| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:11:32 PM | I read your profile and you say you are independent and artistic. For me that means in a lot of cases people are self absorbed and feel that they can say and do whatever they want.
You acted like a diva; an arrogant one at that. If any woman called me gay or a princess I'd blow her off in 2 seconds.
You disrespected him; what if he said, you are too skinny, or I wish you had bigger breasts. You would have ripped him apart and so would women on this site. Well you pretty much questioned his manhood; something a woman should NEVER do. You made him feel like crap and then you say, no kissing or cuddling; are you serious?
Many people need to think before opening their mouths. They feel "independent" and that being blunt is cool but all it is insensitive and rude.
Real men don't allow themselves to be disrespected; you are only telling us a little bit but I'm sure you complained all the time.
For you to even think this is his fault or his personality is at fault is scary and extremely self absorbed. What man wants a nagging, criticizing diva. The answer? NONE.
You need to mature and realize that people want to date someone that they feel comfortable with and that they know are for them. If you can't be nice and nag and complain so much, then you are in big trouble. Humble yourself and realize you really need to change your nagging and negativity. Attraction only goes so far. Good luck. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 1:16:57 PM |
Hello Juicy8,
I have learned the hard way that after a breakup as hard as it is we must put the past behind us and move forward. It really doesn't matter who did what. The important thing is that you are taking responsibility for your part in the mistake department.
I have found that when one dream doesn't work out, it is time to chase another dream that you can make come true.
Good Luck To You,
Gentle Healing Hugs, Lauren
lol; i wish all women were this kind to the guys that make mistakes; wow;
You can't leave the past behind. When you breakup you have to realize what happened and try to improve yourself.
And she didn't take full responsibility; her very question is "is it my fault" and questioned whether it might be HIS personality. At her age she should know for sure you dont nag and be negative. Words hurt and sometimes they destroy a relationships.
The OP in my opinion needs to take the blame and fall on the sword and realize she was a nagging mean spirited person to this guy. She needs to be 1000 times more sensitive and realize her words can build up or break up a relationship.
It's good she realizes she was wrong, but I hope she realizes how much real men hate to be ripped apart all the time. Thanks. | |
|
| is it all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 4:59:39 PM | | after all I have done? you must be kiddin', aren't you? | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:19:38 PM | Juicy8,
You shouldn't beat yourself up for the rest of your life. On the other hand try to follow the golden rule and treat others like you want to be treated.
Getting criticized is never pleasant. If you have some constructive criticism, present it in a positive, loving way and it is more likely to be accepted.
I can see that you may have an edgy sense of humor that others have a hard time "getting".
If you kid around with love in your heart, things will go smoother.
Now if you had said "are you gay?, well I know how to turn you back", laughed and gave him a hot kiss I think he would be less likely to be upset.
My 2 cents,
Jim | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:31:54 PM | thanks Jim ,
we were on the phone though...
and btw, you see I never said a thing like that before to a guy... I do not wanna be petty here but looking at the wise saying... you see I'd personally never get offended if the guy said to me " are you gay"... I am sure I would laugh...
now I am not. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 5:38:37 PM | | It is your fault because you are the one saying these things but what you said may not be so bad depending on HOW you said it. Tone means alot, I had a girlfriend ask me one time if I was gay when I was heading out with my best friend and I gave her a big, deep kiss, no problems there. The princess remark, again, would be no big deal with me, but I was called alot worse while in the navy. After some of the names I got called in there it's pretty hard to ruffle my feathers anymore. You mentioned criticizing him a few times, and the fact that you acknowledged being critical of him tells me that they were not just jokes. You are very pretty, thin and have alot going for you but so do many women in your part of the world and I'd bet that quite a few are not so critical of a good man when they get one. I was in Europe in 1998 and saw some astounding women in Belgium, Denmark and Germany, Italy too, hell, every country I was in, I would put up with alot less than it sounds like you were dishing out to your boyfriend if I were him. Good luck with the next one and think about how you'd feel if a guy criticized you in the same manner. If you really wouldn't mind than maybe you need to find a guy who is tougher and will take it as well as dish it back. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:03:00 PM |
I see that you're slim, beautiful, blonde, and smart, everything a lot of men are looking for. I'd agree with slim, beautiful, but smart? Educated doesn't mean smart...and I wonder if she can learn it.
For me it sounds like OP didn't have too much experience in communicating with people. And she's a teacher?
I didn't think. I just said it. I would not think that the consequences would be so disatrous :-( | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:09:51 PM | Juicy8,
You could just have an edgy sense of humor that he didn't get. This could easily happen over the telephone. Some people are also more sensitive than others. You said he was from another country, there could be some cultural differences there too. I am generally thought of as very funny but in India no one got it.
Asking a man if he's gay, is generally offensive. Since you have asked the question on the forum, I think you are genuinely remorseful. Men and women really are quite different.
Once a woman asked me if men really have "feelings". It turns out that many of them do.
It could also be that he was having a bad day already and your comment hit him hard.
In the end it doesn't matter if you had no bad intentions making the comment. The fact is that it hurt him. You need to apologize for offending him and then maybe something good can come out of this.
Jim | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:31:13 PM |
you see I'd personally never get offended if the guy said to me " are you gay"
Of course if a man says to a woman about being gay, it is ok. Now if a man called you a lesbian and you aren't, you might have reason to be upset.
Is English your first language? Is English his first language? Accents cause pronunciations to sound different or not as intended.
As it says you are looking for a long term, I am guessing communication with him is over. Best of luck here | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 10:56:20 PM | | I think people are overreacting in this thread, just like that guy overreacted. Some guys would just start pretending to be gay if someone said that to them, and play it up with their male friend. I don't see the big deal here, and I bet you there were other issues involved with him wanting to break up. I wouldn't worry about it too much. But I would suggest that a guy wants to be with a woman who makes him feel good about himself when he is with her. Perhaps it wasn't just criticizing "a few times" but something that he felt was constant, in which case, he just couldn't handle it. It is probably meant as just playful teasing on your part, but if he takes it as criticism (every person wants the person they have strong feelings for to adore them and admire them, not look down on them), then it's not going to work out. Date people that you genuinely admire and don't feel like putting down. That's the only solution I think if you have a tendency towards criticism. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:04:12 PM | you make too much of it. A real man would have torn off your pants and taken you now, in front of god and the Bhudda. But it does take a special mAN TO DEAL with all the pshcho chicks now. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 11:04:30 PM | | you make too much of it. A real man would have torn off your pants and taken you now, in front of god and the Bhudda. But it does take a special mAN TO DEAL with all the pshcho chicks now. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/23/2008 6:14:03 AM | Sushi-Girl:
Telling someone and treating someone as if they over-reacted to something they found offensive makes the other person feel as though you do not care about their feelings.... Following it up with the "princess" remarks only probably sealed that deal. - teasing someone and calling them names only makes it much much worse, because now you have offended somone and following up with ridicule about how they felt.
We don't know other people's specific boundaries until they tell us in some way (i.e. reaction) at that point the mature way to handle it is to apologize to the person. To say to someone either directly or indirectly that "you over-reacted" is saying that the rest of the world should view as you do and if you do not - you are wrong. No one's feelings are wrong - period... Now, later on I might think that I over-reacted to someone and tell them so, but at the particular point in time... This is how I feel and that should be respected. It is up to me to decided if I over-reacted. Others cannot tell me how I should or shouldn't feel.
I am sure there are things that you would find offensive that others would not.. should how you feel be blown off because others wouldn't find it offensive. Nope
In a sense you are correct though.. it probably wasn't as much about the gay/princess line as it was a strong indication that she does not have respect for what he thinks is important in life, and might end up being ridiculed in the future when there were differences. People do not always agree but respecting other's ways, feelings, etc.. is crutial in finding the balance in the relationship. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 3:58:54 AM | | you deserve nothing less than to be ignored for your remarks........so i am not adding anything else, just wanted to give you my contempt for being the complete manipulative 'B' | |
|
| |
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 4:34:38 AM | A real man would have torn off your pants and taken you now
No, a real man would have gathered her sh!t up and tossed it - and her - to the curb immediately.
Is it all your fault? Absolutely. Anyone in their right mind knows you don't say sh!t like that to a guy unless you are trying to hurt them. And you KNOW that, and did it anyway. That's like calling a woman a slutty, cheating whore, and then saying "oh, I was just kidding". | |
|
| |
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:37:10 AM | Would you like being constantly called Skinny,or fat... or foolish or even lesbian.. ?
Why would you ridicule someone you supposedly care about ... whether in public or in private... so in answer to your question...
Yes ...it is your fault... learn from it. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 5:48:48 AM | | Women tend to be critical of the guy they are with when they feel they want to move on, typically petty stuff but it's often to be honest abusive, most guys won't say anything because guys don't b1tch and are accustomed to this behavior from some women. It sounds like you did this and more, you were very abusive, honestly he probably took it for as long as he could then said he hasd enough when you started to attack his manhood. I'm not perfect but if a woman starts to become critical I will walk if it goes on for too long, it sounds like he did the same. There are some things you can't take back and abuse over a long period of time is one of them. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 7:37:56 AM | | No one likes to be criticized constantly or accused of being 'effeminate' for having male freinds. "Are you a gay?" That is one of the rudest comments I have ever heard. You are a low class bigot. | |
|
| is is all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:13:19 AM | After stumbling through this post
I get it
You put him down
He split
I don't blame him | |
|
| is it all my fault?
Posted: 9/25/2008 8:32:38 AM | | Is not your fault! did he answered the question? you must have reasons why you thought he was gay! my ex's ex wife told me my then fiance had had relationships with men while they were married and I didn't believed her until I noticed him spending too much time with his "friends" and putting them ahead of my needs I asked him the same question he didn't answered it but the writing was on the wall and I walked way and to this day I know in my heart and because of his behaviour that his ex was telling the truth! so sometimes is not inappropriate to ask if you suspect that he may be gay your life literally is on the line! | |
|
Home
login 
