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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 1:40:27 AM | nikinikaia wrote:
I've heard some ladies say that the gentlemen they meet are very attractive, seem to pleasant and have a sense of humor, but when they try to engage them in a conversation they feel like it is up to them to carry the conversation which results in being the great inquisitor.
With that said:
When you are conversing with the lady, are you actually engaged in the conversation?
In other words, are you actively contributing to the conversation (there was a comment about give and take) so that she doesn't have to carry the conversation by asking questions of you?
Or is your interaction short, sweet and to the point? (One liners, one or two word responses)
This ties back in with the willingness to share yourself question.
I have found that, the more compatible a woman, the more easily and naturally the conversation flows, and (so) the more willing I usually am to divulge more of myself. | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 1:50:15 AM | I tend to Get most of my cards out on the table from the start, that way it saves so much wasted time ... mind you the dust trails are still settling
Except me for who i am, otherwise please dont waste my time
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 2:18:15 AM | OP
It is really a feel in the relationship. It is all in the timing and the individual relationship. Does this mean that I would ever cry on a woman's shoulder or constantly b!tch and whine like women say they want us to open up? Hell no!
When the time is right I will share my hopes and dreams so she knows what I am doing and why. I will over time share different pieces of my life and who I am both through words and actions, but I will never turn into a sniveling weenie sharing all my "emotions" and all that crap. That is one of those things I say to women "be careful what you ask for, you might just get it and it is called a nice guy"  | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 4:45:22 AM | You know what in all honesty i've NEVER been completely relaxed with anyone. Don't know if it's just me not being 100% comfortable or whether it's down to the other person but it's never happened.
Hope it will sometime i'm sure if ur with the person you're supposed to be with then the whole relationship should come naturally and easily and you should feel relaxed and comfortable being who you are, but we shall see  | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:27:19 AM | The majority of us (men and women) "share" more of who we are thru our actions than words. Anyone can say anything,,but our actions will always reveal our true selves. I personally can talk the ear off of an elephant when I get going, but people get a better understanding of who I am thru the things that I do. The only problem with this is that the "people" have to hang around long enough to see those things that I do,,,do. Nowadays it seems that a lot don't have that "time". | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 6:57:08 AM | Fantastic - you guys are awesome!
Along the lines of compatibility - for those of you who have been married before:
Did you find that after a certain point in the marriage you stopped divulging your inner thoughts, became more reticent to share what you were thinking and feeling when things became strained between you and your spouse? (Such as when there has been prolonged estrangement, arguments, etc.)
If so, did you return to being able to share again once the stress had been resolved? Or did you continue to refrain from sharing, for whatever reason?
Thanks! | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 7:40:35 AM |
The majority of us (men and women) "share" more of who we are thru our actions than words. Anyone can say anything,,but our actions will always reveal our true selves.
I have to agree, anyone can say anything about themselves but the true way is by their actions. I would never talk about my feelings. Why? Women expect men to to be men, to be strong! How the heck can you be strong if you're talking about your feelings? How can one talk about fears if you are expected to be strong? To be strong one has to focus on the positive not the fear. | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:06:58 AM |
When you are conversing with the lady, are you actually engaged in the conversation?
In other words, are you actively contributing to the conversation (there was a comment about give and take) so that she doesn't have to carry the conversation by asking questions of you?
Or is your interaction short, sweet and to the point? (One liners, one or two word responses)
Huh?? What is this, 7th grade? When I'm meeting someone, why WOULDN'T I engage in full conversation? That's the time to do it, isn't it? Why sit there like a shlub firing off one liners in response to her questions? By the same token, if I'm the only one giving complete answers or the main one carrying the conversation, then I start to think that this may not be the girl for me. I'm looking for someone who is outgoing and confident enough with herself to be able to constructively participate in the conversation. Otherwise, it just seems like a complete waste of time.
On the other hand, if this is an "established relationship" and the conversation goes from full-on to one word or bits & pieces, then I'd suspect that there's another reason for it and would want to find out why.
Either way, COMMUNICATION is the backbone of any relationship (new OR old). Without it, it's not really a relationship, is it?
At least that's MY opinion. | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:21:34 AM |
Either way, COMMUNICATION is the backbone of any relationship (new OR old). Without it, it's not really a relationship, is it?
Absolutely correct. And I have no problems sharing myself if the other party is INTERESTED in getting to know me. | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 8:26:57 AM |
When you are conversing with the lady, are you actually engaged in the conversation?
Yes! But there is a catch, I am engaging from a mans perspective, and that tends to be very different than the average womans perspective. Here is an example: In my "interview" process that I use to help determine compatability, I have some questions SPECIFICLY designed AND worded to be simple YES or NO answers. It is the RARE woman that is able to answer them with a YES or NO. It is almost a given, it will be several sentences, in many cases an entire paragraph. I must admit, it does nearly drive me insane at times, sitting there waiting for three or four minutes for the answer to such a simple question.
This is what I suggest to the ladies that are "having a problem" with this. I will guess that in many cases YOU are also asking YES or NO questions, expecting ME to answer like YOU most likely would. If this is the case, the problem does not come from him/me, but rather your "framing" of your question. If you want more than a yes or no answer, then DO NOT ask a yes or no question to the average man, because that is exactly what you will get, yes, or no, and likely nothing more.
Or is your interaction short, sweet and to the point? (One liners, one or two word responses)
Here again, the answer is generally going to be yes, we will generally say what needs to be said using the least amout of words possible. So do not ask yes or no questions in your conversations.
Thanks!
For what it was worth, you are very welcome.
Best wishes
OFMM | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 9:56:33 AM | "Did you find that after a certain point in the marriage you stopped divulging your inner thoughts, became more reticent to share what you were thinking and feeling when things became strained between you and your spouse? (Such as when there has been prolonged estrangement, arguments, etc.)
If so, did you return to being able to share again once the stress had been resolved? Or did you continue to refrain from sharing, for whatever reason?"
Sorry, trick question...
we were discussing fresh starts in the original topic, this is turning into an analysis of the autopsy ..
But to play along- somewhere along year 4 of a 16 year marriage, I realized we had little in common, and little to discuss- so yeah, as most men I climbed into a bunker mentality, engaged in outside pursuits and generally tried to ignore the obvious but by then there were kids in the equation and I had a sense of duty to the family..
But I soon realized as with all people who have little respect and little concern for anything but keeping score, in dealing with them it's better to hold your cards close to the vest.. and that's why I put in eight or so years living with someone I really didn't want to be with..
A person is an aggregate of their own experiences- they can either learn from them, or avoid repeating them- but to expect they never are affected is irrational.. | |
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| Guys, do you feel comfortable sharing who you really are?
Posted: 8/24/2008 10:47:39 AM |
"Sorry, trick question...
we were discussing fresh starts in the original topic, this is turning into an analysis of the autopsy .. "
Zone, it was not intended as a trick question in any stretch of the imagination.
The question was intended to further explore the mechanics of communication men use to further, maintain or restore a relationship with someone they are beginning to or do care about.
So, please accept my apology for not framing the question correctly.
To put all minds at ease, these questions are being asked simply to further my (as a woman) understanding of how, and increase my ability, to interact/communicate with the opposite gender more successfully.
As one poster has pointed out, communication is the foundation for all relationships.
Thanks for all of the insightful responses and sincerity. | |
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