past, now i wanna take my time in getting to know them either by email or phone. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:08:48 AM | In real life you would not meet someone in the mall for 1 minute, say hi and your name and how are you then say "See u tomorrow at 7 at Olive Garden".......
Most people would exchange numbers and then talk to them on the phone for a while, even if it is just a day before they go out. But a 30 second conversation that included just the basics wouldn't cut it for most.
Of course you can't know someone even in an hour long conversation but u can certainly decide based on a decent conversation whether or not to even go out with them. I would rather converse and build some common ground then go out. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:47:39 AM | | I think it is different for everyone, but I like to meet someone as soon as possible in a public place because bottom line until you met face to face that will be where you know you connect, email and phone is lot of time wasted to find out they are not the one for you. | |
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TEA25
| | Joined: 8/15/2007
Msg: 32 | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 1:03:38 AM | | No...perfectly normal. But sometimes people are more comfortable face to face. Maybe this guy isnt much of a writer (is any guy much of a writer? haha...Seriously, bad spellers abound!) Some people just want to meet and break the ice. I never really know if I'll really like someone until I meet him. Being online can create illusions, you know? But no, whatever you're comfortable with is totally fine and dont let anyone tell you different! | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 2:28:11 AM | For all the people (usually women) who think there should be a lot of communication before meeting in person, let me ask you this: if a stranger of the opposite gender struck up a conversation with you in a public location, would you instantly blow your rape whistle? I'm guessing the answer is no, so what's the difference between that scenario and meeting someone whose profile/emails appeal to you after a brief correspondence?
I've read enough posts here from people who found someone online and then when they met in person they discovered their date was completely different from what they portrayed themselves to be in photos and print. All their chit-chatting up to that point was just a waste of time.
I suppose if you're the introverted type who needs a lot of material to work with in order to engage in a comfortable live conversation then the slow route might be best for you. But otherwise, why not get to know the real person as soon as possible rather than a distorted electronic representation of that person? | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 2:39:10 AM | | You HAVE to hear someone's voice...not unreasonable at all I'm like that anyway...it was probably somebody who wasn't on the level...did he have pics? | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 7:43:30 AM | This thread makes me wonder exactly what happened to the social abilities of our generation. What happened to just walking up to someone in a bookstore or a coffee shop and starting a conversation?
Between the advancement of cell phones and the growth of internet dating, it seems as if we - as a whole - have become social leppers. Dateline NBC and other "Predator" shows have scared us into thinking that EVERYONE online must be the worst-case scenario before they are the better or best case. Beyond that, there seems to be a terrible need for us to feel safe by remaining behind our computer screens as much as possible.
I've even witnessed it in my own workplace. A customer turns the flirt up to the MAXIMUM with a co-worker, and instead of just asking her out, he says, "I'll wait till I get home and find her on My Space." Really? Why not just cut out the middle man and ask her out here and now?
"Because what if she says no?" was his response, "I'd feel better emailing her..."
I'm not saying we should all throw our computers into the river, but my own experiences here on PoF and reading through the threads leads me to believe that there is a much better chance to meet someone OUT THERE as opposed to IN HERE... | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 8:39:18 AM | | There is a middle ground between endless email exchanges and "my name is X, lets meet for a drink" immediately. For me, I prefer to get acquainted with a few messages back and forth where they can tell me something about their life (and vice versa), doesn't need to be a life story, just something about who they are. Its even better here on POF if they post in the forums. From there its natural to move on to a phone conversation, then from there, mutually discussing meeting somewhere publicly. It really doesn't need to be too complicated or have lots of rules, just has to have a natural progression. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:55:06 AM |
a guy e-mailed me, first contact...short, sweet, just introducing himself. i responded, equally short introduction (name, how are you...that's about it)
he then asked me out...i nicely explained that i perfer more communication before scheduling dates...
am i the odd one out for wanting to know the people more before meeting up? do a lot of people go out after one or two contacts? just curious
This would indeed be my pattern as well. There isn't a lot of point in doing a lot of precursory stuff online if she is available locally. You've got profiles and if there is interest enough from the initial response, why not test it out. Chemistry doesn't come from online interaction - only expectations do. The purpose of online dating sites, imo, is to facilitate real life encounters. Both of the women that I've met from POF, I met very quickly. The rest, I never get to meet at all.
Mind you OP, if you weren't comfortable accepting a quick invitation, I certainly would be more than willing to continue to talk to you until you were :) | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:07:40 AM | - my bf and i started "talking" from another forum (not a dating site). i didn't have my picture up there. we didn't talk much, just few email exchanges like once a wk.
- 2 or 3 wks later, we decided to just meet (he's really not too far off, and we went to the same school..though i've never seen him on campus...York is a huge univ!). anyways, it was a very casual thing. he went to my work (iunno why i told him where i worked...LOL...not highly suggested) and we went for a quick dinner, hugged goodbye (he had work that night)
- the 2nd time we met was to catch a movie. it wasn't intended to be a "date", it was meant to be just casual chilling. we ended up making out the entire night after that.
- 3rd nite, he waited for my last class, we walked around the campus to find a chilling spot, talked more about life, and made out some more.
- 4th nite we met, he visited me after work. we talked a bit at tim horton's, had a short walk, made out like crazy in his car...i almost went home with him to his place.
- 5th nite, he invited me to go clubbing with him and his friends. we made out somew more, and he said his friends all thought we'd makea cute couple. anywho, he then asked me to be his gf right on the dance floor. i cracked up laughing inside! i mean, we barely really knew each other.
- we dated for 6 mons, broke up. got back together after a month, then broke up again. 3 mons later we got back together again...and that was january 2007.
we haven't been dating for a century, but we're doing pretty good...for a couple who dated barely knowing anything about each other =D
it's not unreasonable, but i think sometimes people talk too much (communicate), that it just gets too built up, and then they get disappointed when they realize the guy/girl isn't perfect.
honestly, i think a few chit-chat is nice, and the sooner you meet, the better. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:08:27 AM | I have chatted at length with guys online only to find out they still weren't who they said they were. So I'm all for meeting up soon.
However, set a coffee or lunch date for a week or so in advance and continue communicating until that time. That way you will learn a little bit more before the actual meetup, but still don't "waste" weeks of your time. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 11:16:08 AM | Definitely meet up soon... pick a place close to you, make it short and sweet and you'll know more than you would have with months of email and phone calls.
It's a good investment of your time, OP. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 12:39:57 PM | No I don't think you are the odd one out!
I like to have a few exchanges before I meet someone! Ihave met someone the next day, and some guys I have chatted a month or longer before I met them.
I keep a really busy schedule, which makes it difficut to date. I also have my friends that I love speding time with. I would rather go and be with friends than have another bad meeting, LOL! At least that way I know I am going to have a good time! if I get pressure to meet, then I move on, I have previous time commitments that I am obligated to be at. I guess its a good t hing I am comfortable emough with myself to not "need" to be in a relationship. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 2:29:10 PM | "For all the people (usually women) who think there should be a lot of communication before meeting in person, let me ask you this: if a stranger of the opposite gender struck up a conversation with you in a public location, would you instantly blow your rape whistle? I'm guessing the answer is no, so what's the difference between that scenario and meeting someone whose profile/emails appeal to you after a brief correspondence?"
i said nothing about blowing the rape whistle...lol...but, if i were out and met a guy for 2-5 minutes, i wouldn't go on a date with him unless he called me and we chatted a tiny bit more than the "hi, what's your name" conversation...i'm not saying i need to know their whole life, but you gotta give me something to see if i'm even interested in meeting you...
as for being reserved, if wanting a minimum on ONE phone call prior to meeting someone is reserved, so be it, i guess...i'll take my chances staying single... | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 3:14:09 PM |
if i were out and met a guy for 2-5 minutes, i wouldn't go on a date with him unless he called me
Have you never struck up a conversation with a guy in public that ended up lasting for an hour or more and maybe even led to (gasp!) kissing? I find it hard to believe there are many adult women who haven't done this. The point being that the random encounter can end after 2-5 minutes or 2-5 hours the same way a date can. Maybe it's the term "date" that causes the concern and people would be better off regarding it as a not-so-random-chance meeting with someone. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 3:28:07 PM | | that doesn't happen to me, i always seem to attract the type who take FOREVER to call me. they just seem to want to IM or email and don't feel the need for a phone conversation. even if i give them my #, most of the time i never hear from them. have to wonder what some people's agenda is. seems like some just want to be penpals, lol. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 3:49:04 PM | "Have you never struck up a conversation with a guy in public that ended up lasting for an hour or more and maybe even led to (gasp!) kissing? I find it hard to believe there are many adult women who haven't done this. The point being that the random encounter can end after 2-5 minutes or 2-5 hours the same way a date can. Maybe it's the term "date" that causes the concern and people would be better off regarding it as a not-so-random-chance meeting with someone."
yes, at bars...where my judgement is clouded by alcohol...i've never been out doing something and completely thrown my plans to the wind b/c i happen to meet a guy...i give him my number and if he calls, great...if he doesn't, so be it...
to everyone who doesn't care about getting more than just a name before going on a date, i'm glad that works for you...for me, i prefer a bit more of a conversation than one e-mail asking me to go out...just my preference...
and for whoever said a nice jewish girl who knows how to shoot a rifle...i hate to burst your bubble, but that rifle was part of a game...hahahahaha | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:28:16 PM |
am i the odd one out for wanting to know the people more before meeting up?
No,I don't think you're the odd one out at all.
I would think there's got to be some more than just exchanging names.
that's like meeting someone at the gas pump next to you , and saying
Hi', I'm Kimbo'....wanna go out"?
I think people do go out after a couple of contacts yes, but after they have had a wee bit more to say than what you're talkin'' 'bout.
Kimbo~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 4:33:28 PM | | Happenend to me too not to long ago.We chatted on yahoo on a sat morning and he wanted to meet that night.Whatever,some guys must think we just sit around waiting for someone to ask us out.I prefer to know a little more about someone before meeting them. | |
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| Is It Unreasonable Of Me To Feel Like This?
Posted: 8/20/2008 5:15:35 PM | I got a 2 word email saying "what the"
His profile pic - a mullet, cutoffs, a tshirt with the sleeves ripped off to reveal pale and skinny arms, work boots standing next to industrial barrels at the what looked like the city dump. Like he was trying out for the trailer park version of the villiage people.
He could be my future ex-husband.
Y'see... You ladies have plenty of opportunities online, guys literally throwing themselves at you; what's the problem? | |
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