| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:28:36 AM | hey julie, read your profile and you look to me to be a very beautiful woman. and he cheated on you? there are a lot men on POF that would date you in an instant of they could. so hang in there kid.
kenny | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:30:16 AM |
" But I never told him I loved him but I think someday I could have"
If you were not in love then why this whiny thread in "broken hearts" ?.
You also said you never felt this way about anyone else in a very long time..... All about a guy "you're not in love with" and only knew for two months. It all ads up to velcro to me.
But I am sure in another 3 or 4 weeks you will move on to the next guy to become attached to. And he will get that same plastic bag over the head feeling this last guy did, and run for the hills. And you will go about blaming him, why?, because it's so much easier to blame someone else instead of looking within ourselves for answers.
Feel sorry for whoever was associated with those fingers you are counting on.
Way to be compassionate and non-judgmental. NOT!
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:21:22 AM | | You are very smart. You have learned from this and see the profound knowledge of the situation. You realize that you cannot sleep with someone unless you are secure in the relationship. Having sex is like sinking deep, sharp hooks into one another, and when you separate, it is like pulling the hooks out, and taking a big slab of meat with it... and then you have to heal. You are right to be mad at yourself, because you are too smart to get yourself into this tangle of abuse. You have "settled", and now you are very unhappy. So, now you know the work you have to do, and you also have wisdom for the next guy. Your photo is very pretty. You will have no trouble getting a beavvy of men. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:47:59 AM |
Op you went out with a guy a two months, It did not work out for whatever reason. Get over it and move on. Writing this whiney thread about your broken heart is making you seem more clingy than velcro.
Please get new material - you wrote the same thing in your profile. I hope people actually appreciate your attempt at humor. I hope.
Julie - I don't know why you couldn't e-mail me - try again. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:57:23 AM |
A Bit Much -
I tried to email you, but it wouldn't allow me to because I'm female. If you read this, please email me if you can.
I know I'm a late-comer to this thread, so I'll not offer the same advice that's getting tired and overstated here. Julie, just e-mail me and I can send to ABitMuch and others who would help in that voting endeavor. BTW, I have a story too, thanks all for the perspectives. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:08:51 PM | Hey, a lot of women can be like this too, not just guys. There have been times when I have been in similar situations. The best thing you can do now is forget about him, and go out and meet as many people as you can! That way you can choose whoever is a closest match to what u require!!! javascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('') take care | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:13:07 PM | | hi julie sorry this happened toyou ,just take some time out ,be kind to yourself ,you did nothing wrong but maybe because you feel vunerable are attracting the wrong guys ,however take stock and learn by it you will find someone that deserves you and hopefully he will find you first x | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:33:24 PM | Hi Julie...I know exactly what your saying..I went thru the same thing, not long ago ,after telling me we were soul mates, the only difference is she told me she loved me.!
after being on here for awhile i've figured out that a lot of people weather they realize it or not ,are in a , what i call the trade up mode..even when they say their sort of commited they still have thier eye out for something ,better body ,more money ,whatever ,and don't seem to give a shit that real people,with real feelings and real hearts, are involved and there is going to be pain involved.
makes it hard for people who are serious and actually looking, to trust anybody.
anyway, best of luck to you!! and don't let it get you down!! his lose I'd say..
take care..G | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:33:54 PM | Guys, biologically, are hard-wired and pre-programmed to attempt to have sex with as many hott chix as possible. The survival of our species depended upon that. Just as it depended upon women to entice ONE guy to settle down with her and her alone.
When women try to fulfill their natural urge, they are not called every nasty name in the book---as men are when they seek to fulfill their natural urges.
Why is it that society has determined that doing things women's way is right and good,
and doing things men's way is wrong and bad?
Just as we evolved to eat meat AND berries, from our destiny as hunters AND gatherers, why can't we warmly embrace BOTH mating strategies? That is to say, women should date ONE man, and men should date MANY women.
Case Closed!
--Ray | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 12:43:48 PM | If you really care for this guy then talk to him. Tell him how you feel and that you were hurt by his being on this site. It sounds like you were in a committed relationship, but he isn't. Before you disappear from his life, explain your feelings, then you will know for sure. And don't worry, if he lies about it you will find out soon enough. Better to have loved and lost...........
from loved and was hurt and would do it again | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 1:54:57 PM | Wow, Ray, that is one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard.
Are you a polygamist living in the wilderness under a tarp someplace in Utah? | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 2:02:09 PM | | A Bit Much - could you try emailing me directly through my profile? It says I can't talk to you because of my age and gender. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:35:00 PM | It's not enough that the guy kicked the Op to the curb for trying to suffocate him. Now she wants the others to go vote low numbers on the guys new profile on "Hot or Not" . But at least the Op is ending this relationship with her dignity intact. Thank god she has enough class to take the high road.
After seeing how the Op is acting in this thread, Is it any wonder the poor guy ran away from her as fast as he could?.
People not every relationship ends the way we want them to. But we should at least try to learn something from them before moving on to the next one. More importantly we should never lower ourselves to acting like "women scorned". The guy the Op was dating has moved on with his life, why can't a 33 year old woman be mature enough to do the same. Move on Op, shit happens,everybody plays the fool sometimes, this time it happens to be you, The next time it might be the guy you're dating, It all evens out. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:33:25 PM | I never asked anyone to post low numbers on him, but I have been emailing to those who have been kind to me to thank them personally and just go back and forth a bit. Most of the people here have been decent.
If you dont' like this thread, Wildman, then why don't you leave?
And for your FYI, I normally take many months in between relationships, I'm not someone who always has to have a man by any means, but you sure like to act like you know me just because you don't like me or women in general.
Your last paragraph was decent, though. It's been not even 2 weeks. Could you give me a little time, though? Jesus. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:36:13 PM | | SO now girls resort to looking for ***holes on HOT OR NOT? GIVE ME A BREAK there's guys who are average joe like me who would do ANYTHING JUST TO HAVE SOMEONE TO SAY THEY LOVE YOU! I cant find any girls because they JUST DONT KNOW WTF THEY WANT ANYMORE AND IT SICKENS ME TO NO END!! F***!!! | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:41:04 PM | Don't feel bad. Those sites kind of depress me, too. I heard of it a long time ago and never went there because I thought it sounded like a really bad idea, a real meat market. I always tended to stick to Match.com (not that that is really great) and then one day I found POF on My Space, which I've used for years mostly for networking and things like that.
I liked the forums on here, so that's how I ended up with a membership. Never really met anyone here that I dated and that's okay. I just like to socialize a little bit now and then.
But yeah, places like Hot or Not exist so you can rate people's pics and get to know people that way. Definitely not how I'd ever meet anyone and when my friend was on there for kicks and found my ex, I knew it probably wasn't a good thing.
A lot of guys seem to not know what they want, or only that they want the next best thing all the time and are always looking for it. I guess that's why we have to be careful.
Don't give up. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 6:56:36 PM | | HONESTY, Is a lost art,,Just remember ,WHAT GOE'S AROUND COME'S around. Were all not pig's you will someday be happy . And a real man will sweep you off your feet and then you will know what a class act is,,, When it happen''s and it will.. You will know what I mean... Good Luck.. John | |
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resa55
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Joined: 8/24/2008
Msg: 144 | |
| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:00:55 PM | | Hey there Julie,just read ur note.I understand how u feel.I'm a 53 YO lady who has been using POF and Match for the past couple of months.I'm divorced and am looking for a long term relationship.I've met some great and not so great guys.A couple have led me on and hurt me.When ur looking for love it's easy to fall for a guy emotionally and because of this we place ourselves at risk for heartbreak.We feel rejected and that hurts.We question ourselves and ask "what did I do wrong?".U know,it's so hard to find a loyal,trusting,decent guy in the day we live in.I think we as women get attached much easier than guys do.Yes,u do have to move on and be thankful that he didn't keep u hanging on much longer,as the longer a relationship goes the harder it is to get over it.Don't blame urself.Keep ur chin up and know that the right guy is out there and that there are plenty of fish in the sea.Just have fun and talk to some more guys,keep ur emotions intact,and keep him guessing. Hang in there girl,the right one is out there, just remember u will reel the right one in,just enjoy the fishing trip. Resa | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 9/3/2008 8:09:27 AM | I'm feeling so much better lately. Thanks to you all.
I have been reading this book I told you all about before from Greg Behrendt and it has really opened my eyes to the fact that I am not alone and I am in fact very lucky.
Although my breakup was painful, it doesn't compare to some of these people who put in months and months or years with someone only to find out they were cheated on or the person suddenly left them with no explanation or nothing other than an "I don't love you" anymore.
So I know it's better that it happened now than later. I wish he would have had a big enough pair to let me know when something was wrong, but I do have my dignity intact and I'm coping well most of the time. Even when I'm not, it's because I know I cared about him and that's okay. It's a sign that I've come out of my shell and allowed myself to care and it's a good thing for me to really feel something again and I have learned a lot from the pain.
I know a lot of you are going through the same thing and it helps to read your experiences and know we're all in the same boat. So if we are, we may as well find a way to enjoy each other's company and not be depressed since we do have each other, even if it's just in a forum.
I appreciate your comments and I will keep reading this thread until I am "all better" and I think that will be soon.
Julie  | |
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JimNeu
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Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 146 | |
| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 9/4/2008 2:50:15 PM | Exactly what I said.. be glad it happened sooner rather than later.
Now I gotta go write that book!
Coming from someone who was 'burned' once or twice (and really, who hasn't been), I think your perspective is exactly where it should be. Realize that you put yourself out there and took a step forward. You made progress. And you learned from it.
It's better to be where you are, a person who is faithful to a relationship, than to be someone who is going to be secretly running around behind someone's back.
I'm not going to flat out generalize and say 'once a cheater.. always a cheater' cause that wouldn't be true. But, I believe cheaters that have crossed that line before are more 'prone' to do so again.
Let's face it, in a long term relationship, you're not going to always be on each other's good side. But it's the one's that stay committed in the bad times that can make it through.
I never understood cheating. If you want to leave someone, announce it and leave. And then move on to other relationships. No muss, no fuss.
Yeah, I know, probably too simplistic.
Anyhow, sorry to ramble on in your thread, but as a final note, I bet that time will ease the pain. Only then can you look back with a different perspective and see things in a different light. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 9/4/2008 3:51:28 PM | Sincerely no disrespect sweetheart but you may be jumping the gun.
1.) You have only known this man for two months. It takes much more than 60 days to build a lasting relationship.
2.) Clearly you are not boyfriend and girlfriend, you are just 'dating' therefore you can see other people and so can he. You have to understand at some point, if a man hasn't made a clear commitment to you and the relationship, in his mind he is SINGLE.
3.) the fact that he is on hot or not has nothing to do with you. It's about him and his need for constant approval. People with low self esteem are on sites like hot or not, and you may have just dodged a bullet actually. Could be when this guy got to the point he wanted a 'girlfriend' he still would need the approval of other women to feel whole. You really don't need that.
If a man stops calling you, call him once. If he can't call back, erase his number and move on. You may like him, but you may be giving him way to much credit. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 9/4/2008 4:53:51 PM | Lyfenelyn,
I was told we were exclusive, very exclusive and it turns out we weren't. It was kind of strange, he was pushing to be my boyfriend early on and I told him we should get to know each other more maybe before calling me his girlfriend (we only knew each other a couple of weeks). He seemed kind of disappointed. But he told me he was seeing only me and the same was true and I only wanted to be with him to see where it went.
I did occasionally check in and make sure, no, he wasn't seeing anyone else and did't want to. We spent a lot of time together and I grew incredibly fond of him. Really cared a great deal, but I wouldn't dare say love just yet. Mainly because I wanted to be careful.
When it came down to it, in an email when he was out of town I asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend now. He didn't respond to that email, but responded to others. I asked him about it and he said he responded to my email, but he didn't to that one, so I asked again. No response. I didn't push it, but wondered what was up. The last night I saw him he told me he wasn't seeing anyone else but when I asked if he wanted to, he said he didn't know, which broke my heart.
We had a bit of a fight and since then I made a couple of efforts to talk and email him, to also talk to him about the whole Hot or Not mess and he never replied. I guess the fact that he got caught on Hot or Not talking about sex with someone else must have turned him off. :)
So I can proudly say it's been a week and I"ve made no attempt to contact him. I just miss that part of him that I thought was really wonderful, that I thought maybe someday I could get serious about. Guess not.
I know - if he wanted me he would call. If he missed me he would call. So I have to stop.
Thanks for you opinion. I hope the next time a guy doesn't get back to me I just let him go. Most guys I do in fact have that policy with and I move on easily, but this one felt different. Maybe I just wanted him to be different. | |
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| Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:22:06 AM | | I'd never heard of Hot or Not, but its very name speaks for itself. Like you, I find it too easy to get too attached too soon. It's an innate need to be wanted, I guess. I starte dto say it's in all of us but, obviously its not. You know what you have to do and the sooner and more firmly you do it, the better off you'll be . You know this as well. Hang in there and piss him off by ignoring him if he does call/email/come around. You deserve better than someone like him. You'll find the right one eventually unless you give up. I'm still looking after the "love of my life" said "No" and "Goodbye" almost in the same breath in 1980. I guess you can tell I still miss her. you have my complete support and very best wishes! db37863 | |
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