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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:01:02 PM | | I met a man 3 wks ago out at a local club\bar and we went to Montalk the next day Sat, spent hours together, Sunday stopped by, during the wk too, took me to dinner for my bday, spent a nice sunday in nyc, were intimate, both were really excited to hang out, told him id like to take things slow but looking for right person. He would compliment me, etc... still consistent in hanging out although not every day which is healthy. For some reason one Sunday he stopped by to say hi shortly and made a comment when I kissed him "u sure like kissing" which threw me off I admit, and just sensed something. He was consistent with calling, making plans up until that wk but did mention that a manager was out and he probably wouldn't be able to stay as late during the week as he did the other weeks, fine. We did correspond over text friendly talk in the past, good morning, etc... Monday no contact so I text with no thought hey if you want to come by on Tuesday, he said yeah. He didn't call me until 730 on tuesday and asked what I was doing and if I made plans, told him I didn't bc I invited him over so he came by. I don't kno something seemed off, just a lil with him I suppose playfully mimiking me, but asked him if anything changed. He said why did something change with you and said no, just sense something. Mind you we've gotten together over 10 times already. He said he was having prblms with family issues and explained somewhat and understood. After he left I had a sense to just google his name to see, you can never be too careful and seen he was lying about his age, really 25, not 26.. Mature for his age non the less but lied. I confronted him over email that I expected honesty and if I was wrong with info I apologize...emailed me back and said he lied because he didn't think id go for him if he was but now he knows me and was going to bring it up over dinner this wkend (has plans for lobster din on fri) okay... so I had plans with friend on wednesday, and text him thursday if he was coming by (I admit I should have backed off but wanted to kno) he responded again "ya, as long as you don't have plans with the girls" I was getting frustrated bc I am very straightforward if I have plans with my friends and told him if he wants to hang out with his, feel free. He said I was over reacting, so I did call him to let him know why I felt that way. (Against my better judgement) I accepted a last minute get together with him when he called me back after 10pm, he took off of work on Friday as he told me on the phone. Came over, we went to eat and when he picked me up he said he was "in a weird mood" turns out bc he thought I overeacted. We had dinner, went to my house and slept over. Now here is what is really weird! The night before, he told me out of the blue that he "had a doctors appt" meanwhile when I asked why he took off of work on Fri just said work was slow. Then we wake up around 11am, he answers a call, lays down, I did ignitate sex, and he said "you want it?" I am like...ok. So he was like let me have a cigg first, went in my bthroom, came out and was like "I gotta get going, I have to go to court, pending speeding ticket and at 3 this guy is picking up a part"... (I am in my mind "this is weird") so we are outside having cigg before he leaves and I was like "are we getting together later?" and he was like oh right, my friends gf has a batchorette party and my friend wanted to do something toniht... I said oh "so you are just disregarding the dinner tonight?" he was like no we will just go earlier. Well after he left I was whip lashed and my immediate reaction was to call him and tell him I am done seeing him and I did. He sent me an email and said that I have trust issues that need to be worked out, and that he was real and sincere with everything and can prove it, and if I want to talk about it with him, I can.... so I basically emailed him back and said forget it. I realize that he could have needed his space during the week, but I am not a teenager who reads minds. He was persuing me, and didn't think it was wrong to ask him to get together...yet I think that I sensed something wanted to get to the bottom of it fast. So, do I have trust issues or is the writing on the wall? Thanks! And be easy on me!! Ps. There were good things he has done, like get me flowers for birthday, take me out, help with my resume, offer to help with tv...but all of a sudden was like this! | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:46:30 PM | Wow.. what a wall of text! No offense, but that was tough to get through.
I say, you went with your gut instinct, which is the only thing you can do in a situation like that. That's the decisions we must live with every day, turn right or turn left. It's up to you whether or not to start things up again, but if your instinct says run, you probably should.
Bluezzz | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:00:33 AM | I don't qualify in the men department but why are you over analyzing everything so much.
If a guy calls and makes plans then he wants to see you.
If you need to continually call him then he probably is not that into you.
If you always question him after the fact you are being passive aggressive.
You have not known him long enough to freak on him about minor little things.
furthermore, I do think that he showed interest at first and then pulled back to see if you would make the next move. You did now he knows that he has the upper hand.
He did this not because he was a guy and this is what they do, he did this cause he was able too and you fell for it.
Games are being played by both sides. If you continue to date him you may want to ask him where he thinks things are going. If you really want to know the answer ask him, if not continue with what you are doing and always wonder what he means when he says and does things.
goodluck. | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:01:19 AM | | Thanks for your response. Yes I understand because after I read the post back (after I sent it) I really should have made it more readable. But thank you, because I do need to trust my gut. And, when I was posting the question I realized that if I have to be posting a question like this, obviously he was the right one! | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/26/2008 12:07:08 AM | | Thank you. I needed that! I know that I have over analyzed the situation because I did go against my gut. I usually am a nonsense girl who realizes if a guy is interested he would call, perhaps I didn't want to fact that reality. If I could do it over again "which I can't" I would have let him have all the space he needed. I just thought his behavior was very shady in the fact he abruptly left my house the next morning. | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/26/2008 1:13:44 AM | | I hate to say this OP, but you did show all the signs of having trust issues. Think about it in reverse. If you had been going with a guy a couple of weeks and seemed to be having fun, then he confronted you that he had checked your name on google, then he asked what had changed when you hardly even knew him, you'd be nervous (well I would be). By the sounds of it you continued to get less and less trusting and it was as if you were trying to catch him out on something. He has possibly been in relationships like this before and has learned that they're not good for him, so I think when he told you he thought you had trust issues he was being honest. Whether he was trustworthy or not I don't know, but one thing I do know is you can't have a healthy loving relationship without trust initially, because trust doesn't grow, you can either give it to a person (until they prove differently) or you can't. If you're the type of person who can't trust, you will be constantly looking for signs and that will push the other person away from you. He needed to carry on having fun in the relationship for a while till he got to know and feel that you trusted him, and it all got too heavy too quickly. | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:10:21 AM |
Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 8/25/2008 11:01:02 PM
I met a man 3 wks ago out at a local club\bar and we went to Montalk the next day Sat, spent hours together, Sunday stopped by, during the wk too, took me to dinner for my bday, spent a nice sunday in nyc, were intimate, both were really excited to hang out, told him id like to take things slow but looking for right person. He would compliment me, etc... still consistent in hanging out although not every day which is healthy. For some reason one Sunday he stopped by to say hi shortly and made a comment when I kissed him "u sure like kissing" which threw me off I admit, and just sensed something. He was consistent with calling, making plans up until that wk but did mention that a manager was out and he probably wouldn't be able to stay as late during the week as he did the other weeks, fine. We did correspond over text friendly talk in the past, good morning, etc... Monday no contact so I text with no thought hey if you want to come by on Tuesday, he said yeah. He didn't call me until 730 on tuesday and asked what I was doing and if I made plans, told him I didn't bc I invited him over so he came by. I don't kno something seemed off, just a lil with him I suppose playfully mimiking me, but asked him if anything changed. He said why did something change with you and said no, just sense something. Mind you we've gotten together over 10 times already. He said he was having prblms with family issues and explained somewhat and understood. After he left I had a sense to just google his name to see, you can never be too careful and seen he was lying about his age, really 25, not 26.. Mature for his age non the less but lied. I confronted him over email that I expected honesty and if I was wrong with info I apologize...emailed me back and said he lied because he didn't think id go for him if he was but now he knows me and was going to bring it up over dinner this wkend (has plans for lobster din on fri) okay... so I had plans with friend on wednesday, and text him thursday if he was coming by (I admit I should have backed off but wanted to kno) he responded again "ya, as long as you don't have plans with the girls" I was getting frustrated bc I am very straightforward if I have plans with my friends and told him if he wants to hang out with his, feel free. He said I was over reacting, so I did call him to let him know why I felt that way. (Against my better judgement) I accepted a last minute get together with him when he called me back after 10pm, he took off of work on Friday as he told me on the phone. Came over, we went to eat and when he picked me up he said he was "in a weird mood" turns out bc he thought I overeacted. We had dinner, went to my house and slept over. Now here is what is really weird! The night before, he told me out of the blue that he "had a doctors appt" meanwhile when I asked why he took off of work on Fri just said work was slow. Then we wake up around 11am, he answers a call, lays down, I did ignitate sex, and he said "you want it?" I am like...ok. So he was like let me have a cigg first, went in my bthroom, came out and was like "I gotta get going, I have to go to court, pending speeding ticket and at 3 this guy is picking up a part"... (I am in my mind "this is weird") so we are outside having cigg before he leaves and I was like "are we getting together later?" and he was like oh right, my friends gf has a batchorette party and my friend wanted to do something toniht... I said oh "so you are just disregarding the dinner tonight?" he was like no we will just go earlier. Well after he left I was whip lashed and my immediate reaction was to call him and tell him I am done seeing him and I did. He sent me an email and said that I have trust issues that need to be worked out, and that he was real and sincere with everything and can prove it, and if I want to talk about it with him, I can.... so I basically emailed him back and said forget it. I realize that he could have needed his space during the week, but I am not a teenager who reads minds. He was persuing me, and didn't think it was wrong to ask him to get together...yet I think that I sensed something wanted to get to the bottom of it fast. So, do I have trust issues or is the writing on the wall? Thanks! And be easy on me!! Ps. There were good things he has done, like get me flowers for birthday, take me out, help with my resume, offer to help with tv...but all of a sudden was like this!
Unreadable wall of text which reeks of laziness. Why should I invest effort in listening to you when you won't invest effort in talking to me? | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:46:45 AM | Honestly, you lost me (as well as probably most other readers) mid-way your novel.
I wonder if you really want to embark on a relationship?
I believe you blow certain fibs out of porpotion to bail out.
25 vs- 26 . . . is that truly such a BIG LIE?
Its not as if he was telling you he is 36 and is only 25.
You need to seriously chill out.
Ask yourself why you are currently trying to locate lies that terminate any possible relationship. Maybe all you are seeking is a pal.
Could you be living in the past (remembering what went wrong with your last relationship and the next one is going to pay for it?) | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:20:53 AM | Sly Bandit, you are my hero. You actually read "The Wall".
We should send this Original Post in to try to publish it in the "Wall Street Journal".
The Berlin Wall was an untalented beginner compared to the OP.
"And I... have become uncomfortable numb" after reading just three sentences in The Wall.
Hey! She could be East Asian! Not at all that I'd be stereotyping, it's just that that country there has a great tradition with Walls... | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 7:22:24 AM | Aaargghh.... OP, let me introduce a new word to your vocabulary: PARAGRAPHS
Honestly, I could only make it about half way through that mess before I HAD to stop.
So, let me see if I got the gist of it. You met this guy. You boffed him within ONE week and now 3 weeks later, there are problems?
WOW, how could anyone have seen that coming?? un-freakin-believable!
Apparently, OP has left the building.
Hey andrewTS, next time, don't do us any favors! | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:21:23 PM | | I'm with Pamperpooch. It sounds to me that you need to really take things slower before you try to have a boyfriend. Having a true friend is probably the best way to avoid falling into the "worry-zone" whether or not your beau is legitimate. | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:22:30 PM | I'm guessing he lost interest.., to be honest, I think I would have as well. one year off on his age? brutal. he should be flagged from this site to say the least. the way you wrote the story line was complicated.., I'm guessing the actual process was as well..., perhaps too complicated for him to take?
and who wrote the little line about you didn't know him long enough to go off on him?
how long do you have to know a guy before you go off on him about little things? just wondering...
MG | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 2:23:32 PM | OP.....You have trust issues, self worth issues, smoking issues, and grammar issues.... 
If you communicate with him the way you have with this thread, there is no wonder why you have misunderstandings, miscommunication, and a misguided potential relationship.
May I suggest that you take each issue and work on it independently, solve your own problems, and then get in touch with this man if he is even willing to accept you.....
Just my opinion......   | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:58:37 PM | You're scatterbrained. That much I can tell.
You went through this whooooole long and meandering story, then in a total of two sentence fragments actually mentioned the things you're worried about.
It sounds to me like your "sense" is nothing more than your sense of insecurity. You keep on checking on him, worried that he doesn't like you anymore. He spends all this time with you, then when he reschedules slightly because of an unexpected appointment with his friend, you break up with him?
You shouldn't date for a while. Spend some time alone, and reflect on your own insecurity, and try to figure out where it comes from. You'll never be able to hold onto a healthy relationship in your current mental state.
Oops, oldpost is old. | |
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| Men, does it sound like I have trust issues, be gentle!
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:01:17 PM | Your narrative is so long, it gave me a headache. They could use it to make the terrorists crack at Guantanamo bay Cuba. "I'll tell you anything you want but quit reading me that post over and over"
Yes you do have 'trust issues". Back in the day they would call it paranoia.
You're in good company though. Henry Kissinger once said in reference to Richard Nixon,
even paranoid people have people out to get them. | |
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