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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you open you marriage to save it?      Home login  
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 lustre
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 251
Would you open you marriage to save it?Page 11 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
Hi OP,if it works for them all well and good but i find it incredible how if you truly love someone can you see them go off and have sex with someone else.I can't think of anything worse.as i say if it works for them ok but it's definitely not for me.
best wishes.
Lustre
 thelionsden
Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 252
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:38:31 AM
nope
I think it would eventually create far more problems than it could theoretically solve
and besides, I'm an only child, I don't 'share' lol
 ~CountrySugar~
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 253
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:45:39 AM
No!!!! I don't share well..

They may think this is helping, in the end it will be what destroys their marriage!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 254
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:53:33 AM
Ewwww. No, I do not share my man with anyone. If the relationship is broken and you love one another you work at it. It would drive me crazy knowing he was with someone else and I could not imagine anyone other than him kissing me again.

The couple in the OP's first post have obviously found something that works for their unique relationship, but since every one is different I sincerely doubt this solution would work for everyone.
 AnglFlynToCloseToGround
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 255
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 8:56:55 AM
I have to agree with Msg 256 ... YEP .. I know a used to be couple that was together for almost 20 years ... They had a agreement that they would tell each other when and with whom they were fooling around with ... Then she was going fooling around with out his ok ... One thing let to another and it was OVER ...

AnglFlyn
 Drobot
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 256
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:08:46 AM
Let's not confuse an open marriage with swinging.

My wife and I have an open marriage for a number of reasons and it works for us, however there's nothing wrong with our marriage and it's very strong. At the same time, when I'm home (which isn't as often as I want), we have no problem sharing our bed (or theirs LOL) with select other people. Is this "cheating"; we don't think so.

Please don't judge others, just because their lifestyle doesn't suit you.
 LMNTLMagick
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 257
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:16:12 AM
I am very much a one-man woman.

If I was in a sinking boat and our weight was pulling us down quicker, I'd abandon ship. But to have my husband suggest we add more weighty bodies into the sinking ship (a metaphor for our problematic marriage).

How dumb of a solution is that?

If the woman was still in love with her ex she shouldn't have married her current husband. And if the masochist wanted a dominatrix and his wife refused, he shouldn't have married his current wife. Both are idiots and they are bringing more heavy baggage into their sinking ship called "The Doomed Idiot."

And remember: a marriage means "forsaking all others" otherwise it is just playing "house" with a boyfriend for a few years. Marriage is commitment and exclusivity for 2 individuals, not 4. If he visited a strip club to just look at other women that is still having an affair (albeit a psychological one).

My goodness, whatever happened to values and sanity?
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 258
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:31:06 AM
I would never open a marriage to "save" it. Once that is on the table, it is a done deal. Stick a fork in it and throw it on the fire. That one got overcooked. It's ridiculous that people would resort to such nonsense. They don't need to be married in the first place.

Now if you see a marriage as some sort of business partnership with a friendship tacked on and the sexual part is missing, then to me that isn't a marriage worth saving.
 AlanDB2
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 259
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:09:00 AM

I know a older couple (in their 50's) with an interesting dynamic in their marriage. They allow each other to "cheat" twice a month under strict conditions. Apparently the man is very kinky and is allowed to visit a Dominatrix twice a month. The women still has feelings for an old boyfriend and she is allowed to see (and sleep with) him twice a month.

They have done this for 4 years now and they said it saved their tired old marriage and made them both very happy. They still Love each other immensely but they just needed a little something extra in their marriage. They do not even keep it a secret. They say that some of their friends react with horror even when told it was either open the marriage or divorce. They did lose a few friends over this.

I say good for them.

Would you open your marriage (with strict rules and conditions) in order to save it? Imagine you really love your marriage partner but for whatever reason the marriage was not working.


Simple answer... No
 Soul Seductive
Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 260
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:40:07 AM
Sorry if I was in a marriage, and things were'nt working out ..we would just have to seek counseling or get a divorce....I wouldnt want to share my wife with anyone else
 lookingLTR
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 261
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:02:42 PM
save it? that is the definite beginning of the end. that is sick. nothing could be further from true love.
 Prissymae
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 262
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/28/2008 2:42:36 PM
No - if it's not working there is a reason.
 probe61
Joined: 6/15/2009
Msg: 263
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 6/29/2009 2:47:55 PM
I sympathise with them, however, having been in the situation, the rule was "never behind each other's back "
It was totally up-front, either as a 3some (mmf or ffm ) 4some or moresome.....lol
 mylady61
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 264
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 4:46:22 PM
Roaring fires may seem to burn out-but sometimes they smolder-and then light up again. I'm not speaking from personal experience-two divorces say it all--but my parents just celebrated their 48th anniversary. They still hold hands, sit close together and share a bible at church. Yes the do still fight sometimes, but they would give their lives up for the other one without a second thought.
It hasn't been easy on them-my dad drove a truck for a lot of years. He worked outside the home and my mom stayed home-or not on "public work". She took care of me, the house, the yard also worked in tobacco fields to help bring in money. So I guess you could say that she "gave" up some things for my dad and me, but I don't think she regrets it. My parents stayed together thru the rough times and thru the good times. I always thought that a marriage takes two people to make it work---and yes, sometimes you have to be the one giving and sometimes the one taking-you work together...Hey, but what do I know? I'm still alone!
Just one person's humble opinion..
 kmm52072
Joined: 1/25/2009
Msg: 265
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 6:07:05 PM
From what I have read on this thread, the majority of posters think it's wrong to open a marriage. However, everything is not always as black and white as you say it is. In the OP the husband is 'kinky' and the wife is 'vanilla'. The wife has feelings for an old flame. It works for them let them have their thing. If it doesn't work for you then don't do it, simple!
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 266
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 6:46:32 PM
hi... no never.... cheating breaks the sacred bond in a marriage.. marriage is not just a word, it is a high standard of trust and love between 2 people, not three or more... many blessings
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 267
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:01:19 PM
I'd probably one of the friends that would walk away...that's disgusting...There are a lot of people just going "nuts" in their sex lives these days, but I'm not one of them...
 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 268
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:02:12 PM
Would you open you marriage to save it?



Me.....No
 raretreasure01
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 269
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:09:09 PM
A marriage is a union between two people, for me the union have to be mental and physical for it to be complete. Mental meaning that we learn to think together about issues that affect the both of us and thus come to mutual agreements on how to go about them, physical meaning that we physically become attach to each other and expressing that through intimacy; inviting a third party breaks the union therefore I would never agree to that.

However, while you can offer your advise to friends you cannot control what they do therefore I don't think I'd loose friends over an issue like this.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 270
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/15/2009 7:26:32 PM
And what would you do if someone labeled you as a "swinger" for hanging out with them...
 anamazingjourney
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 271
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/18/2009 12:39:14 AM
Why stay married?...The vows say "keeping myself only unto you." If you want outside stuff, then you need to be FREE to get it. So, I'd set him free to do just that.
 anamazingjourney
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 272
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/18/2009 12:41:04 AM
Just because it is still going ...doesn't mean it's HAPPY...does it?
 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 273
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/18/2009 5:29:16 AM
As I'm rather asexual, I can see a situation where my marriage is good except that she's unhappy with the lack of sex. In such a case, I'd consider the possibility of her getting sex elsewhere a couple of times a month, but otherwise remaining married to me.
 moccorocco
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 274
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:45:26 AM
What's next? Sharing your kids with others whom they might like as parents when they don't like you? Asking your parents to adopt different children if you don't like them?

My question would be why marry in the first place if you have to make it open? You can always stay single and keep it as open as you want.
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 275
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Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/18/2009 7:47:12 AM
Since "forsaking all others" is one of the marriage vows, bringing a third party in is NOT saving the marriage, but violating it. Certainly changes the NATURE of it.

If this works for both of them, I say great. I don't see their marriage surviving in the long run, but maybe it was on the rocks and wouldn't have survived anyway.

That said...

You dig deeper to solve a problem, you don't invite a third person. This only complicates, diffuses, ignores, masks and makes a bigger mess of the original problem.
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