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Posted: 8/23/2008 9:39:56 AM | lord mirage... we all have stories... it is up to you to work through it. Someone else always has it worse.
I had a horrible ending to a relationship, both parents passeded away, lost my career, empty nesting, lost my everything I owned and live out of a suit case. All in a yrs time. None if it my fault and all totally out of my control. And guess what. I am not the only one that has this story. Vent in private and keep your friends. Believe it or not... to much pity turns your friends away. Help yourself and others will help you. | |
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Posted: 8/23/2008 9:52:20 AM | Mirage,
Its a tough time in your life, I've been there...there is no quick fix..
Professional help...yes I did it before my marriage broke up and then shortly after I saw my therapist again and he did help and he could not believe the change in me how much better I looked.
What really helped me was talking to friends and family and not just once but sometimes daily. My dads girlfriend even bought me a book that I have read three times about dealing with a divorce, death and it told you the steps you would go through, it was a really easy read and helped me.... You will get through this,,,anger is normal just find something to do when these feelings and or urges start. I started bike riding and just let my mind go...
Remember what doesnt kill you makes you stronger...you have your whole life ahead of you...You have a second chance to find that person who will love you the way you deserve to me loved! Dont ever forget that!
take care
Laura | |
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| how do i stop it...
Posted: 8/24/2008 12:15:29 PM | Mirage, this comes from someplace else, but it probably applies here, too: "Many of us tried to hold on to our old ideas, and the result was nil until we let go absolutely."
You don't have to AGREE with what's happening, or what happened, but you sure have to accept the reality of it. Your remarks about your pride being hurt, and then about 'unconditional love", are antithetical. Your expectations didn't bear fruit, your love was unrequited (if it were really unconditional, it wouldn't need requiting). And of course it's all about you. It's always all about ME, too.
Most of the earlier posts suggested that you seek professional help, and I can't agree more. It took me a long time to surrender to that suggestion - "that ain't the Cowboy Way". Swallow your ego, find a real professional, get honest with them (and yourself). Sweep just YOUR side of the street. "Lose face, save a$$". What can it hurt? | |
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Posted: 8/24/2008 1:51:28 PM | Aw, Hell, just Kill Yourself... That will end all the pain and you won't have to go through all those little pains and hurt yourself any more, OK, Honey...
And/Or, as an OPTION ....GET A SPINE,,,
Here's the deal,
...
SURE IT HURTS. Stupid painful things you do to yourself hurt eventually...and somehow you a created this situation, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY or you will never be able to alter the course of your events...
And, you are internalizing all this emotional pain...Bet you haven't sat down and really let it all hang out, you know, cried like a baby, slobbering snot, saliva and tears like a fountain...Am I right, Haven't done this because you are too macho to cry... Better get over that and understand crying is the bodies way of taking an Emotional Crap...DisEase and Stress result from unreleased pain... How else would you do it except cry your heart out, right...
But during all this, remember, You created this situation and if you don't believe that I have pixy dust for sale over the internet for you, give me all relavant financial information, credit card, SSN, and bank account numbers now... GO | |
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Posted: 8/24/2008 2:34:31 PM | Lord Mirage:
Hello! There is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. Advice?
mmmm Would you really take it?
The way I deal with my Hatret : I put a picture of my Enemy and I play Darts with it.
Anger Management? Get yourself a Punching Bag, or Big Pillow. To punch the living s..... out of someone who really deserves it.
It works and keep you in good shape too.
The last but not least if you can affort it , move to a new place , make new friends , away from people that reminds you of your past at least until you heal.
Take care Keep smiling .  | |
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| how do i stop it...
Posted: 8/25/2008 3:16:02 PM | Since i was young i was trained in karate and hikido and Aikido... Yet last time i did that was when i was 9 years old. I still practice from what i remember and meditate. Also my Faith in the God and Goddess has help.
Trust me all, in all truth, the perspective that everyone on the site has give is more healing then talking to someone trying to ask me about my mother. I have my moments of pain, yes, but i have always had the nature of learning from others, and being able to but my self in someones shoes... I guess one of the major reason i posted was to see how other got through there pain like myself, and look for paths to help me deal with all the Demons as i call it with in me making my life hell. I don't really drink heavy, maybe a beer or two, but when it comes to the weed, i don't smoke alone. I am always in the company of good friends, that have helped me more then anything as have all of you. I believe i don't need professional help, as i once heard someone where, sometimes you just need friends to help you through you darkest times...
Thank you all... | |
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Posted: 8/25/2008 6:00:40 PM | I have been where you are at right now. When a relationship falls a part, it's almost like someone has died and as bad as it seems you have to go through the same stages of grief as you would if somone you loved had died. I'm wondering why you are focusing your anger against four people? Did they lie to you or deceive you? How did they play a part in the actual break up?
When my husband cheated on me 5 years ago I wanted nothing but revenge against him and his "whore" as I used to refer to her. I was also angry at his children at one point for having anything to do with her. Needless to say, this went on for months. I went home to visit my grandmother with all of the anger and resentment and pain still inside of me. In her 96 years, she had see enough of her own share of pain. When I told her all of my plans for revenge, she sat me down and said, "The best revenge is happiness". She died several months later, but it is something that I will never forget.
You are continuing to relive the past over and over. It is very sad that your marriage feel apart, but you are still the person that you were before you got married. Try to reconnect to that person (I know that it's hard and believe me I feel your pain)...Never forget that while marriage is a wonderful thing...it is not all that we are...It is two people coming together, and sometimes things will happen along the way that will tear it apart. Just know that as far from your reach as happiness seems right now, it will happen again. Grieve, be angry, be in complete denial and then let it go...otherwise you will stay stuck.
Take care of yourself. | |
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| how do i stop it...
Posted: 8/26/2008 4:40:44 PM |
In her 96 years, she had see enough of her own share of pain. When I told her all of my plans for revenge, she sat me down and said, "The best revenge is happiness". She died several months later, but it is something that I will never forget.
One of the worst part is when this all happened, my father was passing away and lost his battle against cancer in may. I have the pain of losing her and the pain of losing my father. Simple enough i am going to move on with my life. Just going to be a long while before i am willing to risk my heart again on someone...
Mario | |
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Posted: 8/26/2008 8:10:14 PM | I recieved some good advice. I too have been lied to and cheated on, and it hurts like hell.
Consumes you, still not a day goes by without the what if's, and maybe someday.
My advice and this is repeated from something i got off the internet, i thought it was cool and wrote it down:
#1 Ride off into the sunset. Remember the old cowboys? just ride off. No calling, no texting, emails, letters, nothing.
#2 Was called the wizard of Oz effect. Hide behind the curtain, never let them see you sream, yell, cry, go ahead and do it just hide behind the curtain, up front you are happy, i know hard to do. but it has helped.
#3 Get rid of the evidence. Break up, get rid of all her things, In your mind and heart and the physical stuff.
#4 Dont Look Back. The what would have happened if....
Try to forget the negatives, what happened, Look toward your future. You cant go back.
#5 Remember you'll get over it. There is a whole lot of people that have been hurt and somehow they managed to get over it. Let it go.
My own personal opinion: I dont know why people cheat, whether it is a chemical imbalance? ? ? Or just fell out of love with the person they are with, and realized it was a mistake, but its too late now. Who knows, i am learning not to take it personal. he made his choices. yes it does feel like What did i do wrong, Self pity and blame hit hard.
I am not good enough. But you know what we are good enough, we just have to fight for ourselves and our sanity.
You cant stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. | |
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