| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:11:12 PM | | Ok, i have one huge problem when it comes to meeting girls... and thats walking up and initiating a conversation. I am probably one of the most shy guys when it comes to talking to girls. If i know them, im myself, i can talk up a storm, make them laugh, all the good stuff. Just not the ones i dont know, even if they wave, smile, wink, or even when i hear them tell my buddy "tell him to come have lunch with me" (yes that happened last week at work) and i wimped out. This coming from a girl that was very attractive. To say the least im still being made fun of by the guys for it. Ive passed up countless chances with some girls that i would think are too good for me because of my looks. For instance, theres a new girl at my job, almost everyone including the managers are doing their best to get me to talk to her, and shes like REALLY CUTE which is why i cant do it... im not the most self confident person in the world. I need advice from anyone that can give it =\ im tired of missing good chances to meet a decent girl. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:13:07 PM | I think you should practice on people that you are absolutely Not attracted to first. When you get good at it, you got it!!
Sherry | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:19:28 PM | | wouldnt that hurt the feelings of the test girl? Like if he approached her and she got all crazy about him lol backfire | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:20:56 PM | I am very shy too, which is why I had much better luck with online dating.
When I'm out, I hardly ever approach people, however when I am with close friends, I find it easier to talk to and approach men. I guess it's easier when I have my friend there to fall back on. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:27:19 PM | | i do try to have a friend at work back me up, a guy ive known over 2 years, he does it but the way he does it doesnt help lol he laughs from a distance and glares like "i know you aint gonna do it man". i have approached girls before and everything went fine. its just extremely hard for me to muster up that courage. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:28:05 PM | if a man comes on too strong, i'm going in opposite direction...my shyness has me take flight....i dont like men who come onto me in a big way...so hitting on me doesn't work. I usually will look for a shy guy who is less intimidating in order for me to talk to him.
So being shy and being hit on has nothing to do with each other. It's funny because online people do not think i'm shy, and they are usually very surprised when they meet me in person and I have a hard time making eye contact even. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:28:30 PM | Practice, practice, practice...on everyone you see.
Young, old, male, female, fat, thin, at the bus stop, the cash register, in an elevator, on a train...you get the idea...
Once you're at ease with just naturally striking up a conversation, it'll all fall into place.
No need to be coy, no need to immediately guage their interest.
That's the whole secret right there - being relaxed about it.
HnH  | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:46:30 PM | Well I strike up conversations all the time with people I'm not interested in. It's only the attractive men I am wanting to get to know that I have problems with. It's very weird...but I was a very shy kid and just continued with it. However, I got over a lot of my shyness when I went back to college at age 28. I spoke my mind in class, added to conversations and discussions....I didn't know these people and that made it easier to speak up. I didn't care what they thought so much. I still can get very nervous speaking in front of my peers though.
You just have to keep practicing I guess.
But some men have found it very cute that they can make a woman in her late 30's/early 40's blush. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/21/2008 6:57:38 PM | | I can do that also. Its the ones i have a semi interest in i have my problems with. Of course if i do talk to a girl im physically attracted to but she turns out to be not what i like personality wise i just be friends. I do respect myself enough to know what i like :). Eevryone, men and women, at work tell me the same thing. Just say something like "hey how are you? your new right? you like the people so far?", just something casual. As you said earlier raiderfan18, being hit on right away turns you away, i never do that. But in my eyes, if i just approach a girl and strike up a conversation, most girls know when their attractive, so if i do that, i think that they think im hitting on them in a friendly way. So im nervous that no matter what they'll think right off the bat im putting the moves on them. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:21:47 PM | I can feel for you. I have no problem with men I'm not interested in,but if I am I get a case of lock jaw. I hate it. So if we go out and I just stare at you do something like fart real loud. I will then talk your ears off. Do not be charming!! | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:38:39 PM | | Akiros, come spend a weekend with me. You will no longer be shy. :) Seriously, just try to relax and enjoy yourself. Maybe easier said than done, I am FAR from shy...maybe I can not have much in put on this. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:52:56 PM | | I used to be really shy (still kindof am). But I made the decision to fake not being shy until my shyness went away. I guess I must be really good at faking not being shy, because people never believe me when I say that I am. Just convince yourself NOT to be shy. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:58:00 PM | | I went through a period for a few months where i forced myself, and i was proud of myself for doing it. I think ive been on my bad streak since my ex cheated on me. Ive been single since then, over 2 years ago, ive dated of course but ive been shy ever since then. I guess i'll have to try to force myself once again and see where it takes me. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:20:39 PM | | Akiros I understand what you are going through and how you feel I use to be very shy myself, back in the day....You have to first understand that most women will not approach a man...You and only you have to initiate the interaction...He who hesitates masturbates It's not easy, first you have to get over your fear of rejection...Thats where that shyness comes from, it's a natural self defense mechanism...Like I said it's not easy but some how you need to get it in your head that you don't care if a woman rejects you...My fear is big groups of women, because not only are you under the scrutiny of one, but many...Just remember women want to be approached, they want us to talk to them...If you want to get over that shyness and boost your confidence email me...I have a good read for you that I know will help you...I just don't want to put it out there for everyone to see... | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:28:54 PM | actually dealt with this myself and continue to do so.
it's just a matter of overcoming your basic aversion to a stressful situation.
girls truely do not appreciate the balls it takes a guy who is a not a natural ladykiller to just walk up and even just try to initiate conversation, let alone flirt with her.
it's a confidance thing.
which is another thing girls don't get at all. it takes alot more intestinal fortitude to work from a position of weakness and overcome a lack of confidance than it does to operate from an advantageous position to start with | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:36:11 PM | as an actualy helpful strategy---and this will totally turn off any girl reading this---i use something i picked up reading about a german ace named erich hartman.
he had this stratagey he called see-decide-attack-repeat.
you see a girl you want to talk to.
decide if you're going to approach her and how. this is the time to consider any factors like is she with a guy, is she wearing a ring, does she already have a drink, how are you going to approach her, what tactics will you use, ect.
roll in and give it your best shot. best way to learn how is to practice.
either carry on happily or repeat the process until you make some progess. if you feel discouraged or start feeling negative, back off, either leave or just go do something else, girls can read those vibes.
now, i haven't had much luck period, but i'm a totally yutz to start with and have a knack for poor selection. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:42:05 PM | My reason for being shy was always that I couldn't imagine why someone who was clearly content doing their own thing, would ever want me to come over and "pester" them. If, by any small chance, that's the same as you...don't worry about it! Any nice, sane girl will feel flattered that someone as cute as you took the time out of his day to walk over and say hi. And no, she won't automatically assume that you're hitting on her, unless you really make it obvious (complimenting her looks, being touchy-feely, etc).
And I agree with holigolightly...fake it 'til you make it! A good way to practice is chatting up members of the opposite sex who you meet in "non-threatening" social situations. Ask the Starbucks barista how her day is going, the girl on the bus next to you for the time, or the librarian if she can recommend a good author. The more you turn approaching women into something normal and mundane, the easier it will become.
Good luck! | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/23/2008 3:28:46 AM | at the risk of sounding heartless.....
i'm of the opinion that shyness is a combination of a tad too much self-absorption and a smidgen of poor self-esteem, something many of us have to one degree or another when it comes to one skill or the other (heck, sometimes it's just the day of the week).
also, repeated failures will reinforce those perceptions.
so maybe.....you become really really good at one or two things you enjoy, and meanwhile spend more time thinking about others and how you can be helpful to them. not a short-term solution but it could pay big dividends for many years to come.
was that too heartless, i hope not. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/23/2008 7:11:38 AM | I'm not sure your advice is of great use wishfulthinking, if like me, the guy chooses things to get good at that don't involve meeting other people, he's not going to gain a great deal of confidence.
He needs to learn how to put his shyness/nerves aside, and go take the risk of trying to talk to a complete stranger. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/23/2008 12:11:32 PM | | Thanks for all the advice everyone. and wishfulthikin that wasnt heartless no. because your right, i do have self confidence issues. i believe pretty much every girl is out of my league or too good for me etc. because i have been turned down by girls likes 95% of the time and after a while of the same thing you think its just going to happen again and again. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/23/2008 12:13:41 PM | | oh but im not self absorbed at all lol i always think about other people, not just myself. | |
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| How do i get over being shy??
Posted: 8/23/2008 1:22:49 PM | Just pretend they are naked and try to keep your tongue inside of your mouth. (lol)
Wait a second, we are not talking about stage fright right? (Maybe we are)
You have to change your way of thinking because you have become intimidated
by the sight of a pretty girl. These women are just as human as you are buddy so
use your strengths. If you have a good sense of humor.......use it. Besides, these
women have seen every strategic move by the opposite sex and truly enjoy the chase
when somethinhg new is incorporated. | |
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