| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:44:58 PM | How much pee
could a PC See
if a PC could see Pee? | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/7/2008 2:57:17 PM | Two parrots sat on a perch..one said to the other..'can you smell fish?'
definition of trust?..two cannibals having oral sex.
one turkey turns to the other..'pstt...I don't want to alarm you, but I heard carol singers the other night'......
baby snake slivers over to his mother..'am I poisonous mom?'
'no son you are not'
thank fook for that I have just bit myself' | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/7/2008 5:15:39 PM | What do you call a blind deer?
No idea
what do you call a blind deer with no legs ?
Still no idea.
What do you call a castrated blind deer with no legs ?
Still no f****ing idea | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:17:49 PM | A young man was walking through a park one day when he saw an elderly man sitting on a bench and crying. The young man approached and asked, "Sir, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"
"It's my wife!!" the old man sobbed.
"Oh, she passed away? I'm sorry for your loss."
"No, no. She's in perfect health. She's 24."
"Oh, I get it now. She married you for your money and doesn't love you."
"No, that's not it. I was penniless when we wed, and she's a wealthy international fashion model. She's been an angel to me, giving me everything I need."
"But she doesn't love you?"
"Oh, no. She adores me! She showers me with affection whenever we're together, she cooks fantastic meals for me every day, and we make love every night."
"So, she's young, beautiful, adores you, is a great cook and the consummate lover. What on earth are you crying for?"
"Because," sobbed the old man, "I can't remember where I live!" | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/10/2008 10:49:03 PM | .....you can never outsmart a kid!!!!!
Little kid is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon in nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, the little boy's hand shoots up.
"Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Christopher,"replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the veranda, the neighbour's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! fffffffffff! ffffffffff!" but before he could say "F u c k Off!", the dog ate him". | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:22:38 PM | What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog!
(Man, I hope the spelling police aren't looking!)
Skeleton walks in a bar and says, "I'll have a beer and ..... and a mop." | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/12/2008 5:33:33 PM | JESUS SAVES! Up to 15% by switching to Geico...
I know, I'm going to h3ll...
Rock on.
~m
 | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/12/2008 6:03:47 PM | Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any kids?
Because whenever his wife gets hot, he hits her over the head with a shovel | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/19/2008 9:55:24 AM | 3 ducks go in a bar, the bartender says to the 1st one, whats your name & what have you been up to today?
First duck says Im Huey, & Ive been in & out of puddles all day long, what more could a duck want?
He asks the second duck the same question ,second duck says, my names Lewey & Ive been in & out of puddles all day long, what more could a duck want?
So the bartender says to the third duck, I guess your names Dewey ?
Third duck says, Naaaa, my names Puddles.;) | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/19/2008 6:02:19 PM | | I meant the one about the blind castrated deer. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 9/19/2008 10:15:39 PM | Terrie, you have to pronounce the words a certain way.
A blind deer is "No idea" or "No eye deer"
A blind deer with no legs is "Still no eye deer" (Still because he can't move because he's got no legs)
A castrated blind deer with no legs is...well, you get the picture now. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/1/2008 12:39:39 PM | not really a joke but a bad line for Greyhound passengers to use, with the Tim Mclean beheading.
"I'll be be heading to ... on the greyhound." | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/2/2008 11:10:38 PM | What do you call 4 Mexicans standing in quicksand?
Quatro sinko! | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/3/2008 3:17:39 PM | Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning which they still observe to this day.
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as ... Sinko de Mayo. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 1:45:04 AM | | ok !! so it's ladies night at the horse races __ all female jockes , only women in the stands , all female horses ( mares ) - 5 horses are running for a $50,000 bounty __ in lane 1 is buttercup - lane 2 is roxy - lane 3 is daisy - lane 4 is dusty - and returning from retirement for this last race . a horse that is know all across the word for it's speed , long stride , rich dark brown coat and flowing mane .. in lane 5 is the horse know as - my face- .. female announcer 1 why do you think they call it -my face- female announcer 2 i really don't know . as the horses are being gated for the start of the race the crowd is jumping in there seats ... the gun is raised to fire the start as the clock counts down 3 2 1 BANG and there off -- the fans go wild !!! run roxy yells one of the ladies as the horses round the first corner . GO daisy GO dasiy GO yells another from track side --- and as millons of race fans all over the world watched the big race the owner of horse number 5 ( happened to be a Guy ) smiled a huge smile as 1000's of women screamed COME OON MY FACE COME OON MY FACE LOL | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 8:15:54 AM | For Huch79...Johnny Jokes....
Its the first day of kindergarten and the teacher explains to the students.
"This year students, instead of showing you an object, I am going to hold it behind my back and describe it, and I want you to tell me what it is." "The first items is round, but not too round, hard, but not too hard, red, but not too red...What is it?"
Little Sally in the front of the room hollers "I know, I know". "Yes Sally?" the teacher asks....."It's an apple ma'am." Sally guesses. "NO Sally, it is a cherry, but you're thinking and I like that." replies the teacher... Okay, my next object is orange, but not too orange, round, but not too round, hard, but not too hard..What is it?" asks the teacher.
"I know, I know" says Billy. "Yes Billy? asks the teacher. "Its and orange ma'am" replies Billy. NO Billy says the teacher, it is a tangerine, but you're thinking and I like that. Little Johnny in the back of the class stands up and says "I have one teacher."
"Yes Johnny?" The teacher asks..."Well ma'am" (as he puts his hand in his pocket) "It's long, but not too long, hard, but not too hard, Peach" "JOHNNY" the teacher yells, "No ma'am, it's just my pencil, but you're thinking and I like that." | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:03:46 AM | | Dirty Johnny and little Sally were playing together in the sandbox one day, when true to form Johnny decided it would be fun to make Sally cry. He stood up and pulled down his pants and taunted "look what I've got and you don't", which of course made Sally burst into tears and run home, where her mother consoled her and explained the facts of life. Next day, Johnny having had great fun the day before, decided to repeat it. Standing up and dropping his pants he again taunted Sally with "look what I've got and you don't!" Sally gets to her feet, and lifting her skirt, says disdainfully "oh, yeah, well look what I've got, and with one of THESE, I can get as many of THOSE as I want!" | |
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| random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:28:55 AM | Miss Maybelle, and Miss Annabelle are sitting on the front porch drinking their iced tea and chatting one day. Miss Maybelle leans over to Miss Annabelle and whispers."Miss Annabelle, you do remember that I just took that trip up north?' "Why yes Miss Maybelle, how was your trip up north?" replies Miss Annabelle. Miss Maybelle scoots a little closer and whispers, "Well parts of it were distressin'"
Miss Annabelle asks "Distressing? What do you mean distressin'"
Miss Maybelle says, "Well up north, they have women that kiss other women on the lips." "NO" cries Miss Annabelle...."What do they call those kind of women?" she asks.."Well, they call those women lesbians, but you know, up north, they got men that kiss other men on the lips?" "NOOO" cries Miss Annebelle"What do they call those kinds of men Miss Maybelle?" "Well they are called "homosexuals" says Miss Maybelle. "But you know? Up north they got men that kiss women on thier private parts?" whispers Miss Maybelle.... "NOOOOOO!!!!!!!" cries Miss Annabelle. "What do they call those kind of men?" she asks.... Miss Maybelle leans back in her chair and fans her face and states..."Well, when I caught my breath, I called him precious." | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:14:42 PM | Why did the Christian cross himself?
To get to the other side. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 7:35:22 PM | Did you hear the Polish Hockey Team Drowned ?
Spring Training
 | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/5/2008 10:41:43 PM | Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/9/2008 7:41:10 PM | How many cops does it take to throw a black guy down the stairs?
None. He fell. | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:18:28 AM | Two birds were sitting on a perch....
... one says to the other "I smell a fish"!
What brown and sticky?
A stick!
What's sticky and brown?
A brownie! | |
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| Random bad jokes
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:41:39 PM | When I was younger I hated going to weddings.
It seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come
up to me,
poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, 'YOU'RE NEXT'.
They stopped that shit after I started doing the same thing to them at
funerals. | |
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