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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:33:46 AM |
Grapevine: So if the fact that I think doing the right thing and being a responsible, accountable person and treating people with dignity and respect leads you to have "zero respect" for me (because that's what I'm all about), then that says a lot about you, doesn't it?
Actually, I have to interject - that says nothing about him, because it's based on your definitions and opinions. Starting out with "the fact that" just cracks me up.
At least now I have a better idea of where the maliciousness of your posts is coming from. If you equate an open marriage with cheating - I guess I'm not surprised to find out you were cheated on. This sounds like an extension of your anger from your own situation. Well, there's no arguing with raw emotional hurt. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:44:04 AM | | I think there are a lot more half opened marriages--that is one side is having sex outside the marriage, and that ends a union. i would think both side doing it wouldn't be good. but--i guess that's what makes the would go round. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:00:51 AM | Whatever floats your boat but an open marriage is not my idea of what a good marriage is all about. A marriage only becomes "stale" if you allow it to.
Clear the dang dining room table lay on it and tell your man to come and get his supper. You dont tell him to go get "take out". You never know whats in that fast food. 
Be inventive folks..............Do whatever it takes to please each other and keep that spark going . And this goes for men as well as women.
PEACE
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:17:34 AM | well I dont agree with you there . we are all here to give an opinion . at least thats what I thought , why would grape have to add " in my humble opinion "
we all give our 2 cents , and quite frankly , if you wonna be" humble "about it thats fine .....
we all have opinions .... and you know what they can be right ????>>>
I sure hate it when it gets personal .....
grape I love you answer again as always .....
take me away ....... to each his own .......
open marrige ???? heck no .... and all them other things that was already said ....
but I have to ask .. thats the difference in a open marrige and messing arround ?????
either way , nobody knows who and what they doing ... nobody cares about STD or anything else . all that is cared about that the flesh is satisfied under all costs ... because Im quite sure .... the person you included in that " open marrige" is sleeping with somebody else too , while he is not fullfilling his/her duties as the " open marrige counselor "
. so there you have the circle on getting sick , TYVM ......
besides . if people in that age already think about that . what kind of ways are we teaching our kids ... that marrige is just a pretend institution , and it aint worth nothing ..
THAT IS MY HUMBLE OPINION | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:16:03 AM | Open marriage is a lifestyle for a couple in which BOTH agree and are comfortable with that way of life in their relationship.
It can't be choosed as a remedy or motivation to 'fix' something.
As a matter of fact, sexual problem in a relationship is not the main reason for the deterioration but, the reflection and the consequence of deeper problems. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:13:39 AM |
Itsa Jelly: "Actually, I have to interject - that says nothing about him, because it's based on your definitions and opinions. Starting out with "the fact that" just cracks me up.
At least now I have a better idea of where the maliciousness of your posts is coming from. If you equate an open marriage with cheating - I guess I'm not surprised to find out you were cheated on. This sounds like an extension of your anger from your own situation. Well, there's no arguing with raw emotional hurt."
Thank you. I was about to respond to her again but it's really no use when the other person doesn't realize how they're ramrodding their own ideas/morals down someone else's throat as if it's the only way to exist.
cubanguy: "Open marriage is a lifestyle for a couple in which BOTH agree and are comfortable with that way of life in their relationship. It can't be choosed as a remedy or motivation to 'fix' something."
Thank you. This is lost on most people. You don't look at a bad marriage and open it to save it. You start with an open marriage because it feels like the best way to accept your lover without owning him/her. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:30:24 AM | helllllllllllllllllllll no. but then i dont have one to save and if i did, for sure it wouldnt be by opening it. besides, lets not forget the statement made: SHE still has feelings for an ex. duh....says it all except why did they get married to begin with?
and walker, when are you gonna share that rack of ribs? i got the salad, garlic bread and taters....bring em on! | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:33:00 AM | I don't care what other consenting adults do. For me, however, if either of us wanted to be with other people, the marriage is long gone.
It's easy to sex someone I don't love; but when I'm in love I don't want to sex anyone else. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 10:53:07 AM | piscescoda ....
tyvm , there we have it ,
to each is own ...
just because this way of living is right for some, dont make it right for me .
as I said befor we all have our opinions ,
I dont believe you can safe a broken marriage, with trying to use a way that would have been unthinkable, durin the time the marriage was great ..... 2 bad things dont make 1 good thing ....
open relationships is good but you have to draw the line somewhere
its not for me | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:49:28 AM | | It sounds like the man in the OP's scenario has a Madonna-Whore complex compounded with a lack of self esteem. Can't see why he couldn't ask his wife for this sort of sadism if he weren't insecure and didn't view his wife as some sort of perfect uncorruptible princess. The wife is playing this guy's insecurities into her favor, and now rationalized her outside-of-marriage sex as some sort of relationship "balance". This couple is wacked. Just my opinion. This is not a "saved" marriage. It's a broken dysfunctional relationship. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 11:55:04 AM | They say that some of their friends react with horror even when told it was either open the marriage or divorce."
open the marriage or Divorce..... that is NOT 'opening' The Marriage'... to open something is to air it out, to let clean in, to refresh it,.... to still be Legally 'Married' and do that is just to Poison ' The' Marriage..... not matter how you/or they twist the words around, they are merely trying to justify their own behaviors for convenience & the Demise of a once solid relationship....   | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:29:41 PM | bikeman msg196
Can't see why he couldn't ask his wife for this sort of sadism....
Sadism??!! I never mentioned sadism. Who said he wants to be hurt? *Sweeet_Melissa bangs head on table* You need to get your facts from somewhere other then television.
bikeman
This couple is wacked. Just my opinion. This is not a "saved" marriage. It's a broken dysfunctional relationship.
"Wacked" and very happily married. If " broken dysfunctional relationship" equals being happy and still married then many people would do well to be broke and dysfunctional.
They are not divorced. They are happy and married. It is tough to argue with the facts on the ground.
p.s. from my OP
Would you open your marriage (with strict rules and conditions) in order to save it? Imagine you really love your marriage partner but for whatever reason the marriage was not working.
That was the question in my OP. The question was not... "Please tell me how dysfunctional, wrong, sadistic, weirdo whack jobs, unhappily married nut cases, you think these people are."
I provided the example (of this couple) as a reference point, not as cannon fodder for people to sling their uninformative opinions about how screwed up and unhappy they think THIS couple is. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 3:37:27 PM | They are not divorced. They are happy and married. It is tough to argue with the facts on the ground.
They allow each other to "cheat" twice a month under strict conditions.
Imagine you really love your marriage partner but for whatever reason the marriage was not working.
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:00:42 PM | | I don't know how there could be much trust in that marriage. Marriage to me means trust, bond, only wanting to be with one person. Though, after that many years of marriage.. Perhaps the attraction and the appeal goes down. I've noticed couples that have been married for years are more or less great friends.. not much more. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 4:06:17 PM | | It might take a while, but the marriage is doomed. Open marriages are not marriages. A marrying of any kind is the blending of two to make one, whether it is cooking, or people! | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:30:02 PM |
Sadism??!! I never mentioned sadism. Who said he wants to be hurt? OP, didn't you mention somewhere in this thread the hubby gets 2 times a week BDSM from a dom? Correct me if I'm wrong, but the S part of this "lifestyle" indicates Sadism? I started to read a Wikipedia article about BDSM, but honestly I have no interest in learning more about this "lifestyle". I really don't care if this couple is happy, the guy is getting whipped like a horse and the woman whores it up with an old sex buddy. This ain't normal behavior. People are happy if they breathe laughing gas--does that make it right have a habit to suck in laughing gas?? If I were married and my wife wanted to spread her legs for an old sex buddy, I wouldn't stay in the marriage. I wouldn't expect my wife to remain married if I asked her if I could get bound and gagged by a professional dom twice a week. No matter how you slice it, it don't make sense. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 7:29:45 PM | OK, kids, here's the question you better consider before you hurt yourselves with all this condemnation:
However you conduct your relationship - and I mean if and when it is precisely what you want it to be - I disapprove. I find you both to be foul, immoral, and bizarre. I deny that you love each other, and I deny that you are in a relationship at all, let alone a marriage. I declare that you are not only destroying your own lives, but you are also damaging every other person who knows you and is contaminated by your disgraceful, contemptible "union."
Notice what happens there? You don't give two shits in a stocking what I think, do you? Because it's none of my business, is it? You're going to do what you want to do without ever asking me - or anyone else - if what you want is OK.
Given that, shouldn't you ask yourself what your own problem is, that you think your judgment is anything but worthless to someone else? It isn't your life. What is your malfunction, what is your disease, that you presume to tell other people what can and can't bring them joy?
The question is, literally and pointedly, "What is wrong with you?"
In the 1940s and 50s, there was an underground free love community in the United States, called the Kingdom of Joy. Estimates vary, but put the regular membership in the tens of thousands, most of them, by all accounts, educated, upper-middle class professionals. The Kingdom practically invented the protocols of swinging and countercultural free love that emerged decades later. Some of America's biggest celebrities and corporate moguls were enthusiastic participants. They consistently described their adventures as a mission to transform a repressive, joy-fearing, sex-hating, emotion-stifling culture of rigid conformity. Some privately circulated memoirs describe the group as ecstatic and joyful, filled with revolutionary zeal. THey felt sorry for the mousy, frightened people who did not dare dream of a greater joy, of defining their own lives.
But they never condemn those folks. Instead, they were full of compassion. I know who sound like the better people to me.
Cheers!
Vulf  | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:47:56 PM |
Yes, it pretty much is reality, and I'd be willing to wager that most "open" relationships end up suffering irreparable damage.
Please cite the evidence for this assertion.
Thanks.
ACP | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 8:57:36 PM |
This ain't normal behavior.
A better statement might be, "This ain't normal behavior for me." Beyond that statement, normal behavior is relative and contextual.
ACP | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/31/2008 9:56:04 PM | | If done correctly and with complete honesty, open marriages/relationships can be beautiful and liberating. I don't believe that loving your partner means selfishly keeping them to yourself; never have and never will. | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/1/2008 12:37:33 AM | I don't believe that loving your partner means selfishly keeping them to yourself; never have and never will.
That has all the earmarks of saying without saying, "I believe monogamy is selfish".
If being in love, and loving my partner in a monogamous relationship makes me selfish 'cause I respect fidelity, then call me selfish.
I'll wear that badge of distinction with pride, for all to see.  | |
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| Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 9/1/2008 4:54:07 AM | | Get the movie Sex with Strangers. You can get it on Netflix or Blockbuster. It is a documentary-style movie about swingers who are married, and have adopted an "open" style of living. It shows the pitfalls involved in this situation. The only couple that remained together was extremely predatory. They worked as a "team", going out to clubs to "scan" potential women who would be in a one-night stand. These people were extremely sexually-addicted and very predatory. They were lost in a circle of unfaithfulness that seemed to be thrilling at one time, then devastatingly emotionally upsetting, when they CRASHED off the high of the excitement of the thrill of the chase. | |
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