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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 3:29:13 AM | Good Lord I hope not. But OP I do see what you mean. It's been an awful long time, since even being told " I love you" let alone having that feeling.
But then there are days that seems like everywhere I look, I see people in love.
Just haven't seen it for myself.
Now this is going to sound strange but..........
Part of me feels that maybe ( like with a lot of other things ) we only get a certain amount of chances to find and keep that love, and when that chance is gone (whether by your own choice or not) it's gone.
Must be something in the air , as I just had this same conversation with a friend on Sunday lol | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 3:53:21 AM | Though we like to ask these kinds of questions that are not questions... of course we allready know the answers. A resounding, NO. I understand and empathize with what you and others are feeling. I feel it too. But our personal little anecdotal experiences have nothing to do with the magnananimity of something like Love. I see a lot of projecting that goes on in things like these forums. Projecting our personal experiences onto things and people in general. I would caution: beware of villianizing all men... or all women. No matter what our terrible experiences have been. Remember the famous quote (think it was from a famous naval officer?) " I have seen the enemy, and it is us"
I'll share a little personal insight from the mind of a 63 year old man. Yes, I still tend to think in terms of younger women. The numbers keep rising relative to my age... but, yes....usually at least, somewhat younger. Yes, I still fantasize about a beautiful 42 yr old falling for me. I tend to look at the profiles of women in their 50's. You women can call it what you like. It seems to be something built into us. However: we are fully awares at the same time that a partner our age would be just damn great. We know this. You would be wise to accept this valuable information and see it as a challenge rather than a flaw in us. If you believe you are a wonderful partner possibility for us, then tell us darn it. In spite of our inherent dumbness we need to hear this. But I warn you: don't do it with any sarcasm, cynicism or contempt in your behaviors. If you do, you will be writing more posts asking why men your age don't seem to want anything to do with you. We may not like the notion, but we do have to sell ourselves.... just like any good product. Perhaps a little poster I saw hanging in a local tavern really says it all. On a park bench sits a skeleton of a woman in a now ragged and tattered dress: the caption reads: "waiting for Mr. Right" | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 8:20:22 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^...............................
Pinebreeze...
We project our personal experiences onto these threads.. good or bad.. as that is the best tool we have to relate with one another.
I doubt many men with my criteria.. ie. in my area.. even so much as look at the posts in the forums.. or even know there IS a forum on this site. They seem to all be looing for love with the wrong head.. like a bunch of horny teenagers. Looking for sex.. and not love. Although.. they state they're looking for a LTR on their profile. LTR by whose diefinition then?
My last e-mail.. was from a man asking me if I was into sub-dom? Now.. had he read any of my posts.. or.. my profile for that matter.. he would have seen that I wasn't into looking for a man for "sex".. but for love. AND.. all that comes with it.. eventually. Eventually being the keyword to that one. Hmmmmmmmm? Now.. what's this about being your own worst enemy?
"Perhaps a little poster I saw hanging in a local tavern really says it all. On a park bench sits a skeleton of a woman in a now ragged and tattered dress: the caption reads: "waiting for Mr. Right"
I'm sure that most of us have seen this.. and similar posters. I.. would prefer being THAT skeleton on the park bench.. than settling for being a bunch of different mens one-night-stands. Thank you very much. Mr Right.. in my area? Doesn't seem to exist.JMO
But..
I'm still gonna keep looking! Hopelessly optomistic? | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 9:50:22 AM | First things first.
If I could just fine "like" and "mutual respect", we could work on the "love" thing.... | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/20/2009 10:19:28 AM | Don't ya know Wooby  .... some place warmer would definitely be an improvement .....these winters seem to get longer every year and the men scarcer... or is that younger and less experienced?
Course with Obama inhouse as of today, maybe the States can gain back some of it's long lost luster  .... she's kinda like me at the moment, a little woebegone, rode long and hard, wore out and put up wet....but there may still be a little gallop left in the old girl yet.... shall we try for Karmic Renewal Version #743? 
Back at ya darlin'  | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/21/2009 8:36:26 PM | Rusty ~~ karmic renewal on the way, lol!
Remember the famous quote (think it was from a famous naval officer?) " I have seen the enemy, and it is us"
Walt Kelly's most famous creation is "Pogo" and his most famous phrase is "We have met the enemy and he is us," a rallying cry for a generation of conservationists.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/49/Pogo_-_Earth_Day_1971_poster.jpg
 | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:05:53 AM | Love? How about someone that just wants to be a friend? How about a male over 50 that does not flake out and cancel a simple date? Or how about spend time with someone . Get along and he does not call for 10 days ?
Love? Long term?
I have no clue what those terms are when dealing with males my own age | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:21:06 AM |
Love? How about someone that just wants to be a friend? How about a male over 50 that does not flake out and cancel a simple date? Or how about spend time with someone . Get along and he does not call for 10 days ?
Doesn't call for 10 days? Sadly, he's just not that into you... | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:35:31 AM | And does this not mean that you did not call him for 10 days either?????..........
Things come up, family situations take priority, work, etc., and dates will be interrupted, but do they have to be canceled? Would it not be in your best interest, as well as his, to understand that life happens, and you would like to make that date happen as well, so here are some other possibilities?
This is a two way street, and we are not little children needing a crossing guard get across that street....... We are certainly mature enough to make sure that dating and relationships are as equal as possible. How hard would it have been to offer him two other times that you were free to make sure that the date COULD happen????
How difficult is it to pick up your cell phone and text him a message that you were thinking about him and looking forward to seeing each other soon? How hard would it be to email him and tell him that it would be a pleasure to make his life easier by inviting him over for a nice dinner and some conversation about what your perceptions are compared to his, and maybe the both of you find some reality?
This has little to do with love, and much more to do with understanding one another, and believing deep down, that what you want is an equal opportunity relationship.....
Life is to short to play all these courting games on both sides, and what does love have to do with that in the first place........is that not the part that comes much later if lucky?
Just my opinion........   | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/22/2009 11:07:09 AM | Life is to short to play all these courting games on both sides, and what does love have to do with that in the first place........is that not the part that comes much later if lucky? I do agree with this....there is no point in playing games, period, no matter how long life is. Games with lovers, family, friends, co-workers, anyone at any time. The trouble is that people often don't realize they are playing games. Manipulative behavior is something taught from the moment we emerge from the womb. Finding someone who really tries to be open and honest all the time, who makes a conscientious effort to avoid any kind of manipulation--this type of person is difficult to find: people lie to themselves as well as to others.
Courting is nice, but to me it doesn't include game playing. So please don't sully the concept of courting. But certainly, game playing: can't stand it. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/22/2009 12:42:30 PM | Is love dead? No it’s not Rusty, in these forums however; it’s barely hanging on by life support. It seems at times like so many here are waiting for the perfect match, for someone else to prove them selves, or to go first. The success’s retire from the over 45 forums and at times, it seems the curmudgeons are the only ones left.
Love is where we see it, it’s all around, it’s just that tunnel vision keeps us to our own set view of it. Who cares if one is younger or older? If everything else is in place, run with it! Has anyone ever gained it all by playing it safe? | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 8:24:08 AM | Is love dead? I think this question has been around for as long as has been the question 'is God dead?' Love, of course, will never die. God, whether a reality or an illusion, will always exist in the hearts of humankind (well, except in the Czech Republic, where everybody is an atheist, or so I'm told, lol), as will love. Romantic love has, in fact, always been illusive. I think we have a nostalgic vision of what love and romance were for previous generations, or what it was when we were younger. Sometimes, it seems,though it is not dead, it is, for some reason, taking cover somewhere.  | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:25:39 AM | Life has gotten to be too complicated, difficult and dangerous for there to be able to be
enough openess or trust left for love. The risk is too great. People are more worried about money, posessions, ego, societal placement, success etc. to take the risk of making the wrong move. Things go bad way too often. Plus, a committed relationship
cuts off other opportunities for something better looking, more money,more social status. There are way too many opportunists and abusers to allow any kind of in depth
relationship with trust to be able to form or grow. Anotherwords, not going there, not going to take the risk.
So what is left. We as humans deep down still have the desire and need to be touched, cared for, be close, emotionally, physically. Not having those needs met often feel a bit like being starved. So what happens. We can`t take the isolation any more, eventually have a weak moment, a night of passion, to fill that emptiness. It`s a fix, because we know that the real thing is almost unattainable and non existant in this society.
I think everyone just feels safer, possibly satisfying this desire occasionally. Then in the light of day, go back to your safe isolated life, not having to take the risks involved with having another involved in your life. Also. older women realize that often men want nothing beyond sex, so why invest any more of yourself? To be emotionally rejected and hurt?
I think many of us have just resigned to the fact that it has become a very cold a heartless world. People do not care about eachother. So we make the best of our existence here, grab a few moments of happiness, and fantasize about the fufillment of
a love privately in our minds, knowing full well that it probably is not going to happen. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 9:40:24 AM | | You live in a very bad place desertflower. Your posts are so extreme, I sometimes wonder if they are for real. If they are, that is, if you are serious and sincere with what you are posting, I would say, having some knowledge of the condition, that you are, in fact, clinically depressed. Your 'vision' of reality is not a healthy one. I would at least go to a doctor and discuss this issue. Then at least you could find out if you are. If you're not and I'm wrong, okay. If you are, it would be nice to get some help. Indeed, life is not what you describe. And trust me, I am in no way a pollyanna....I am far, far from that. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:15:48 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^This is my reality. This is what I have seen and lived, as have many other women. I do not sugar coat, make nice, or cover up what is real in order to be a "nice lady" to get dates on POF. If I want to get a date, I can, no problem.
Maybe the romance the "fantasy" is gone out of my life. Maybe I am the one living in reality. Maybe I am the only one who will say it the way it has been for me, rather than making nice so a man will like me. I really don`t care if a man likes me or not any more.
For alot of women, who have been through Hell because of men, they cover it up, it is not to be spoken of, we aren`t supposed to "say" anything. I say something. I`m not going to sit back and blindly say "Oh, maybe some day my night in shining armour will come along with great care, capable of love, concern, sensitivity, and fill my life with love." Yeah, I will admit, I do believe that there are a few men out there that are really quality, and are capable of these things. But it is definitely not the majority.
Maybe some women have been lucky to be spared what the majority of us have been through. Maybe most of us whitewash things, forget, a coping skill so you are capable of handling life and moving on. I choose to learn and remember what can happen when you are with a bad man, so I don`t have more of the same.
And I haven`t. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:23:52 AM | Well, I DEFINITELY do not say things to make myself more appealing to men. I only say what I think. At all times, always, whether anybody likes it or not. I certainly don't pretend to be something I'm not to attract men: I've never done that, never even thought that way.
I believe you have had some bad times with men, but those bad times can cause some kind of trauma and bitterness that needs to be dealt with instead of hung on to. A person can change her life. I know, I've done it.
I have not completely escaped having difficulty with relationships, nor with life. However, you can choose to hang on to the experiences and believe that is what life is like, or you can allow or give your self the chance to heal. I don't whitewash anything, desertflower. That is the point I'm trying to make to you. Your vision of life is very dark and painful. That is not what life needs to be. All men are not awful,not anymore than all women are: some are, some aren't. You can chose misery or you can chose to move away from it. Your choice. Not whitewashing anything. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:44:33 AM | This is totally the point. By becoming educated, wary, and trying to understand the male animal, you can protect yourself from any further harm. I have had no extreme
detrimental drama now for 5 years, no tears because of a man, why, because I keep my eyes open.
When I share stories about interactions I have with men on a daily basis that are basically ludicrous at times, I promise you, they are true. I think they are hilarious.
But it is nice to share these stories of what we deal with and what we have to filter through on a daily basis. I know they sound unbelievable. That is because most women don`t tell them.
There was an interesting story on TV about Saudi Arabia. They were interviewing a woman about the segregation of family from single men in public. She found it quite preposterous that in America, it was viewed that the women were being prejudiced against by this separation. She shared that if anything, they felt fortunate that they were being spared having to deal with single men because they could act so badly, and if anyone was being segregated from society, it was single men, because of their sometimes inappropriate behavior. I found this really interesting. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:53:35 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^.............................................
I think there are those of us posters with personalities that make us appear more positive than others.. and some.. more negative.
Especially in type. For instance.. in real life.. I'm much more  bouncy.. then I ever appear in the forum.
It's pretty apparent to me.. that anyone on a dating site.. whether it's for just the dating area.. just the forum area.. or in both areas.. there is something or other that's missing in each of our lives. If we weren't we wouldn't be here.. at all.
I also think we've been told for soooo long that we should always try and remember the best parts of our past relationships. Especially where children were a part of the "healing process". Not dwell on the negative.
For those that have been widowed.. my sincerest sympathies goes out to you.
However.. this IS a dating site.. and hope does spring eternal.. doesn't it?
Well.. at least it does for me. I'll remain positive.. all the while remembering the horrible marriage I escaped from with my life.. barely. But.. I'm not gonna dwell on that part of my past. I'm gonna continue to think positive.. and hoping all the way.. that there is someone.. just "some one" out there.. that "wants" to love me and is "willing" to give me all the love I have.. and want.. to give him.JMO | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 10:57:47 AM | Well, desertflower, I have lived in the Middle East and I am familiar with how these women live. I used to visit a princess regularly. She had a separate home from her husband, a home for her and the children. She lived completely separately from him. I would not want to do that. The stories you tell, while they may be true, are not the norm, is what I am getting at. Why you have had such men in your life, I don't know; we all have had bad experiences with the opposite sex at one time or another, or, most or many have; however, it does not have to be a continual pattern. You can get out of that pattern because all men are not like that, most are not.
We do create our own realities. Our perspective determines our reality. It is not a matter of becoming blind or refusing to see reality, it is a matter of creating a life full of good, positive people and experiences.
You think most women are not talking about how bad it is because they don't want to talk about it. I believe most women don't go on and on about it because it is not a continuous experience for them.
You think I am saying these things because I want to attract men. Not true. At all. I am saying these things, and I know it isn't my place to do so, but I am saying them because I am witnessing what I believe to be a disturbed individual, and it is sad and painful to see it. I am trying to help you, though I shouldn't presume to do so. Most people won't do that because it isn't really appropriate or they don't want to get involved, or they really don't feel it is their place. So, if you are offended, I'm sorry,but I don't do things to be popular or to be accepted. It's what I think. I've been reading your posts for months now, and they are painful and sad. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:00:48 AM |
This is totally the point. By becoming educated, wary, and trying to understand the male animal, you can protect yourself from any further harm. I have had no extreme
detrimental drama now for 5 years, no tears because of a man, why, because I keep my eyes open.
If you come across a fabulous man, it is okay to love him with no strings attached. Love is a gift and you gain nothing by hoarding it. The disappointment comes with expectations. So what if you went into it purely for the joy of it and not expecting anything in return?
What if we all stopped looking at their assets and liabilities and just go for the ride? It took me a long time to learn this, but if you offer love sincerely and for the benefit of love itself, which increases the love you have for yourself, the man will not mistreat you unless he is a head case. He may not commit to you, but if you don't expect that, then it doesn't matter. Just love being in the moment and if something happens down the road, whether departure or commitment, then so be it.
Don't deny yourself the pleasure of the pure joy of loving - and the sex that goes along with it - because you are too hung up on the mental tally sheet of rights and slights. Letting go of all the crap will liberate you. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:14:34 AM | ^^^^^^You got it girl, and that is exactly what I have done. I accept men for what they are and don`t expect a thing more. I was never demanding in the first place. I am just more cautious of bad behaviors from the beginning and am just more fine tuned
and not so forgiving of it. All the women in my family used to tell me, "That`s just the way men are, don`t say anything," while dabbing foundation over their black and blue marks.
If anything my hard edge and wary eye have had extremely good results, not a hit, not a curse word thrown my way, no big lies, in over 5 years. Boundaries ladies. Maybe right now I have maybe gone the other way a bit too much and am just not trusting anyone, but I`m sure I will find a medium. But I at least congratulate myself for waking up from the naivety of feeling I have to put up with nasty people. and have learned to survive, without the pain involved in "head case men." | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:40:00 AM |
I accept men for what they are and don`t expect a thing more.
I'm interested here, what are we? I have been dying to know this one. I no longer have to look in the mirror and ask, all I have to do is ask you! At least I know I'm accepted!
Desert flower, there is nothing wrong with being protective as long as your protection doesn't turn in to a prison.
A flower in the desert grows under the most extreme harsh conditions, yet it still blooms because that is it's purpose. It needs no validation for being what it is. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:41:26 AM | I'm with you DessertWildflower. I, too, had to wake up from the naivety that I had to put up with nasty people and getting intertwined with "head cases." Let me clairify the latter--I am not saying that all men are head cases. I just seemed to attract them. That's because I needed to work on MY issues. As such, I do not think love is dead. It's just that there are a lot of people out there who do not love themselves. The older they get, the more they hate themselves. Ergo, these people are not capable of giving and receiving love. At this point, the most important trait a potential mate must have is that he must like and respect HIMSELF. I know he's out there, and I am willing to wait.
On another point, men aren't the only ones just looking to get laid. There are plenty of women who want that, which is very frustrating to the men who are seeking relationships. My, how the tides have changed. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:47:19 AM |
By becoming educated, wary, and trying to understand the male animal, you can protect yourself from any further harm. I think most if not all of the women on the 45+ forums are mature enough,experienced enough, and savy enough to not need to be 'educated' about men. This very negative perspective of the 'male animal' and needing to 'protect' ourselves 'from any further harm' is a sad, warped vision of men and our involvedment with and connection to them. | |
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| Is love dead?
Posted: 1/23/2009 11:59:38 AM |
I'm interested here, what are we? I have been dying to know this one.
Honey, you men are here to please us: make love to us and satisfy us first, take us to dinner, drinks and dancing, watch movies with us, talk to us, fix things for us - and if you watch "Sex and the City" with us, you get bonus points!
We get to have our girlfriend time, shopping time and Secret Single Behavior time while you're off in your man cave or watching sports with your buds. You can also tinker around in your woodshop.
See it's win/win!  | |
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