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| Is love dead?
Posted: 10/25/2008 7:32:17 AM | No love is not dead. It is just hiding in a closet somewhere.
I share your problem of wanting to date men my own age, however, men my age (45) want someone 10-20 years younger as well. I have tried to go older, last man I spoke with was 57 and farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too old for me and a bit of a drama queen if you want to know the truth, so what is left? The young guns.
I get a lot of emails from men who are in their 20's and 30's and up until now, I have pretty much said, thank you, you are adorable, however you are far too young for me. However, now I am at the point of frustration with men my own age that if I don't start to consider younger men, I could very well end up on my own.
I will never become so bitter and jaded that I engage in FWB relationship, I just can't do that, it's not who I am or what I want. I also think everyone should date whatever age they want and if men my age only want younger women, well than I say good luck to you and I hope you find what you are looking for. However that preference shared by men my own age has literally forced me to consider different options that in the past I would have very much frowned upon and one of those options is going younger.
I know what it is to be truly in love and I know in my heart that I will be in love again one day, I just have to open the right door to the right closet and it may just be in the young adults section. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:46:16 AM | | I like the song by Nirvana where the lyrics say "Our love is all we are." | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 10/25/2008 9:34:26 AM | Love itself, nah. It is not even sick. does it visit everyone at the same time or when the want it to? nah. Love has been around since God (which is forever). It moves at its own speed and takes its time. It shows up unannounced and unexpected and changes lives everyday. Are there some folks that dont recognize Love (or mistake him for his second hand cousin Lust) yep. Sorry about there luck. Love is out there and its going to find all of us fishies eventually. Question is will we open the door for love the same way we would for his cousin. I hope when the time comes I answer the door and invite love in. He's a great house guest. However if you ignore him or take him for granted long enough he will leave. He will not be happy about it. He will remind you over and over again but trust me, he will leave. Then one day you wake up and find out that he's left you with nothing but an empty life and/or bed. (his cousin often leaves soon before or soon after he does).  | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 10/25/2008 11:22:51 AM | OP --
You sound a bit world weary. Heck you are in Italy. There is love everywhere.
You have to shake off these doldrums, maybe some grappa would help.
There is nothing that makes a woman more attractive than having a zest for life; embrace it, accept it, explore it.
If you have men 45 after you, then I say let them catch you. WTH, you may teach them a thing or two and they will be eternally grateful. 
Good luck!
Jim | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 10/25/2008 2:04:06 PM | I think it's so romantic to see elderly couples smiling in each others eyes and holding hands. ****sigh***
Did you ever think that maybe we are on a love holiday? When we come back all refreshed love will be there to just knock our socks off.
I hope that's in the future for me. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 11/2/2008 2:01:22 AM | | OP: Based on the answers I've been reading in this thread and based on my experience and what you describe, I think it comes down to that old line, "You've got to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince charming." Or for men, "You've got to try that glass slipper on a lot of feet before you find the one it fits." I do believe the search is more difficult than it used to be, but maybe the reward will be greater. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:11:44 AM | | love can never die, it will always exist | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:24:54 AM |
I share your problem of wanting to date men my own age, however, men my age (45) want someone 10-20 years younger as well. I have tried to go older....
I am at the point of frustration with men my own age that if I don't start to consider younger men, I could very well end up on my own.
I will never become so bitter and jaded that I engage in FWB relationship, I just can't do that, it's not who I am or what I want. I also think everyone should date whatever age they want and if men my age only want younger women, well than I say good luck to you and I hope you find what you are looking for. However that preference shared by men my own age has literally forced me to consider different options that in the past I would have very much frowned upon and one of those options is going younger.
I know what it is to be truly in love and I know in my heart that I will be in love again one day, I just have to open the right door to the right closet and it may just be in the young adults section. .
I pretty much agree with you, smart lass, and find myself in similar straights. Men in their 50's seem not to want women in their 50's, yet younger men seem interested. I've been contacted also by men in their 60's, but these men are too old for me in their thinking...as are, actually, a lot of men in their late 50's and even late 40's. It's a dilema, which makes the whole thing more difficult and complicated. I guess it will all come down to just finding someone compatible and not worrying too much about age. But love itself, is it dead? No. No way. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:38:21 AM | he vast majority of middle aged idiot males on internet dating sites think they can order a woman 10-20 years younger themselves pretty much the same way they can order a pair of new leather boots just by showing up at the right url
Hyperbole yes, but true to some extent. One man, in his 60's, who I had thought was intelligent and thoughtful, wrote on these forums something like 'what is on offer' to him and all the other men here, meaning all the female profiles....all of them...including those 20 and 30 years younger. Just because there are female profiles on here of women in their 20's and 30's it doesn't mean they are offering themselves to middle aged men. And the words 'on offer' in themselves, really suggestive of a certain type of thinking. I wouldn't call men who think this way idiots, but I do think they are being rather foolish and deluded. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:12:09 AM | Love is not dead, for some, perhaps it is just napping. For me it's alive and well. I fall easy, and though it has sometimes had a painful end, I wouldn't change a thing. Garth Brooks song The Dance says it for me. "I could have missed the pain but then I'd have had to miss the dance."
From what I've read in the posts, I don't think I'm the only one who feels that way.
Maybe you've set your love parameters too narrow, or you're planning for love like you do for retirement. Perhaps, you've built a wall, that love is having a hard time scaling.
We each have our own threshholds of pain, including emotional pain. What is unbearable, for you is different then it is for me. Maybe yours is set at twinge, mine seems to be set at catastrophic amputation, because I've felt emotionally broken, and my phsyce has lost a few pints of blood, from time to time. But I take a little time to let the wounds heal over, and when someone new and interesting comes along, I jump off the cliff again.
What can I say, "I love being in love!" For me love is not dead, nor is it napping, it's alive and well knocking at my door this very minute.
"I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance." | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 6:46:56 AM | | Love is alive and well as far as I am concerned. I just turned 66 and recently had a great time with a very hot 40 year old woman on a trip I took. Now that I am back home I am dating a luscious 47 year old blonde. Life is great! | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:05:54 AM | The question is, do we really fall in love? or is it just something that we believe it must be love.
I can say that I was truely in love, once. I know how it feels. I never felt it again, so I would say that I was lying, if I said that I was in love with someone.
I can't believe that someone can be in love over and over again. To me that's just being fake or lying to themselves ("falling easy"); living out a fantasy.
I would say love maybe dormant in my life. If I never get this acqainted love feeling again, then yes, it's dead. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:19:37 AM |
I can say that I was truely in love
I have experienced with one man what I believe was real love, not falling in love, not infatuation, but a real love that grew between us and was based on much more than attraction and passion: he was, in fact, my best friend as well as lover and life companion, someone I could count on and with whom I felt safe and completely accepted. It doesn't happen everyday, and it isn't 'falling in love.' I think, hope it can happen again. I am not interested in anything less. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:25:53 AM | | Ever read the Desideratta Rusty? It's as perenial as the grass. Now is it easy to find a good love, like the one your looking for? No. Heck anyone can find "love" if you lower your standards enough. Now I think you may have a bit of a problem confusing sex with love. Sex on its own is lots of fun. it does not really require love to do that. Now is sex better with someone you love? I think most folks would agree yeah it is. Have we become jaded, most have but being jaded is a choice. Personally i visited hell often enough to be a tour guide and show everyone the hot spots. But those were my choices and the reaction to them were also my choices. I became jaded because I wanted to (or thought I wanted to) become such. Love is out there and wating in the wings. personally i dont want love to find me till im ready. i though i found love, or it found me, in the past only to see it was an illusion or lust or just plain desperation. love is perenial, love is wise and kind. love shows up when you are really ready and not when you think you are. thoughts from an old parrothead | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 10:57:49 AM |
a real love that grew between us and was based on much more than attraction and passion
That's how love should be, something constantly growing larger together in time.
How I fell in love was when our eyes met. I knew something was going on, but I didn't understand why I felt it and it was a strong feeling. We got to know each other, I was casual in the way I acted, she never knew how I really felt about her. Why she never knew? I wanted to know if she felt the same. There was growing pains; a spark, some tension between us, but never a flame - somehow, I think she knew how I felt about her and played into it. Still nieve (those in love are always), I wanted to know if she loved me without asking her. After awhile, I caved, she came to know how I felt and a year later, married someone else.
I wish we've grown together as your experience, ismene. But sometimes, Love is never fair. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 2:28:18 PM | In 1973, still a child, I married another child. Ages 17 and 18, we grew together, and independantly. We parented two beautiful children together. We gave each other roots and wings, we read each others minds. Sometimes he'd look at me and smile and I would be completely swept away by the overwhelming love I had for him. Words weren't neccessary between us we knew each other so well.
He was my partner, my help mate, my lover, my husband, and most of all my best friend. I can sit hear right now, close my eyes and see his smile, hear his voice in my mind, hear his laugh. I can smell his smell. He was mine and I was his fo 19 years, 7 months, and 18 days. And when he died a piece of me died with him.
He was funny, smart, strong and couragous . And I am so much better a person, for his having loved, nurtured and accepted me. I spent many years mourning him, and missing him. Comparing other men to him and finding them lacking. A couple of years ago I realized that my self imposed exile from the world of dating, relationships, and sex was not what he would have wanted for me, and I started dating again and falling in love again.
You see I do know that there is a difference between falling in love, being in love, and loving that one special someone who makes your life richer. I've been there and hope to be there again.
The question was "Is love dead?" The answer is "No it is not dead," not everyone will be blessed with the kind of love, that tears your very soul in half when it's gone. I was afraid to love again because of the fear of that pain. But I'm out here making an effort and living life for all it's worth, including loving and being loved. Because that part of my life, though long gone is worth seeking again. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:28:07 PM | No, love isn't dead. We have become a shallow society or world. What is the first thing a person wants to know? What do you look like. Post your jpeg.
If I posted a picture of a handsome man, and blew smoke up their butts, I would be the most popular person on the board. If I blew smoke up their butts and posted
a # 3 jpeg, I would probally be booted of the board.
There are two things one can do, if your positive you will never see the person and want to have a good chat post a 10.
I like women and I like to look in their eyes, because there is so much more to words than words. I like to hold hands while I talk, there are certain elements to touching a hand.
So love isn't dead, but many of us are, because we try to circumvent the feeling. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:46:48 AM | Dear OP, first, I must comment on the sheer poetry inherent in your post: a question on love, posed by a former garden shop owner who lives in Veneto Italy. (She sighs.) Now in answer to your question: Yes, love exists; it's just that it is more plentiful and apparent in its familial and brotherly forms than in its romantic/erotic version. However, in all its forms, in today's terribly self-centered world, people with the capacity for love are like diamonds and gold ... beautiful but rare. By contrast, and in response to your second question:
Whatever happened to just being there, feeling good and letting it play out to wherever it happens to go? Nothing has happened to this! People with that capacity can be found any and every where. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/18/2009 7:53:10 AM | | I don't believe that love is dead. Even people our age meet and fall for each other. We just are more reserved about the whole thing. I know many could care less if it happened or not. But you never know..................what would you do if it came a knocking. I know I would want to open my heart!!! | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/18/2009 9:33:08 AM | | Yes! I'm quickly coming to this viewpoint!! | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/18/2009 6:46:35 PM | Does love exist anymore? Of course it does but like most things I think our perspective on love evolves as we mature. What do I mean? Well, for one thing I think I had fewer questions when I was younger. Fewer questions about the other person, their expectations, their wants & needs and the same kind of questions about myself. I think this is only natural because we tend to be shaped by our experiences over the years. Anyone who has been married & divorced probably asks themselves … how well do I know this person? Could any of the issues that led to my divorce resurface with this person? Are we compatible? Are our priorities similar or different enough to cause problems down the road? These are all valid questions & most stem from the life experiences that we have collected over the years.
On the other hand … could it be that sometimes we focus so intently on these questions that we miss opportunities to enjoy the time we have to share with the other person? What about the impulsive little things we did when we were younger that enabled us to enjoy the moments & open ourselves up to the possibilities of starting a new relationship. Look, I understand the need to be cautious in this new modern world of ours. Too often we hear horror stories by others who are involved in online dating & it causes us to appropriately pause & assess what we are doing. However, I sometimes wonder if somewhere in our cautious, measured approach we have given up the spontaneity & unexpected delights that made love so wonderful in the past.
While I answered your question I've also raised some additional questions. I guess for me I’ve reached a point where I try very hard to not let all the questions get in the way. At the same time I try very hard to recognize the need that others have to get the answers to their questions. It makes me realize that there is something very natural about all of this too. After all, aren’t good relationships all about compromise? I guess my hope is when we find that special someone we can find our way through compromise to getting the answers to all of our questions as soon as possible so we can turn our focus on enjoying life & sharing it with that other person.
Another great topic … thanks for the opportunity!
Gary | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/19/2009 8:52:32 AM | | No darlin...it's just resting..waiting for the sun to wake it up. Like the song..."The Rose". | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/19/2009 9:21:17 PM | No love is not dead. Sometimes it just takes longer to find us. I have been single/divorced for 6 yrs and although in that time I have had 3 LTR's nothing came of any of them. I had almost given up when I answered an email on here from a local fellow. We met up dated for a month and I got too big for my boots and acted like a princess. He was very busy and could not pay as much attention to me as I wanted. We broke up and I regretted it daily for 4 months. Then I sent out a blanket Xmas email to all of my address book. He replied back 2 weeks later which astonished me - I had not thought he would do so. He told me not a day had gone by when I was not in his mind. He was crushed when we broke up but decided to just give me time and see what happened. My Xmas email gave him the chance to get back in touch. We met up the next day and I am delighted to say we are dating exclusively and are hopefully going to be together always. Things are still busy, our work schedules do not mesh - so I have only seen him three times since we remet but I have more understanding and knowledge of what I might have missed. Someone who is younger than my dating perimeters - only by 2 1/2 yrs and that was a surprise to me. I had originally thought he was the same or older than me by 2 yrs. Someone who makes my heart throb faster when I see him, and when he smiles at me I am so lost.
I married young at 18 and was not in love - I married to escape from home. I stayed married for my daughters' sakes and called it quits after 26 yrs. What I have gone through has made me the person I am today and I am so happy to have found "love" at my age 52. I am on Cloud 9 and it may take a few years to come back down to Earth.
Hugs to all Sally. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 2:17:40 AM | Rusty, lol! I think it *may* be a location issue, to a degree. . . . My four years in China, pretty much limited to a relatively small expat community resulted in my marrying a local guy 16 years younger than me. . . . And I'd just turned 40. So maybe the relocation idea isn't such a bad idea. . . . You could move over to Greece, and see what happens. . . .
Good luck!!
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. Could it be moi 
? Probably =-/... The ever verbal realist, randy, over weight and finding my jowls resting on my chest 
, competing with the east block flood of the young stilettoed , promising eternal subservience until the green card comes thru ;-)....or maybe being someones extramarital on the side has lost some of its glamor? Sigh.......
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